Writing 1: Ngo Nhung

Dear Ann,
I am so glad to hear from you. I heard that you are in two minds between going to the college Formatted: Highlight
and getting a job. I think that landing a job seems to better fit you than attending the university. Formatted: Highlight
First of all, entering the college will take you three or four years to complete. Instead, you can Formatted: Highlight
find a job and earn a lucrative income in that time. Moreover, school life is likely to be boring Formatted: Highlight
and stressful due to a great amount of homework and assignments. Therefore, you might not find
Formatted: Highlight
it interesting to accomplish those tasks.
Formatted: Highlight
Getting a job appears to be ideal for you now. You can make end meet but pay for tuition fee like
at the university. Furthermore, you can completely put aside for important events in your life. Formatted: Highlight

That you go directly into the working market enables you to develop and tackle with challenges. Formatted: Highlight
You come across as an active and creative girl and you are wired for fashion. A clothes-related Formatted: Highlight
related-clothes job may be the most suitable for you. Running your own shop or working as a
salesman in shopping malls is my prior suggestion. I strongly believe that you will be successful
in the long run. Formatted: Highlight
Hope to see you soon.
Love,
Nhung
Rated: 8
- Good collocation Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman
- Chú ý một vài lỗi spelling + minor grammatical errors.
- Đã sử dụng được tương đối đa dạng cấu trúc câu, có hedging, có Noun clause as sentence
subject.
- Luyện tập nhiều hơn để trở thành skill

Writing 2: Quyen
Dear Jane,
I am really happy to receive your letter and I hope everything is going well with you. I know that
you are in really hard time to decide whether to study at college or to find a job. I extremely
sympathize with you. Commented [BKC1]: Check lại giúp cô xem dung từ
Actually, If I were you, I would go straight/directly to work instead of studying. It seems that sympathize có ổn không nhé! Nó có vài nét nghĩa, nhưng cô
chưa thấy nét nghĩa nào hoàn toàn fits this situation
nowadays attending a college is much more popular than before. Because the industry is
changing, the job hunting is not going well. Furthermore, studying in at college or university is Formatted: Highlight
quite expensive because you have to pay for such several kinds of fees as tuition, Commented [BKC2]: More popular or less popular? Xem
accommodation, food or even some extra classes. Moreover, you may be bored or homesick lại mạch văn với các câu chỗ này nhé!

because of living/ being studying colleges which are far from your house, and it takes much time Formatted: Highlight
to back home. Formatted: Highlight
wWhat I am going to suggest you is that you should go through some websites to find a job. I Formatted: Highlight
think first you need to try a part-time job to realize what your desire exactly is. There has a wide
range of choices for you, but I think being a receptionist is the best selection for you. If you
apply for this position, you are no need to be worry because this job does not require any Commented [BKC3]: No need là cụm danh từ, xem lại ngữ
qualifications. You just have to make up a little bit and dress well, additionally, you also need to pháp chỗ này nhé
smile friendly with anyone. That I give you advices is vitally important, especially when you Formatted: Highlight
apply for a hotel or resort. In term of finding a job, you can earn a living as a self-employed Formatted: Highlight
person.
All in all, I hope you can overcome this problem to find your interest. Please be well-prepared
before going to an interview.
I am looking forward from you.
Love you,
Ann

Rated: 6.0

- Có cải thiện so với bài viết trước. Formatted: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1 + Aligned at:
- Dùng adverbials tương đối hiệu quả 0.25" + Indent at: 0.5"
- Cấu trúc câu tương đối đa dạng
- Check lại để đảm bảo sử dụng đúng các từ.
- Đoạn 1 bôi vàng: Why not enjoy college, đoạn 2: Suggest her a job. Vậy đoạn Why
getting a job is ideal đâu? Thiếu ý là mất điểm trầm trọng đó nhé! Lời khuyên của cô là
hãy tạo ra CLEAR CUT cho các đoạn, ko nên lồng vào nhau, vì dù là có, thì cũng rất khó
cho người chấm, khó cho em khi viết. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman

Writing 3: Ngoc Huong

Dear Marry,
I am extremely happy to receive your letter. I know that it is an extremely hard time for you to Commented [BKC4]: Repetition. Vừa dung extremely ở
decide between attending to college or getting a job. In my opinion, you should get a job that will ngay câu trước mà.
help you have a broadened/better/brighter future.
Nowadays, most of the people have tend to get a job instead of continuing studies/persuing Commented [BKC5]: Chỗ này 2 động từ à?
education. Because they think that after graduating, they will become unemployed/ out of work.
unemployment. Moreover, if you attend to college or university, you have to pay for many
kinds of fees such as tuition fee, food and accommodation, which can highly cost. You have a
mount of heavies workload you have to come over during the academic years. This may put you Commented [BKC6]: Viết lại cho câu này sang nghĩa hơn
under a lot of pressure.maybe cause make you are under pressure. đi
Additionally, working helps you earn much money, which can support your life and for your
latter saving. You can get the experience from working and learn some useful things for your
life. This is reason why I advise you to find a job.

There is a wide selection of jobs for you to choose from, but I think becoming a tour guide is the
most suitable for you. I know that you have an intense desire to travel and the curiosity to
explore about the historical places and the different cultures of the world. I believe that you will
be succeed in your new job. Commented [BKC7]: Success hay succeed hay successful?
I hope that you can come to the final decision soon! Check lại các từ loại và dùng từ cho đúng choc ô nhé!
Love,
Huong

Rated: 6.5
 - Bài viết tương đối tối. Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman
- Cấu trúc câu tương đối, nhưng hãy cố gắng làm đa dạng thêm nhé, ví dụ như hedging, Formatted: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1 + Aligned at:
noun clause as sentence subject… 0.25" + Indent at: 0.5"
- Nhiều chỗ diễn đạt hơi lòng vòng
- Triển khai các ý tương đối rõ rang
- Chú ý lỗi ngữ pháp. Em đang mắc systematic errors (Lỗi hệ thống) đấy. Có 3 chỗ sai về
chia động từ. Xem lại nhé! Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman

Writing 4: Chu Dung

Dear Nga,
I’m absolutely happy to receive your letter. I hope you are doing well.

I know that it is an intensely hard time for you to decide between attending university or getting
a job. It appears that people currently aren't interested in going to tertiary education because
student life is extremely expensive with a series of spending namely tuition fee, food, and
accommodation. Moreover, I recommend you to consider that unemployment rate of graduates
has extremely/significantly/ increased in our country in the last decade.

On top of that, I strongly suggest you get a job. I believe that the best way to learn specialist
skills is by practicinge in a real working environment. Therefore, you can take part in the
workforce earlier and boost your experience to develop the job.

Although there is a wide selection to get a job, you can look for a position in a clothes shop as a
salesperson. Because you are a big fan of fashion, a sales assistant is completely suitable for you.
Furthermore, You don't need to have prior experience. It's probable that you can become a shop
owner in the future.

I hope my suggestion would help you make a decision what is best for you!

Love,
Dung
Rated: 8.0
Bài viết tương đối tốt
Sử dụng cấu trúc câu + adverbials hiệu quả
Triển khai các ý rõ rang, đầy đủ
Lưu ý một vài lỗi ngữ pháp
Writing 5: Le Pham

I am extremely happy to receive your letter. It seems that it is the hard time for you to choose.
However, I think you should get a job instead of going to a university.

A degree from a university may not guarantee a well-paid job for you. On the other hand, if you Commented [BKC8]: Guarantee somebody something.
attend to a university, you have to follow a compulsory curriculum. Also, you must take part in a Đặt lại câu này nhé!
great deal of tests and you are always under pressure.

Moreover, if you get a job, you will earn money earlier. You may learn from other people to
improve such your skills as communicative skills or other soft skills, which cannot be given at a Commented [BKC9]: May not be taught
university. Generally, a skillful person does better than a person who just has theory.

I see you have deep knowledge about fashion, so I recommend you should rent a small shop to
sell clothes. I think that job is completely suitable for you because you told me that you have an
intense desire to have the biggest shop in your town.

In conclusion, going to a college is not a unique way leading to success, and doing the job that
you like most brings happiness for you.

Rated 6.5

- Chết ở cái từ “In conclusion” kia Lệ nhá! Xem lại đi nào Formatted: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1 + Aligned at:
- Dùng từ vựng, cấu trúc câu tương đối hiệu quả 0.25" + Indent at: 0.5"
- Đọc lại về Article/Mạo từ nhé! Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman

Writing 6: Do Trinh

Dear John,

I have recently received your letter, so, I am writing this letter to suggest some advices for you. Commented [BKC10]: Dùng “so” như này ấy hả?

I know that making the choice between going to a college and getting a job is extremely difficult
for you. And I think you should get a job rather than go to a college. Because when you are in a Formatted: Highlight
college, you have to spend four years to study and go through many harsh subjects. Next, you Commented [BKC11]: Check lại mệnh đề because nhé,
also spend a lot of money for subjects or materials in college. Although you can find a part-time xem nó gắn với mệnh đề chính nào??
job when you have free time, which will sometimes effects your results in college. And maybe Commented [BKC12]: Effect hay affect? Check lại
you will not enjoy all of them.

While other people spend four years at a college, you can spend the same time to get a good job.
Having a job will helps you get experience about the life as well as your job in the future. In
addition, it is clearly recognized that getting a job will help you free in finance sooner than
everyone. Therefore, going to work is a good idea for you.

After graduating from the high school, I think you can work as a salesman in a shop. That selling
goods is a work doesn’t ask you too many high competences and it will be suitable for you.

I hope that you will make a good decision for yourself. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

See you soon,

Rated: 6.5 già, 7.0 non
- Bài viết tương đối tốt. Formatted: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1 + Aligned at:
- Sử dụng cấu trúc câu và từ vựng khá 0.25" + Indent at: 0.5"
- Xem lại mệnh đề chính + Phụ nhé
- 2 đoạn cuối viết tốt hơn đoạn đầu Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman

Writing 7: Van Anh

Dear Anna. I am extremely glad to receive your letter for asking my advice. To my mind, I Commented [BKC13]: Chỗ này là thế nào?
highly recommend that you should not go to college because you seem to face with a lot of such
serious problems as finance and limited timetable. Landing a job is considered the best choice for
you because you not only earn money to make end meet but also learn numerous experience Formatted: Highlight
outside the world. In addition, getting a job can bring you more chances to meet new people and Formatted: Highlight
learn from them.
What i I still considered is which kinds of job is suitable for you. There is a variety of works that Commented [BKC14]: Sao dung Past simple ở đây?
you can search on an useful website named huntingjobs.com . It provides many part-time as well Commented [BKC15]: Kinds…is… xem lại S-V agreement
as full -time jobs , and you can choose just by a click. However, I really appreciate jobs relating
fashion because I know you have an intense desire for designing clothes
Hope to see your reply soon
Best wishes
Van anh
Rated 7.0
Bài viết tương đối tốt ở cách dùng từ và cấu trúc câu.
Xem lại chỗ chia động từ nhé
Đoạn 2 cô thấy chưa được persuasive cho lắm

Writing 8: Duong Phuong

Dear Emily,

I have recently received your letter. It is so good to know that you have graduated,
congratulation! However, I also hear about your difficult situation, whether to go to college or to
try to get a job.

Therefore, what I’m writing you today may help you figure something out. To be honest, I think
you should get a job immediately instead of going to college. First of all, colleges and
universities is time consuming due to the fact that numerous students do not get a job after
graduation, although they have good or even excellent degree. Besides, studying in college or
university will cost you a lot of money, because of the tuitions and other financial problems like Commented [BKC16]: Có phẩy ko?
flat renting and food.

In addition, you should spend time on getting practical experience by finding a job. It can help
you live independently with your parents. The sooner you join in the workforce the better
experience you gain, because you will have an opportunity to work with skillful and professional
worker. Starting a career appears to be difficult, but it is the best choice for you.

You used to mention that you extremely enjoy making drink especially coffee. Moreover, you
received a lot of compliment from your friend about it. So why don’t you try to get a job at the
café or the pub? I believe that you can be very successful if you work in the field of your
passion.

I hope that you can make up your mind soon. I’m looking forward to your letter.

Love,
Rated 8.0

Bài viết tốt. Đoạn đầu tiên cô thấy hơi dài dòng

Writing 9: Quang Hang

Dear JL,

I'm extremely glad to receive your letter. I understand that you have a hesitation in choosing
between enrolling a university and getting a job. I think that you are in need of get a job. Commented [BKC17]: Check lại cấu trúc “Be in need of”
With In regard to attending a college, you should think twice before you spend much money on nhé!
student life. It takes you a range of fees from tution fee to accommodation bills. Besides, there
can be little doubt that unemployed rates of graduates are on the increase. Commented [BKC18]: Good

Additionally, you can earn living, if you try to get a job. The earlier you attend the workforce, Commented [BKC19]: Có dấu phẩy ko?
the earlier you become a personal independence. In fact, working is a good chance to enlarge Chính trước phụ sau thì ko có. Phụ trước chính sau cần có
your circles. Commented [BKC20]: Hay independent person?
I understand that you are handy with paintbrush, so I believe that you fit in with make-up. It
seems to be a trendy career which is suitable for women's favor favourite in modern life.
Especially, you just have spentd about 5 to 8 months learning from highly qualified workers
instead of wasting 4 to 6 years at university.
I hope you will be success on your own company.

Love,
Haga
Rated: 7 già
 - Tương đối tốt Formatted: List Paragraph, Bulleted + Level: 1 + Aligned at:
- Dùng từ tốt 0.25" + Indent at: 0.5"
- Check lại một vài cấu trúc câu cô đã lưu ý nhé! Formatted: Font: (Default) Times New Roman

Writing 10: Duong Hang

I recently received your letter and Ii feel a little bit disappointed because i wehave no
opportunity to talk to each other more frequent. However, I am very glad that you have finally Commented [BKC21]: Chỗ này cần tính từ hay trạng từ???
graduated froma high school and will start a new life. Why? (Frequently)

I know that it is an extremmely hard decision for you between going to colledge and getting a job
. Going to colledge in order to get a professional job is really true in the past, but people
nowadays tend to choose to get a job in stead of sitting in class. That the numerous graduates
become unemployment is one of reasons for their choices. Besides, if you attend to a colledge,
you have to pay a lot of money for education fee, accommodation, water bill, electric bill. A
great deal of difficult subjects you have to learn. Of course, you will have final exams when you
finish the subjects. That makes you quite stress, so I'm sure that you will not enjoy them.

Therefore, I think getting a job is a good idea for you which helps you have more reality
experiences. In addition, you will also save enough money to support your life in the future.

I can see your passion is cooking and your dream is having own restaurant or working in a
reputable one. If Ii were you, Ii will follow my passion. That you follow your passion and your Commented [BKC22]: Xem lại câu điều kiện loại mấy để
interest motivates you in your working. Hence, becoming a cheft is a suitable job for you. chia cho phù hợp nhé!

I hope that you will give your final decision soon!

Rated: 6.5 non

Sẽ là 6.5 già nếu em chỉnh sửa được các lỗi spelling kia đi.
Dùng từ vựng và cấu trúc câu rất đa dạng, nhưng xem lại một vài chỗ cô đã yêu cầu nhé!
Em nhìn vào các đoạn của mình xem, có sự balance hay ko? Đoạn 1 dài hơn cả 2 đoạn sau, trong
khi các ý đều equally important