Choosing Joy nearby park as a dialed a

number I wasn’t sure would

By: Breanne Braithwaite answer. My best friend
answered the phone
sounding very happy but the
tone of her voice
I have always been had commanded me to stay immediately changed the
known to be a girl with a happy out and “spend time with the moment she heard my stifled
countenance. No one has ever family”. Their chatter became crying. I dropped everything
questioned whether or not if I so annoying that I mumbled on her like a bomb, she tried
have any mental illnesses. Let under my breath how much I her best to comfort me and
me tell you now that sometimes hated my family, my mother gave the best advice a
the people who smile the most caught my remark and sixteen year old girl could
are hurting the worst. Last year started to yell at me not only Finding the light
give but I felt just as terrible
I was caught in a slump of because of that remark but Here I am with girls that truly
as I had minutes before. We
constantly not feeling good because of everything leading exchanged I love you’s and love me for who I am. This was
enough and always wanting to up to that moment. Reading taken a year after suicide
she told me to call her if I
isolate myself from others, this into the words she was saying needed anything, I thought hotline was called. Happy and
caused me to have broken I felt so much hatred and I did she didn’t really mean it and depression free.
relationships with my family not back down, I started that people just say those
and friends. One night in yelling at my mother… what a things to be polite and to try possible. I was so alone, or at
particular it got so bad that mistake. Words like “I don’t and make the other person least that is how I felt. I thought
the meaning of my life became want to live here” and “ok just feel better. I sat down on a back on all the assemblies and
very questionable. I was out on leave” were exchanged at very park bench crying my heart powerpoints about what to do
my kitchen table working on high volumes. I stood up out not knowing what to do, I when thoughts of suicide invade
some homework, my dad and quickly and ran out of my felt as though I didn't even your mind. Out of options I
little brother were in the family house, not thinking to grab know myself and what I turned to suicide hotline, I
room talking about something I anything by my phone. My wanted or who I wanted to began thinking of how dumb I
had no interest in. I wanted to mind was muddled as I be. I cried out to a God I did was that I had to turn to
go back into my room to work started to cry, I knew not not know if I believed in yet someone I didn’t even know
on homework but my mother where to go or who to turn to. to help me in anyway because I felt as though I had
I started my path down to a
no one. A nice lady answered
almost immediately, she asked
how I was doing which in my
mind is ironic because if I were
doing well I wouldn’t be
calling. I spilled everything
that was on my mind and she
kept asking questions when I
expected advice. I told her
how alone I felt and how the
people most important to me
had just shut me out. I told her
how I wanted nothing else in
the world than to belong and
have real friends that cared
about me. She in turn asked
me what I was doing to fix my
issues, who was I turning to
that I trusted, and what in my
life was causing me to feel the
way I was feeling. Realization
dawned on me. I was causing
myself to feel depressed and
angry, no one can force me to
feel a certain way.It was
humbling to see how selfish I
was being, I needed to
change. I thanked the nice
lady for listening and in turn
she told me to call whenever I From that day forward I have
needed an ear. After ending the taken time to serve those
phone call I felt much better and around me rather than
a desire to be someone what I focusing on myself all the
wasn’t currently being. The first time. Happiness is a choice.
steps I needed to take were You can’t just decide to be
apologies to my mother, she had happy and boom it’ll happen,
been the victim of my tantrums changes have to be made in
for my whole life.Slowly getting the way you treat people and
up from the bench I made my how your life is being lived. I
first steps towards my new life, am so happy everyday but it is
they were some of the hardest a choice I consciously have to
steps I have ever taken. I walked make, I don’t expect to gain
into my house feeling more like a happiness from other people
stranger than I had anywhere but from myself. Choose to act
ever before, I walked over to my rather than sitting around for
mother who was sitting in a chair something to happen. Choose
around my table. I looked her in joy.
the eye and apologized for
everything I had said and that in
reality I had such an amazing
family that cares for me and
wants the best for me. Almost
immediately after those words
spilled out of my mouth, she got
up and hugged me so tightly but
so sweetly I felt nothing but love.
She told me she loved me and I
knew that the changes I wanted
to make were not going to be in
vain.