THE LATEST SHOW WITH ETHAN

By
Mason Blake
INT. TALK SHOW SET
We open to the sound of laughter as the host of the show,
DAVE SPENCER seems to have just finished telling a joke from
behind his desk. Dave is clean cut, styled similarly to
Johnny Carson.
DAVE
(joyously)
That one gets me every time.
Anyway, ladies and gentlemen,
please put your hands together for
our first guest of the night, Ethan
Renner.
Dave stands up, clapping. Appearing rustled as if shoved on,
ETHAN, a casually dressed man in his mid-twenties, appears
from off-stage. He seems to be nervous, but the applause
renders him to try and look confident. Dave shakes his hand,
and they both sit down.
DAVE
(beat)
Are you alright, Ethan? You look
like you just fell out of a canoe.
ETHAN
Ah, yeah, I’m fine, just um-

Ethan takes a moment and looks out to the crowd, the light
blinding him.
DAVE
Ethan?

ETHAN
Sorry - I’m really just honored to
be here.
DAVE
Well we’re honored to have you -
isn’t that right, everybody?
The audience cheers. Ethan tries to settle down and takes a
quick sip of water from the mug on the table.

DAVE
So, Ethan Renner. Any relation to
Jeremy?
ETHAN
Haha, oh, no, just the same last
name somehow.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

DAVE
Right right, just a coincidence.
Now Ethan, I am just a huge fan of
your work.

ETHAN
My work?
DAVE
(looking around)
Is there an echo in here?

ETHAN
Haha, no, no, I’m just confused by
what you mean.
DAVE
Well you’re currently at a
telemarketing company, right?
ETHAN
Yes? Why do you know that?

DAVE
Why do I know that - ha! I’m
telling you folks, this guy does
the best calls in the world.
Ethan sits in confusion and bewilderment.

DAVE
You know, it’s polite to say thank
you after a compliment. Maybe
that’s why Brenda left you.

ETHAN
What?
DAVE
What, you don’t think your bad
manners had anything to do with
Brenda leaving you?
ETHAN
Wait. Why are we talking about my
ex-wife right now.

DAVE
Well why do you think Brenda left
you, Ethan?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

ETHAN
Ah-
DAVE
Lost for words, huh? Brenda did
tell me that you never know what to
say. Let’s bring her out here.
Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome Ethan’s ex-wife, Brenda.
The audience cheers, while Ethan looks absolutely terrified.
BRENDA, a put-together young woman walks on to the stage
with confidence, waving at the audience. She shakes hands
with Dave, waves to the audience again, then sits down.
Ethan appears as though a ghost has just passed through him.

DAVE
Thank you for being here, Brenda.
BRENDA
Thank you for having me, Dave!
Ethan.

ETHAN
Brenda what is going on right now.
DAVE
Now, your ex has been less than
helpful, Brenda. But in your eyes,
why did you leave Ethan?
BRENDA
Because he sucks, Dave!

DAVE
You know, you’re right, Brenda.
Ethan does suck. Doesn’t he suck,
everybody?

The audience cheers. Someone shouts out that "he sucks

dick". Quickly, Ethan stands up.
ETHAN
Look, this is ridiculous! I don’t
suck! Maybe I used to, but I’ve
changed a lot! I mean-
DAVE
Why don’t you just wake up, Ethan.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

ETHAN
(turning to Dave)
What?
The camera slowly pushes in on Dave. His mouth then drops
open, as the sound of an alarm comes out.
Dave stands in horror.
END