GarretKramer.

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Performance Coaching, Sports Psychology, and Self-help –

Breaking the Myths
 About Garret Kramer

Garret Kramer is the founder and managing partner of Inner

Sports, LLC. He has provided consulting and/or crisis
management services to hundreds of athletes and coaches;
from well known professionals, Olympians, and teams, to
high school and collegiate players across a multitude of
sports. A former collegiate ice hockey player, Kramer is
credited with bringing the principles of Mind,
Consciousness, and Thought to the athletic community at
large.

Kramer often lectures on topics related to the states of mind that lead to success on
and off the playing field. He has been featured on WFAN in New York, ESPN Radio,
WOR, FOX, CTV, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated,
The Newark Star Ledger, The Toronto Star, The Philadelphia Daily News, and other
nationally syndicated sports programs and magazines. Kramer is the author of the
book Stillpower: The Inner Source of Athletic Excellence, forward written by NHL and
U.S. Olympic star Zach Parise.

Also he conducts seminars about his revolutionarily simple approach to coaching

and performance. From single teams or organizations, to coaches’ conventions, to
athletic departments, he is available to speak to your group.

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 Inexplicable Calm, Consistent Success
Clutch performances in big moments: Where do they really come from? Often, after
such a performance, you will hear
an athlete say, “For some
inexplicable reason, I just felt very
calm today.” But when the same
athlete doesn’t come through in a
big moment, he might say, “The
circumstances got to me; I just
couldn’t calm down.”

In fact, this confusion about the power of external circumstances leads many
athletes and performers to seek out “experts” who are willing to provide techniques
or coping mechanisms to help them through decisive games, matches, or life
situations in general. But why? Didn’t our athlete first say that he performed
calmly and successfully for no apparent reason?

Calmness, like anxiety, has nothing to do with one’s circumstances.

Truth be told, most performance experts have the above cause and effect
relationship upside-down. They believe that one’s circumstance, in this case the big
moment (the cause), determines one’s state of mind (the effect). When in truth,
one’s state of mind (the cause) will always determine one’s perception (the effect) of
the circumstance.

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In other words, the big moment—like any circumstance—has no ability to regulate
our level of calm or anxiety because our moods fluctuate independent of it. I know,
it doesn’t always seem that way, but that’s the way it works. To illustrate, have you
ever stressed about a situation in your life one moment, and then considered the
exact same situation a few hours, or even moments, later and wondered what in the
world you were stressing about? I know I have. The situation didn’t change; but my
state of mind did and, with it, my perception and outlook of the situation.

The only way to find calm is to stop seeking ways to be calm.

A recent example of this cause and effect misunderstanding occurred last week at
the PGA Championship when a gleeful pro golfer raved about the mental tools
provided by a well-known sports psychologist. My fear for this athlete, though, is
that his success will be short-lived. Ultimately, his thoughts will rev up as he
questions why last week’s mental instrument isn’t calming his nerves anymore.
That is, while it might look like the external strategy was responsible for this golfer’s
surge in production, the timing was simply “right” as his level of consciousness had
swung upward. He would have performed at the top of his game no matter what his
psychologist had suggested.

The bottom line is that there is no quick-fix for a low psychological outlook. And the
more you seek and experiment, the worse you will eventually feel. Instead, when
you find yourself struggling, my sincere suggestion is to stop looking for short-term
relief—which only tricks you into looking outside of yourself for answers—and start
understanding your own mental functioning. Once you do, calmness and success
will start to “inexplicably” show up more and more frequently.

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 Relax; Nerves are Normal

Have you ever been in this type of situation? The game, or any competition, is tight,
and you’re becoming more anxious by the minute.
The coach calls all the players together and says,
“Okay, guys, you are so nervous that you are
beating yourselves. Just try to relax—all we need to
do is calm down, and we’ll be fine.” In fact, just last
week, I witnessed this exact scenario at two games
I attended. And, in both cases, the team in question
went on to perform even worse after the “just relax” pep talk. In my experience, this
happens way too often.

Being uptight is not a problem for athletes; believing that nervousness can
hinder performance is.

So why doesn’t deliberate relaxation work? First, it’s important to recognize that
trying to change a thought pattern—in the above case, thoughts of tension or
worry—is never effective. Understanding that negative thoughts have no ability to
thwart your performance is always effective.

In other words, the common belief is that an anxious or uptight mind-set is not
conducive to success. Thus, if an athlete feels this way, the coach, therapist, or
athlete himself comes up with all types of strategies in order to feel better. The
problem, however, is that the athlete is perfectly fine to begin with, and you cannot
fix something that isn’t broken. Nervousness, anxious thoughts, or insecure feelings

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are all part of the human experience. Regardless of our circumstances, at times, we
all feel this way. Did you know that many of the greatest achievements in sports
history have occurred from uncomfortable states of mind? Basketball great Bill
Russell used to throw up before games. And golf great Jack Nicklaus once said that if
he wasn’t nervous before stepping on to the first tee, he wasn’t ready.

Once an athlete grasps that there is no connection between anxious thoughts

and underperforming, his level of play will soar.

Second, external strategies (i.e., telling players to relax) will always make matters
worse. For example, have you ever tried meditation as a tool—or coping
mechanism—to control anxious and revved-up thoughts? If yes, be honest, were
you really capable of sitting quietly and trying to slow down your thinking? Or did
trying to relax only make you feel worse, and frustrated, as you wondered why you
were not able to quiet your mind intentionally?

The message here is simple. A nervous thought is just that—a thought. And our
thoughts have no ability, on their own, to regulate our level of achievement. This
may sound peculiar, but consider the principle of thought like a bus depot. You can’t
control which buses show up, but you can always determine which bus you climb
aboard. Therefore, as you prepare for the next “big” contest, remember—you
cannot manage the value of your own thinking, and you cannot fix uneasy thoughts
with a mind control technique.

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What you can do is stop trying to settle your mind, and start understanding how the
human mind functions. Then, the quality of your thoughts will clear up all on their
own. A sound first step is to recognize that relaxation and success do not always
work in tandem.

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 Beyond Belief

“Believe in yourself”—a common and accepted mantra in the performance coaching

world. Merely peruse Facebook, Twitter, or the vast
array of self-help books on the market today, and
you will read varying versions of this message. This
morning on ESPN, for example, I listened to a college
football coach address his players. He insisted that
the number one ingredient to a successful season is belief in yourself, teammates,
coaches, and the team’s philosophy. Not once during this impassioned pep talk,
however, did he explain to his players why, at times, they are bound to lack
conviction, or what to do when disbelief does take hold.

Your level of self-confidence is constantly fluctuating—it will always mirror

your current level of well-being.

To put it bluntly, asking or telling people to believe in themselves is a complete

waste of time. When this advice is imparted an unconfident person will almost
always wonder why, at will, they can’t summon up certainty. Instead, if you really
want to help another person—or yourself—find faith, it’s imperative to recognize
that belief and your current state of mind work in tandem. When your level of well-
being is high, you will believe; when it’s low, you won’t. And while it might look like
your level of confidence has something to do with the circumstances of your life, this
is just not so. To illustrate, have you ever performed well on a test, in an athletic
contest, or at your job and not felt good about yourself? It happened to me last
week. I spoke to a group of coaches and professors who gave me a touching round

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of applause as I concluded. But, no matter how hard I tried, I just didn’t believe that
I had gotten my message across clearly.

Another way to look at it is that belief is simply not something we can manage. In
spite of what many will say, you cannot choose to think or feel a certain way. What
you can do, though, is understand that the only reason a lack of assurance will
persist is because most people do, in fact, believe they have control over it. Reflect
for a second, what happens to your performance when you attempt to work, force,
or grind yourself through a temporary feeling of hopelessness? You most likely
experienced revved up thinking, confusion, and continued despair.

If you want to believe, do nothing when you find yourself in doubt.

The bottom line is that a lack of belief is never the cause of poor performances; it is
the symptom of performers buying into their thoughts and feelings—and trying to
alter them—when their mind-set is low. Yes, “believe in yourself” does sound
productive, but explaining to players, students, or children the true building blocks
to why a person wouldn’t believe (it’s always one’s mind-set, not one’s
circumstances) is a whole lot more impactful.

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 Acceptance
Many counselors, teachers, or coaches believe that acceptance is the key to moving
past a painful situation. In an athletic sense, you often hear that you have to first
accept a defeat to be able to grow from it. When a loved
one passes away, priests or rabbis often preach about
accepting our loss. To be honest, however, to me
acceptance never quite worked that way. Is Bill Buckner
truly capable of accepting such a crucial error in the
1986 World Series? I’m not sure. Can Scott Norwood
accept missing a field goal that would have won the
Super Bowl XXV? I doubt it. Three years ago, my wife
lost her best friend to cancer. Is she really capable of
accepting this tragic situation? I just don’t think so. In
fact, I believe the more Buckner, Norwood, or my wife try to accept these
circumstances, the less tolerant of them they will actually become.

Forcing ourselves to accept external predicaments only intensifies unrest.

Yes, I am aware that this perspective goes against the grain. Even Moses said that
the key to overcoming the death of a family member lies in acceptance. But while it
might sound productive, forcing acceptance usually revs up thought and confusion
as we wonder why in the world we can’t live up to this divine recommendation.
Think of it this way, when your high school sweetheart broke your heart and your
parents said, “We know it isn’t easy, but the best thing to do is accept it and move
on,” you knew that this was an extremely tall (if not impossible) order.

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There is, thankfully, a key to moving past our troubles and prospering, although
acceptance has nothing to do with it. Again, if a baseball player strikes out in a big
moment—why in the world would he accept it? To the contrary, we need to
understand that losses and missed opportunities are never the source of our
wayward moods. By forcing ourselves to accept undesirable circumstances, we are
placing credit where it doesn’t belong—ultimately playing victim to the events of
the outside world. In other words, since a strike-out is not the source of a baseball
player’s low mind-set, accepting it can’t possibly make him feel better.

Although not true, our circumstances often look like they are the source of our
discontent—trying to accept them magnifies this illusion.

To be clear, I certainly understand that when pain arises, it does look like the world
around us is the reason why. But this just isn’t so. Sure, my wife is extremely sad
about losing her friend, but there is a big difference between sadness—a genuine
and productive sentiment born from compassion or love; and misery—a destructive
emotion born from a temporarily low state of mind.

The bottom line is that human beings are not capable of accepting, understanding,
or moving past anything when their consciousness is faltering. That’s why, in order
to move through your troubles, you are far better off looking inward toward to your
mind-set in the moment and being guided accordingly. If you’re glum and
disquiet—be still; do not try to talk yourself into accepting any external event. If
you’re melancholy but clear—do whatever feels right to you. Acceptance is indeed a
peaceful word, but a closer look reveals that making peace with external
predicaments is, in the end, a limiting and self-defeating prophecy.

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 A Different Approach to ‘Problems’ And Their Effect on
Performance

Whenever I meet with a

person one-on-one, the first
question I usually ask is,
“How can I help you?”
Invariably, I listen to a
laundry list of problems
that the individual is
experiencing at that point in
time. Never, though, do I
provide a remedy for these
issues. In fact, rarely do I address the issues directly.

I am well aware that this approach is much different than what most people are
used to. Heck, if someone is suffering from anorexia, doesn’t it make sense for a
counselor to focus directly on food and the behavior of purging? Well, not exactly.
You see, upon closer look you will notice that our problems live in our thoughts and
present mood—not in the world around us. Anorexia is caused by a thought
disorder; it is not the effect of a painful upbringing, a young girl’s poor self-image, or
an aversion to food.

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It is impossible to solve another person’s problems.

Take the syndrome of obsessive and compulsive behavior. It is commonly believed

that, aside from medication, the way to solve this dysfunction is to learn to accept
the source of the obsessive thoughts or to substituent a productive behavior for the
compulsive one. What these strategies overlook, however, is that the source of OCD
is not external to the individual. It rests solely in the victim’s current thought-
system.

In other words, the degree to which anyone obsesses, or feels compelled to act,
works in concert with his or her level of well-being at that precise moment. When
my state of mind is clear and conscious, my old house is a charming classic and I
love it. But when my mind-set descends, I am either obsessed with selling it
immediately or compelled to spend my savings fixing it up. Either way, my old
house has little to do with my neurotic thoughts and low mood. Quite the
contrary—my low mood is what creates my compulsive urge to do something about
my old house immediately.

Our current thought-system prevents us from finding obvious answers.

So, how can the above understanding pave the way to a life without major problems
or disorders and even help improve our performances? Once we realize that our
fluctuating thoughts and innocent moods establish our perceptions, it becomes
much easier to avoid the self-defeating trap of finding fixes in the outside world. A
golfer who changes his swing, for example, will always falter if the adjustment is
based on an insecure or egotistical sentiment.

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One last point: You might be wondering how you know the time is right to reach for
that piece of cake, fix up the house, or make a swing change. That is, how do you
know when you’re thought-system is truly inspired and not irrational? The answer
is simple, how do you feel? If you feel uneasy, limited, or boxed in at that moment,
just stay in the box for now—remaining still (and not reaching for the fix from this
unclear place) is what allows your thought-system to get back on track. Then, with
possibilities readily apparent and endless—go go go! From this freeing perspective,
no matter what you decide, things will work out just fine.

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 Stillpower and Relationships

Last week I received a call from a team. Its star player and coach had been at odds
for some time, and, with training camp about to open, the director of player
personnel requested that I sit in as he attempted to mediate their “issues.” I asked,
“So your plan is to get the
player and coach together,
with us serving as referees,
to try to hash out their
points of view?”

“That’s correct,” he said.

“Well, I’d like to help—but first let me suggest a different approach,” I said. “Let’s
speak to the player and coach separately. Let’s teach them the real source of their
disagreement and then see what happens.” Fortunately, he agreed, and I’m happy to
say that player and coach are now looking forward to a productive season—
together.

Most mediators or therapists teach partners to cope with their problems,

instead of helping them find the answers to a fresh start.

In 99 percent of therapy sessions between a player and coach, husband and wife, or
an employee and employer, the couple sits in a room with a counselor and discusses
their so-called issues. And the overwhelming majority of these couples end up

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separating. Why? Because issues are not the source of disharmony—they are the
symptoms. The source of all disagreements is one or both sides acting on thoughts
and feelings that originate from low states of mind.

For instance, I once met with an athlete who claimed that his coach often picked on
him in front of the team and he just couldn’t take it anymore. But the day after our
meeting—and in a better mood—the athlete told me that the coach was actually
respectful during that day’s practice. Clearly the coach hadn’t miraculously been
transformed overnight; the player’s state of mind had risen and with it so did his
perception of his coach.

This understanding explains why so many marriage counselors and mediators are
divorced themselves. They provide their clients—and themselves—with strategies
to employ the minute a discrepancy with one’s partner occurs. “Try to consider the
other’s perspective” is common advice. Trouble is, it is impossible to consider
another person’s perspective when your own level of well-being is low. It is
possible to understand, however; that if you simply backburner the issue and allow
your well-being to rise (i.e. stillpower), then you will involuntarily become
considerate, compassionate, and loving—and the discrepancy won’t look so
daunting anymore.

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Regardless of your differences, the minute your mood rises, so will your
perception of your partner.

This is not to say that every relationship should stay intact. What I am insisting is
that, in order for any decision (in this case, to stay together or separate) to be
fruitful, it must be made from an elevated state of mind. Plus, the more you try to
work through your problems from the same low level of mental functioning that
caused them, the greater the odds that the relationship will continue to suffer.

My visit with the above team was successful because, during our one-on-one
meetings, the level of consciousness of both player and coach ascended—and so did
their understanding of each other. In fact, we didn’t discuss their past, their
behavior, or any specific details of their relationship at all. Try this simple approach
the next time you and another person are at odds. I’m certain that the answer to the
issue will appear, or the issue will disappear, before you know it.

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 Why Still Works Better Than Will

I recently received a
poignant e-mail from a
reader of Stillpower, which
perfectly illustrates the
distinction between looking
outside for answers and
looking within. Here is a
portion of that e-mail.

I just finished reading your

book and find your ideas to be very insightful. Our son is a hockey goalie, and this past
year his team, which was pretty inexperienced, frequently lost by double digits. The
coaches thought the best thing to do was pull the goalie when the other team started
running up the score. This led to my son being so worried about being pulled that once
the first goal was scored on him, it was pretty much all over. His goalie coach was
concerned about his “mental toughness,” so he referred us to a sports psychologist to
help him cope. While this person was initially helpful—teaching my son to redirect
negative thoughts with a catch phrase he could repeat during games (stop the puck)
and helping him use some visualization—as you outline in your book, the effects of
these techniques were not long lasting. This anxiety led to a poor performance in
tryouts, and he was cut from the team. Fortunately, I think using Stillpower will be
helpful for our son, on the ice and off . . . Thank you so much for writing your book and
introducing me to this freeing concept.

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Even a twelve-year-old can lose his way when he looks outside for answers.

I was certainly touched by this e-mail. But more significantly, I value the
opportunity it offers to discuss the habit (of many of us today) to seek external
strategies or coping mechanisms for our troubles and the unconstructive effects of
such searches.

Reciting a catch phrase, or affirmation, to redirect negative thoughts (much like

reaching for a pill or drink) serves only one purpose: it empowers these thoughts by
turning them into something that must be dealt with. What this mother and sports
psychologist failed to recognize is that errant thoughts have no ability to directly
hinder one’s performances or life. It’s when we act on these thoughts, or try to
control their quality, that our minds race, and, like this boy, we continue to suffer.

The more we seek external coping mechanisms the further we get from truth.

Why does this happen? Because it is impossible to will ourselves through something
(a predicament) that only exists in our own thinking. Have you ever played golf? If
yes, where does your next shot go when you try to “not think” about the out-of-
bounds stakes that span the length of the toughest hole? Out-of-bounds, of course.

Yet what if you understand that your thoughts about the out-of-bounds have no
clout—that some days your glance will be drawn to those stakes and other days
you’ll forget that they’re even there? In truth, knowing that external circumstances
have no power over us is what allows us to be still, and then clear, in the first place.

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Therefore, the next time you’re in a low place and feel the pull for relief, remember
the dust will settle—but only if you remain quiet enough to allow it. How do you
achieve this quiet? Never by chasing down a fix, forcing visualization, or learning a
catch phrase. You look toward an intuitive feeling—an understanding that no
matter what your thoughts say in the moment, you’re always free from the world
around you. That’s where resilience and competiveness truly reside. Take it from
the experience of this twelve-year-old boy, still works better than will, no matter
what the experts might tell you.

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 Get to Work or Dial it Down?

About a month ago, a baseball-playing client sent me a text message. He had gone 0
for 4 in a game and wanted my opinion on whether or not he should immediately hit
the batting cage to work out the kinks in his swing. My
answer: “How are you feeling right now?” His response:
“I’m definitely not happy about my performance today,
but I’m doing okay. I’m open and determined to discover
what I’m doing wrong.”

“Well, get to work,” I exclaimed.

Recently, the same player sent me another text message

asking the same question. Even though his batting average had climbed to .295
since our last exchange, on this particular night he struggled—again going 0 for 4. I
asked, “How are you feeling right now?” His response, “My self-confidence is
extremely low. I’m not doing well at all—I need to fix my hitting before it’s too late.”

“Well, go have a nice dinner,” I replied. “The last place you should be tonight is in
the batting cage.”

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Results are neutral. An athlete’s state of mind exists independent of his or her
performance.

My reasoning in both instances, of course, has nothing to do with this player’s

performance on the days he reached out to me. Unlike many coaches (and parents of
young athletes) who would immediately prescribe hard work to fix current flaws, to
me, an athlete’s ability to correct bad habits and improve is entirely based on his or
her level of psychological functioning or consciousness at that particular moment—
which will always occur independent of one’s external circumstances.

In other words, the right time to “get to work” has nothing to do with present
outcomes and all to do with one’s current mind-set. Why? Because the reason an
individual doesn’t perform up to par will always begin and end with a low state of
mind. He or she isn’t seeing things clearly; the athlete is not aware. Thus, searching
for the answer, at that moment, will always take the individual deeper into the mud.
There have been thousands of athletes (or performers, in general) who have
initiated slumps, or gotten injured, simply by attempting to remedy a temporary
defect from a temporary low level of well-being.

The superstition of keeping everything the same when you’re playing well is
actually a self-defeating prophecy. The best time to train is when your
awareness is high—no matter your current performance level.

Remember, a bound-up level of psychological functioning will always lead to a

bound-up level of physical functioning (slump, injury, sickness). And your
psychological functioning has nothing to do with your most recent performance.

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Yes, great athletes usually despise striking out, throwing an interception, or missing
an open net. Yet they never forget that their ability to learn from mistakes, and
thrive, is always determined by the state of mind from which they approach their
training and its corrective measures.

The key, then, for my client? In spite of his most recent statistics, he should “get to
work” from an outlook of freedom, assurance, and inspiration and “dial it down” any
time he feels compulsion, insecurity, or desperation kick in. Try this intuitive
approach—I’m positive it will work for you.

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 Anger Management?

According to the Chicago Cubs, volatile pitcher Carlos

Zambrano underwent successful treatment for his “anger
management” issues over the off-season. Indeed, his actions
this season have been relatively still—until last week, that is,
when he blew up at his teammates for their lack of passion
and grit. Without going into the details of this particular
incident, let’s look at the emotion of anger: its true (and
surprising) source, why it’s impossible to control, and the understanding that allows
us to move through thoughts of rage when they stir in the heat of competition.

First, there is a huge difference between understanding where anger originates and
blowing off some steam. Anger is not the result of a difficult situation or someone
doing wrong to you. Anger is the result of your thoughts and state of mind when
these events occur. That is, if you are in a low mood and someone insults you, odds
are that the insult will be bothersome and you will have angry thoughts. If your
mood is high, though, the identical comment will have little effect.

Because anger is the direct result of your own low level of well-being, altering
(or managing) your circumstances will not help you control it.

Furthermore, the more we try to manage anger, the more enraged we will ultimately
become. My educated bet is that, in his anger management classes, Carlos Zambrano
was taught all sorts of tools and strategies to use any time he felt irritation kick in.
Most likely, relaxation techniques, trying to understand the other person’s

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perspective, or removing himself from (or avoiding) potentially capricious
situations were prescribed. Yet, while these “fixes” might provide some short-term
relief, they do not attack the heart of the issue: Anger has nothing to do with one’s
circumstances. Like all emotions, anger occurs in reaction to a thought—not to
Zambrano‘s, or anyone else’s, life situation. Plus, eventually, as with any external
coping mechanism, these strategies will conflict with Zambrano’s own intuition or
inner wisdom, producing more revved up and frenzied thoughts.

So, what do we do when we’re embroiled in the heat of competition and angry
thoughts start to take hold? We grasp that, like all thoughts born from low levels of
psychological functioning, angry thoughts are illusions; their content is not real and,
thus, must be distrusted. For instance, if you’re a baseball player and your
teammate makes an error, it is certainly understandable to be displeased. But the
teammate, who was your best friend before his mistake, has not just turned into the
incompetent fool your thoughts are saying he is.

Angry feelings are real and must be addressed—but only from the inside out.

There’s one more thing that I want to mention about anger. Unlike our angry
thoughts, our angry feelings are always genuine and, believe it or not, quite
productive. In other words, For Zambrago, the negative feeling of anger is an
intuitive signal that if he acts from his low level of functioning, he will make a
mistake.

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Remember, human beings cannot control the content of their thoughts. But they can
understand that thoughts which originate from wayward moods are not to be
believed. And angry, anxious, or temperamental feelings are merely a red flag that
we are looking in the wrong direction. Therefore, the next time anger rears its ugly
head, be sure to seek answers in your own level of consciousness at that moment—
and not, like Carlos Zambrano and many others, in the world around you.

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 The New York Jets and the Truth About Setting Goals

I think Rex Ryan of the New York Jets is a heck of a

football coach. His players love him, his team is
extremely unified, he takes responsibility for his
actions, and he (unlike most coaches) understands
that “bulletin board material” only serves to hinder
the performance of players. Why, then, has his team
lost the AFC championship game two years in a row.

Simply put, Rex Ryan believes it is productive to set the “goal” of winning the Super
Bowl. He often states, “My team is good enough to win it all; why be afraid to say
it?” Well, there is certainly nothing wrong with standing up for what you believe in.
And if it feels right to him, it’s not for someone else to determine whether it’s right
or wrong to proclaim it. His mistake, I think, is stringently setting the goal in the
first place.

Goal setting does nothing but restrict opportunities.

I realize that 99 percent of you are convinced that setting goals is essential for
success. Indeed, this is a common mantra in just about every self-help or coaching
manual out there today. Popular books such as The Secret, tell us that if we want to
achieve something (a championship, a mate, a million dollars), we need to focus on
it—put it out there—and it will come. The problem with this paradigm, however, is
that goal setting actually hinders our awareness and, thus, restricts our
opportunities. Why? Because single-mindedness limits our creative potential.

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In other words, when we narrowly set our sights on a specific goal, we thwart our
ability to adjust, imagine, and think outside the box. In setting his sights solely on
the championship every year, Ryan has helped to reduce the consciousness and
perceptual field of his players. He’s made the journey about achieving one objective,
not about the experience or limitless possibilities along the way.

To perform freely, an athlete must be open to the imaginative possibilities of

the journey.

To be clear, I am not saying that Ryan should discount the value in winning the title,
not at all. What I am saying is that Ryan and his players should also ask themselves,
“What do we want to create on our way to the title?” Two seasons ago, the New
Orleans Saints clearly relished the quest of winning the Super Bowl, but rebuilding
the hopes of the people of their city was the real driving force behind it.

The truth is that individuals who understand the restrictive nature of goal setting
are simply freer to perform. Like the Saints, Ryan needs to recognize that achieving
a goal will not elevate his, or his players’, self-worth or level of contentment. By
focusing solely on the prize, Ryan has hampered his own potential to consider its
real purpose.

What the Jets, and the rest of us, need to remember moving forward is this: There is
nothing wrong with processing the desire to win it all; it just won’t become a reality
until you open yourself up to all the opportunities present—no matter the outcome.

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 Creating an Empowering Athletic Experience for Your Kids

With the school year approaching, many parents will be

confronted with the predicament of their child’s
involvement in the youth sporting scene. These days,
youth sports have become big business and adults often
feel the push-and-pull of the process. How, then, can
parents make the right choices and create a low-stress
and productive athletic journey for their kids? First and
foremost, do not fall into the trap of following someone
else’s “how-to-parent” blueprint. Instead, understand
that successful decisions are made from clear mind-sets; disastrous decisions are
made from bound-up, insecure, or anxious mind-sets. In other words, in spite of
what others may say, your choices for your children cannot necessarily be right or
wrong, but the state of mind from which the choices are made can be.

Parents make productive choices for their kids when their actions are based
on intuition, not an expert’s opinion.

Second, the above understanding often begets the following question: “My children
are my number one priority, so how do I know when I am in the proper state of
mind to make the proper decisions for them?” The answer is simple—how do you
feel at that moment? That uneasy or “off” feeling in your gut when you are pushing
too hard—or not hard enough—is an instinctive sign that you are headed down the
wrong road and should consider another option. For example, many sports parents
are accused of living vicariously through their kids because they seem to overwhelm

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them with activities. The appearance of living vicariously, however, is only the
symptom of these parents acting on thoughts and feelings that occur as their own
insecurity or ego kicks in.

All parents are prone to low mind-sets. One key to creating a healthy
experience for your kids: when feeling low, don’t make any parental decisions.

Finally, it is vital for parents to appreciate those errant thoughts and moods are
normal—especially when the subject of their loving emotions is their own children.
So, instead of questioning your own self-worth or sanity, simply distrust the content
of your thinking when a wayward mood occurs. In fact, acting from this low place is
the number one reason that parents continually find themselves in the bound-up
level of functioning where effective choices are scarce.

Remember, involving your children in athletics will not automatically create a

competitive, self-disciplined, or resilient young girl or boy. Yet, when parents
commit to acting from clarity or inspiration, and not confusion or desperation, odds
are that any experience to which children are introduced (athletics included) will
play a productive and empowering role in their future development.

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 Garret Kramer teaches the states of mind that allow athletes, and all
individuals, to excel.

To discover more about the paradigm behind Stillpower, and how you
can increase performance, visit http://www.GarretKramer.com

Garret is available for speaking engagements, interviews, and limited

one-on-one consulting. For speaking and press inquiries, contact Ashley
Sandberg of Triple 7 Public Relations: Ashley @ triple7pr.com.

Or

Contact Garret Kramer directly at gkramer @ innersports.com.

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