 SECTIONS Wednesday, March 22, 2017

 TODAY'S PAPER 
PROMOTED STORIES Recommended by

Have you ever tried it? This bizarre Trick Tillerson fires warning of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
NEWS OPINION SPORTS LIFESTYLE willPREEN ENTERTAINMENT
revolutionize online shopping. BUSINESS TECHNOLOGY
military GLOBAL NATION
strike on North Korea will get y
MegaBargain 24 China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S

LIFESTYLE / LATEST STORIES 26,037 SHARES

‘Tamad’, ‘tanga’–careless words at

home can wound kids for life
By: Cathy Cañares-Yamsuan - @inquirerdotnet Philippine Daily Inquirer / 03 37 AM March 16, 2016

INQUIRER.net
Like Page 3.2M likes

15 friends like this

Follow @inquirerdotnet

TRENDING
NEWSINFO
After online backlash, Mocha
retreats
MARCH 22, 2017

ENTERTAINMENT
Baste’s babes Ellen Adarna,
Kate Necesario blast each other
on social media
MARCH 21, 2017
NEWSINFO
Impeachment bid vs Robredo
PSYCHOLOGIST Carandang: Bully parents produce bully kids. triggers Senate catfight
MARCH 22, 2017

NEWSINFO
MORE insidious than harassment that school toughies and cyberbullies De Lima faulted for
technicalities
subject their victims to is emotional bullying that occurs right at home.
MARCH 22, 2017

Psychologist Ma. Lourdes “Honey” Carandang gave this warning after TECHNOLOGY
Taiwanese girl dubbed by
noting that, sometimes, the people whom children are supposed to love and netizens as ‘world’s hottest
trust become the tormentors in the otherwise peaceful confines of their nurse’
MARCH 21, 2017
residence.
FROM AROUND THE WEB
Parents , for example, may not notice but their tone of voice, the way their Experts shocked, as
new trick saves online
sentences are phrased, or the labels they give to their children could have
shoppers thousands
unpleasant, long-term repercussions. in…
    MegaBargain 24

A child who forgot to do his/her ADVERTISEMENT

Gretchen and Tony
  Boy defy naysayers,
homework could be confronted with celebrate 23 years
an insensitive query or comment together

that involves labeling or name-

Why Filipinos have to
calling. Does “Ang tamad-tamad mo learn ‘mindful
parenting’
naman (You’re so lazy)” sound
 familiar?
 SECTIONS Wednesday, March 22, 2017
 TODAY'S PAPER 
Lessons from Silicon
“We must
PROMOTED be aware
STORIES of how we Valley: From ‘Why?’ to
Recommended by
‘Why Not?’
discipline our children,”said
gameplan
Carandang, a clinical psychologist.
Have you ever tried it? This bizarre Trick Tillerson fires warningRecommended by
of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
A parent may not think twice about attaching adjectives
will revolutionize likeshopping.
online “tanga” (dumb) military strike on North Korea will get y
when disciplining an errant child . SuchMegaBargain
negative 24
labels, however, inflict China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S

invisible wounds that a child carries with him or her for life.

There are also cases when the parent shows obvious favoritism toward a
specific child .

The scars may not be physical and there is no outward bullying involved,
but the preferential treatment could be hurting another child who notices.

Carandang mentioned one of her patients, an intelligent graduate student

who calls herself an “ugly daughter” until now, because she grew up in the
shadow of an extremely cute younger brother.

“Ito ang aking anak na cute (This is my cute child),” the mother once said,
referring to the son whom she introduced to guests.

“At ito naman ang isa ko pang anak (And this is my other child),” the
daughter quoted her mother when it was her turn to be introduced.

“That’s the kind of bullying that’s very subtle. It is insulting, it is pulling

down (the other child). Parents can be guilty and not be aware,”
Carandang pointed out.

Observing a ‘script’

In many such cases, Carandang said the child who was not praised observes
a “script” in subsequent abusive relationships in which he or she
immediately assumes the “bullied” role Carandang’s patient finds herself
unattractive until now, no matter how many people tell her otherwise.

When such a situation is not properly addressed, the child becomes open to
bullying in places outside the home , like the school or the playground,
“because she is used to (feeling bullied) at home,” Carandang explained.

Carandang also presented a situation where a parent openly bullies his or

her partner, thus, setting a mindset that makes it acceptable for the
children who witness the interaction.

“We must consider the dynamics. Bullying is about power. The bully has to
have power over another,” she added.

Carandang is familiar
  with another situation, in which one parent, say, the  
father, bullies the mother in front of their children.
 
“The son becomes a bully and the daughter becomes a target for bullies.
This is because the children model themselves after the parents. Namulat ka
sa ganoon so ’yun ang mundo mo,” said Carandang.

Resentment
 In one such case, Carandang
Marchsaid that while the son and daughter grew up
 SECTIONS Wednesday, 22, 2017
angry at the father, “they had greater resentment toward the mother.”
 TODAY'S PAPER 
PROMOTED STORIES Recommended by

The psychologist mentioned that some of the siblings’ “interesting”

statements to their mother included: “Why did you allow yourself to be
disrespected? Why did you allow dad to Have you everdo
eventually tried it? to
that This bizarre
us? You Trick
did Tillerson fires warning of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
will revolutionize online shopping. military strike on North Korea will get y
not defend us. Why didn’t you have self-respect?
MegaBargain 24 So now it’s hard for us to China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S

respect you.”

Bullying among siblings is another instance not covered by the country’s

two-year old anti-bullying law. Republic Act 10627 only requires elementary
and secondary schools “to adopt policies to prevent and address acts of
bullying in their institutions.”

The law does not include the home. Carandang has come across cases in
which siblings turn against each other.

One case involved a younger sister who provokes the older sister through
teasing.

“Iinisin yung ate tapos pagagalitan ng mother ang ate. A parent has to listen
well because he or she might get it wrong. The older child is punished but
it’s not fair because the younger child gets away with it,” Carandang pointed
out.

A bully, even one at home, is on the lookout for a victim to wield power
over, “because the bully does not really feel the sense of power internally.”

As in bullying cases in school, the bully in the family must also be made
aware that the act is wrong, since there is always the possibility that both
bully and the bullied can transfer their behavior to places outside the home.

Carandang noted that many cases of school bullying were developed

because of what either the bully or the bullied observed in their respective
residences.

“What we don’t see is that the origin (of the behavior) could be the home, so
let’s be aware of how we discipline our children. We have to do away with
putting down or emotionally labeling our children,” the psychologist
stressed.

FROM AROUND THE WEB

   

  Experts shocked, as new trick saves

online shoppers thousands in the
Philippines
MegaBargain 24
  SECTIONS Wednesday, March 22, 2017
 TODAY'S PAPER 
PROMOTED STORIES Recommended by

Have you ever tried it? This bizarre Trick Tillerson fires warning of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
Philippines Snap Up Bargains Using
will revolutionize online shopping. military strike on North Korea will get y
'Bizarre' Online Trick MegaBargain 24 China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S
MegaBargain 24

The real reason China won’t exert

economic pressure on North Korea | This
Week In Asia
South China Morning Post

Inspiring Bonding Moments: Charyl

Chappuis
ESPN

Why do Singapore, Malaysia use kid

gloves with nuclear-armed North Korea?
| This Week In Asia
South China Morning Post

   

Vikings: Free Strategy MMO Game that

will get you addicted!
Google Play Store

Recommended by
 Recommended by

 SECTIONS Wednesday, March 22, 2017

 TODAY'S PAPER 
PROMOTED STORIES
  Recommended by

Luis Manzano leads launching of WWF donor Sisters of Mary students pay tribute to Fr. Al
program Have 17,
MARCH you2017ever tried it? This bizarre Trick Tillerson fires warning of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
MARCH 17, 2017 will revolutionize online shopping. military strike on North Korea will get y
MegaBargain 24 China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S

TAGS: cyberbully, Emotional Bullying, Harassment, Ma. Lourdes “Honey”

Carandang, PARENTING

For feedback, complaints, or inquiries, contact us.

Disclaimer: Comments do not represent the views of INQUIRER.net. We reserve the right to exclude comments which
are inconsistent with our editorial standards. FULL DISCLAIMER

Comments for this thread are now closed. ×

0 Comments Inquirer Lifestyle 

1 Login

Sort by Newest
 Recommend ⤤ Share

This discussion has been closed.

ALSO ON INQUIRER LIFESTYLE

How laundry becomes fun–even for a Spoilt Saying goodbye to ‘Dompi’–and half a
Mummy century of memories
1 comment • 17 hours ago• 6 comments • 4 days ago•
kabaliktaran — Marunong ba maglaba to? turniphouse — beautiful story! life is
totally different then. thanks for sharing
your story.

And the world's happiest country is...
Norway
23 comments • a day ago•
AlexanderAmproz — I beg your pardon my
Island's Damebut Leila de Lima and Leni
Robredo you are despising aren't that …
Top 10 most powerful passports of 2017
14 comments • 3 days ago•
Manny Villa — EH-DI NAUBOS ANG LAHAT
NG TAO SA PINAS--ANG MATITIRA LANG
AY IYONG MGA NANAHIMIK SA …

✉ Subscribe d Add Disqus to your site Add Disqus Add 🔒 Privacy

   

Beauty and Fashion 

Vogue Magazine 
 Vogue Magazine 
@voguemagazine

 SECTIONS Wednesday, March 22, 2017

What does a @CHANEL model wear
 TODAY'S PAPER 
to work?
PROMOTED https://t.co/oVbPP6p7P1
STORIES Recommended by

Have you ever tried it? This bizarre Trick Tillerson fires warning of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
will revolutionize online shopping. military strike on North Korea will get y
MegaBargain 24 China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S

6m   

Telegraph Fashion 
@TeleFashion

   

You VS MODE
0 pts

What did the U.S. Pony Express do in

the Old West?

Sell Horses

Race Horses

Deliver  Mail  

Protect The Public

 
Create your own at
  SECTIONS Wednesday, March 22, 2017
 TODAY'S PAPER 
PROMOTED STORIES Recommended by

Have you ever tried it? This bizarre Trick Tillerson fires warning of pre-emptive US Vikings: F
will revolutionize online shopping. military strike on North Korea will get y
MegaBargain 24 China News | South China Morning Post Google Play S

THE INQUIRER CHANNELS SERVICES THE INQUIRER COMPANY PARTNERS

News Sitemap About INQUIRER.net Hinge Inquirer

Sports Mobile About the INQUIRER Bandera

Entertainment RSS User Agreement Cebu Daily News

Lifestyle Email Us Link Policy DZIQ990 AM

Technology Archive Privacy Policy Motion Cars

Business Contact Us Article Index PBA

Opinion Advertise PesoPay

Global Nation News Letter IIDM

Job Openings

© Copyright 1997-2016 INQUIRER.net | All Rights Reserved