“GARDEN STATE”

Female Contemporary Comic Monologue

We’re not gonna like make out or anything. I’m sorry, I just totally ruined the moment
didn’t I? I just mean that we’re not gonna like make out. Ugh, I didn’t mean to put that
out there, that was lame. BLAAAAHHH. That was so dumb. You know what I do when
I’m feeling completely unoriginal? (loudly and theatrically) Laba-laba-laba-laba! I make
a noise or I do something that no one has ever done. And then I feel like…unique again;
even if only for a second. No one has laba-labaded in this spot, no one. You just
witnessed a completely original moment in history. It’s refreshing. You should try one.

Come on. Come on. What are you shy? This is your chance to do something that has
never, ever been done before and will never be copied throughout human existence. If
nothing else, you’ll be remembered as the only person who ever did this. Try it…Oh, I’ve
done that one before.