Fangirl’s Anatomy

K-pop loaded iPod- check! Cameras-check! Albums-check! Tees, pins, light sticks and

other fan-phernalia-check, check, check, check! Fangirl makeover-check! Fangirl yell-check!

Fansigns-check! Fan club official membership-check! Overall obsession to SHINee-super check!

Whew, like what Spongebob always say before going to Krusty Krab, I’m ready! (1000 times

until he arrives at Krab’s place).

My fangirl syndrome started with Replay by SHINee. After a week of non-stop SHINee

giddiness, I knew I was hooked… on the crazy lyrics I cannot even understand (Well at least now

I can relate a bit. Thanks to online English translations!), the irresistible sexiness slash cuteness

of their lead vocals (Sexiness is the word. You do not belong in the K-pop industry if you’re not

sexy) and the feel-good beats. It was only a matter of period before I found myself swooning

over K-pop and in the instant addictive high that each song brought.

When I first enter this kind of realm, I was totally lost. It’s like I was stuck in a maze and

cannot find my way out. Because I cannot understand their own language and expressions, I

found myself scrunching my eyebrows every time I try to socialize with ‘the community’. We

have our own language and each fanclub has their bunch of vocabularies, too. The most

commonly used mumbo jumbos a fangirl should master are-selca(self-cam), CF(commercial

film), MV(Music videos), Netizen(online fangirls/ online K-pop critics), Goodbye stage(it is a

six month break of a group for the preparation of the next album concept), Comeback stage(after

six months of having a break, K-pop group goes back to perform on stage), fanfics(stories using

the K-pop idols as main characters). But of course my favourite part is I learned basic Korean!

Like oppa (meaning older bro the one talking is a girl) and hyung(meaning older brother if the
one talking is a boy), saranghae(I love you), maknae(youngest), Sunbae (mentor),

dongsaeng(younger sibling). Well, it will take me two full pages of all the vocabularies I have

learned these past three years. After a month of severe indulgence, I have learned the ropes and

finally, I call myself an official fangirl. Since the second month of fangirling, I lived my life the

fangirl way. I cannot start my day right without having my favorite part of my favorite K-pop

vibe as my morning alarm. I cannot start our assignments without having a bunch of news and

picture updates from soompi.com and allkpop.com.

First thing we do is to be obsessed. You cannot be a true blue fangirl if you stay sane

every time you watch them smirk. You do not call yourself a fangirl if your earlobes cannot feel

eargasm (sorry for the word but that’s the way we say it) each time they sing onstage. Do not

dare to name yourself a fangirl if you do not stalk every single fact about your bias (yes folks,

you heard me right. WE STALK). And to complete the package, fangirls do read heaps of fan-

fictions and squealing every giddy moment of your bias and their fictional partners (to tell you

the stupid truth, we apply for main fictional characters. So we can be partners with our bias. Oh,

forgive us. Even just in stories). Actually, I improved and showed my talent in writing when I

started writing fan fictions. Though my first works sucks, at least it was widely read all over Asia

*blushing* and I made some people cry because of my tragic masterpieces and of course, I’ve

gained friends across the globe! I have three from Singapore, two from Malaysia, one from

California, six from Indonesia and two from France. Though we are from different races, we

understand each other.

Though I feel so fly every time I’m fangirling, I admit there are problems (some are

minors but some are big). Being a fangirl involves a lot of money (When I say a lot, it’s a thick

bunch of money). Watching music videos every single moment, memorizing alien lyrics and
being up-to-date is not enough and that’s the second thing a fangirl should have. Personally, it’s

my frustration. Because of my not-so-high- financial status, I cannot feed myself with this kind

of satisfaction. While most of the fangirls can grab every new album copies, official calendars,

official shirts, official pins and light sticks and can travel wherever just to follow their beloved’s

concert, I’m just stealing some official photos in the internet and print it as if I have the official

calendar. I only download music videos and mp3s from 4shared as if I have an official album. I

download official shirt template and go to the nearest and cheapest shirt printing services as if I

really bought the official one(poor me). Believe me it’s hard to follow the rich fangirls. Of

course, you cannot stop yourself of being envious. I even have to lie to my dad whenever I buy

merchs (merchandise) and say it’s just a gift from a friend. And the hardest part of my fangirl life

is that my parents do not support me. (They think it’s just a stupid desire and probably they are

old and cannot understand the concept *snickers*). There’s a time I had to throw tantrums the

moment I knew that I’m 163rd on the ticket raffle for the FREE cultural partnership performance

of SHINee in CCP. Why did I grow insane? They only gave free tickets from 1 st to the 160th! I

had to cry blood in front of my dad just for him to let me attend ( I cannot watch inside the hall

but at least I can see the arrival and departure of SHINee) But because I’m a minor that moment

and he will not give me money, I failed. I cut seven inches of my hair just to express my sorrow

(Yes, I felt sorrow). I’m such a drama queen.

To add more findings, we fangirls are detached to reality. Because not all people around

us understand us, we tend to disconnect. That’s why we have online communities. We share

closely related views and illusions. We are good day dreamers(especially night dreaming). We

imagine life is that magical and fairy-tale-photocopy like those fanfics we read. We planted in

our brains that we can find perfect people like those in K-pop. And the worst thing is some of us
undergo surgeries just to be a perfect carbon copy, really. I personally feel ugly every time I

compare myself to my idols and I think that’s gonna add up to the negatives of being a fangirl.

Crazy as you may see it but do not worry you’re not mistaken.

Some dudes and dudettes on the way hearing my K-pop addiction raise their eyebrows

and consider a tanned Filipino girl is chanting Korean spell is bizarre. Oh please, this is 2012 we

are living right now and listening to K-pop is the result of globalization. But, as a rule in our

world, brawling is a big no so I stay calm every time someone says straight to my face that my

music sucks. For me, fangirling is a type of escapism. It relieves the stress of living in reality

where everything is messy, everything imperfect and everything is not going with your plan.

These are the reasons that for three years, I never thought of denying my fangirl life. I want to

stay sane after the whole day’s work by just devoting two hours of spazzing. It taught me how to

stay cool when I’m in between a sticky situation by just plugging my earphones on and hit the

play button. It made me feel the giddiness I’ve never felt with a real person. It made me feel how

it is like to be understood. Fangirling holds the youth inside me and I keep on finding things that

can make me feel that after all the trials and obstacles we pass through, I’m still young.

We need to get out of saneness because sometimes when we go wild and free, we get to

find our real selves. We need to seek for venues where we can express though we have to look

crazy and all. Like what I always tell my friends, normal is boring and beyond normal is

exciting.

I’ve vomited my fangirl existence and I’m sure you’ve already checked my iPod, my

camera and my fan-phernalias. And so, you’ve already dissected a fangirl’s anatomy.