You don’t have to be mean, we should focus less on our good intentions and more on how to FULFILL those

intentions. Be assertive, and don't let people walk all over you. You can still be a "nice" person and be
successful if you are willing to put yourself first. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is quite
machiavellian but guess what? You can do it without being mean !

Common characteristics of manipulators

There are four common distinctiveness of manipulative individuals.
• These individuals have the ability to detect weakness of victim.
• When they found weakness of someone then use to get benefit from it.
• They make very clever scheme to take advantage from the victim in order to fulfill their self centered
interests.
• Once they learned to get advantage through manipulation in work place, social and family then they are
likely to repeat this attitude with others.

Facts about Emotional manipulators

They can’t be trusted. They usually act or behave in a way that seem they are victim, they will change
situation in their favor so others will think they are unfairly treated or judge.
They make others crazy. Others will feel misunderstood because manipulators twist words and motives
according to their purpose, they give rationalization for their action that seem unreasonable.
They make others guilty or make them feel bad. Manipulators neglect others and try to make them guilty
for their act which is not intended to harm or they insult in front of crowd to make others feel humiliated.
They are passive aggressive. Manipulators hold dual personalities, they remain very down to earth when
they have any motive to achieve, once their motive is succeed then they show darker side of personality.
They are self absorbed. They make their rules and push others to follow. They consider their happiness
first then someone else

Manipulative Tactics
Manipulators have some favorite weapons which they use to avail benefit such as, blame, arguments,
comparison, deceitful, disagreement (making excuse and rationalization), pretending unawareness, or
innocence, blameworthiness, corruption, dejection, mind games, guessing emotional blackmailing,
vagueness, overlook, fake concern, pity, confession, sweet talk, and present and act of kindness.
They chronically behave needy and helpless in front of those whom they want to take advantage, they try
to induce guilt directly or indirectly through their behaviors and attitude. They make negative comparison
to make someone low or inadequate.
They often negate promises, show disagreement, make conversation worst and doing arguments
constantly, blaming others. By using these approaches their intentions are breaking promise, or
agreement. Manipulators best hobby is making unnecessary assumptions about intention of others or
having false beliefs and reacting them as if they were right in order to give good reason for their sentiment
or actions, meanwhile disagree with what they say in the dialogue.

They pretend to have fake concern for others in order to gain confidence to get their interest met as soon
as possible.
Emotional Blackmail: One kind of abusive manipulation named as “Emotional Blackmailing” which include
the use of anger, threats, bullying, disgrace, or blame. Inducing shame on others is a technique to build
self-doubt when they make any effort to achieve goals by this manipulator makes them feel insecure.

Codependency: Codependents lacks in assertive skills. They try to please others by saying what others
want to hear, their need is to be with others or to get love. They are people pleaser but internally they feel
immense discomfort to deny own needs and feelings. Sometime they show passive aggressive behavior
toward others.

Passive-aggression: People who manipulate also use passive-aggressive behavior to express their needs
and wants indirectly to others. When feel difficulty saying no, they may be in agreement to things they
don’t wish for, and through indirect way they forget meetings, being behind schedule, or doing it
unwillingly. Usually, passive-aggression is a expression of hostility.

Sarcastic comments: Another tactic which manipulator uses often is passing sarcastic remarks on others.
It’s way to embarrass someone and point out his or her weakness to feel pleasure or taking revenge of
past insult. Their words are so harsh for anyone but they don’t realize and feel motivated in doing next
time as well.

Blaming: They are blamer and very easily blame someone else for their own mistake. They refuse to take
responsibility of the situation where prove their carelessness very clearly.

Ways to handle manipulative people

1. Know Your Fundamental Human Rights

Everyone should know their fundamental rights when interacting with manipulators. People usually don’t
recognize when their basic rights are being despoiled. If an individual doesn’t harm others, he has the
right to stand up for himself and defend his perspective.

2. Keeping Distance
Setting limits or making boundaries can be useful way to become aware of a manipulator. Manipulator
behaves differently in each situation or when meeting with people in gatherings, they are good performers
who can perform many roles for their benefit. As a human being we all have the ability to make social
differentiation. This is habit of some emotional manipulators to dwell in extremes, being highly respectful
to someone and entirely rude to another or pretending helplessness at one moment and severely
aggressive in another moment. When someone identify this type of actions from manipulators on daily
basis, maintain a vigorous detachment, and keep away from engaging with that person.

3. Stay away from Personalization and Self-Blaming

Manipulators motive is search and take advantage of others weaknesses, it is logical that person may feel
insufficient, or blame for not pleasing the manipulator. In this condition it’s vital to keep in mind that you
are not making trouble; you are merely being influenced to feel awful about yourself, so that you’re more
probably to give up power and rights.
4. Asking Probing Questions
Predictably, emotional manipulators make requests or demands from others. These unnecessary
demands frequently make others go out of their way to meet manipulator needs. When someone hear an
irrational solicitation, it becomes helpful to set the spotlight back on manipulator by inquiring a few
inquisitive questions, to see if a person has adequate self-awareness to distinguish the unfairness of their
plan.

The “wicked” tend to win and they do so because they have a huge advantage over the “good” , they are
willing to act with the darkest ingenuity and cunning to further their cause . They are not held back by
those rigid opponents of change :principles. They will be prepared to outright lie,twist facts,threater , get
violent .they will also when the situation demands it, know how to seductively deceive ,use charm and
honeyed words, bedazzle and distract. And in this way they conquer the world .It’s routinely assumed that
a large part of what it means to be a good person is that one acts well One doesn’t only have good ends
;one is committed to good means .

Ultimately, we should care more about being effective than about being nobly intentioned. It’s not enough
to dream well : the true measure is what we achieve.