NEW GIRL S4 E17

JESS
You know who’s great? Cece.

NICK
One of our finest. Lovely woman.

JESS
And she has so much to offer.

NICK
Is that what this is about? She
sends you to sell me on it?

JESS
No, Nick. She doesn’t know I’m
talking to you at all. Wait. You
guys have talked about it?

NICK
All the time. But I thought she
and I had come to a decision.

JESS
Which is?

NICK
It’s not happening.

JESS
Well, why not?

NICK
‘Cause I’m not interested. And I
know it’s not cool to say, but...
I don’t like the way it would
look.

JESS
People are gonna say what they’re
gonna say. They’re not reasons not
to go through with it.

NICK
Fine. You want to know my biggest
concern? My biggest concern is the
smell.

JESS
The smell?

NICK
The smell of it.
(MORE)
 2.

NICK (CONT’D)
Yeah, and it’s not Cece’s fault. I
mean, they all smell. I’ve told
her that.

JESS
You told Cece you think
all women...

NICK
Don’t make this a
feminist thing...

JESS
It... I’m not making it a
feminist thing.

NICK
How? They smell terrible. It’s
common knowledge.

JESS
I thought your biggest concern
would be how it affected the
people around you.

NICK
I mean, sure, a bunch of old
drunks will grab at it...

JESS
But if your biggest concern is the
smell, I’m sure that’s highly
manageable.

NICK
Yeah, I guess there’s, like,
special solvents and soaps. I-I
haven’t read up on it that much.
You know, but you got to really
get in there and scrub it out.
It’s disgusting. You know, ‘cause
of the daily wear and tear and...
oil and grease just cooking in
there. It’s enough to make a man
barf thinking about it. I mean,
they get really hot.

JESS
I know what temperature it gets.

NICK
Hot.. But if I’m being honest,
you know...
(MORE)
 3.

NICK (CONT’D)
And I haven’t talked to her about
this... but... I do have good
memories associated with the
smell. Ball games, the circus,
hanging with my dad.

JESS
Listen here, you idiot. I’ve known
Cece a very long time, and I can
promise you the smell will not be
a problem.

NICK
That’s really easy for you to say
‘cause you’re not the one who’s
gonna have to remind her to clean
it all the time.

JESS
I promise you, if it becomes a
problem... I will remind her.

NICK
Well, if you remind her and she
doesn’t do it, I don’t want you
sneaking around and cleaning it
yourself.

JESS
Nick. I’m a good friend, but I am
not that good of a friend.