Dead to Me

“Mr. Sandman”

Written by

Alexander Bazil

alexander.b.bazil@gmail.com
 1

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

RICK (30s, sensitive and selfish, office attire) and

ELIZABETH (30s, polite yet a bitch underneath, spring
dress) sit at a table out front of a coffee shop.

Rick gawks at her, completely in love. Elizabeth looks at

her nails, blows her hair, and ignores him.

RICK
So. Whatcha thinkin’ about?

ELIZABETH
How I’m getting home.

RICK
If you need, I can take you.

ELIZABETH
I’ll think about it.

Rick retreats to his own thoughts. Elizabeth still avoids

eye contact with a slightly disgusted look on her face.

A waiter brings them their orders of coffee and pastries.

ELIZABETH
(cheerfully)
Thank you so much!

Elizabeth retreats to her disgruntled look after the waiter

leaves.

Rick sips his coffee. Elizabeth doesn’t touch hers.

RICK
Hey, Liz?

ELIZABETH
I asked you yesterday to start
calling me Elizabeth again.

RICK
Right. Well, why aren’t you looking
at me, sweetie?
 2

Elizabeth lets out an exaggerated sigh and finally looks up

at him. He’s lovestruck.

ELIZABETH
Why do you want me to look at you,
Rick?

RICK
I-- I think you have beautiful
eyes, darling.

ELIZABETH
I know.

Elizabeth pulls out her phone and avoids eye contact once
again.

RICK
Oh, I was wondering if I could ask
you something that I’ve been
thinking about for a while.

ELIZABETH
I’ve got something to say, too.

RICK
I want to renew our vows.

ELIZABETH
I want to divorce.

They glare at each other. Rick sips his coffee, awkwardly.

Elizabeth pushes her plate away and inspects her nails.

RICK
I mean it.

ELIZABETH
I know you do. Look, it’s just not
gonna work anymore.

An UBER pulls up to the sidewalk. Elizabeth stands and

waves the vehicle over. She gets in.
 3

ELIZABETH
Hi! Are you Noah? I’m Elizabeth,
but you can call me Liz. I really
like your car!

The door shuts and they drive away. Rick watches them
depart, heartbroken.

INT. RICK’S BEDROOM - DAY

Rick lies on his bed and cries. He gets a tissue. He uses

it and throws it on the floor.

The floor is literally covered in tissues and tissue boxes.

RICK
Maybe music can kill this mood.

Rick starts some music and tosses the phone elsewhere on

the bed, but it bounces into the river of tissues. Rick
lays back as the music buffers.

The song “Let Her Go” by Passenger plays through the

tissues.

Rick cries again and looks for his phone in the tissues. He
finds it and skips the song. He lies back down, phone in
hand.

RICK (CONT’D)
You know what? I’m better than
this.

Rick gets up, tears soak his eyes, but he’s ready to take
on the world.

The song “Feel So Close” by Calvin Harris plays. Rick

collapses back on the bed and sobs. He skips the song
again.

Rick watches the phone ready to skip any more situationally

inconvenient songs. An unskippable ad for Match.com plays.

ADVERTISEMENT
 4

More dates, more relationships and

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Rick chucks his phone back into the pile of tissues and
cries even more.

RICK
No more music! Just gonna go about
my day without thinking about her.

Rick retrieves stretches. He’s ready this time. His phone

buzzes through the tissues.

PHONE
Reminder for Rick! Meet Liz, I mean
Elizabeth, for bowling practice at
eleven AM.

Rick throws himself back on his bed and bawls his eyes out.

EXT. RICK’S HOUSE - DAY

Rick enters his car. He turns on the radio and the song
“Don’t Say You Love Me” by Fifth Harmony plays.

RICK
Damnit, shut up already.

Rick changes the station to--

ALEX JONES
“--dogs are very psychic, they’re
psychic buffers. Dogs are able to
(pew laser noise) like, interface
with you.”

Rick sighs and switches back to “Don’t Say You Love Me.”

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - DAY

Rick enters, dressed in a bowling jersey. His jersey number

is “1.” Elizabeth stands with her TEAM at a bowling lane.
Rick approaches and greets his team.
 5

RICK
Hey, guys!

Everyone looks at him, confused.

ELIZABETH
Rick? What are you doing here? You
were replaced yesterday.

RICK
What? Why? Elizabeth, we started
this team. Why would you replace
me?

ELIZABETH
Oh, maybe I emailed the wrong
“Rick.” Look, it just wasn’t gonna
work anymore.

RICK
But, this team is all I have left
to look forward to.

ELIZABETH
Ummm, okay?

Elizabeth returns to her team. Rick cries and uses a tissue

from his pocket. Elizabeth and her team have a great time
bowling.

The song “One is the Loneliest Number” by Three Dog Night

plays over the speakers. Rick sobs.

NOAH (late 20s, young and handsome) from Elizabeth’s Uber

enters with a bowling jersey also labeled “1.” Everyone is
excited to see him, especially Elizabeth, who gives him a
hug.

Rick glares with hatred at the two.

INT. RICK’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Rick slumps on the couch, bitter and disappointed in

himself. He watches ​Judge Judy​ on the TV with a pint of ice
cream in his hands.
 6

JUDGE JUDY
“--you were mistaken. In this
country, fathers are not second
class citizens. I know there are--”

RICK
Woo! You tell her, Judy!

Rick raises his spoon in the air. A scoop of ice cream

falls on his face. He wipes it off with a tissue.

The doorbell rings and startles Rick. In his panic, he

accidentally changes the TV to the movie ​The Good, the Bad,
​ It catches Rick’s attention.
and the Ugly.

BANDIT
(on TV)
“Hey, amigo! You know you got a
face beautiful enough to be worth
two thousand dollars?”

CLINT EASTWOOD (O.S.)

(on TV)
“Yeah, but you don’t look like the
one who collected.”

CLINT EASTWOOD lights a cigarette and approaches the

BANDITS.

CLINT EASTWOOD
“Couple steps back.”

Rick watches in awe as Clint acts like a total badass.

RICK
Hey, Clint Eastwood’s a badass. I
want to be a badass. Why not just
be​ Clint?

The doorbell rings again. A look of determination pierces

Rick’s eyes.

Rick is greeted by a short, skinny, and somewhat nerdy

PIZZA DELIVERY GUY.
 7

DELIVERY GUY
Here’s your plain cheese. That’ll
be eight forty eight.

Rick leans on the doorframe and lights a cigarette.

RICK
Uh-huh. Sure. Here’s nine bucks.

DELIVERY GUY
No tip?

RICK
You don’t got a face worth a tip.

DELIVERY GUY
What the Hell are you talking
about?

RICK
I’m sayin’ you ain’t the one
collecting.

Rick takes hold of the pizza and puffs his cigarette.

RICK (CONT’D)
Couple steps back.

Rick gestures for him to go away. The delivery guy steps

forward and snatches the cigarette out of his mouth and
tosses it aside. He grabs the pizza box.

DELIVERY GUY
You sure you wanna play with me? I
ain’t letting go ‘till I see my
tip.

RICK
Right! Right! Sorry, sir.

Rick hands him a ten dollar bill and cowers.

DELIVERY GUY
Clint Eastwood would’ve hated you!
 8

The delivery guy leaves. Rick shuts the door and tosses the
pizza box on the coffee table. He looks at the TV, wallet
in hand.

CLINT EASTWOOD
“How much are you worth, now?”

RICK
Ten dollars less, no thanks to you.

Rick slumps back into the couch. He changes the TV to the

​
movie ​Double Indemnity.

RICK
Now, what am I going to do about
Elizabeth?

PHYLLIS
(on TV)
“I don’t know what you’re talking
about.”

NEFF
(on TV)
“Of course it doesn’t have to be
crown block, it can be a car
backing over him or he can fall out
the upstairs window. Any little
thing like that, as long as it’s a
morgue job.”

PHYLLIS
“Are you crazy?”

NEFF
“Not that crazy. Goodbye, Mrs.
Dietrichson.”

PHYLLIS
“What’s the matter?”

NEFF
 9

“Look, baby, you can’t get away

with it. You want to knock him
off.”

Rick looks intrigued as the movie continues.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. RICK’S LIVING ROOM - LATER

“The End” of the movie displays on the TV screen. Rick

cries into yet another tissue.

RICK
Damnit, Keyes. Would it kill you to
bring your own matches?

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

A happy couple sits in the seats that Rick and Elizabeth

sat in the other day. A couple tables away sits Rick. He
has an empty seat across from him. He waits, impatient.

Rick tries to get the attention of a waiter.

RICK
Hey. Excuse me? Sir?

The waiter doesn’t notice.

SANDMAN (O.S.)
Excuse us, sir! We’re ready to
order!

Suddenly, SANDMAN (early 30s, charming and professional,

well tailored suit) is sat across from Rick. The song “Mr.
Sandman” by The Chordettes plays throughout the cafe’s
speakers.

The waiter notices Sandman’s call and rushes over promptly.

WAITER
Morning, sir. What can I-

SANDMAN
 10

He’ll have an iced latte and I’ll

have a John Daly, thank you.

WAITER
This early? I mean, sure thing!
I’ll bring it right out to you,
sir.

SANDMAN
Appreciate it, my good sir, and
make it snappy, would ya?

The waiter hurries off.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
So, Rick is it? I’m the Sandman,
and that’s all you need to know.
But enough about yours truly, how
are you doing this particular
morning?

RICK
Well, I--

SANDMAN
Not ​too​ well I assume from your
need of me. Fortunately, I’m here
to get rid of the downer in your
life. How is she by the way?

RICK
What, sorry?

SANDMAN
Your ex-wife? Liz? Elizabeth? How’s
she doing?

RICK
Oh. She’s doing great, I imagine.
With this new guy on our-- her
bowling team.

SANDMAN
Bowling, eh? You partake of that
particular hobby?
 11

RICK
Used to, until she kicked me off
the team to make room this new guy.

SANDMAN
Ouch, and you’d like me to right
this wrong?

Before Rick can speak.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
Of course you do! Now I assume
you’d like to hear how this will
play out, since this your first
time meeting with yours truly.

RICK
Sure--

SANDMAN
Splendid! I knew you would!

RICK’S IMAGINATION:

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Sandman and Rick sit at a table. Elizabeth sits nearby, by

herself, depressed.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
So let’s say, hypothetically
speaking, I pull some strings
behind the scenes and make your
wife a bit depressed. Perhaps like
she did you?

RICK
I’m liking this so far.

SANDMAN
I could send that white knight who
stole her away after “someone
else.”
 12

RICK
That actually sounds perfect. I
wish I knew you could do that
before--

Sandman walks over to Elizabeth’s table.

SANDMAN
Then I swoop in “by coincidence”
and cheer her up a bit. Make her
feel close to someone.

RICK
Okay, hang on--

Sandman chats to Elizabeth.

SANDMAN
How you doing, gorgeous? What’s
wrong?

Elizabeth giggles. Sandman sits and holds Elizabeth’s hand.

Rick looks displeased.

EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Sandman holds Elizabeth’s hand.

Rick watches Sandman give Elizabeth a rose from his shirt

sleeve like a magic trick. Elizabeth is overjoyed and
smells it. She gives Sandman a hug.

RICK
How’d you know roses were her
favorite?

SANDMAN
I know what women want, Rick, and I
would give her what ​she​ wanted.

Sandman walks Elizabeth into the restaurant.

It snows. Rick gets covered in snow. He shivers.

 13

Sandman walks Elizabeth out of the restaurant. They laugh

together. Elizabeth shivers, but Sandman offers her his
coat. As he fits it on her, he sneaks a handgun out of the
inner pocket.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
I would be the man of her dreams.
Anything she wished, yours truly
would deliver.

Sandman gives Elizabeth a bouquet of roses from his sleeve.

They embrace and kiss. Rick grows more annoyed by the
minute.

The snow melts and turns to rain. Rick gets soaked but
Sandman and Elizabeth remain dry, somehow. Sandman whispers
to her. She lets Rick hold the roses.

The two prance through the rain in slow motion. They laugh
at normal speed.

RICK
How’re you running in slow motion?

SANDMAN
I’m the Sandman, I can do anything.

The two stop. They hold each other close.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
(to Elizabeth)
Say, maybe we can take this back to
your place, gorgeous?

INT. ELIZABETH’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The movie ​Double Indemnity​ plays on the TV with the lights

off. Elizabeth lies on top of Sandman exactly as PHYLLIS
does to NEFF on the TV. Rick occupies an armchair to
himself.

PHYLLIS
(on TV)
 14

“Walter, I hate him. I loathe going

back to him. You believe me, don’t
you, Walter?”

NEFF
(on TV)
“Sure, I believe you.”

Sandman sneaks the handgun out of his coat and points at

Elizabeth’s head, ready to fire. As Phyllis kisses Neff on
the TV, Elizabeth turns to kiss Sandman, who hands the gun
to Rick as the two pairs make out.

PHYLLIS
“I can’t stand it anymore. What if
they did hang me?”

NEFF
“They’re not going to hang you,
baby.”

PHYLLIS
“It’s better than going on this
way.”

ELIZABETH
Could you imagine someone actually
getting someone to kill their
spouse for them?

SANDMAN
I heard of one guy doing it, but I
think he’s having second thoughts.

ELIZABETH
I bet.

RICK
Hey, this still might--

The two hush Rick and enjoy the movie.

SANDMAN
No it won’t.
 15

INT. ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Elizabeth waits for Sandman under the covers in lingerie.

Sandman takes off his suit jacket and hands it to Rick, who
still holds the gun.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
Mind holding this?

Sandman takes off his bullet vest and shirt. He hands each
one to Rick.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
And this? And this?

Rick grows more and more annoyed. Sandman sits on the bed
and kisses Elizabeth. He begins the process of taking off
his pants.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
Where was I? Ah, yes. Basically,
Rick, I would get her to know me.
To love me. To want to be with me
for as long and as often as
possible. I’d be her soulmate.

Sandman gets his pants off and hands them to Rick.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
Hold this, too? We’d go on dates.
We’d talk. We’d kiss. We’d, ummm,
what’s a gentlemanly way of
saying--

RICK
I hope you don’t mean--

Sandman gets his boxers off and tosses them at Rick. They
land on his face. Sandman gets under the covers and
proceeds to make love to Elizabeth right in front of Rick.
Rick looks furious as the boxers slowly droop from his
face.

SANDMAN
 16

And after all that. The dates. The

rain. The, ummm, courtship. After
that, err--

Rick, in frustration, drops everything except Sandman’s

gun.

SANDMAN
Ah, thanks, almost forgot.

Sandman takes the gun from Rick.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
After that, the job is done.

Sandman aims the gun at Elizabeth. A pull of the trigger,

the crack of the gun, and we’re--

BACK TO SCENE:

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

The waiter comes by and gives them their drinks.

SANDMAN
Thank you, sir, I appreciate it.
Here’s a tip from yours truly.

Sandman slides the waiter a hundred dollar bill.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
You never saw me at this particular
establishment.

WAITER
Oh, no sir! Would there be--

SANDMAN
No, that’d be all, thank you, good
sir. I’ll hail you if we’re in need
of your services again.

WAITER
Sure. E-- Enjoy your drinks.
 17

The waiter leaves. Sandman pours his drink into a nearby

potted plant.

SANDMAN
I hate John Daly's, but yours truly
can’t be seen ordering a latte, can
he?

Sandman takes Rick’s drink as his own. He takes a sip.

SANDMAN
So, Rick. That was the whole lot.
Any questions slash concerns?

RICK
I don’t get it. Why not just go and
kill her?

Sandman motions to keep it down.

SANDMAN
Hey, hey. We’re in a public
setting, friend.

RICK
Alright, but why? I have her
address. Go pay her a visit and the
job’s over. I don’t get why you
have to treat her to dinner and,
ummm--

SANDMAN
Sex?

RICK
Stop. What happened to being
gentlemanly?

SANDMAN
What happened to saying goodbye?

RICK
Just, why all this extra nonsense?

SANDMAN
 18

Well what do you expect Steve from

Blue’s Clues to pick up when he
finds a lead package delivered from
down the hall and a lock smashed to
pieces? Obvious foul play. If you
get our gorgeous to want you. To
love you. To trust you. To follow
you anywhere and still stay close.
You, my friend, can get away with
anything. Suicide? Accident?
Missing in a shallow creek? All on
the table to be delivered by yours
truly.

RICK
Well, I guess that makes sense, but
I don’t want her to die happy.

SANDMAN
Why? Does it really matter if I
told someone a good joke before I
left them at the bottom of the
river?

RICK
It matters if you’re fucking my
wife!

The couple in Rick’s old seats look at him. Beat.

SANDMAN
Ex-wife.
(pause)
But I get it. New to the business.
Not used to the behind the scenes.
But that’s just how we do things.

RICK
We?

SANDMAN
I can’t be at everyone’s funeral.

RICK
What about male targets?
 19

SANDMAN
Indeed, “what about?”

RICK
I mean, do you send a woman cleaner
after them?

SANDMAN
Well, sure. I mean, I shoot both
ways if the job calls for it. I’m a
professional, after all. But, I
tell you, there’s this new cleaner
at our place looking for a job,
Angel, and, oh my lord!

Sandman leans back in a casual manner. Rick leans in.

RICK
So you send a soulmate after your
target no matter who it is?

Sandman returns to his professional posture.

SANDMAN
Oh, of course! They would be their
soulmate, like you said. Happiest
man or woman alive. The whole lot.

RICK
Interesting.

SANDMAN
Is it? You sound intrigued for some
reason.

RICK
Oh, just, no offense, but maybe I’d
like “Angel” to be the one on the
job.

SANDMAN
None taken, I was not aware that
Liz was biflexible.
 20

RICK
No. I think I have the wrong
person.

SANDMAN
Come again?

RICK
The person that stole her away from
me would probably be better.

SANDMAN
Ah, I see. Well, since this is a
sudden change. We should go over
the details again. Make sure this
is what you want.

RICK
Oh, I’d be delighted.

RICK’S IMAGINATION:

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Noah sits at a table nearby. ANGEL (late 20s, charming and

flirty, well-tailored suit) enters and approaches Noah’s
table.

Rick goes over and shoves Noah out of his chair and takes
his place. Angel walks up to Rick.

ANGEL
Are you my date from Match.com? I’m
Angel.

RICK
Yep! I am.

ANGEL
Wow. You’re cuter in person.

Sandman picks up his chair and brings it over to their

table.

SANDMAN
 21

So just like with your ex-wife.

Angel will approach this man and
try to flirt. Of course, she won’t
need to try.

ANGEL
So, you just went through a
breakup, you said?

RICK
Yeah.

ANGEL
Sorry to hear that.

Angel puts her hand on Rick’s. Sandman smiles and smokes a

pipe. The waiter approaches.

WAITER
Ummm, sir. You can’t smoke within
ten feet of the building--

SANDMAN
(intimidatingly)
Well, sir, I do believe I’ve
already lit my pipe. If you’d be a
dear and put it out for me, I’d
appreciate it.

WAITER
(nervous)
Oh, sorry to intrude. E--Enjoy your
smoke.

The waiter rushes away.

SANDMAN
And once she has him hooked, he’s
in for the time of his life.

EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Angel and Sandman lean against the door of the restaurant.

The waiter looks from inside at Sandman who smokes his
 22

pipe. Sandman makes an annoyed gesture at the waiter, who

scurries away.

Noah approaches, but before Noah gets to Angel, Rick trips

him and greets Angel. The two hug. Sandman gestures for
Noah to get lost. He does.

RICK
Nice to see you again, Angel.

ANGEL
Nice to see ​you​ again, gorgeous.

SANDMAN
She’d give him gifts. She’d flirt.
Everything.

ANGEL
I brought you something.

Angel takes a rose out of her bra and gestures for Rick to
give it a sniff. He does. She lowers it and kisses him. He
takes the rose and they embrace.

They enter the restaurant. A puff of smoke from Sandman’s

pipe follows them in.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - NIGHT

Angel and Rick bowl. Elizabeth and Noah bowl a few lanes
down from them. Sandman lays back on the couch next to
Rick’s lane. Rick looks over at Elizabeth, depressed. They
make eye contact.

SANDMAN
She would even steal him away right
in front of your ex-wife. Perhaps
throw some jealousy in the air?

Angel sees Rick looking at Elizabeth.

ANGEL
Is that her, baby?

RICK
 23

Yeah.

Angel turns Rick towards her and kisses him. Elizabeth

looks over to see this. A wave of jealousy washes over her
face. She throws a bowling ball down the lane and whiffs it
in the gutter.

Angel pulls him onto the couch to make out next to Sandman,
who refills his pipe.

INT. RICK’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Angel and Rick lie on the couch as Elizabeth and Sandman

had previously. Sandman smokes in an armchair. The movie
Double Indemnity​ plays on the TV with the lights off.

On the TV, Phyllis shoots Neff, but misses.

NEFF
(on TV)
“You can do better than that, can’t
you, baby?”

ANGEL
I told you she would kill him.

NEFF
“Better try again. Maybe if I came
a little closer… How’s this? Think
you can do it, now?”

RICK
I think she loves him. Look, why
isn’t she shooting him?

Rick looks at Angel. Angel has a gun aimed at his head. She
tosses it to Sandman.

ANGEL
Good question.

They make out.

INT. RICK’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 24

Angel and Rick sit on the bed and make out. Sandman leans
on a wall next to the bed.

SANDMAN
No man, not even me, can resist her
after just one night in the
bedroom.

The two undress. Angel hands her garments to Sandman.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
She’d do whatever your man wants,
and she’d do it well. He’d be the
happiest man in the world.

Angel gets on top of Rick and the two make love.

RICK
I love you, Angel!

SANDMAN
And then, of course--

ANGEL
And I love--

Sandman hands Angel her gun.

ANGEL
--this job.

A pull of the trigger, the crack of the gun, and we’re--

BACK TO SCENE:

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

Sandman makes a finger gun and pretends to shoot Rick just

as Angel did previous. Rick flinches.

SANDMAN
What? Reconsidering this one, too?

RICK
 25

You know what? No. This version

sounds much more fun.

SANDMAN
Not sure what “fun” means in
particular. I expected being a
bachelor to be the fun part for
you.

RICK
It is.

SANDMAN
Then why the change?

RICK
I want to be with her.

SANDMAN
Ah, I see. Your heart still longs
for Liz.

RICK
Who?

SANDMAN
Oops. Forgot you call her
Elizabeth.

RICK
Oh, yeah. Sure.

SANDMAN
See it all the time. No harm in
your new decision. Now, you’re sure
this it the choice for you?

The couple that sit in Rick and Elizabeth’s old seats

propose. Everyone claps, including Sandman. A tear rolls
down Rick’s eye. Sandman offers him a handkerchief.

RICK
I’m sure.

SANDMAN
 26

Fantastic!

Sandman hands Rick a business card with Angel’s information

on it.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
Send Angel your man’s info and
you’ll be good to go. Drinks are on
yours truly, of course.

Rick looks at the business card then tucks it in his

wallet.

SANDMAN (CONT’D)
Now be careful out there. You never
know who might be following you.

Sandman exits.

RICK
Oh, I think I do.

INT. BOWLING ALLEY - NIGHT

Rick bowls strikes left and right. Elizabeth and Noah bowl
a few lanes down. The place is crowded and all the lanes
are full.

Elizabeth bowls and whiffs the ball into the gutter. Noah
gives her a noticeably lighter ball.

NOAH
“It’ll be a lot easier with that.”

ELIZABETH
Would you just shut up.

Elizabeth storms out of the alley. An ATTRACTIVE WOMAN

enters with a purse and approaches Rick.

WOMAN
Hey, would you mind sharing your
lane? This place’s pretty crowded.

RICK
 27

Sure!

WOMAN
Thanks! I appreciate it.

She puts her purse on the couch and enters herself onto the
scoreboard.

RICK
Yeah, so. You from around here?

WOMAN
Uhh, yeah. I live over on the
island.

RICK
I was just wondering if an
attractive woman such as yourself
were single, perhaps?

WOMAN
Nope. Not single.

The woman raises her finger to show a wedding ring. Rick’s

realization kicks in, but just in case-

RICK
You sure? You seem pretty cute to
be married.

WOMAN
Okay, this conversation is not
making me comfortable.

RICK
I’m just saying you seem like the
type to be after me. If you know
what I mean?

WOMAN
Well, you can have the lane. Dick.

The woman grabs her purse and storms off to another lane.

RICK
 28

Actually, it’s Rick.

Rick realizes his mistake and exits the bowling alley.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Music plays over the speakers. Rick enters. Elizabeth sits

and drinks down the bar a few stools next to a WOMAN
(Angel) with her head turned. Rick and Elizabeth make
brief, awkward eye contact.

Rick sits next to a DIFFERENT ATTRACTIVE WOMAN at the bar.

WOMAN #2
Sorry to bother you, sir. But are
you from around here?

RICK
Yeah?

WOMAN #2
I don’t mean to intrude but I was
wondering if you’d be interesting
in contributing to the local
elementary soccer team. Queensville
Elementary. I’m the coach and we’re
kind of desperate at this point.

Rick gets a smirk.

RICK
Ah, I see. Well I’d be happy to
donate.

Rick writes down a number on a piece of paper and hands it

to her.

WOMAN #2
Awesome! I really appreciate--
What’s this?

RICK
My donation, my phone number.

WOMAN #2
 29

Okay. That seems a bit

inappropriate.

RICK
You’re right. Maybe it’d be more
appropriate at a restaurant. How
‘bout it?

WOMAN #2
So you have no interest in our
team? Just like I have no interest
in going anywhere with you?

RICK
I can give you my email if you
want.

WOMAN #2
Well, thanks a lot. Dick.

The woman leaves the bar. Rick gets a bit depressed.

RICK
Actually-- Well, nevermind.

The BARTENDER comes over.

BARTENDER
Hey, Rick. Another rough night?

RICK
Yeah.

BARTENDER
The usual?

RICK
Yeah.

BARTENDER
Gin and tonic, hold the gin, coming
right up.

The bartender leaves. Beat. He comes back with Rick’s

drink. Rick takes out his wallet, but--
 30

BARTENDER (CONT’D)
No need. Some fox down the line
paid in full.

RICK
Who? Oh, Elizabeth.

The bartender leaves to service another PERSON. Rick keeps

his head down as Angel sits next to him. Elizabeth watches
with a heated glare.

ANGEL
Hey, looked like you had a rough
day so I thought you could use it.

RICK
No thanks, Elizabeth. I’m expecting
someone.

ANGEL
Oh, you must have me confused with
someone else. I’m Angel. Nice to
meet you.

Rick springs upright.

RICK
Oh, hi! My name’s Rick.

ANGEL
So, I think you’re pretty cute.
Maybe I could buy you another
drink? Maybe someplace else?

RICK
Don’t see why not. I know of a
couple places. Does mine sound
okay?

Angel giggles.

ANGEL
You’re funny. Here’s my number.
Call me sometime.
 31

Angel hands Rick a business card. It’s identical to the one

Sandman gave him. Rick watches her leave, lovestruck.

Beat. Rick gets a tap on the shoulder.

RICK
Angel? Need my number, too?--

It’s Elizabeth. Jealousy covers her face.

ELIZABETH
Hi, Rick! So nice to see you.

RICK
Oh, hey Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH
You can call me Liz, again. So, who
was that?

RICK
Oh. That. Was Angel.

ELIZABETH
Uh-huh.

RICK
She gave me her number. Seemed like
we were talking for hours.

ELIZABETH
Uh-huh. Wow. Seems like a--

Elizabeth mouths the word “bitch” before--

ELIZABETH (CONT’D)
--real nice person!

RICK
So how’s your new bowling team
member?

Elizabeth sits on the stool next to Rick.

 32

ELIZABETH
He sucks. He keeps quoting Clint
Eastwood from that movie ​The Good,
the Bad, and the Ugly​, and it’s
really annoying.
(pause)
You seem happy. That’s a surprise.

Rick thinks about his words.

RICK
Yeah. In fact, I’m happier than
I’ve been in years.

Elizabeth squints her eyes.

ELIZABETH
Well, I have to get back to
practice. Call me sometime?

RICK
Maybe. Bye, Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH
Oh. Bye, Rick.

Elizabeth leaves. The song “All By Myself” by Celine Dion

plays over the speakers. Rick slams his drink.

RICK
(to himself)
Not anymore.

FADE TO BLACK.