Title:

Copywriting Makeover: Subtle Changes Make A Big Difference, Part 2 of 2

Word Count:
821

Summary:
Changing a few words in your copy can lead to double-digit increases in
conversions. If that sounds like a bunch of hype, stick around and I'll show you
how it's done.

Keywords:
copywriting, seo copywriting, search engine copywriting

Article Body:
In part 1 of this series (seen here:
http://www.marketingwords.com/articles/articles_subtlechanges.html), we were
introduced to Kneelsit.com, an Australian manufacturer of ergonomic computer chairs
who was in search of a high conversion rate. After spotting several trouble areas
within Kneelsit's original copy (viewable here:
http://www.copywritingcourse.com/kneelsit-home-original.html), I set out to rewrite
the home page with specific goals in mind.

The Rewrite

I really felt for the users of these chairs. They had back problems and medical
issues, trying desperately to find relief. I can only imagine how it must feel to
sit in pain all day, every day. And, after seeing so many false claims for other
chairs, I could understand how they might be skeptical. So, after reading the new
home page copy, I wanted the site visitors to have confidence, to see the
difference in the Kneelsit chair and to understand the benefits this chair would
offer.

Of course, those in chronic pain were not the only visitors to the Kneelsit site.
While they were the primary segment, the audience also consisted of those with mild
back pain, those with inconsistent problems or simple fatigue, and those who simply
wanted a comfortable chair that wouldn't contribute to any future back problems.
The copy also needed to meet their needs and provide the information they were
seeking.

You can see the revised copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/kneelsit-home-

new.pdf.

The Headline

The original headline did, in fact, list benefits. It stated:

Superb Comfort, Perfect Posture, Gentle Movement, Natural Balance

However, only one of those benefits spoke to audience members� Superb Comfort.
While posture may have been a secondary thought, gentle movement and natural
balance didn't strike a chord simply because of a lack of knowledge. As it happens,
these two benefits are important, but the general population doesn't understand
what they mean. It would require educating the site visitors about these two
before they would grasp their full meaning. That education couldn't take place
within the headline (not enough room!), so those two benefits needed to be removed.
The headline needed to evoke feelings of trust for the skeptical and a sense of
stability for the hesitant. It also needed to provide an obvious benefit - one that
would catch the reader's attention.

Also, because it made sense to do so, I included one keyphrase in the headline. The
new headline read:

Ergonomic Chair Design Based On Years Of Research Lets You

Sit For Hours With No Back Pain

The Opening Paragraph

The original copy started out just fine by naming some important benefits, but it
didn't back them up. After pointing out the relief of stress and pain, it went
directly into an explanation about the chair's patent.

The new copy took a cleaner path. It started by pointing out that others (users
and professionals) liked the chair, and then it proceeded (in the next section) to
explain why.

The original copy tried to educate readers about the importance of continuous
movement and natural balance. There is nothing wrong with educating your
customers; however, you need to give ample space to do that. Because the visitors
had limited information about these two benefits on the home page, they may have
been confused or - at the least - unpersuaded.

The new copy held firm on one feature: the swivel axel mechanism. It explained how
this helped with customization of settings to fit every body type and more. With
minimal education needed, the customer was able to understand that this one,
patented feature offered multiple benefits.

Rather than simply listing shipping details for the close of the copy, the new
version of the home page pointed out some additional benefits pertaining to quality
and stylishness.

As I wrote, I looked for places to use the keyphrases chosen for this page. This
was absolutely not a numbers game. My goal was not to use the keyphrases as often
as I possibly could. That approach is not SEO copywriting, in my book.

Basing your copywriting strategy simply on the sheer volume of times you can
include keyphrases makes the copy sound forced and ridiculous. In fact, on this
home page, the keyphrases were only used a total of four or five times. Yet, to
the amazement of some, the home page ranks in the top 10 (and often top five) for
its chosen key terms.

The Results

Did it work? Did the changes bring out the results we wanted? They sure did!
When asked about improved conversions, the owner of Kneelsit.com had this to say,
"Our conversion rate has definitely improved since the rewrite� probably by around
35-40%!"

Sometimes, even though you may have included important information in your copy, it
just doesn't do what you hoped it would. Take the time to explore, experiment and
test. Replace a headline. Rephrase a paragraph. Subtle changes can often make
noticeable improvements in conversions and other areas of business.