9 Stereotypes About The British

That Simply Aren't True

 1. We're all English

Not true. Some of us are Welsh or Scottish or Northern

Irish. That's because 'the British' are 'nationals of the
United Kingdom'. Trust us, it's true. We're British, we
know these things (also, Wikipedia says so).
 2. We all live in London...

We don't. Some of us live at least seven hours' drive away.

(We realise that's the same as popping out for fries in the
States, but to us it's a whole world away from our capital.
Also: what are 'fries'?)
 3. ...or in a thatched cottage in the country

Sadly not. We're more likely to live in a flatshare with our

mates or a semi-detached house with our family. It's only
in Hollywood movies (and jigsaw puzzles) that we live in
places like this.
 4. Our accents are either 'Costume drama cut-glass' or
'Guy Ritchie Cockney'

At one end of the spectrum, there's Eliza Doolittle after

she met Henry Higgins, Julie Andrews in 'Mary Poppins'
and Emma Thompson in anything. At the other: Eliza
Doolittle before she met Henry Higgins, Dick Van Dyke
in 'Mary Poppins' and every bloke in every Guy Ritchie
movie. That's right: we're blaming Hollywood again. (And
ourselves. Guy Ritchie is British, after all.)
 5. We're all related to the royal family

Oh, that we were! Then we would all have been invited to

The Wedding Of The Century rather than
watching/enduring it on telly. No, don't ever make a
British friend in the hope that they'll be able introduce you
to Kate and Wills one day. They won't. They'll just be
squashing their nose up against the railings of
Buckingham Palace like the rest of you plebs.
 6. All British men are like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth

Oh, that they were! Not only would they be handsome,

dashing and impeccably well-mannered, they'd also fight
in the street. Oh, hang on...
 7. Our country is littered with red telephone boxes...

 ...black cabs...
 ...and men in bowler hats

No, no and no. The chances of seeing a man wearing a

bowler hat emerging from a red telephone box and
hopping in a black cab in Britain are slimmer than seeing
Hugh Grant and Colin Firth fight in the street (unless
filming on 'Bridget Jones 3' has started already).
 8. We all have terrible teeth

We don't. Honestly. Just look at Kate! And Pippa! And

Simon Cowell! (Unfortunately, he wasn't in the VIP box at
Wimbledon that day. But we know you know what his
teeth look like.) We Brits have come a long way,
dentistry-speaking: overcrowded snaggletooths are a thing
of the past. Or at least the 1980s.
 9. We're all clever

No, we're not. We didn't all study at Oxford or Cambridge,

and our accent isn't an automatic sign of intelligence. We
blame Sherlock Holmes. Trust us: we're not as smart as
him. Most of us aren't even as smart as Benedict
Cumberbatch.