I am not a “what you see is what you get” person.

It takes a lot of time for other people to break

my walls. I would act detached and indifferent to all people I consider as strangers. Others may see me
as a shy and quiet type person, but that is the opposite of who I actually am. Few people know that about
me. And even those who are closest to me, do not know the whole me.

If you would ask me where I feel most like myself, I would say that place is inside my brain. I do
not need to construct my thoughts to match what is wanted to be heard inside my brain. I don’t have
to align my features the way that my face is wanted to be seen inside my brain. I don’t have to act the
way I am expected to act inside my brain. I am free to think of the dirtiest, cruellest, most distorted
things that I can think of without being judged inside my brain. I can see myself becoming a lawyer, a
doctor or a model. Those almost impossible ambitions I can see inside my brain cannot be shared to
others for fear that I may be belittled. Aiming far beyond I can reach. In my brain, I can say bad things
to others without being portrayed as evil. I am just being honest with myself. I cannot count how many
times I have rolled my eyes and cringe internally. I cannot count how many curses my mouth can
pronounce. But, I cannot let others see it because outside my brain, I am prim and proper. Rigid when
it comes to following the rules. Yes ma’am, yes sir. No room for debate. Yes ma’am, yes sir. Though I do
not agree with them. “I think you’re wrong”, you’ll never hear me saying this. But, in my mind, I have
already composed a number of arguments to counter you. I have a lot of things to say, but never had
the courage to voice it. I want to do a lot of things, but do not have the spirit to pursue it.

If you ask me where I feel most like myself, my answer would always be- inside my brain. It may
seem weird to you but this is me being true, for once, outside my brain. Despise me, hate me or label me
whatever you want. It is okay. I have already killed you a thousand different ways inside my brain.

-Meg