Dealing with Jealousy

Jealousy is a very unpleasant feeling, a nasty cocktail of hurt and anger. It is also an
ugly word, suggesting both jail and louse. We don't like it, we may even guilty about
being jealous, and that only makes it worse. Where does the feeling come from?

NLP is about how we create our own individual way of seeing the world from our own
experiences and thoughts. Not everyone gets jealous, many people go through life
with scarcely a twinge of jealousy, yet other suffer agonies and make their partners
suffer for it, and all reassurance is in vain. How come?

NLP starts from the idea that we have a hand in creating our own experience. How is
jealousy created? Here is a simple NLP strategy for dealing with jealousy.

Step one - How do I do this?

The first step in dealing with jealousy is simply to become curious about it. How do
you create jealousy? Feelings don't come from nowhere. They come from something
we see or hear that we do not like.

Step two - What's in my mind?

The next step and the most important, is to look inside yourself. What are you
thinking when you feel jealous? What are you seeing in your imagination?
Are you making up pictures of the other person having fun without you? Laughing at
you? Having something you do not have?
Are you hearing imaginary conversations of people talking about you?
Saying hurtful things?
Check what is going on in your imagination.

Step three - Reality check

Next ask yourself, 'Are these things really happening?'
The answer is, they are happening in your mind, not in the world, and that makes
them seem real.

Step four - Create enjoyment

Now replace those pictures and conversations with pleasant ones.
See and hear yourself having fun with the person. See and hear how good it would
be to possess those things you want.

Step five - Plan

Now make some plans about how you can make those pleasant situations real.
Dealing with jealousy is by replacing imaginary pain with real enjoyment.

Autumn 1998