What Happens in Vegas

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Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
2
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,880
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
3
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,800
Do I like what you like?
Why don't you like me?
4
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,760
Why don't you like me
Without making me try?
5
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I try to be like Grace Kelly
6
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,160
But all her looks were too sad
7
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so I try a little Freddie
8
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,960
I've gone identity mad!
9
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,600
I could be brown
I could be blue
10
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Gotta be everything more
11
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Why don't you like me?
12
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Why don't you walk out the door?
13
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- Here you go, sweetie.
- Oh, thanks.
14
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I tried banana nut sprout this morning.
15
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Thought, you know,
a little change of pace,
16
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thought somebody deserves
something special for his birthday.
17
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Yeah. It's good.
18
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,640
Okay, so I made
reservations tonight at Babbo at 8:30.
19
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,440
I thought maybe we could talk about,
you know, setting a date?
20
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Did you just make a plan to make a plan?
21
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,960
- Did I just do that again?
- Yeah, you did.
22
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,080
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
23
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All right, I'll see you later, okay?
24
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,880
- Hey, hey, hey! Love you.
- Love you, too.
25
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- Bye.
- Bye.
26
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,920
- Happy birthday!
- You, too!
27
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,680
Hello, sir.
Would you like to buy some cookies?
28
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I would. I really would. I just...
29
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Unfortunately, I don't have any money.
30
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I don't have any cookies.
31
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Jack?
32
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,960
I need a key.
33
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Wow.
34
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Wow. That...
35
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A key?
36
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What? No! I want a key.
37
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Like an actual key to your apartment
so I don't have to wait outside
38
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when I'm dressed
in these little slutty outfits.
39
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I don't want to live with you.
40
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No offense.
41
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And you know I mean this
in the nicest possible way.
42
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You're not exactly
serious boyfriend/marriage material.
43
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And I pride myself on that.
44
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I gotta go. I'll see you next week.
What're we doing?
45
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Mother of the baby saved from the fire
and the sexy shirtless fireman?
46
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,080
I could be brown
I could be blue
47
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I could be violet sky
48
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I could be hurtful
I could be purple
49
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I could be anything you like
50
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,040
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
51
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52
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53
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54
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I could be brown
I could be blue
55
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56
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57
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58
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- McNally.
- Chong.
59
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Not now.
60
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,680
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Here we go! Yeah!
That's looking good! All right!
61
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,760
That's good form right there.
Let's keep that up, huh?
62
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That's a beautiful veneer. Just throw that
on the edge-band and we're set.
63
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,240
- All right!
- Hey, Jack?
64
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,880
- Do you know what time it is?
- What? I can't hear you over the saw.
65
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We're in the zone over here.
I don't want to lose focus.
66
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That's how people lose fingers, huh?
67
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- You're fired.
- All right. We are fired up, boys!
68
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You are fired!
69
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,040
All right.
70
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I'll play you for it. You win, I'm out.
71
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I win. I get a second chance.
72
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It's not a second chance
when you've had a hundred of them.
73
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Oh! Nine-seven! Keeping my job! Yeah!
74
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Okay. All right.
75
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,320
- I'll give you one.
- Do you know what?
76
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,680
You're supposed to be the future boss,
77
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,480
but you're too busy
being the life of the party.
78
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,560
At some point, you're gonna have
to step up and be a man.
79
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:42,280
- Eight-nine! Unemployment!
- Okay, man. You want to play?
80
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Nine-nine! Food stamps! Tastes so good.
81
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,920
- Okay, that's not even a shot.
- The boss got game! The boss got game!
82
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Ten-nine. This is it, Jack.
83
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:08,520
- You know what? This is ridiculous.
- You know what? That's your problem.
84
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You can't handle the pressure. As soon
as you think you're going to lose, you quit.
85
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Game over, Jack.
86
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Don't get me wrong.
You're like a son to me.
87
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- Dad, I am your son.
- Yeah, and it's time to cut the cord.
88
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Let's go clean out your desk.
89
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Mason has no idea, not an idea at all.
90
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,120
- That you're pathetic, or...
- What, do you think I went overboard?
91
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,080
No. No, I think it's the exact
right amount of board.
92
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Which is what I am right now.
Can we start drinking?
93
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Of course. Okay, lookit!
These are for Mason.
94
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,040
What's that?
95
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,240
Vegas? I thought you hated Vegas.
96
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,440
I do, but, you know,
that's why they call it a gift tip,
97
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,280
- because it truly is selfless.
- Oh, thanks.
98
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Okay, everyone listen!
I'm going to bring him in,
99
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I'm gonna turn on the lights, and that's
when you yell, "Surprise!"
100
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Oh, that's how a surprise party works!
I'm totally gonna write that down.
101
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Okay. Everyone, hide! Hide, hide, hide!
102
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,720
- Hi, sweetie!
- Hey!
103
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,880
Welcome home. Happy birthday.
Okay, come inside...
104
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,160
- Listen, Joy. We need to talk.
- Okay. Well, let's do it inside. Okay?
105
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,600
No, no, no. I can't, or I'll never do this.
106
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Look, there's no easy way to say this.
107
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Okay, then don't. Okay? Just think it,
108
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,400
and then later, I'll try to figure out
what it was you were thinking.
109
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Okay? Let's just go inside.
110
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,520
No, no, no, no, no, no!
This can't wait, Joy.
111
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You know I have a really important job.
112
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- Right?
- Yeah.
113
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So when I come home,
I want this place to be an escape.
114
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And as of late, it's not.
115
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:51,160
Yes, the sex is great, okay?
I mean, that's fantastic,
116
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and I can't tell you how much I appreciate
all the things you've been trying
117
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with my butt.
118
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But the rest is so exhausting.
119
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:05,000
You're so on all the time, with all the
scheduling and planning, it's just...
120
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,840
I don't want to marry you, Joy.
121
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I'm leaving you.
122
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:15,120
Well, I mean, this is my place, so
technically, you would be the one
123
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that has to leave, but... Are you crying?
124
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Surprise.
125
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- Oh, shitballs.
- Yeah.
126
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Hey!
127
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Hey. Here...
128
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,760
Do you have any idea
how much money I've made him?
129
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,560
You're my lawyer.
Can I sue him for something?
130
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,960
Well, the problem with suing your father
is that he's your dad.
131
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He'd love it. He'd think we were bonding.
132
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Maybe he would be! You don't know.
Take him to court. It might be nice.
133
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- What am I gonna do about money?
- You're just realizing that right now?
134
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,080
- Fascinating.
- I could do a lot of things for money.
135
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,520
I'm good at stuff.
136
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,560
I'll bet you $5
I can finish this beer faster than you.
137
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Really? You're on.
138
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He doesn't even deserve me.
139
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,800
Here's my thought on what we should do
with this whole Mason thing.
140
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:06,920
- Okay.
- Once a week,
141
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,680
we get some of my brother's
loser-ass friends
142
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,440
to go over to Mason's house,
ring his doorbell,
143
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and when he answers,
they're just gonna, bang,
144
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,920
junkpunch him
right up in his man business
145
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and then he's gonna keel over.
146
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While he's writhing on the ground
screaming, "Why?"
147
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they'll go, "You know why!"
148
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,880
Wow! Did you just think of that?
149
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,680
No, I was thinking about it a lot
on the way over.
150
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,440
You are a child!
151
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,640
- What is that? What is that?
- Double or nothing.
152
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,360
Joy, you're gonna need
to take off this ring.
153
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,040
No, I... I'm just... I'm just gonna...
154
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,640
I'm just going to wear it
on the other hand.
155
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,760
You're on fire. Man, you are on fire.
156
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,840
This is like... I mean, you're lucky.
157
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,320
- I don't feel good.
- We need to capitalize on this.
158
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:50,400
You know what's gonna
make you feel better?
159
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:51,520
What?
160
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,840
Where's the one place where
you can step up and be a man?
161
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,040
Community college?
162
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,680
Where can you go where
you can forget all your troubles
163
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,720
and act like a total idiot?
164
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,960
I am talking about one place
and one place only, my friend.
165
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,280
Do not say Vegas.
166
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,480
Please say Vegas.
167
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,320
- Vegas, baby.
- Vegas?
168
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:11,800
- Las Vegas?
- What?
169
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,760
Swish it around in your mouth a little bit.
Think about it.
170
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,520
- Vegas!
- Vegas.
171
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,560
- Carefree.
- Say it like you mean it.
172
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,400
- Spontaneous.
- I can't hear you!
173
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,080
- Vegas!
- Vegas?
174
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,040
- Vegas!
- Vegas!
175
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,640
- Vegas!
- Vegas!
176
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,600
- Vegas!
- Vegas!
177
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,880
Hello, Las Vegas!
178
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,360
Wow.
179
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,120
Vegas.
180
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,600
Everyone, I'm so sorry,
but our computers are down right now,
181
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,400
so just bear with us, please.
I'm sorry. I know.
182
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,000
Okay, your fianc� is one lucky guy.
183
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:57,400
I love Vegas!
184
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,520
Time to get a big-boy drink.
185
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,760
I'll have a vodka and a Scotch.
186
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:19,560
This is where I'm passing out.
Pants, you're out of here.
187
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,520
Did we ever tell you
you scream like a girl?
188
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,160
My eyes! It burns!
189
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,200
My head!
My head and my eyes are burning!
190
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:48,760
My back!
191
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,680
My nose! My nose now!
192
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,240
Whoa! Whoa! Take it easy!
193
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,880
It's okay! It's okay! They're gay!
194
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,560
- What?
- They're gay!
195
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,520
This... No, no, this is not
what it looks like.
196
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,360
We just...
We all got booked in the same room.
197
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,400
Let's just go downstairs.
I smell an upgrade!
198
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,960
- You guys aren't gay?
- No.
199
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,440
- I got this.
- No.
200
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,880
Just let me handle it, okay?
201
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,160
Okay.
202
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,040
Curtis. You and I have a problem.
203
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,840
I think we both know
how this game works.
204
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,360
I complain, and you tell me
there's nothing you can do,
205
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:57,760
but we both know that's a big, fat lie,
206
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,960
so why don't you just
save us both the trouble
207
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,440
and type in those special codes
208
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,400
that you know
you're gonna type in eventually
209
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,400
and find me two rooms that are so nice
210
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,200
that it turns my night right back around?
211
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,640
She's awfully hostile for a girl named Joy.
212
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,600
I'm going to do exactly
what you're telling me to do, because
213
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,880
I'm a little frightened of you.
214
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,120
These are penthouse suites.
215
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,640
You can't get any higher than that
without going on the roof,
216
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:28,520
and you're not allowed on the roof,
because people jump.
217
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,560
Penthouse suites.
218
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,000
- Nice!
- No!
219
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,000
- Yeah.
- That's not bad.
220
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,800
Well, you're welcome.
221
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:42,920
Now watch and learn.
222
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:46,080
- Hey, buddy.
- Oh, hi. How are you?
223
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,080
I think you just met my friend back there.
224
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,600
Kind of a scary person.
225
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:52,240
Oh, Egyptian cotton. That's nice.
226
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,880
I want to apologize for her.
For three weeks out of the month,
227
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,920
we get to enjoy
God's most precious creation,
228
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,000
and on week four, the bill arrives.
229
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,920
I know what you mean.
230
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,240
Look, I don't want to push here,
231
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:07,080
but I know that a man in your position
is capable of producing certain amenities.
232
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,520
Planet Hollywood. Yeah.
233
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:14,960
VIP!
234
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,320
Hey. So, you're from New York,
we're from New York.
235
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,840
- We're going to Le Cirque, please!
- Come on.
236
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,360
Look, I didn't bring my buddy
all the way out to Vegas
237
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,080
so he could get his ass kicked. Right?
238
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,920
So the least you could do is help me
show him a good time.
239
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,080
Your buddy wouldn't know a good time
if it sat on his face.
240
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,440
Okay, you know what, Stripper?
You are kind of a disgusting skank.
241
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,560
Driver, we'll get out here! Thank you!
242
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:49,720
- Okay, bye!
- Thank you.
243
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,520
- Use a condom, boys.
- Bye-bye. Bye. Just go!
244
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,000
Oh, come on. One drink.
245
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:00,520
I'm a pretty fun guy. You can ask around.
246
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,760
Thanks, but we have dinner reservations.
247
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,880
And we have to map out our assault
on the strip.
248
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,280
You have a plan to make plans?
249
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:16,960
Excuse me?
250
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,360
I bet you look really good
with your hair down.
251
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,520
- My hair is down.
- One drink!
252
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,440
I dare you!
253
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,520
Did I invent hip-hop? No. But I was there.
254
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,440
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
255
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,480
- So, Joy.
- Yeah?
256
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,320
What brings you to Sin City?
257
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,360
You know, just being spontaneous,
258
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,800
cutting loose, like everyone else.
How about yourself?
259
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,040
Yeah. Me? Oh, I'm here on business.
260
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,040
Big business, actually. I'm...
261
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,600
I'm a pretty important guy
262
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,320
in my field.
263
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,200
Really?
264
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,160
No.
265
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,240
Actually,
266
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,960
I just got fired. So, cheers to that.
267
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,240
I just got dumped, so, salud.
268
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,400
Did I mention that I got fired
by my boss-slash-father?
269
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,960
Did I mention that I threw
a surprise birthday party for my fianc�
270
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,120
and the surprise was that he dumped me
in front of all of our closest friends
271
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,400
while they hid in the closet?
272
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:33,520
Wow. Okay, you win.
273
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,160
Excuse me.
We're gonna need a whole bottle.
274
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,240
I saved a baby today.
I'm not a hero, though.
275
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,160
- You know what I mean? I'm not a...
- He's married.
276
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,680
This is my lesbian sister.
Tell her about your softball game.
277
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,320
Tell her about your softball team.
278
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,760
What do you say we bet 10-to-1,
with $125 on the hard eight?
279
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,280
- Bets are right there.
- All right. Roll them out.
280
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,080
No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't...
I wouldn't bet on me winning.
281
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,760
You roll, princess.
282
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,040
All right. Go, 44! 44!
283
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,400
This is my party trick. Here it goes.
284
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,320
What are you gonna do?
Are you going to cut...
285
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,560
You know, you were right about me.
286
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,800
You just cut it off!
287
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,400
It's like you're trying to come in first
but it's somebody else's race.
288
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,760
- It's like Egypt!
- It's amazing!
289
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,120
You never felt good enough,
so you took yourself out of the game.
290
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,600
To everyone who's ever been dumped
291
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,000
and to everyone who has ever been fired,
292
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,280
when I say, "Screw!" you say, "You!"
293
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,000
- Screw!
- You!
294
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,520
- Screw!
- You!
295
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:48,720
Yes!
296
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,760
I think I just got to the point
where I wasn't even trying.
297
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:01,360
Why should you try?
298
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,760
I work 80 hours a week
and I don't even know why.
299
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,320
I've been so naughty!
300
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,600
Out of my way! Out of my way!
301
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,800
I'm not usually this honest.
302
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,880
I'm usually not this fun.
303
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,440
The best part is...
304
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,600
- We can really talk.
- Really connect.
305
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:32,320
Yeah, 'cause you're like the last person
on the planet I'd ever sleep with!
306
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,160
Ever! Ever! Ever!
307
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,960
This is gonna be fun!
308
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,440
Oh, God. Please be fake. Please be fake.
309
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,760
Oh, God.
310
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,720
No, no, please, please, please!
Oh, please, please, no!
311
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,360
You can't get divorced here, okay?
You gotta do it where you live.
312
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:44,160
Besides, you don't want a divorce,
all right? You want an annulment.
313
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,440
See, what happens in Vegas, you pay for
when you get back home.
314
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,600
That's what the thing is.
315
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,080
Was there any part of the night,
316
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,160
I don't know, maybe, say, the part where
I was about to marry the rebound guy,
317
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,720
that you thought, "Hey, oh my God!
318
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,280
"This is a really good time
for an intervention"?
319
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,360
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
320
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,120
I, like, threw up in my own purse, so...
321
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,120
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
322
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,560
- Hi!
- Good morning.
323
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:11,160
- Morning.
- Good morning.
324
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:12,920
Morning, morning, morning.
325
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,400
I could use some coffee.
326
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,240
Oh, God, yeah.
327
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,560
Well, what's mine is yours.
328
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,680
Here, well, you want to, uh...
329
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,360
Mi coffee es su coffee.
330
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,120
- This is good orange juice.
- Yeah. It's very good.
331
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,040
It's ridiculously good.
The orange juice is good.
332
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,960
- I don't usually like pulp. You a fan?
- Not really.
333
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,200
- Jack?
- Yes.
334
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,520
- Can I talk to you for a second?
- Yep.
335
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,440
Yes. Yep. Talk. Sure.
336
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,800
They're so cute together!
337
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,600
If I could make someone dead
with my mind, it would be you.
338
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:11,520
- Yo.
- Hey.
339
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:15,840
So!
340
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,920
- Great night, huh?
- Yeah!
341
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,040
I mean, you are a lot of fun, Joy.
342
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:27,400
- I am?
- Yeah!
343
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,960
A lot of fun. That... I mean, last night was
344
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:32,960
so
345
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,080
great.
346
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,440
Actually, you know, there was like...
Maybe there was one tiny little thing...
347
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,880
I think I know what you mean.
348
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:44,920
Okay, this...
349
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,480
There's no easy way to say this,
so I'm just going to...
350
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,720
Whoa, whoa. Wait. Are...
351
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:51,600
Are you
352
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,280
- dumping me?
- You didn't...
353
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,360
No! I was coming down here to dump you!
354
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,160
- Oh! Jeez... Okay, so we're good!
- Yeah!
355
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,680
- Okay, disaster averted!
- You said it!
356
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,160
- Yeah, no. Bullet dodged!
- You betcha!
357
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,280
I mean, pooch unscrewed! Free at last!
358
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,040
- Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last.
- Okay. I got it, okay?
359
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,480
- Got it.
- Okay. I'm sorry. I...
360
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,600
You just seem like the type of girl
who's looking for a serious relationship,
361
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,560
and I'm not that... I mean, you... Like...
362
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,200
No offense,
but you seem like a lot of work.
363
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,440
Like it would take, like,
a team of guys, and I'm not...
364
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,320
Marriages are an outdated concept...
365
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,240
Are you dumping me again?
366
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:31,560
- I'm in a really weird place right now...
- Where's that, Jack? The starting line?
367
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:36,000
Because I have news for you, buddy.
The gun went off a long time ago.
368
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,480
Okay! Look at that!
Good luck with the job, huh?
369
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,080
"Employee handles criticism poorly!"
370
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,120
Well, then maybe
you should teach a seminar, Jack,
371
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,600
considering you can't even keep a job
with your own father!
372
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,960
You know, the one person who's
biologically programed to love you,
373
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,360
and even he can't stand you!
374
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,120
Look at that. You had to come all the way
to Vegas and marry a complete stranger
375
00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,080
just to prove that you're not a robot.
Congratulations, Joy! That was a feeling!
376
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,640
Oh, I have a feeling, all right!
It's called nausea!
377
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,640
Yeah?
"Oh, I have a feeling, all right!
378
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:05,720
"It's called nausea!"
379
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,480
- How old are you, five?
- Six, actually. I'm six.
380
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:09,720
You know, this is why we'd never work.
381
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,960
'Cause I could never, ever be with
someone that's so completely broken!
382
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,440
- Broken?
- Broken!
383
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,720
Broken. You know what?
You don't even know me, mister!
384
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,480
No, I don't know you,
and I got a feeling that neither do you.
385
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,160
You know what?
I'll call you about the annulment.
386
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,880
How about this?
Why don't you just e-mail me?
387
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,480
Hey. Hey, hey, hey!
388
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:31,320
- We'll always have Vegas!
- Hey! That's my quarter!
389
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:53,600
What the...
390
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,680
We are the champions, my friends
391
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,480
And we'll keep on fighting
till the end
392
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,920
I'm really, really rich!
I'm really, really rich!
393
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,480
We are the champions
394
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,360
That was my quarter!
395
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,080
We are the champions
396
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,800
- We did it!
- Richest man in the world!
397
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,920
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions
398
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,480
A big giant check! I'm so happy!
I've never been...
399
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:23,920
I'm really happy!
400
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,480
Oh, my God! That was my quarter!
401
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,040
Congratulations!
You just quadrupled your investment!
402
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:32,880
What, you think this is all yours? God!
403
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,080
Yes, it's mine. I put the quarter
in the machine and I pulled the lever.
404
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:41,440
My quarter on the machine that I was
using, the one I loosened up for you!
405
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,760
That's right! Now if you'll excuse me,
406
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,760
I have a giant colorful check to deposit!
407
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,840
Whatever happened to
"What's mine is yours, baby"?
408
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,880
We're married now, remember?
409
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:04,080
More importantly, Your Honor, my client
only knew Miss McNally for four hours
410
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,720
before they "got married,"
411
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,640
three and a half of which were spent
in a state of
412
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,360
total inebriation.
413
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,160
Mmm-hmm.
414
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:14,600
You. Other one.
415
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,000
You have any evidence that you both
knowingly entered into this marriage,
416
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,560
that it's not just a sham?
417
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,000
Let me see.
418
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,600
Would a note do?
419
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,240
It's a start.
420
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,680
And then there's a photo.
421
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,680
Nice.
422
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:40,720
I didn't know anything about that.
423
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,280
There's also
424
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,520
- a video.
- And I am going to provide for her,
425
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,520
I'm gonna love her,
426
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,360
and I'm going to provide for her,
427
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,760
- 'cause we're married!
- Married!
428
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,000
We're all gonna get laid!
429
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,160
Was that you, Cueball? His lawyer?
430
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,520
I didn't... I don't have my glasses on.
431
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,400
I don't like you.
432
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,240
I don't like any of you.
433
00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,920
Your generation,
with your Vegas and your Internet
434
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,200
and your "I want it right now."
435
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,240
You know, gay people aren't destroying
the sanctity of marriage,
436
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:24,680
you people are.
437
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,360
Marriage is about love and commitment.
438
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:33,000
Listen, I've been married for 25 years
to the same wonderful, infuriating woman,
439
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,720
and granted, there are days
when I want to light her on fire,
440
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,400
but I don't, because I love her,
441
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:39,880
and that would be illegal.
442
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,880
And you know something?
I might be old-fashioned,
443
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:46,160
but when I said those vows out loud,
I meant them.
444
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,160
This guy is such a douche.
445
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,960
Before, or should I say if
446
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,480
I ever allow either of you
out of this marriage,
447
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,520
I'm going to make sure
that you try everything,
448
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,800
and I do mean everything, first
to make it work.
449
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:00,880
- Objection, Your Honor. You can't do that.
- Objection!
450
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,880
Watch me. Now, do either one of you
have a place to live?
451
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,360
I don't at the moment, Your Honor,
but I will.
452
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,240
You see, I...
453
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,480
My ex-fianc� and I broke up, and...
454
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:14,240
You know, Mrs. Fuller, you're not helping
make your case here, okay?
455
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,920
What about you, pretty boy?
You got a crash pad?
456
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,360
- Yes.
- Okay, great! We have a hearth!
457
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,960
I am freezing the $3 million
for the next six months
458
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,760
and sentencing you two
to six months hard marriage.
459
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,480
And so I can keep an eye on you,
460
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,800
I'm ordering you both
into weekly marital counseling.
461
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,840
I want you two to listen to me.
462
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:41,080
You better play by my rules on this,
or I'm gonna tie this money up in litigation
463
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,880
that is so long,
so protracted, so expensive
464
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:47,880
that neither one of you
will ever see a dime of it.
465
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,520
All right. Anything...
Oh, yeah! One more thing.
466
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,120
I now pronounce you man and wife!
467
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:00,720
Can he do that?
468
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,600
Yeah, he's the judge.
He can do whatever he wants.
469
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,560
And he clearly wants to make an example
out of you both.
470
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,520
If you just do what the guy says,
471
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,560
he's gonna be forced
to grant you a divorce.
472
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,000
- In which case...
- You would probably...
473
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:11,080
...split...
...the money...
474
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,760
...equally as marital property.
475
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,520
You didn't do anything in there!
476
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:15,880
- What?
- You didn't do anything!
477
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,880
I called her a vixen! I called her a vixen!
478
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:21,480
- So?
- So.
479
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:22,880
I can do anything for six months.
480
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,280
I can not wear pants for six months.
So if you aren't up to it...
481
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,000
Oh, I am so up to it.
482
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,520
And if you're trying to insinuate
that I'm the one that can't do this,
483
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,120
then you are sorely mistaken, short bus.
484
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,080
Whoa! Okay! So it's settled, then.
485
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,480
All right. Think of it
as a business arrangement.
486
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,480
Be married for six months,
get $1.5 million.
487
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,480
- How hard can it be?
- I know how hard it isn't.
488
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,000
Excuse me. Out of my way. Thank you.
489
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,960
- Oh, Jesus. Here.
- Great.
490
00:27:58,920 --> 00:27:59,880
Smile for the camera.
491
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,480
Hi, hubby, it's me. Open up.
492
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:03,720
Hiya!
493
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,200
It's all the way at the top.
494
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:06,960
She's here.
495
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:09,320
Okay, don't overdo it, though.
496
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:16,400
Hey! Look what I brought my new hubby!
497
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:19,800
'Cause I want to please him,
and men, they like the beer.
498
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:24,160
Hey, look who's being a good wifey,
really trying to make her marriage work.
499
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:26,280
Oh, muffin pants, what a wonderful gift.
500
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,960
I'm going to buy you a big box of Tampax
just so I can thank you,
501
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,600
'cause that's what good husbands do.
502
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,680
Sorry, I can't control myself
when I'm around you,
503
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,840
I just love you so much!
504
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,040
Not as much as I love you!
505
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,960
Shall we, Mrs. Fuller?
506
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,680
Oh. Here. Let me get this.
507
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:52,240
- Let me get that. Oh.
- Wait a sec.
508
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,520
Slippery. Slippery.
509
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:01,080
What?
510
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,600
Sorry, baby,
just you're a little on the heavy side.
511
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,680
Welcome home, sweetheart.
512
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,120
You literally have a bar
in the middle of your living room.
513
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:15,560
It's not so bad.
514
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,600
I mean, I would never live here, ever, but...
515
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,480
What? I ran
the New York City Marathon, okay?
516
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,240
I can do this. I can totally do this.
517
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,480
Oh, my God.
518
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:30,840
I can't do this!
519
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,440
Don't throw any of that hair away, okay?
520
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,960
I'm saving it up
to make you something special,
521
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,560
like a hat or a sweater.
522
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,680
I still haven't decided yet.
523
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,920
Do you train monkeys in here?
524
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:46,400
Seriously! It's one thing if you like a guy,
you put up with disgusting stuff like this,
525
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:49,880
but you I don't care for, so clean it up.
526
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,480
I'm not here under court order,
so I'm going to take off.
527
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,080
- Later, buddy.
- Bye.
528
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,360
$1.5 million.
529
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,640
Here. These are antibacterial. Get to work.
530
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,240
That looks like it's gonna be
comfortable for you.
531
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,120
Where's the bedroom?
532
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:19,120
- Uh... It's in there.
- Sweet dreams.
533
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:20,320
Yeah.
534
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,400
What is this?
535
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,840
Ooh. That was close.
536
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,440
- That stinks.
- Just a little bit of me.
537
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:38,880
- Oh, God!
- And some other people. Whatever.
538
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:02,240
- Do you need some help?
- Yeah, I do, as a matter of fact.
539
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,160
You should probably call somebody.
540
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:05,240
What?
541
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,920
- To help you.
- Okay, can I sleep on the couch?
542
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,040
No.
543
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,680
Smoothies!
544
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,720
- Hon?
- Yeah.
545
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,360
If I could just get in there for a sec.
546
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:37,880
I'm almost done. I'll be right out.
547
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,720
No, no. "Be right out"
is not really gonna work.
548
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,680
Like, be right out right now.
549
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:43,840
I'm almost done!
550
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,040
Okay...
551
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,160
Oh, yeah, this is happening.
552
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,960
You only have yourself to blame.
553
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,600
By the way, it's your day on dishes.
554
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:19,280
Freak.
555
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,680
Where do you get your underwear?
The hospital?
556
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,480
- What?
- Seriously, what's up with the P.E. bra?
557
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:27,320
Well, it's comfy and supportive,
like a man should be.
558
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:31,520
You women. In the beginning it's all, like,
laces and rainbows and trapdoors.
559
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:35,240
As soon as you get married, it's nothing
but these flesh tones and PMS pants.
560
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:36,800
You might as well wear a placard
around your neck
561
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,240
- that says, "We're not having sex, ever."
- Ever!
562
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,440
- Ever.
- Ever!
563
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,240
What happened to the purple bra
from Vegas? That was nice.
564
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,600
I'm going to save that
for my non-retarded husband.
565
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,240
Well, the grownups have to go
to work today.
566
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,000
- What are you going to do all day?
- I don't know yet.
567
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:58,600
I'd rather do nothing and be happy
than do something I know I don't love.
568
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,520
Words to live by, Yanni.
569
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,560
Beat it, worker drone.
Tell the man I say hi.
570
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,640
- Whatever, loser.
- Hey, don't get hit by a bus.
571
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,160
Or do. Whatever.
572
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,320
I believe in miracles
573
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:14,360
Where you from,
you sexy thing
574
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,840
I believe in miracles
575
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:23,600
since you came along,
you sexy thing
576
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:37,880
- McNally.
- What are you wearing, baby?
577
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,960
- Who is this?
- Your boss.
578
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,640
Get the Chonger
and get up here right away.
579
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,880
Coming right up! Okay.
Banger needs to see us upstairs.
580
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,600
After 15 years of loyal service,
we're dumping Bob whatshisname,
581
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,680
which means that this office
is gonna be up for grabs.
582
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,960
So, I'm going to promote one of you skirts
out of the pit.
583
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,960
And that's not sexual harassment.
Believe me, I've checked.
584
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,440
You're my top guns, girls. Do me proud.
585
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,040
Thank you, sir.
586
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,800
So! I guess I'll be Maverick
and you can be Goose.
587
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,960
Be whoever you want to be,
you'll still gonna be my subordinate.
588
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,800
- Excuse me?
- It's from the Latin, meaning "my bitch."
589
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,840
- What is wrong with you?
- I eat girls like you.
590
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:15,960
- Oh, you eat girls!
- Not like that.
591
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:17,080
- Makes total sense.
- It shouldn't.
592
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,520
- No judgments.
- But I'm not...
593
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:19,720
Just saying.
594
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:28,360
Ready to do this?
595
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,280
Pretend like you don't make me vomit
in my nose every time I look at you?
596
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:34,240
Yes.
597
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:39,360
So, Jack, tell me about yourself.
What are your hobbies?
598
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:41,720
Hobbies.
599
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,720
You mean, besides my marriage?
600
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,640
My hobbies.
601
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,840
Mostly, I just like loving her.
602
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,760
It's just so easy.
603
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:55,600
What else?
604
00:34:56,240 --> 00:35:01,800
Listening. I love listening
to what she has to say. It's just...
605
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:05,240
In fact, actually,
I carry this notebook around with me,
606
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:09,240
just so I can write it down,
because usually it's so important.
607
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:14,080
What else?
I think just being there for her, in general.
608
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,720
Loving her until it hurts.
609
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:19,840
It hurts.
610
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,240
That's... I don't know,
that's probably most of my interests.
611
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,400
Joy?
612
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,080
I'd have to agree.
613
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,640
And I'd have to add, you know,
614
00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:35,120
staring at him.
615
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:39,600
Yeah. I mean, I just love watching him be.
616
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,000
I love everything about him.
617
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:43,480
Most people would be repulsed,
618
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,640
you know, to find his socks
and his dirty underwear
619
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:49,520
sort of down shoved
in the bottom of the bed,
620
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,240
touching them in the middle of the night.
621
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,640
They might want to try
to, like, scrub and scrub and scrub
622
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,680
and try to get the stains
and the scent off of them, but...
623
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,640
Not me. I just... I love it!
624
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:06,760
I just...
I kind of want to just roll around in it!
625
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,640
Her candles smell awesome!
626
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,560
You know, I do have a few degrees,
627
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,280
and I went to a bunch
of really expensive schools.
628
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:24,120
Anyway, I'm not buying any of the bullshit
you two are selling today.
629
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,760
Now, if you want me to report back
to the court
630
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:28,640
that you're both working
on your marriage,
631
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,360
you're gonna actually have to do that.
632
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:41,760
And love
such a silly game we play, oh!
633
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:46,360
Like a summer's day in May
What is love, what is love?
634
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:51,000
I just want it to be love
Oh! Oh! Oh!
635
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:58,960
I, I, I, I, I
I can feel it in your kiss
636
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,760
It just gives me tender bliss
637
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,080
I just want it to be love
638
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,760
Yes, that is the topping I wanted
on my popcorn.
639
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:11,560
I know that the box said
"movie theater butter,"
640
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:13,480
but, you guessed it,
641
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,200
what I really wanted
was Jack's Sweaty Ballsack flavor.
642
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:18,440
Thanks.
643
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:21,960
Uh! Uh! Uh! Love
644
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:27,520
Who can tell me I am lost?
645
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,400
I'm just giving you
what you wanted, baby.
646
00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:37,640
Pay attention.
See how it goes up and down. Okay?
647
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:39,120
It goes up,
648
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,400
and then it goes down. Like that.
649
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,720
See that? Isn't that magical? Amazing.
650
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,000
Watch one more time. One more time.
651
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:51,760
It goes up, right? And then it goes down.
652
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,760
No, no, no, no! Why?
653
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:19,360
I really, really need to get in there!
654
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,400
Why don't you just use
your special bathroom?
655
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:23,920
There's no heavy side!
656
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,200
- You got the window!
- No, that's actually the light side.
657
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:41,880
- Where's the bathroom door?
- We got robbed.
658
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,280
And all they took was the door.
659
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,360
$1.5 million.
660
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,520
Marriage is hard!
661
00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:55,320
I don't know how people do this.
It's unnatural.
662
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,080
Men and women are not meant to coexist.
663
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,560
And I haven't had sex in forever.
I mean, forever!
664
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:04,640
And I need to have sex,
'cause I'm good at it!
665
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:06,880
That's a self-esteem booster for me.
666
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,960
- I don't know if I can do this, man.
- Oh, really?
667
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,840
'Cause I haven't been sensing that at all.
668
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,320
That's why I did a little research.
669
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,000
I've been looking through some case law,
670
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,040
you know, some precedent
to help us get around the ruling.
671
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,120
And I think I found one. Lafferty v. Holden.
672
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,880
You know, Tip,
I don't know if I can do this.
673
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:26,800
Then we go to plan B.
674
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,000
Mother's third marriage
was to this 20-year-old
675
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,920
club-footed Cuban bartender
who came into a ton of money.
676
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,080
The court said
that if they both wanted the money,
677
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,960
they had to remain married and prove
they can make it work. Sound familiar?
678
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,040
Mother wasn't going to see a cent of that,
679
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,360
but then she proved
that he'd been unfaithful,
680
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,480
and the judge ruled in her favor.
681
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,640
And gave her all the money.
682
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,560
See, the judge said that you had to prove
683
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,320
that you were trying
to make the marriage work.
684
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,840
But if we can make it seem like she isn't...
685
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:55,640
I don't know
why I haven't thought of this before!
686
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:57,480
- Because you're not a very good lawyer.
- Oh, my God.
687
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:00,400
There should be a law
against how bad a lawyer I am.
688
00:40:00,520 --> 00:40:01,520
But then again, I wouldn't know about it!
689
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,480
So if I can get Jack to end the marriage
by either leaving me
690
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,920
or cheating on me...
691
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:08,520
Not only would you get out
of the marriage...
692
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:12,080
- You will also get the full $3 million.
- Oh, my God.
693
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,240
- I love you! I want to kiss you.
- You want to kiss me?
694
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,440
On your big, beautiful,
prematurely balding man dome.
695
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:18,720
All right! All right. Okay.
696
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,200
- Game on, sister!
- Game on!
697
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,120
- Game on.
- Game on.
698
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,760
Destroy it. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus!
699
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,520
There are some refinery problems
in the South,
700
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,320
- so let's keep our eye on crude oil.
- Oh, that's too bad.
701
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:51,680
And I just heard a rumor
702
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,880
that the platinum futures
are gonna be very active today.
703
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:56,000
Yes!
704
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:58,160
Yeah!
705
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,360
I mean, really, let's do this mother!
Oh, my God.
706
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,800
Right, guys? I mean, let's buy shit!
Let's buy shit!
707
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,000
Do you see that? Do you see that, people?
708
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:12,360
That's exactly the kind of spirit
I'm talking about!
709
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,200
- You go, girl!
- Yes!
710
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,520
Oh, my God, seriously, you guys!
711
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,240
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What are we doing? What are we doing?
712
00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,920
What's happening? What's happening?
Oh, my God.
713
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,680
Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch!
714
00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:52,200
- Hi.
- Hi.
715
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,360
We got locked out of our apartment.
716
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,800
Would you mind if we just waited in here
until the locksmith comes?
717
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,480
He said it would only be a few hours.
718
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:02,960
A few...
719
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:04,920
Sure.
720
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:06,120
- Thank you!
- Great!
721
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,160
Also, we were supposed to have
some friends over tonight.
722
00:42:09,240 --> 00:42:11,960
Do you mind if they waited in here, too?
723
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,400
I'll jump on that grenade, too, I suppose.
724
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:16,920
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
725
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,000
- Thank you so much.
- No, thank you. Thank you.
726
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,920
Welcome to my humble abode.
727
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,480
Those are probably my friends.
728
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:31,800
- Hi.
- Hi.
729
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,480
We're the friends.
730
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,320
- You look like the friends. You do.
- Hi.
731
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,200
- Hey.
- There is a hot girl party going on
732
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,560
- in my living room.
- What are you talking about?
733
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:46,240
I'm talking about the fact that there are
a buttload of beautiful women...
734
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:49,720
Oh, my God. Okay, there's a pillow fight
about to break out.
735
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,600
Oh, my God. Dude, it's a trap.
736
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,560
No, it's not! No! This happens!
737
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:57,200
No! It doesn't happen!
738
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,920
Get out of the house!
Get out of the house right now!
739
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,480
She must have figured out
the same thing we did.
740
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:04,040
Okay, just because Joy sets a trap
741
00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:05,440
doesn't mean we can't play at
the same game.
742
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,640
You call Bear, you call every guy we know.
743
00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:09,400
And get some boring stockbroker
kind of guys,
744
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:10,880
the kind of guys
you and me would beat up.
745
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,160
The more boring, the better.
746
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:14,320
She has no idea
what she's gotten herself into.
747
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:21,400
You okay?
748
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,840
In here, guys. Yo, Jack, what up?
749
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,200
This chick's the reason
we're not spending our money right now.
750
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,640
This chick is the reason
I'm not having a six-way right now!
751
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:45,680
- Hey.
- Hey.
752
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:49,160
So, look. This isn't working.
I think we need to call in some sluts.
753
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:51,640
- Sluts? I know sluts.
- Make the call.
754
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:55,040
Which one of these ugly losers
is ruining your life?
755
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,720
That one. The pink parade over there.
756
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:00,880
That's your wife?
757
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,920
Oh, my God, she is so f-ing hot!
758
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:08,960
What is wrong with you?
759
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,640
Pick a team. Pick a team.
Pick a team! Right now! Pick a team.
760
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:15,200
- Come on.
- Hers. Hers! Hers!
761
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,760
Listen up, girls. Do whatever you need
to do to get into his pants.
762
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:21,800
Ignore her.
Don't even make eye contact with her.
763
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,640
Look at every girl in here except for her.
It'll drive her crazy.
764
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,360
Get him drunk. It'll slip right out.
765
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:27,480
Go!
766
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:36,400
Hi.
767
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,320
Oh, I get it.
768
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,440
I get what you guys are doing. Okay.
769
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,920
Well, I'm going to...
Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me.
770
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:52,400
Oh, God!
771
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:58,400
If you need anybody to talk to,
you know, just let me know.
772
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,760
- Thanks.
- Get out of here. Get out of here.
773
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,240
Get out of here!
Get out of here, both of you!
774
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:08,280
I'll give her the money!
775
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,840
- I'll give her the money!
- No, no, no, no, no.
776
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,040
Oh, shit.
777
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:13,680
I'm here about a noise complaint!
778
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:19,520
Someone called to complain
that you're not making enough noise!
779
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:28,760
- This is the best party ever!
- This is the greatest party ever!
780
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,520
I'm arrested! You guys, I'm arrested!
781
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:43,080
Hey.
782
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,200
Sorry. I was just trying to find some quiet
783
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:49,840
- from the craziness out there.
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm... Beer?
784
00:45:52,240 --> 00:45:53,280
Sure.
785
00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,480
Do you really think that I'm dumb enough
to cheat on you?
786
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:01,000
I think it's only a matter of time,
787
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,200
and, yeah, I think you're more
than dumb enough.
788
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,200
Thank you for the vote of confidence.
789
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:06,720
I appreciate that.
790
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,680
This must be so hard for you.
791
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:14,440
- What?
- Being in a relationship.
792
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:19,600
Okay. I've been in relationships before,
all right?
793
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:21,480
Oh, come on, Jack.
794
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,280
I know you.
Don't forget, I have been living with you.
795
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:28,720
You're not exactly serious
boyfriend/husband material, okay?
796
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:33,520
- Well, this must be hard for you, too.
- Really?
797
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:37,840
Yeah, being married to me when
you're so clearly in love with your ex.
798
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,280
- I'm not in love with him.
- Right.
799
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:44,840
Then why are you still wearing the ring
on your finger?
800
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,200
Because my current husband
bought me one
801
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,400
out of a vending machine in Vegas.
802
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,440
All I know is, if I get dumped on my ass,
803
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:54,760
I'm not wearing the ring
unless I'm still in love with him.
804
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:56,880
- I'm not in love with him, okay?
- Okay! Right.
805
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:58,880
In fact, I'm happy
I'm not with him anymore.
806
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,480
I spent the last four years of my life
807
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,080
trying to be
somebody else's idea of perfect,
808
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,760
and you know what?
I still don't feel good enough for him.
809
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,960
Okay, that's not what I meant, okay?
I just...
810
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,320
Hey! Don't worry!
Your secret's safe with me.
811
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:21,240
Oh, you're such an ass.
812
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:22,800
You know what? It's irrelevant now,
813
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,840
because I don't care
if I ever see him again.
814
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,520
Wow. Thank you, baby.
815
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,000
- That makes me feel so, so, so special.
- You know what? It has nothing
816
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,160
- to do with you, Jack.
- By the way, don't worry about me,
817
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:40,520
- because I'm a married man.
- Yeah.
818
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,120
We don't need to have sex.
And I'll tell you another thing.
819
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:46,480
I'm not going anywhere,
'cause I am not screwing this thing up.
820
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:49,840
Neither am I,
'cause I am in it for the long haul, Jack.
821
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:53,280
- Till death do us part.
- Not unless I kill you first.
822
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,800
- It's like she's always there!
- He doesn't do anything all day, okay?
823
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,000
- Left, right, up, down!
- It's like he's not even a grownup, okay?
824
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:10,680
- I don't have an ounce of space...
- He does nothing...
825
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:12,400
...for just me! Just me!
...all day long!
826
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,040
- And I swear to God...
- I think he's trying to drive me crazy!
827
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:16,960
- The other night, we had this party...
- He peed in the sink!
828
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,600
...and everywhere I look...
- I mean, what kind of man animal...
829
00:48:19,720 --> 00:48:21,600
...it's just hot tit and ass everywhere!
...pees in the sink?
830
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:23,920
- It's like he doesn't even want...
- It's like she doesn't even want...
831
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,120
...this marriage to work!
...this marriage to work!
832
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:30,400
All right. You're arguing.
833
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,720
Now that felt like a real married couple.
834
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,720
You're making progress.
835
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,440
What am I doing here?
836
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,360
Oh, we could kidnap her
until after the hearing.
837
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,040
- She could stay at my place.
- Oh, my God, I got it!
838
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,720
We make it look
like she gave you some kind of disease!
839
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,200
I can have a vial of crabs here
in 30 minutes.
840
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:04,440
First, we give them to you,
841
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,600
and then, you know,
we get somebody to give them to her
842
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,320
so it looks like she gave them to you.
843
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:12,880
You really hadn't thought
that one through, had you?
844
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,000
I'll give her the crabs, easily.
845
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,800
- No more ideas from you.
- Oh, I've got it! It's perfect!
846
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:19,360
This is great!
847
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:21,600
Like that!
848
00:49:21,720 --> 00:49:22,960
- What are you doing?
- What?
849
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,640
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Relax, relax, relax. Relax!
850
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,800
Stay with me on this one.
851
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:29,480
Huh?
852
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:33,960
God damn it! No, you don't get it!
Dude, you don't get it!
853
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,560
Jack, what happened to your face?
854
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:56,480
- I fell.
- You fell?
855
00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:58,560
Yeah.
856
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,440
I hit my head on a doorknob.
857
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:04,600
A few times.
858
00:50:04,720 --> 00:50:06,720
I fall a lot these days. I'm just...
859
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:08,400
I'm so clumsy.
860
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,520
Jack, are you sure
that's what happened to you?
861
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:14,360
Sure someone else didn't do this to you?
862
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,440
I deserve it.
863
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,800
I'm supposed...
864
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:25,040
I'm supposed to line up the hand towels
just so, and I didn't...
865
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:27,960
I didn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
866
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:30,280
Then she said,
"You put that toilet seat down,
867
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:31,960
"or I will put you down!"
868
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,920
"I'll stick your head in there
and I will make it stay!" Oh, God!
869
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:41,360
...look real, but don't, like...
- All right.
870
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,360
- Oh, God!
- What?
871
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,440
He's gotta make it look real
so it seems like she was beating you!
872
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:48,000
Not that real!
873
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:51,800
- Yeah!
- That sucker's gonna show, dude!
874
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:53,240
Hey, come on. Come on.
875
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:54,960
Can we get back to therapy now?
876
00:50:58,160 --> 00:50:59,240
Yes.
877
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,560
Yes, we can.
878
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:14,400
Hi, you've reached the happy couple.
879
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:16,320
We can't come to the phone right now
880
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:17,720
because we're busy loving each other.
881
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,400
And making our marriage work.
882
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,240
- Leave a message!
- Leave a message!
883
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:22,520
Hi. This is Annette calling
884
00:51:22,640 --> 00:51:24,680
from Dr. Twitchell's office.
885
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:26,120
Hello.
886
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,160
- Yes, Mrs. Fuller?
- Yes.
887
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,400
The doctor needed
to cancel today's session,
888
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:32,480
and she was wondering
if you could do Friday?
889
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,960
Do you have anything
after 3:00 p.m., possibly?
890
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:38,480
- The doctor can do 4:00.
- Oh, perfect.
891
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:40,200
- That works for me.
- We'll see you then.
892
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:42,920
- Great, see you then.
- Thanks so much.
893
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,520
- She totally bought it.
- Beautiful. Beautiful.
894
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,360
- Beautiful.
- You owe me.
895
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:55,600
Come on with your come on
You don't fight fair
896
00:51:55,720 --> 00:51:58,760
That's okay, see if I care
897
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,000
Blah, blah, blah, blah...
898
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,560
Hit me with your best shot
899
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,640
Fire away
900
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:13,160
Hello?
901
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:14,360
Jack?
902
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:19,200
Taxi!
903
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,000
Come on, man! Hey!
904
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:28,280
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Wait a minute.
905
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:30,080
Oh, come on!
906
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,160
Twitchell... Twitchell...
907
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:39,040
Dr. Twitchell speaking.
908
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,720
- Yes, hi, this is Joy Fuller.
- Mrs. Fuller.
909
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,400
Yes. I got a phone call from Annette
910
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,520
saying that our session
was canceled today.
911
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:50,040
- I just wanted to double-check that.
- Your session is definitely still on.
912
00:52:50,160 --> 00:52:53,080
And any absence
is considered contempt of court.
913
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,160
It is?
914
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,760
Asshole! Trying to get me
to miss therapy!
915
00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:02,040
75th and Riverside, and step on it!
916
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:05,720
Okay.
917
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:10,920
- What?
- Hey!
918
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:13,480
Good luck paying for that cab
without your wallet.
919
00:53:15,240 --> 00:53:17,040
Only five dollars?
920
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:18,760
You stole my wallet?
921
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,920
Lost your wallet, huh? Get out.
922
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:26,240
Come on. What do you want?
We can work something out here.
923
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:28,040
- Show me your breasts.
- What?
924
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,880
You'd be surprised how often it happens.
925
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:35,600
- Okay, one breast. That's all you get.
- All right.
926
00:53:39,720 --> 00:53:42,160
- Nothing like a nice boob.
- What is your problem?
927
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,440
What? I like breasts. Sue me.
928
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:46,120
Is there any way around this?
929
00:53:46,240 --> 00:53:49,160
Does it look
like there is a way around this?
930
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:53,920
Go!
931
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:56,840
so 1, 2, 3, take my hand and come with me
932
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,600
Because you look so fine
And I really wanna make you mine
933
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:01,920
- How many for 10 of these?
- Ten for $2.
934
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,200
- Okay. Here, take five.
- Okay.
935
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:06,560
Now you don't need that money
when you look like that, do ya honey
936
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,960
I know we
ain't got much to say
937
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:19,720
Before I let you get away, yeah!
938
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:26,200
There's Brooklyn.
Very exciting. Everyone, back on the bus!
939
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:27,360
What a day, huh?
940
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,240
Is this seat taken?
941
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:41,040
Pardon. Excuse me. Sorry.
942
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,480
- You are so immature!
- Please, woman!
943
00:54:44,240 --> 00:54:45,480
Go away!
944
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,000
- That really hurt!
- Oh, no! You're hurting me!
945
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:50,800
And here we are,
Central Park.
946
00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:52,360
Yes, isn't it beautiful?
947
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:56,760
Half an hour, people. That's 30 minutes
for those on the metric system.
948
00:55:00,120 --> 00:55:02,080
I'll take that! You mind?
949
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:05,840
- What?
- Thank you!
950
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:07,040
Hey!
951
00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:12,240
Well I could see
you home with me
952
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,960
But you were with another man, yeah!
953
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,640
I know we
ain't got much to say
954
00:55:20,720 --> 00:55:21,880
Idiot!
955
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:26,080
Before I let you get away, yeah!
956
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:33,160
I said are you gonna be my girl?
957
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:58,160
No, you're wrong.
You can't remember anything.
958
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,360
You're remembering
your first date with somebody else!
959
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:01,960
No! It was not our first date!
960
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:05,200
You keep thinking that. You always did.
You are demented!
961
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:06,760
It was not!
- It was!
962
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:07,800
Your memory...
963
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:09,280
Mine?
You can't remember the date!
964
00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:11,000
Yes, it's your...
965
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:13,320
Hi, honey! Welcome home!
966
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,040
Mom! Dad!
967
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:18,400
What are you doing here?
968
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,200
Well, I got a message from your parents,
969
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:24,160
and I thought I'd surprise you
and invite them over for dinner.
970
00:56:26,760 --> 00:56:28,760
You know that I've never
been invited over here?
971
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:30,840
No! Really?
972
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:32,600
Why didn't you tell us
you got married?
973
00:56:32,720 --> 00:56:34,640
I know you're still mad at me
about the firing,
974
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:37,000
but you get married and you don't tell us?
975
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:39,240
That is very, very hurtful.
976
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:40,680
- Especially...
- Dad, I...
977
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:43,920
Especially when it's a catch like Joy here.
978
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:45,600
- What?
- Well...
979
00:56:45,720 --> 00:56:48,000
We're so proud of you, Jack!
980
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:50,720
We didn't think you'd ever settle down.
981
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:54,880
But then we met this wonderful girl.
You couldn't have done better!
982
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:56,800
We are very proud of you, Son.
983
00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:59,320
- Okay. Love biscuit?
- Yes, tinkle monkey?
984
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:01,800
Can I speak to you for one second?
985
00:57:01,920 --> 00:57:03,200
Of course!
986
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:05,120
He probably just wants
to give me a big smooch.
987
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:06,400
We haven't seen each other all day!
988
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:11,360
My God!
How weird is it going to be in court
989
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:14,480
when your parents are
character witnesses for me?
990
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,720
Well, obviously, you haven't
told them everything.
991
00:57:16,840 --> 00:57:18,960
No, I was waiting for you to do that.
992
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:20,680
What if we didn't?
993
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:27,160
What would it take for you to just
keep this our little secret for a little bit?
994
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:30,680
I want the bathroom door back.
995
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,080
And I want the toilet seat left the F down.
996
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:35,280
No.
997
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,440
- One time up...
- I got it.
998
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:38,760
...and I make the call.
999
00:57:38,880 --> 00:57:40,040
- Done.
- Okay.
1000
00:57:40,160 --> 00:57:43,520
Well, Jack, Sr., you know, it is just so nice
1001
00:57:43,600 --> 00:57:47,240
to finally meet the man
who has taught Jack everything he knows.
1002
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:49,360
- I tried.
- Well, something must've stuck.
1003
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:51,200
Do you know he made this bar
we're sitting at?
1004
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,680
Isn't it beautiful? I mean, look.
1005
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:56,120
Dovetail's off on the corner.
1006
00:57:57,280 --> 00:57:58,520
It's off!
1007
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:01,600
Well, I think it's great.
1008
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:04,840
I actually think that Jack
could sell his furniture.
1009
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,320
I don't know.
That would require actually finishing it.
1010
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:09,760
Maybe you should try telling Jack
you don't want him to finish it,
1011
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:12,360
then maybe he would actually do it.
1012
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:16,800
What are you doing on Saturday?
1013
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:19,400
You've got to come to Uncle Pat's
birthday in the park with us.
1014
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,080
I would love to.
1015
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:23,840
She went after my family!
1016
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:26,000
Dude, you're letting this chick
get in your head.
1017
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:27,560
Yeah, I know.
1018
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:31,400
Now I'm going to figure out
how to get into hers.
1019
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:33,400
You should never let a chick
get in your head.
1020
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,600
That's why I prefer
not to even talk to my dates.
1021
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:42,960
Yes!
1022
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:47,280
Why didn't I think of this before?
If she's going to play dirty, so am I.
1023
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,000
- Hi.
- Hey. Jameson, on the rocks.
1024
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,360
- You're Mason, right?
- Yeah.
1025
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,280
I'm Jack Fuller. I'm a friend of Joy's.
1026
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:06,640
- Joy's?
- Yeah.
1027
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,240
I just wanted to give you this back.
1028
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,680
She threw it in the trash.
1029
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,360
But, you know, guy code, I couldn't just
let it end up in the trash.
1030
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:16,520
I mean, you spent, what, like,
five, six thousand on this thing.
1031
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:18,520
Actually, thirty grand.
1032
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:21,480
I got it.
1033
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:24,920
All right. Well, thanks.
1034
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:27,520
Okay.
1035
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:33,640
Hey, how's she doing?
1036
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:38,320
You know, she's good.
1037
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:40,320
She's probably put on some weight,
though, right?
1038
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:42,280
From all the emotional eating
due to the break-up?
1039
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,520
You really lived up to the billing.
You know that?
1040
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,000
Joy told me
what an impressive guy you are.
1041
00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:48,160
Oh! Yeah.
1042
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:51,400
She said she was trying to be
so perfect, because
1043
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:56,600
deep down, she never really felt
like she was good enough to be with you.
1044
00:59:57,200 --> 00:59:59,880
But those insecurities are long gone now.
1045
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,000
She's really come into her own.
She's on fire!
1046
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:05,800
I'll tell you what, she not gonna be
on the open market for very long.
1047
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:08,400
- It's a feeding frenzy out there!
- A feeding frenzy, huh? Yeah.
1048
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,480
Well, I gotta get going.
1049
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:14,360
My Uncle Pat is having a birthday party
tomorrow in Grove Park.
1050
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:15,560
Joy and I are going.
1051
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:19,120
Anyway, I gotta go pick up the present
she got for him. Bag of weed!
1052
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:20,640
- Her idea!
- Really?
1053
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,440
- She's on fire!
- Wow.
1054
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:23,720
On fire.
1055
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,320
Well, thanks again.
1056
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:34,800
Stripper! Hiya!
1057
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:37,880
- I so want to junkpunch that guy.
- What's with you and junkpunching?
1058
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:40,040
- Joy?
- Hi!
1059
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:42,320
I'm so glad you could make it.
Hey, sweetie.
1060
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:46,000
- Hi! This is my girlfriend, Tipper.
- Hi, Tipper. Judy.
1061
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:48,080
- Thanks for calling.
- Where's Jack?
1062
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:51,080
He's over there,
coaching the Little League.
1063
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,680
Do you know what it's like
to fall on the floor?
1064
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:57,280
And cry your guts out till you got no more
1065
01:00:57,400 --> 01:00:59,440
Come on, sweetheart.
I want my new daughter-in-law
1066
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,120
- to meet the whole family.
- Smile!
1067
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:03,480
One, two, three,
1068
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:04,600
- Rockets!
- Rockets!
1069
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:06,760
Who wants sugar? Let's go!
1070
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,720
What is this, like a five-foot hoagie?
1071
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:11,680
- Hi!
- Hi.
1072
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:16,160
This is my niece, and BFF,
the great Sammy Sosa.
1073
01:01:16,280 --> 01:01:20,760
Sammy, this is your Aunt Joy.
1074
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:22,840
- Nice to meet you, Sammy.
- Hi, Joy.
1075
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:24,600
I didn't know you coached Little League.
1076
01:01:24,720 --> 01:01:27,680
Oh, there's a lot of things you don't know
about me. Isn't that right?
1077
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:32,320
Jack wore a little fedora
and a leather jacket to school
1078
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:33,920
every day for six months.
1079
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:36,600
Who wouldn't want to be Indiana Jones?
1080
01:01:37,080 --> 01:01:38,240
I agree completely. I mean,
1081
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:42,320
Raiders of the Lost Ark may be
the greatest movie ever made.
1082
01:01:46,480 --> 01:01:50,720
- I don't think I like what's going on here.
- What, are we bonding now?
1083
01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:53,560
She doesn't seem so bad, Uncle Jack.
1084
01:01:54,040 --> 01:01:57,080
I think you guys should just
split the money and stay married.
1085
01:01:57,400 --> 01:01:59,600
Make a hundred pretty babies.
1086
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:02,920
You told her?
1087
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:06,640
Yeah, I don't have secrets from Sammy.
I tell her everything.
1088
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:10,200
Hey man now you're really living
1089
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:16,240
Well I just saw the sun rise over the hill
Never used to give me much of a thrill
1090
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:19,880
But hey man now you're really living
1091
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:23,800
Well, ladies, I believe
this is where we go our separate ways.
1092
01:02:24,080 --> 01:02:25,560
Thank you.
1093
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:32,000
People sing
1094
01:02:32,120 --> 01:02:34,840
Do you know what it's like
to fall on the floor?
1095
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:37,720
And cry your guts out till you got no more
1096
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:40,840
Hey man now you're really living
1097
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:42,120
Joy!
1098
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:43,760
Mason.
1099
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:47,000
- What are you doing here?
- I was just visiting some friends.
1100
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:49,680
- In Brooklyn?
- Well, yeah. Yeah.
1101
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:52,240
Brooklyn. The B.K. Love it here.
1102
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:53,880
Yeah, they're artists. Yeah.
1103
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:56,720
Hey, you want to go grab a glass of vino?
Maybe chat up for a bit?
1104
01:02:56,880 --> 01:03:00,840
I can't right now. Sorry.
1105
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:04,920
- Okay, all right. Well, maybe next week.
- I have my retreat.
1106
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:07,360
Wow!
1107
01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:10,880
You seem fine.
1108
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,920
No, I mean, you look great.
Doesn't she look great? You look great.
1109
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:17,720
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
1110
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:19,680
I... Yeah.
1111
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:23,360
- I gotta go.
- Yeah, me, too. Me, too.
1112
01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:26,280
- All right, well, maybe some other time.
- Yeah.
1113
01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:28,120
Good seeing you.
Good bumping into you like that. Weird.
1114
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:30,560
Take care.
1115
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:38,440
- Oh, my God. You're falling for her.
- What?
1116
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:41,560
- You're falling for your wife! You idiot!
- What are you talking about?
1117
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:44,280
- She's a wily temptress.
- "A wily temptress."
1118
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:45,760
- Yes!
- You just said "wily temptress."
1119
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:47,720
Yes, I did, because that is what she is.
1120
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:50,600
And what do wily temptresses do, Jack?
1121
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:54,800
They tempt in a wily fashion.
And then they play you.
1122
01:03:55,520 --> 01:03:59,680
Tempt, play, tempt, play.
And she's playing you, my friend.
1123
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:02,960
Don't let her play you
out of what is rightfully yours.
1124
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:07,080
Keep your eyes on the prize, Jack!
Eyes on the prize.
1125
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:19,160
Hey, McNally.
What'd you do, take the weekend off?
1126
01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:20,360
- Oh...
- Have fun?
1127
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:22,640
No, I remember when I didn't care
about my career, either.
1128
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:26,720
I'm sorry, I just had this thing
this weekend with my husband's family...
1129
01:04:26,800 --> 01:04:28,600
Your husband? You got married?
1130
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:30,960
Well, thanks for the invite.
I didn't even know you had a boyfriend.
1131
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:33,360
Yeah, no, I'm married.
I didn't tell you that?
1132
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:36,440
No, you didn't.
I guess you're not a big sharer.
1133
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,760
Now, listen, Joy,
I've been in this business for a long time.
1134
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:41,920
And the thing that I value most
in my employees is honesty.
1135
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:45,520
So I'm gonna be honest with you.
Right now, you and Chong are tied.
1136
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:48,520
Now, Chonger is bringing her husband
to the retreat.
1137
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:52,080
- I think you should bring yours, too.
- He will be there.
1138
01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:55,280
- You can count on it, sir.
- Good.
1139
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:00,480
So let me get this straight.
1140
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:04,160
She asked you
to come to a retreat for her job.
1141
01:05:04,240 --> 01:05:05,560
Yeah.
1142
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,560
The most important thing
to her in the world.
1143
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,320
Do you believe that? I was like, "No!"
1144
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:20,200
'Cause I'm like... I'm like,
"Hey, what are you still doing here?"
1145
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:24,040
Jack! You have got
to get your ass down there,
1146
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:26,760
pretend to be the perfect husband,
charm them all, and then,
1147
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,640
when you have them eating
out of the palm of your hand,
1148
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,600
you make her sign this.
1149
01:05:33,040 --> 01:05:35,280
- What's this?
- This is a document, okay,
1150
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:38,880
relinquishing all the rights to the money.
1151
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:44,560
Right? You tell her if she doesn't sign it,
you're gonna out her in front of everybody.
1152
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:48,080
Yeah.
1153
01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:51,560
I mean, that's not, you know...
1154
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:53,760
It's not pretty, but we can...
1155
01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:56,040
I can laminate it.
1156
01:05:59,640 --> 01:06:03,520
- I don't know.
- Okay, look, Jack, the hearing's in a week.
1157
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:05,720
Okay? This is our last shot.
1158
01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:28,680
- Hey, McNally.
- Mr. Banger.
1159
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:30,320
So, where's this husband of yours?
1160
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:33,200
I just met Chonger's husband.
He's a very smart guy.
1161
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:35,360
He's a tool, but he's smart.
1162
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:37,200
He's...
1163
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:43,160
So the spaceman says,
"I don't even have a vagina!"
1164
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:44,600
He's there!
1165
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,320
I'll just take this to him.
1166
01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:52,600
Mr. Banger, I just wanted
to take this moment
1167
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:55,200
to express to you my gratitude.
1168
01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:58,440
I'll be seeing you at the...
1169
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:00,000
The dining table.
1170
01:07:00,680 --> 01:07:02,040
- Hey, hey!
- Hey.
1171
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:05,760
I'm so glad to see you.
1172
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:07,520
Muffin, I've been looking
everywhere for you.
1173
01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:11,040
This is why everyone
should have their wife on LoJack.
1174
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:14,600
Let me introduce you to my friends.
This is David Young, your CFO.
1175
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:16,640
Mr. Young. An honor. Hi.
1176
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:19,400
And this is the rest of your board, actually.
1177
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:22,640
Great people. Wealthy people.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
1178
01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:26,360
So you're the lucky guy.
1179
01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:29,040
- Hi. Jack Fuller.
- I'm Richard Banger.
1180
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:31,720
You're in my seat.
1181
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,280
Wait, your name is Richard Banger?
1182
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:37,760
Your name is Dick Banger.
1183
01:07:37,920 --> 01:07:39,680
Dick Banger! Dick Banger?
1184
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:43,800
You, sir, have just provided us with jokes
for the whole weekend!
1185
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:50,560
Well, you must be Jack... off!
1186
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:52,400
Jack-Off! Give it to me, baby!
1187
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:54,640
- Jack-Off, buddy!
- He has a comeback!
1188
01:07:55,560 --> 01:07:57,480
McNally, where have you
been hiding this guy?
1189
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:59,400
You know, I've just been
keeping him all to myself!
1190
01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:00,760
Well, you gotta learn how to share.
1191
01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:05,000
All right, everybody, let's sit down.
Brainiac, Chonger, move over.
1192
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:09,080
"Jack-Off." How about it? Oh, boy.
1193
01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:13,400
I don't know what made you change
your mind, and I don't need to. I just...
1194
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:14,800
Thank you.
1195
01:08:17,840 --> 01:08:20,760
- "Jack-Off." I love that.
- Yeah, I do, too.
1196
01:08:24,400 --> 01:08:27,920
I love that, that you said that.
Because it was...
1197
01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:30,840
For a moment there, I...
1198
01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:32,240
I'm so sorry.
1199
01:08:33,080 --> 01:08:34,720
Joy, come on over! Joy!
1200
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:37,560
I'm on it!
1201
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:40,720
- Yeah!
- I'm on it.
1202
01:08:43,560 --> 01:08:45,160
Yeah! Yeah!
1203
01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:53,000
One looks for happiness
One longs to find a partner
1204
01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:57,000
One knows that nowadays
One love will be the answer
1205
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:01,440
One sees a crazy world
One needs a fresh perspective
1206
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:03,200
- Hey.
- So what's up? She sign it yet?
1207
01:09:03,320 --> 01:09:04,440
No, not yet.
1208
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:05,640
You better not
be pussying out on me!
1209
01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:08,360
Don't get your panties in a bunch.
I'm just waiting for her to get down here.
1210
01:09:08,600 --> 01:09:10,440
Got to warm
these people up, you know?
1211
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:12,680
All right, well, call me
when it's done, okay?
1212
01:09:12,760 --> 01:09:13,960
I'm holding down the fort in the meantime.
1213
01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:15,080
- Yeah. All right.
- Bye.
1214
01:09:19,080 --> 01:09:20,320
Lavender.
1215
01:09:21,560 --> 01:09:23,240
You get on my head.
1216
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:30,840
Oh, my God. That is slick.
That is something else.
1217
01:10:05,240 --> 01:10:07,640
- Can you believe this?
- No.
1218
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:13,240
I guess I was wrong.
You do clean up pretty well.
1219
01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:18,440
What?
1220
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:22,000
No, you just... You...
1221
01:10:22,800 --> 01:10:24,840
I like your hair like that.
1222
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:27,000
Thanks.
1223
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:29,360
Can I get two shots?
1224
01:10:29,800 --> 01:10:31,560
You know what? Make it three.
1225
01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:34,160
Hello, McNally.
Jack-Off, how are you doing?
1226
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:36,800
- Hey, Mr. Banger.
- How are you?
1227
01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:37,960
Good.
1228
01:10:38,440 --> 01:10:39,600
Cheers.
1229
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:45,840
"Hello, my name is Joy's Bitch."
1230
01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:51,240
How's it going tonight?
You guys having fun?
1231
01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:55,480
That's a good one, McNally.
I had no idea you were so much fun.
1232
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:56,760
She's very serious at work.
1233
01:10:56,880 --> 01:10:59,200
You don't know her that well.
This one's a wildcat.
1234
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:03,320
- I wouldn't lie to you, Big Dick.
- Well, if you did, I'd have to kill you.
1235
01:11:03,440 --> 01:11:05,560
- Seriously.
- There's nothing this woman loves
1236
01:11:05,680 --> 01:11:06,960
- more than a good dare.
- Really?
1237
01:11:07,040 --> 01:11:08,880
Yeah. You ever see what she can do
with a champagne bottle?
1238
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:12,440
- Unbelievable. Shocking.
- No, it's just... It's a party trick. It's not...
1239
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:13,880
I dare you.
1240
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:22,680
- I hate you.
- You love me.
1241
01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:27,680
Very good! Very good!
1242
01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:30,680
Terrific! You know,
had I seen this side of you before,
1243
01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:34,000
I probably would have promoted you
a long time ago.
1244
01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:40,200
Get down on it
1245
01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:42,800
- That's a lot.
- Your turn.
1246
01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:49,440
You know what? You shouldn't do that.
1247
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:52,360
You've got this, okay?
1248
01:11:53,440 --> 01:11:54,960
Throw the dice.
1249
01:11:55,880 --> 01:11:57,440
You've got this.
1250
01:11:59,560 --> 01:12:01,200
- We need what, a seven?
- A seven!
1251
01:12:01,320 --> 01:12:03,120
- Okay.
- Throw a seven!
1252
01:12:05,880 --> 01:12:07,000
Seven.
1253
01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:08,480
Oh, my God!
1254
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:10,640
- Thank you. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1255
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:13,000
We're done. Can we quit?
Can we quit? We're... Okay.
1256
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:14,240
Throw it in there.
1257
01:12:14,360 --> 01:12:17,960
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please gather round?
1258
01:12:19,120 --> 01:12:23,440
Come on. Don't be afraid.
This year's Golden Handshake Award
1259
01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:26,840
for best team spirit goes to a new face,
1260
01:12:27,520 --> 01:12:31,760
and one of the funniest son of a bitches
I've ever had the pleasure to know.
1261
01:12:31,880 --> 01:12:34,040
And I think you know
who I'm talking about.
1262
01:12:34,160 --> 01:12:39,240
- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off!
- Jack-Off! Jack-Off! Jack-Off!
1263
01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:41,320
Get up here! Come on!
1264
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:45,320
Congratulations, Jack-Off.
1265
01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:50,480
Well, thank you all
for an amazing weekend. I...
1266
01:12:52,720 --> 01:12:54,880
I have to thank my wife, Joy.
1267
01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:03,680
she probably never told you all
the story about how we met.
1268
01:13:09,280 --> 01:13:12,280
It might come as a surprise
to many of you
1269
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:17,160
that we didn't know each other
for very long before we got hitched.
1270
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:26,640
What can I say? You know?
When you know, you know.
1271
01:13:28,760 --> 01:13:33,000
On our wedding night, we were so busy
running back to the honeymoon suite
1272
01:13:33,080 --> 01:13:37,720
that we never really got a chance
to have a first dance.
1273
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:39,480
so...
1274
01:13:42,640 --> 01:13:43,920
Ladies and gentlemen,
1275
01:13:44,040 --> 01:13:47,200
for the first time,
Mr. and Mrs. Jack Fuller!
1276
01:13:54,760 --> 01:13:57,400
First, when there's nothing
1277
01:13:58,280 --> 01:14:02,040
but a slow glowing dream
1278
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:05,600
That your fear seems to hide...
1279
01:14:06,800 --> 01:14:08,480
You hear that?
1280
01:14:08,600 --> 01:14:11,680
- They're clinking.
- Yeah. They are clinking.
1281
01:14:12,560 --> 01:14:15,280
I think that means they want us to kiss.
1282
01:14:15,520 --> 01:14:18,200
Well, if that's what the crowd wants...
1283
01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:22,360
Yeah, but if you're not up for it,
you don't have to. It's fine.
1284
01:14:22,480 --> 01:14:26,360
In a world made of steel
1285
01:14:26,440 --> 01:14:30,120
Made of stone
1286
01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:37,680
Well, I hear the music
1287
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:41,520
Close my eyes, feel the rhythm
1288
01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:43,720
Wrap around
1289
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:48,680
Take a hold of my heart
1290
01:14:49,480 --> 01:14:51,120
What a feeling!
1291
01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:55,880
Being's believing
1292
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:03,400
I can't have it all
Now I'm dancing for my life
1293
01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:06,480
Take your passion
1294
01:15:08,040 --> 01:15:11,200
And make it happen
1295
01:15:22,240 --> 01:15:23,880
All right, look.
1296
01:15:24,440 --> 01:15:27,560
When's the last time
you were, like, really happy?
1297
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:29,640
- Really happy?
- And don't say Vegas,
1298
01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:33,080
because if you do, I'll just... I'll have to cry.
1299
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:36,080
Okay.
1300
01:15:37,880 --> 01:15:39,760
There was this one day,
1301
01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:43,160
before the Exchange, before Mason.
1302
01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:49,040
I was feeling really adventurous,
so I took the ferry
1303
01:15:49,120 --> 01:15:51,920
- about 30 miles east of the city.
- Mmm-hmm.
1304
01:15:52,520 --> 01:15:54,280
There was this great lighthouse.
1305
01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:57,960
I mean, it was just right on the beach,
off the boardwalk.
1306
01:15:58,400 --> 01:16:00,400
- You went there by yourself?
- Yeah.
1307
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,240
You know, I just, like, sat on the beach,
1308
01:16:04,360 --> 01:16:07,680
listened to the waves,
watched the sunset.
1309
01:16:09,280 --> 01:16:13,760
God! I had no concerns, you know?
I had, like, no responsibilities,
1310
01:16:13,840 --> 01:16:15,640
no job stressing me out.
1311
01:16:15,720 --> 01:16:18,800
I had no one to please but myself.
1312
01:16:19,880 --> 01:16:22,280
- That's that photo you have.
- Yeah.
1313
01:16:23,600 --> 01:16:26,560
That was a great day.
1314
01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:46,240
I did take myself out of the game.
1315
01:16:52,200 --> 01:16:54,240
If you stop betting,
1316
01:16:55,320 --> 01:16:57,200
you never have to lose.
1317
01:17:10,640 --> 01:17:12,400
I'd bet on you, Jack.
1318
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:29,040
So, long day, huh?
1319
01:17:29,680 --> 01:17:31,000
Yeah.
1320
01:17:33,920 --> 01:17:36,760
So, we should probably get to bed.
1321
01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:39,920
Yep.
1322
01:17:59,960 --> 01:18:02,280
Can you undo my zipper?
1323
01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:05,760
- It gets stuck.
- Yeah! Yeah.
1324
01:18:06,680 --> 01:18:08,000
Absolutely.
1325
01:18:13,200 --> 01:18:14,520
All right.
1326
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:30,560
All right. Okay. There it is.
1327
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:36,680
Thanks.
1328
01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:07,480
Hey, I... These...
1329
01:19:07,600 --> 01:19:11,160
- I wasn't in your things.
- It's okay. Just leave them right there.
1330
01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:13,000
I can put them back.
1331
01:19:19,000 --> 01:19:20,840
Good night, Mr. Fuller.
1332
01:19:21,440 --> 01:19:23,320
Good night, Mrs. Fuller.
1333
01:19:53,760 --> 01:19:55,080
It's all right
1334
01:19:57,600 --> 01:19:58,600
1335
01:20:00,200 --> 01:20:01,520
Everything's all right
1336
01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:06,360
1337
01:20:07,840 --> 01:20:09,720
Everything's all right
1338
01:20:16,560 --> 01:20:17,520
It's okay
1339
01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:22,960
Okay, I'm on my way. I know.
1340
01:20:23,120 --> 01:20:24,560
It's almost over.
I'm about to be a free woman.
1341
01:20:24,680 --> 01:20:27,280
- Joy. Joy!
- What?
1342
01:20:28,560 --> 01:20:30,000
I have to go.
1343
01:20:30,400 --> 01:20:31,800
- Mason?
- Yeah.
1344
01:20:34,240 --> 01:20:37,640
I can't talk right now. I'm sorry.
I have to get going. I just...
1345
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:39,520
I want you back, Joy.
1346
01:20:41,080 --> 01:20:43,840
- What?
- I made a huge mistake letting you go.
1347
01:20:43,960 --> 01:20:45,560
I see that now.
1348
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:48,880
Seeing you the other day,
you had this glow about you.
1349
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:51,680
Not that you didn't before, it's just...
1350
01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:53,920
Sometimes it takes losing something
1351
01:20:54,040 --> 01:20:56,320
for you to realize what you had.
1352
01:20:57,080 --> 01:20:59,960
I want to make up
for the wrong I did to you.
1353
01:21:01,480 --> 01:21:02,960
This is yours.
1354
01:21:03,600 --> 01:21:06,480
I gave it to you, and I want you to have it.
1355
01:21:08,680 --> 01:21:11,040
- Where did you get this?
- And Joy,
1356
01:21:12,840 --> 01:21:15,000
you are good enough for me.
1357
01:21:27,240 --> 01:21:28,480
I mean that!
1358
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:47,080
Court is called to order.
1359
01:21:47,960 --> 01:21:51,000
Well, lookie here, lookie here!
The happy couple!
1360
01:21:51,080 --> 01:21:54,800
Six months down the road.
Did you learn anything?
1361
01:21:55,440 --> 01:21:56,440
We'll see.
1362
01:21:56,560 --> 01:21:59,680
Now, Dr. Twitchell, in your opinion,
did the couple,
1363
01:21:59,760 --> 01:22:01,800
Jack Fuller and Joy McNally,
1364
01:22:01,920 --> 01:22:04,560
obey the court order
to live together as man and wife,
1365
01:22:04,680 --> 01:22:08,080
and do you believe they put
sufficient effort into the marriage?
1366
01:22:13,120 --> 01:22:14,600
These two have
1367
01:22:17,560 --> 01:22:19,120
a lot of issues.
1368
01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:23,160
A lot of deeply unsettling issues
1369
01:22:23,640 --> 01:22:26,960
that, as individuals,
they seriously need to work on.
1370
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:29,280
Seriously.
1371
01:22:30,880 --> 01:22:33,680
But together, in my honest opinion,
1372
01:22:35,120 --> 01:22:37,360
they're perfect for each other.
1373
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:39,200
It's the real thing.
1374
01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:41,480
Go figure.
1375
01:22:43,200 --> 01:22:46,040
Well, thank you, Doctor.
You may step down.
1376
01:22:48,920 --> 01:22:50,200
Tipper!
1377
01:22:57,400 --> 01:22:58,960
Hi, Your Honor.
1378
01:22:59,840 --> 01:23:01,400
Have you lost weight?
1379
01:23:03,480 --> 01:23:05,240
Gotcha. Let's begin.
1380
01:23:05,880 --> 01:23:10,920
Although Ms. McNally ran up $25,000
in credit card debt in my client's name,
1381
01:23:11,040 --> 01:23:13,720
my client recently spent the same amount
1382
01:23:13,800 --> 01:23:16,720
for materials
for his new furniture business.
1383
01:23:17,080 --> 01:23:20,120
Therefore, we propose
the following settlement, Your Honor.
1384
01:23:20,400 --> 01:23:22,760
The original $3 million,
deduct half for taxes
1385
01:23:22,840 --> 01:23:25,600
and $50,000 that's already been spent,
1386
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:28,640
that leaves $1.45 million to be divided...
1387
01:23:33,640 --> 01:23:34,800
equally.
1388
01:23:34,880 --> 01:23:38,760
Now that's the spirit!
You've learned to share! Do you accept?
1389
01:23:45,480 --> 01:23:47,480
No, Your Honor, we do not.
1390
01:23:48,680 --> 01:23:50,400
Gold-digging whore.
1391
01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:54,400
My client has advised me that
she doesn't want any of the money.
1392
01:23:55,400 --> 01:23:57,360
She just wants a divorce.
1393
01:23:58,280 --> 01:24:00,360
Miss McNally, are you sure?
1394
01:24:03,360 --> 01:24:04,880
Yes, Your Honor, I am.
1395
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:09,920
Well, then I hereby grant the divorce
and award all the monies to Mr. Fuller.
1396
01:24:10,520 --> 01:24:12,240
Court adjourned.
1397
01:24:17,840 --> 01:24:19,360
You win, Jack.
1398
01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,960
I officially want nothing from you.
1399
01:24:28,960 --> 01:24:30,480
Oh, my God.
1400
01:24:30,600 --> 01:24:33,600
I won a case! Jesus Christ!
1401
01:24:33,720 --> 01:24:35,720
Dude, we won!
1402
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:37,240
I won!
1403
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:40,080
Yeah! I'm the law, bitches!
1404
01:24:40,200 --> 01:24:41,720
I'm a lawyer!
1405
01:24:42,440 --> 01:24:43,640
To me!
1406
01:24:44,440 --> 01:24:46,280
Anybody need a lawyer?
1407
01:24:48,600 --> 01:24:50,680
And tonight I have to leave it
1408
01:24:52,920 --> 01:24:54,720
Time heals all wounds.
1409
01:24:56,560 --> 01:25:02,480
Now that you guys are officially done,
I was hoping to maybe get her number.
1410
01:25:02,600 --> 01:25:04,560
Yes, tonight I have to leave it
1411
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:09,880
Don't you come up to me
and say you like it
1412
01:25:10,000 --> 01:25:11,320
Yeah, okay.
1413
01:25:11,800 --> 01:25:14,440
You don't have to answer that right now.
1414
01:25:18,560 --> 01:25:20,680
Hey, I have a question.
1415
01:25:21,920 --> 01:25:23,920
How much does an island cost?
1416
01:25:24,240 --> 01:25:26,040
And tonight I have to leave it
1417
01:25:27,240 --> 01:25:29,560
Yes, tonight I have to leave it
1418
01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:35,160
Now we come to the final item
on our agenda.
1419
01:25:37,160 --> 01:25:39,120
Congratulations, McNally.
1420
01:25:41,920 --> 01:25:44,480
Thank you, sir. I won't let you down.
1421
01:25:50,480 --> 01:25:53,400
Okay, I think I'm gonna have to
let you down.
1422
01:25:53,520 --> 01:25:55,960
Why don't you just give it to Chong,
you know?
1423
01:25:56,080 --> 01:25:57,480
She's good, she deserves it,
1424
01:25:57,560 --> 01:26:00,040
and besides,
I think she just enjoys being miserable.
1425
01:26:00,480 --> 01:26:02,600
- Yes!
- You sure you know what you're doing?
1426
01:26:02,720 --> 01:26:05,640
No, I don't. But I think that's the point.
1427
01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:09,560
I would rather do nothing and be happy
1428
01:26:10,480 --> 01:26:13,000
than do something that I don't love.
1429
01:26:26,080 --> 01:26:27,880
Well, I lost her at happy.
1430
01:26:27,960 --> 01:26:29,680
I don't know what the hell
she was trying to say anyway.
1431
01:26:29,760 --> 01:26:32,400
Well done, Chonger. The job is yours.
1432
01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:37,360
Thank you.
1433
01:26:38,200 --> 01:26:40,000
So! Jack made a piece of furniture.
1434
01:26:41,040 --> 01:26:42,440
He finished it.
1435
01:26:42,560 --> 01:26:44,160
Okay. Go ahead, Dad.
What's wrong with it?
1436
01:26:44,280 --> 01:26:45,760
Nothing. It's good.
1437
01:26:45,840 --> 01:26:48,120
It's really good. I'm proud of you.
1438
01:26:51,280 --> 01:26:52,480
- Thank you.
- But...
1439
01:26:52,600 --> 01:26:53,560
Here we go.
1440
01:26:53,680 --> 01:26:55,240
...you royally screwed up
when it comes to that girl.
1441
01:26:55,320 --> 01:26:59,080
It was a big, stupid mistake. Okay?
The entire marriage was a lie!
1442
01:26:59,200 --> 01:27:01,720
The marriage might have been a mistake,
but it was not a lie.
1443
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:04,600
And I think that anybody
who has spent time with you two recently
1444
01:27:04,720 --> 01:27:05,800
could tell you that.
1445
01:27:05,920 --> 01:27:09,040
So why don't you get your head
out of your ass
1446
01:27:09,160 --> 01:27:11,320
and go do something about it?
1447
01:27:11,960 --> 01:27:15,280
Or should I tell you not to,
and then maybe you will?
1448
01:27:18,640 --> 01:27:21,280
- She's gone, man.
- Gone? What do you mean, gone?
1449
01:27:21,400 --> 01:27:25,680
She, like, lost it. She quit her job,
shut off her phone. She took off.
1450
01:27:25,960 --> 01:27:27,960
Look, I don't really care much for you,
1451
01:27:28,080 --> 01:27:29,880
and I want to cut your friend Hater.
Seriously.
1452
01:27:29,960 --> 01:27:31,200
But for some reason,
1453
01:27:31,320 --> 01:27:34,240
you're, like, the only man
that Joy can actually be herself with,
1454
01:27:34,320 --> 01:27:38,280
so I wanna tell you where she is,
I really do. I just don't know.
1455
01:27:38,960 --> 01:27:40,920
- What do you know?
- I don't know. If you were miserable
1456
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:44,440
and you wanted to get happy again,
where would you go?
1457
01:27:46,240 --> 01:27:47,320
What?
1458
01:27:49,080 --> 01:27:50,400
Thank you.
1459
01:27:53,640 --> 01:27:55,960
Okay, tell you what. We both go.
1460
01:27:56,280 --> 01:27:57,480
That way, when she sees us both,
1461
01:27:57,600 --> 01:28:00,080
she can make up her mind
on who she wants to be with.
1462
01:28:00,200 --> 01:28:04,080
I've loaned you my band saw,
I've loaned you my beer tap.
1463
01:28:04,160 --> 01:28:05,680
Do you even know
how to drive an automatic?
1464
01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:07,480
The keys. Give me the keys.
1465
01:28:07,560 --> 01:28:08,920
Here. Sorry.
1466
01:28:09,720 --> 01:28:12,120
Go get your future ex-ex-wife.
1467
01:28:21,360 --> 01:28:25,120
What a waste of time
The thought crossed my mind
1468
01:28:25,240 --> 01:28:28,040
But I never missed a beat
1469
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:32,520
Can't explain the who or what I was
1470
01:28:32,920 --> 01:28:35,440
Trying to believe
1471
01:28:35,840 --> 01:28:37,920
What would you do?
1472
01:28:39,640 --> 01:28:42,840
What would you do?
Do you know?
1473
01:28:43,320 --> 01:28:46,840
I once had a grip on everything
1474
01:28:46,960 --> 01:28:50,120
It feels better to let go
1475
01:28:50,360 --> 01:28:52,760
I'm not over
1476
01:28:54,080 --> 01:28:57,600
I'm not over you just yet
1477
01:28:57,720 --> 01:29:00,080
Cannot hide it
1478
01:29:01,360 --> 01:29:05,040
You're not that easy to forget
1479
01:29:05,240 --> 01:29:08,280
I'm not over
1480
01:29:12,320 --> 01:29:14,840
I'm not over
1481
01:29:38,280 --> 01:29:39,640
You found me.
1482
01:29:41,640 --> 01:29:43,400
You left this behind,
1483
01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:48,520
and I wanted to bring it back to you.
1484
01:29:54,000 --> 01:29:57,840
Do you know how many lighthouses
there are 30 miles east of the city?
1485
01:29:57,960 --> 01:29:59,680
- How many?
- Five.
1486
01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:02,640
- Really?
- Yeah, just in case you're wondering.
1487
01:30:02,760 --> 01:30:03,760
So.
1488
01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:10,520
Did you come all the way out here
just to give this back to me?
1489
01:30:11,520 --> 01:30:14,200
I did. So I'm going to get out of here.
1490
01:30:17,080 --> 01:30:18,920
All right. Here it is.
1491
01:30:19,920 --> 01:30:22,480
When we were married, I was horrible.
1492
01:30:23,320 --> 01:30:25,880
Sick. Just wrong.
1493
01:30:28,160 --> 01:30:30,720
And it's the best time I've ever had.
1494
01:30:34,400 --> 01:30:36,720
You bet on me, Joy,
1495
01:30:39,360 --> 01:30:41,960
and you made me want to bet on myself.
1496
01:30:42,440 --> 01:30:45,640
So don't think about anyone else
1497
01:30:46,200 --> 01:30:49,160
and just answer this for you.
1498
01:30:57,960 --> 01:31:00,240
Do you want to be married to me?
1499
01:31:01,360 --> 01:31:02,480
Again?
1500
01:31:05,120 --> 01:31:06,360
You know,
1501
01:31:07,760 --> 01:31:10,880
for so long, I've just...
I've tried to please everybody.
1502
01:31:11,400 --> 01:31:14,440
And by not trying to please you,
1503
01:31:17,120 --> 01:31:19,320
I think I became myself again.
1504
01:31:22,560 --> 01:31:23,600
I do
1505
01:31:24,760 --> 01:31:28,600
want to be married to you again.
1506
01:31:55,080 --> 01:31:56,520
I quit my job.
1507
01:31:57,800 --> 01:31:59,000
I heard.
1508
01:31:59,280 --> 01:32:02,680
I have absolutely no idea
what I'm going to do. No clue.
1509
01:32:02,760 --> 01:32:07,400
Well, it's a good thing that I have...
That we have a ton of money.
1510
01:32:07,520 --> 01:32:09,120
Oh, my God!
1511
01:32:10,640 --> 01:32:14,080
That's right. We hit the jackpot.
1512
01:32:14,880 --> 01:32:16,240
Yeah, I did.
1513
01:32:21,320 --> 01:32:24,200
Now, Joy, do you take this young man
1514
01:32:25,400 --> 01:32:29,960
to be your lawfully wedded husband,
in sickness and in health...
1515
01:32:30,320 --> 01:32:31,320
Uh-huh.
1516
01:32:31,440 --> 01:32:33,440
...for richer or for poorer...
1517
01:32:34,520 --> 01:32:35,800
I do. I take him.
1518
01:32:35,920 --> 01:32:37,680
Naughty! Naughty!
1519
01:32:37,760 --> 01:32:40,680
Jack, would you put the ring
upon her finger?
1520
01:32:41,600 --> 01:32:44,080
- Was that the one?
- That was it! Oh, my God!
1521
01:32:44,200 --> 01:32:45,920
You may kiss the bride.
1522
01:32:47,960 --> 01:32:49,560
This is the greatest day of my life!
1523
01:32:50,080 --> 01:32:53,680
- This is the greatest day of my...
- What? What?
1524
01:32:55,600 --> 01:32:56,680
Oh, my...
1525
01:32:56,920 --> 01:32:58,400
This is marvelous, simply marvelous.
1526
01:32:58,520 --> 01:33:00,520
- Bye! Thank you!
- Bye-bye.
1527
01:33:00,680 --> 01:33:02,360
Have fun, you guys!
1528
01:33:02,480 --> 01:33:04,080
It's so much fun in there!
You guys are gonna love it!
1529
01:33:04,200 --> 01:33:06,280
- Woman!
- Holy shit.
1530
01:33:06,400 --> 01:33:08,400
- Woman!
- I'm coming!
1531
01:33:10,360 --> 01:33:11,480
Hey!
1532
01:33:14,560 --> 01:33:15,560
PLAYING)
1533
01:33:15,640 --> 01:33:19,360
No one here likes you
Go away get a clue
1534
01:33:19,440 --> 01:33:21,560
Go back to your... zoo
1535
01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:24,200
And now we're standing face to face
1536
01:33:26,240 --> 01:33:30,400
Isn't this world a crazy place
1537
01:33:35,800 --> 01:33:36,760
Why?
1538
01:33:36,880 --> 01:33:38,280
You know why!
1539
01:33:43,080 --> 01:33:44,520
You know why!
1540
01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:50,480
Go away, get a clue
1541
01:33:50,680 --> 01:33:54,960
Go back to your... zoo
or whatever it is you do
1542
01:33:55,040 --> 01:33:59,040
I don't know why
I don't like what's in your eyes
1543
01:33:59,240 --> 01:34:01,680
And I'd love to split them wide
1544
01:34:03,560 --> 01:34:06,040
I could pretend
1545
01:34:06,120 --> 01:34:10,360
Can't you understand
I hate you my friend
1546
01:34:12,120 --> 01:34:15,320
some call it an obsession
1547
01:34:16,120 --> 01:34:19,040
And some call it a good hate
1548
01:34:20,160 --> 01:34:23,200
And I'll just call it pathetic
1549
01:34:24,120 --> 01:34:27,040
But some totally relate
1550
01:34:29,320 --> 01:34:33,480
I'd rather go to hell
than shake your hand or wish you well
1551
01:34:33,840 --> 01:34:35,640
In case you couldn't tell
1552
01:34:37,760 --> 01:34:41,960
Go ahead, boy, drink your drink
Go ahead, boy, do your thing
1553
01:34:42,080 --> 01:34:45,800
Can you learn the words
to every song I sing
1554
01:34:46,440 --> 01:34:48,920
1555
01:34:49,120 --> 01:34:53,200
1556
01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:15,400
some call it an obsession
1557
01:35:16,280 --> 01:35:19,080
And some call it a good hate
1558
01:35:20,320 --> 01:35:23,400
And I'll just call it pathetic
1559
01:35:24,360 --> 01:35:27,160
But some totally relate
1560
01:35:29,160 --> 01:35:33,600
Go away, get a clue
1561
01:35:33,680 --> 01:35:37,560
Go back to your... zoo
or whatever it is you do
1562
01:35:37,720 --> 01:35:40,400
1563
01:35:40,520 --> 01:35:44,720
1564
01:35:46,800 --> 01:35:49,400
I hate you my friend
1565
01:35:50,880 --> 01:35:53,360
I hate you my friend
1566
01:38:15,800 --> 01:38:19,240
What are you doing later? You know,
there's a meteor shower tonight.
1567
01:38:19,360 --> 01:38:20,800
You know what?
1568
01:38:20,880 --> 01:38:23,480
Jack was our glue.
1569
01:38:23,600 --> 01:38:26,000
I feel like the fact that he's gone
makes us a little closer.
1570
01:38:26,080 --> 01:38:28,440
No, it makes us a little bit just...
1571
01:38:29,000 --> 01:38:30,760
The opposite of that.
1572
01:38:39,480 --> 01:38:40,960
You like
to party?
1573
01:38:43,080 --> 01:38:44,080
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00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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What Happens in Vegas

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What Happens in Vegas

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