Identifying Destructive Patterns in Your Thinking

Remember Stephanie? Her thoughts about her co-worker were

both automatic and destructive. But she can break the cycle by
asking herself these questions when she catches herself
thinking in that way:
What was going through my mind just before
I started to feel this way?
What does this say about me, if it’s true?
What does this mean about me, my life, my
future?
What am I afraid might happen?
What is the worst thing that could happen, if
this is true?
What does this mean about how the other
person(s) feel(s)/think(s) about me?
What does this mean about the other
person(s) or people in general?
What images or memories do I have in this
situation?[
By doing this, Stephanie can steal the power from her
automatic thoughts. The result is more balanced thinking and
freedom from stress.
Becoming aware of our automatic thoughts—our self-talk—
is a necessary step in the journey toward change. Just
identifying the ten to fifteen most common phrases we say to
ourselves is a good beginning. Then we can disarm those
negative thoughts.
What do you tell yourself frequently? That you’re always
stressed? Always late? Always forgetting things? That you
should be more organized? More disciplined? More patient?
You might not even be aware of the automatic thoughts that
damage your perception of yourself. You can start identifying
them by challenging negative thoughts and purposefully
putting them through the verification process, as Stephanie
did.W hen you begin to recognize them, and realize how
frequently they pass through your mind, you may be shocked.
When they begin to identify their negative self-talk, people
frequently say, “I can’t believe what I’ve been saying to myself
for all these years!”
Just imagine how many thousands of times you may have
made these automatic, negative statements to yourself. Now
consider this: This self-talk sets the course for how you’re to
live your life. With every one of these automatic thoughts,
you’re actually giving yourself directions.
If the context of your self-talk is negative or toxic, what’s the
result? Well, you could end up immobilized, fearful, insecure,
stuck, negative toward yourself and others, and just plain
miserable.