Cheyenne McReynolds

Professor Brown

MTH 1130 – Online

26 March 2019

Abstinence Journal Reflection.

At the beginning of the semester we chose what we would abstain from for the next three

months. I chose one of my biggest weaknesses, chocolate. I know it sounds silly, but I love

chocolate. I would eat chocolate about once a day, because it made me feel better, especially

after a long stressful day. I also liked to eat it when I was happy, it made me happier. The reason

I chose it, was because I knew it would be challenging for one, and for two, it was something

that I knew I had a strong desire for. It wasn’t easy, and there were a lot of stressful things going

on this semester, but I feel like I overall did well. This activity also allowed me to understand the

idea of abstaining from something that is far more dangerous and addicting. It was hard for me to

abstain from chocolate, I know it would be way more difficult if I abstained from something like

drugs or alcohol.

The first week was the hardest for me. At the time I had been working as an aide at a

hospital on night shift, and if you have ever worked night shift, sweets are a major part of the

job. I would go down stairs and the only things that I could eat were unhealthy or had chocolate

in it. On night shift I would eat chocolate often and would drink a bottle of chocolate milk to

curb my appetite till morning. Once I had to quit that I had to find alternatives fast!
 I decided to bring more fruits to work with me. I have a generally healthy diet, but

working nights made it hard for me to remember to grab lunch. I had to start off my putting

sticky notes with reminders everywhere, so I didn’t forget my fruit. After a week and a half of

doing that, I realized the craving was still there. My and my fiancé talked about what we could

do to keep my distracted from the cravings and made a game plan. We got rid of all the chocolate

in the house and gave it to other people in my family. Then we decided to try different foods

when I craved chocolate to keep me from slipping. Ultimately, it worked.

Within four weeks, so much happened. We had a pipe bust during the crazy cold weather

we had, I got the flu, and we had a death in the family. Before the death in the family I had

already caved. It was that time of the month, and I just couldn’t take the stress anymore. It felt

good to eat chocolate and made me feel better, but when I got sick, I could barely even think of

food. When I had to handle the death in the family, that made my appetite even worse. Chocolate

was the last thing on my mind. Instead, I started drinking. Not a crazy amount, but enough to

make me feel better. I knew chocolate wouldn’t do it. I was depressed and just wanted to be left

alone. My job was making life even more unbearable, so I quit and decided to focus on my

family and on my mental health.

After a week I found a new job and began making myself busy again. I ate fruits and

veggies and started working out. The craving for chocolate basically disappeared, and my new

job has healthier options that make it easier to choose something other than chocolate. I’ve been

caught up with my school work and keeping myself occupied with life. It wasn’t until me and my

nephew went out to dinner one night and I tried a taste of his chocolate desert. It was very sweet.

It didn’t taste bad, but it didn’t taste right to me. The next week I did it again with my fiancés

desert, and it made me feel slightly nauseous. I told him what happened, and he felt bad for
tempting me, but I told him that it made me realize that I really don’t crave the chocolate

anymore. I didn’t need it to feel better, I could do that on my own.

This activity had a lot of ups and downs, but it made me realize how difficult it could be

to quit drugs and alcohol. There is so much stress and negativity that happens in life, that the

feeling of being numb outweighs the need to be sober. I think about my sister and how hard it

has been for her, but I also think about where she is mentally and emotionally. Some people

aren’t in their right mind to quit. My addiction was not nearly as, well, addicting, but it was a

struggle none the less. I don’t think chocolate will be as big of a part of my life as it used to be,

but I don’t want to get rid of it completely. I plan to keep my consumption at a reasonable level

for my health.