ABUSE

Church and Culture Series

June 2, 2019

Again this week we have a very difficult topic that is impossible to cover completely in a week. In fact,
maybe we can only see some general ideas to try to understand it, but I think that these ideas can
radically change our lives.

This is a very important issue because it affects us and our society. God cares about it and His enemy,
Satan, uses it to destroy people and families.

That's why we want to talk about abuse today.

This is a topic that has not been talked about for many years because there are behaviors that are
abusive that have been considered normal for a long time. Covered under “chauvinism”, they have
been seen as normal and as part of each family's private life.

But on the other hand, along with the reporting of cases of abuse, and movements like #meetoo in
which many women have taken courageous steps to expose the abuse they have suffered, there are
also cases of false allegations where men have been falsely accused of abuse and are deprived of their
rights.

Therefore, what I want today is to go to the Word of God and understand what God's perspective is
on this subject and what we should do as a church and as individuals to face abuse.

First of all, I want to tell you that if someone here is suffering abuse in any way, come and talk to us,
to me, to my wife, to one of the leaders. We know that it is extremely difficult to expose such a
situation, but we are here to support you.

I want to start this topic today with Psalm 147: 2-3 ​"The Lord builds up Jerusalem; He gathers the
exiles of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Jerusalem is the city of God, it is the symbol of the people of God. God says that He restores and
rebuilds what has been damaged, what is broken. The lives of those who have wounds and the hearts
that have been beaten.

Abuse is the excessive, unfair or undue use of something or someone. ​ ​It is the dishonest treatment of
a person with less experience, strength or power.

According to this definition, whenever a person treats another unfairly, in an undue or dishonest way,
or takes advantage of who is weaker, there is abuse.
We are not talking about differences of characters or different points of view, or misunderstandings
or accidents.

There are different kind of abuse: physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, spiritual. And all of them have
negative consequences and all are totally rejected by God.

● When someone assaults another person with physical blows, it is physical abuse.
● When someone uses words to harm another person it is verbal abuse.
 ● When someone generates ​situations in which a person is disqualified, humiliated, or
discriminated against in their dignity and self-esteem, it is emotional abuse.
● When a person forces another person into any kind of sexual relationship without their
consent, it is called sexual abuse.
● When a person with religious or spiritual authority mistreats another person in the name of a
god, a church or for some spiritual concept, it is spiritual abuse.
● When someone who has a certain power or position, takes advantage of it to act against
another person, it is called abuse of authority.

For some of the reasons we saw last week, when we talk about the roles of men and women
according to God, and where we also talk about the sin of machismo, the majority of cases of abuse
that exist are men over women.

But there are also men who are mistreated in different ways by women.

Statistics say that in the United States, 20 people experience physical violence per minute in the
couple. More than 10 million victims of abuse annually.
● 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe physical or sexual violence in the couple. This
is called "domestic violence."

There are also many children who are mistreated by their mothers or fathers, or the elderly who are
mistreated by their children or caregivers.
● 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before they turn 18.

Many times we do not see that abuse because it is hidden, it happens in the privacy of the houses,
where almost nobody realizes what is happening. Other times we do not want to see it. But our
theme today is addressed to all, abused and abusers.

If you have abused, mistreated someone or are doing it, God also has a plan for you, and what I want
is that you can get out of that sin, that it is very serious for God, and that you can be healed and
above all that You can repent sincerely and see your life transformed.

But as we saw in Psalm 147, God wants to heal those who have been harmed, whose heart is broken
and beaten today.

What does the Bible say about abuse?

Although it may seem obvious, it is very important that we be clear that God completely rejects
abuse, oppression and violence.

Psalm 11: 5 ​The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a
passion.

Proverbs 22:24 ​Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily
angered.

Matthew 18: 5-6 - ​And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. ​6 ​“If anyone
causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to
have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
Violence is part of the human and sinful nature, and was the main reason why God sent the flood
early in human history.

Genesis 6: 11-13 - ​Now the earth was corrupt in God’s sight and was full of violence. 1​ 2 ​God saw how
corrupt the earth had become, for all the people on earth had corrupted their ways. ​13 ​So God said to
Noah, “I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I
am surely going to destroy both them and the earth.

Maybe everyone understands what abuse is after what I have shared today, but let me say something
else:

The abused person usually feels isolation, hopelessness and shame.

It is common for them to isolate themselves and withdraw from other people. Because abuse affects
a person's ability to make friends and to have healthy relationships. Many times they also isolates
themselves from God too because they blame Him for what happened.

This person also experiences great despair and sometimes even depression. He feels powerless to
change his situation and many times, instead of feeling pain, he simply blocks his feelings and feels
nothing at all.

There is also shame. Although this does not make sense because it is what the abuser should feel, the
shame appears because of the feeling of not being able to stop the abuse and to get away. The impact
is so strong that many times the abused person thinks that he is to blame for the abuse he suffered.
All abuse brings shame, but sexual abuse often causes extreme shame. That makes it very difficult to
seek help.

On the other hand,​ ​the abuser​ ​is often critical, manipulative and controlling.

The abuser judges others harshly. He does so as a defense mechanism for himself, so as not to face
his own sin.

He is extremely manipulative. He denies his responsibility for the abuse and blames the victim. They
manipulate the truth and are experts in deception.

The abuser intimidates his victims to prevent them from telling the truth. Threatens personal injury to
the victim or loved ones of the victim unless he obtains what he wants. The abuser is usually jealous
and possessive. He tries to control his victims in any way he can.

Let's see a case of abuse and aggression that the Bible shows us. It's the story of David and Saul.
Saul was an incredible man. He had many qualities.
● He was anointed by God to be king of Israel (1 Samuel 10:1)
● God used him to prophesy (v.6)
● He seemed to be humble. When they were going to crown him as king he hid (10:22).
● He was strong, had leadership and was filled with the Holy Spirit (chap. 11)

But there was another part in the life of King Saul. There was some darkness in his life.
1 Samuel 18, after David defeated Goliath, and all the people praised him, Saul became angry and
filled with envy.

Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of
thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” 9 ​
And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David.

He even tried to kill David twice.

So we see the king anointed by God transformed into an abuser. It shows the two sides of human
nature: with many good things, even anointed (the kind of man that any woman would want to
marry) and one abuser at a time.

So what David had to do was run away to save his life. His situation changed completely, but despite
David's pain, God used this time to deal with his life. He learned to trust in God alone, to seek God
and find refuge in Him.

Psalm 55 is an expression of someone who is being harassed by someone very close. David describes
his experience with Saul. Remember that the Word of God is inspired by Him and is useful for us.

1 ​Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; 2 ​ ​hear me and answer me. My thoughts
trouble me and I am distraught ​3 ​because of what my enemy is saying, because of the threats of the
wicked; for they bring down suffering on me and assail me in their anger.
4 ​My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. ​5 ​Fear and trembling
have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. ​6 ​I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would
fly away and be at rest. ​7 I​ would flee far away and stay in the desert; ​8 ​I would hurry to my place
of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”
12 I​ f an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. ​13
But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, ​14 w ​ ith whom I once enjoyed sweet
fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.
16 A ​ s for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me. 1​ 7 ​Evening, morning and noon I cry out in
distress, and he hears my voice. ​18 H ​ e rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me. 1 ​ 9 ​God, who is enthroned from of old, who does not change— he
will hear them and humble them, because they have no fear of God. ​20 ​My companion attacks his
friends; he violates his covenant.
22 C ​ ast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. 2​ 3
But as for me, I trust in you.

● David cries out to God, pleading

● He is anguished, oppressed, living in suffering.
● In vv.4-5 he speaks of what today would be called an "anxiety crisis"
● His desire is to be able to escape (vv.6-8), to flee from the situation.
● But all he can do is cry out to God knowing that He listens to him, rescues him and can save
him.
● David trusts God.

This is the way David faced the abuse. He physically fled the situation but sought God.
However, when we let our fallen nature guide us, when we turn away from God and his purposes,
even a person who has been abused, and who knows what the pain of abuse means, can become an
abuser. Despite all what he suffered, David himself abused his power and authority later with
Bathsheba and Uriah. So the abuse is so strong, that if it is not overcome by the power of God, it will
continue to destroy lives.

What to do to face abuse?

1. Face reality.​ Both abusers and abused live in denial.

If today you are aware that you are harming someone in some way, that situation can not continue.
Maybe you have repented many times, maybe you have justified it other times, but it can not
continue anymore. If you realize that you are mistreating someone, stop immediately and accept
what you are doing. Do not blame anyone, there are no excuses to abuse or mistreat others.

But if you are suffering abuse, you also need to face reality. You must acknowledge that the abuse has
indeed occurred. If you think that it was the last time and you think that the other person has
changed, you do not realize that you are in a circle with no way out. You have to move from denial to
face your reality.

2. Ask for help.​ Satan works in the dark and does not want things to come to light. There is a special
power when everything is secret, but that falls when sin is brought to light.

If today you are realizing that you have mistreated or abused someone, if God is confronting you with
your sin, ask for help.

But if you realize that you have received abuse, you also ask for help. You need a safe place, you need
support and accompaniment.

I do not have a magic wand to change your situation, but you will not be alone, and we will walk with
you in this healing process of your life.

Jesus said, “​If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. ​32 T​ hen you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free​.” John 8: 31-32

The truth is Jesus. We know Jesus by listening to his words and following him. Jesus is the one who
can make you free from your sin, or from your pain.

James 5:16 says "​Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be
healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective​."

3. Both the abuser and the abused have feelings of anger, resentment, hatred and revenge that
must be discarded.

Ephesians 4: 31-32 says "​Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with
​ 2 ​Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in
every form of malice. 3
Christ God forgave you."
How difficult is this. How impossible it is without the work of God is our lives!

But the worst of the abuse is that time does not cure it. No matter how many years have passed since
the moment of abuse, it will always remain there unless the person receives the healing of God.
It is not about the human, personal effort of being better a better person, but about the giving of our
lives to Christ.

Romans 6: 11-12 says "​In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ
​ 2 T​ herefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.​"
Jesus.1

Jesus died on the cross to do what neither you nor I could do.
He died for our sins, to cleanse us of them. And He died also for our healing.

Isaiah 53: 4-5 ​"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by
God, stricken by him, and afflicted. ​5 B
​ ut he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for
our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him,and by his wounds we are healed."

It ​may be difficult for you to trust in God, because you have asked yourself where was He when you
suffered abuse. I want to tell you that God has never wanted that to happen to you. But He has made
us free human beings, and it is sin that leads people to do evil.

However, God is able to heal any wound and that is what He wants to do. He used evil for good in the
case of Jesus. Jesus was mistreated, shamefully abused but in the midst of all those abuses, by dying
on the cross, He bought your salvation and mine.

As a church we can not remain silent in the face of abuse. We have to report it.
We have to support the victims with everything in our power to get them out of that situation.
We also have to help the abuser who wants to change.
We have to teach biblical roles and relationships, as is the plan of God.
We must be a safe place for everyone.

Just in total dependence on God, our wounds can be healed, and our sin nature reduced, controlled
and changed.