5/9/2017 Are We All Perverts?

| Psychology Today

Are We All Perverts?

Psychologist Jesse Bering is a man after my own heart. His new book, Perv, the Sexual Deviant in All of
Us, attacks the modern attempt to label sexually uncommon or misunderstood behaviors as inherently
deviant and dysfunctional. Bering’s book follows the history of the concept of sexual deviance, tracing
the development and use of the terms fetish, paraphilia, and perversion. Like my own writing, Bering's
work is intended to defend many of the individuals shunned by society and labeled as “perverts,” and to
provoke questions about our views of sexual deviance. As psychology and science grow in knowledge
about sexual behaviors, we find that there are far, far, far, more individuals out there who are interested
in aspects of sexuality that we formerly believed were rare, and evidence of disordered desire.

Did you know that the term “pervert” was originally applied to atheists? This tidbit of history, one of the
many delightful details in the book, sets the stage for a long history, where anyone engaging in socially
unacceptable behaviors is called a pervert. Perversion was once a clinical term, used in the 19th
century, which still found some clinical use in Freudian and psychodynamic literature. For the most part,
it’s fallen out of clinical use, as a stigmatizing, subjective term. However, in some fields, such as the sex
addiction industry, the term and concept are still used.

Patrick Carnes, father of the sex addiction in 2001, where he termed perversion as “eroticized rage,” an
expression of people’s anger with social conventions, and a key factor of sex addiction.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201311/are-we-all-perverts 1/4
5/9/2017 Are We All Perverts? | Psychology Today

addiction
(
on) industry, the term and concept are still used.
Patrick Carnes, father of the sex addiction
industry, published an article

in 2001, where he termed perversion as

“eroticized rage,” an expression of people’s
anger

with social conventions, and a key factor of sex

addiction.

The clash between socio-cultural norms and an

individual’s sexual behaviors or desires may very
well create distress, dysfunction and conflict. But
that is a social issue, not a medical one. There
are many, many sexual behaviors that can be
functional in one environment
(
nment) or culture, but not in others (more on this
in just a bit). That variance reflects the cultural
differences, and should not be used as evidence
of sexual disorder.

Bering terms the great majority of social attacks on sexual deviancy to reflect underpinnings of “moral
Panic” driven by fear
and lack of understanding, often based on the notion that thoughts, fantasies, and desires, even when
kept completely in the mind, can still reflect sin and deficit. As Bering discusses sexual fantasies, I was
reminded of the many sex addiction proponents who identify that sexual fantasy is equivalent to
“relapse,” and that even one’s thoughts must be kept under strict control, to prevent an inevitable slide in
degeneracy and uncontrolled sexual behavior.
Why are we so afraid of sex? Why are we so quick to label sexual behaviors as “perverse,” deviant and
disturbed? Bering offers many reasons for people’s instinctive reaction to pathologize sexual difference.
One of the best answers points to research with homophobes, that reveals that there is a positive

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201311/are-we-all-perverts 2/4
5/9/2017 Are We All Perverts? | Psychology Today

correlation between an individuals’ endorsement of homophobic statements, and their physiological

arousal reaction to homosexual porn/pornography. In other words, homophobes may be expressing
strong fear and anger towards homosexuality, because they are conflicted and afraid of their own secret
homosexual desires. So—next time you hear or see someone expressing fear of sexual deviance, one
hypothesis is that whatever kink they find most troubling, might actually be the sexual behavior they find
secretly exciting and tempting.

Many of the strongest proponents of sex addiction treatment are themselves self-identified former sex
addicts. This is one strong reason why their arguments are not based on science or empirical data, and
why they react so strongly to critical challenges from professionals like myself. They fear sex, based on
their own past experiences. The idea that sexual desire is a force to be battled against, and defeated
through sex addiction treatment, seems to be the thing they cling to, to keep control of their own sexual
desires. When someone like myself, or Bering, comes along and challenges that notion, they often feel
that we are attacking their very identity), and the thing that they use to create an illusion of internal
control. As Bering argues well, these aren't rational arguments that are used against sex, but arguments
based in fear and disgust.

A key component of Bering’s argument is that “normal” sex is an empty concept. Normal is relative.
What is normal in one culture, might be abnormal, even illegal in another. An infamous New Guinea
tribe, the Sambia, practices what would be called pedophilia in our own culture, where adult men allow
younger males to perform oral sex on them, under the tribal notion that adult semen is needed to help
these young men grow into warriors. Transport that tribe to the United States, and those men, seen in
New Guinea as virtuous, community-minded and moral, would likely be incarcerated and registered as
sex offenders for life. In our culture, an individual that has a need for sex four or five times a day would
very likely be termed “hypersexual.” In fact, daily sex/orgasm (just once a day mind you) is often
included as a symptom of hypersexuality in many definitions of sex addiction. But, in Africa, a tribe
called the Aka, believe that frequent sex at this level is necessary in order to create healthy children.
Again, transport these individuals to our country, put them in front of Western therapists, and let’s see
how quickly their sexual behaviors are called excessive and evidence of disease—rather than evidence
of different cultural attitudes.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201311/are-we-all-perverts 3/4
5/9/2017 Are We All Perverts? | Psychology Today

In 1896, Manhattan psychiatrist Allan Hamilton published an article “Civil Responsibility of Sexual
Perverts,” in which Bering reports that Hamilton argued that psychiatrists need to report homosexual the
individual legal system, in order to forcibly remove them from homosexual relationships.
Today,Kink.com website (very NSFW) in San Francisco represents a marvelous example of “civilly
responsible perverts.” This group, which took over a historic building in San Francisco, The Armory, has
created a nonprofit foundation, and dedicated a large portion of their building to public, community use.
They stand in direct, vocal and visible contrast to the notion that those involved in sexually deviant
behaviors are inherently immoral and untrustworthy.
Bering ends his book with a powerful argument that society is changing dramatically and rapidly. The
Internet, and increasing sexual research, is revealing that many of our beliefs about sexuality have been
based on myths and subjective fears. We stand at a crossroads, Bering argues, and before us is a road
never traveled. A cultural path, where we minimize the degree to which subjective, morally-based and
nonempirical beliefs about sex are used to pathologize, stigmatize, shame and shun. To walk this path
requires all of us being willing to acknowledge our own secret “perversions,” and from that
self-knowledge, practice greater acceptance towards the different (but not necessarily sick) desires of
others. Bering is optimistic in his hope that our society will continue to embrace this level of acceptance
and openness. Certainly, recent changes in gay marriage reflect huge social shifts in attitudes towards
sexual expression once deemed “perverse.” However, our media continue to thrive on selling sex as a
fearsome, dangerous thing on the moral panic about sex that is often employed by the media). As long
as they do so, I fear that being a “pervert” will continue to be dangerous thing.
3112David J. Ley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the author of Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The
Men Who Love Them

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201311/are-we-all-perverts 4/4