THOUGHTS ABOUT JEFF

By
Mason Blake
 BERKELEY, SOUTH CAROLINA

1 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S DINING ROOM - EVENING 1

JEFF, SUSAN, and CATHERINE are sitting at the dining room
table, ferociously laughing. They’re all dressed up for the
evening, and have assumably just finished dinner and are now
drinking coffee.

JEFF
(laughing)
Can I tell you something, Cathy?
You are an absolute delight.

CATHERINE
Oh Jeff -
JEFF
No, I mean it! I’ve been laughing
so hard this evening, I’ve nearly
bust a gut!
CATHERINE
Well, I was voted class clown in
high school.

JEFF
And that explains it. Speaking of
busting a gut, I’m gonna run off to
the boy’s room. Maybe while I’m
gone, you can get my wife to open
up a bit. I’m sure you two have
some "sister-to-sister" talk that
I’ve been getting in the way of all
evening.
CATHERINE
Oh don’t you worry Jeff - I’ll get
her to open up. I’ll have her
deepest darkest secrets in seconds,
and then I’ll charge you twenty
dollars for each one.

JEFF
(pointing to Catherine)
I’ll hold you to it!
Jeff exits the room.

CATHERINE
(turning to Susan)
So sister sister, what has you so
quiet this evening?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

SUSAN
I think Jeff is cheating on me.
Catherine looks at Susan in silence, then bursts with
laughter.

CATHERINE
Jeff? Cheating on you? Susan,
please-
SUSAN
I’m serious, Catherine. He’s been
acting funny. Making funny phone
calls and...and stuff.
CATHERINE
Wait, he’s been making...phone
calls? Well Jesus, Susan! That does
sound serious!
SUSAN
Catherine!

CATHERINE
Sweetheart, you are overreacting
over nothing. You know, why don’t I
tell one of my jokes to lighten to
mood? Okay, now I’ve only told this
joke once before so don’t blame me
if I screw it up or whatever.
Anyway, so, how does Moses make his
tea?
SUSAN
...How.
CATHERINE
(beat)
He-brews it! Get it? Ha!

Catherine, chuckling, takes a sip from her coffee, while

Susan still sits in silence.
Jeff then appears from the other room.
JEFF
(beat)
What did I miss?
Catherine laughs into her coffee, while Susan still remains
upset.
 3.

2 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 2

Susan lies in bed, asleep. Still, she can’t stop shifting.

CUT TO:

3 INT. NONDESCRIPT BEDROOM - DAY 3

Jeff sits on the edge of the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. He

stops when he sees the silhouette of a woman, standing in
the doorway. The woman steps in and closes the door.
CUT TO:

4 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 4

Susan is jolted awake by the closing of the door in her
dream. She turns over in bed, where Jeff is fast asleep,
beside her. She lays flat on her back, staring at the
ceiling.

5 EXT. WEALTHY SUBURBAN STREET - MORNING 5

Susan, in her bathrobe, goes out to collect the newspaper
from her driveway. Picking it up, she sees MARTHA, her
neighbour from across the street, doing the exact same
thing. There is a pause while they both subtly realise how
mirrored they are.
MARTHA
(beat)
Good morning, Susan!
SUSAN
Oh, good morning, Martha.

MARTHA
(looking through the
newspaper)
You know, I saw Jeff leaving for
work this morning. That man is
looking as fine as ever.
SUSAN
What was that, Martha?
MARTHA
Your husband? Jeff? He’s looking
fine, and you, Martha, are
certainly a lucky woman to have
caught him.

(CONTINUED)
 CONTINUED: 4.

Susan suddenly rushes across the street until she’s an inch

away from Martha’s face.
SUSAN
You stay away from my husband,
Martha. You got that, Martha?

MARTHA
Susan, why-
SUSAN
Now go on back to your diabetic
potato of a man you crass bitch. Go
on, Martha.
Martha hurriedly heads back towards her house, and after
watching her for a bit, Susan does too.

6 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING 6

Susan sits in a chair with the newspaper, her hands shaking
with anger. She violently flips a page of the newspaper -

CUT TO:

7 INT. NONDESCRIPT BEDROOM - DAY 7

Jeff sits on the edge of the bed, but this time, Martha is
there, giving him a shoulder massage in SLOW-MOTION.
CUT TO:

8 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING 8

Susan angrily flips another page -
CUT TO:

9 INT. NONDESCRIPT BEDROOM - DAY 9

CLOSE-UP on Jeff as he sighs in relief from the massage.
CUT TO:
 5.

10 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING 10

Susan angrily flips the page once more -
CUT TO:

11 INT. NONDESCRIPT BEDROOM - DAY 11

CLOSE-UP going from Martha’s massaging hands to her relaxed
face.

CUT TO:

12 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S LIVING ROOM - MORNING 12

Susan throws the newspaper on the ground and sits there,

seething.

13 INT. JEFF & SUSAN’S LIVING ROOM - EVENING 13

A clock shows that it is now 6:45 in the afternoon. Susan is

standing in the centre of the room, looking directly at the
door. Car headlights pass over her face, and soon, Jeff
walks in.
JEFF
(startled)
Jesus Susan, you scared me half to
dea-
SUSAN
Are you seeing someone, Jeff?

JEFF
...What?
SUSAN
Are. You. Seeing. Someone.
JEFF
...Yes, I see my wife asking me
some pretty strange questions.

SUSAN
Oh don’t you play games with me,
Jeff. I see you, making your phones
calls and...walking
around...and...making your phone
calls!

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.

JEFF
...Susan, what’s going on? Are you
alright?
Susan stands there shaking, and suddenly begins to cry. Jeff
rushes towards her and holds her. Susan holds him back.
SUSAN
(sobbing)
I’m sorry, I’m sorry Jeff. I don’t
know what I’ve been thinking. I’ve
just been in my head too much and -
and that bitch Martha and -
JEFF
Shh shh shh. Baby, it’s okay!
Everything’s okay. Here, sit down.

Jeff walks Susan to a chair and then pulls one up close to

her.
JEFF
(noticing the ugliness of
Susan’s crying)
Oh jeez. You know what might cheer
you up? Here, why don’t I tell you
a joke?
SUSAN
(still sobbing)
...Okay...
JEFF
Okay, now, I’ve only heard it once
before about a week ago, so don’t
get mad if I mess it up. Okay, so.
How does Moses make his tea?
Susan slowly stops sobbing and looks up at Jeff.

END