Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Final Draft
Final Draft
ENGL 10803
26 September 2019
In editing the rough draft of my This I Believe essay; I recognized the need for tangible
details. Writing about such an abstract topic was a challenge, but I felt as though it taught me
how to effectively paint a picture for the audience to understand my circumstances. My most
proud portion of this piece of writing is the introduction. The attention to detail continues to send
me back to the day of my First Communion. Furthermore, I feel that I kept a foundational focus
throughout the work in an effort to generate a full circle of why I believe in religion. Although I
am very proud of this piece, there are certain portions in which I can continue to improve. In
meeting with Dr. Menkin Kontelis, I was taught ways to balance the act of clarity and
conciseness. However, only through practice in future essays will this skill be perfected.
I believe in One God, the Creator of Heaven and Earth.
Fixed in a long line, I attempt to fathom what it means to ignite the unspoiled wick of the
short white candle in my hand. It is my First Communion. Unnerved by the site of a chorus of
clergymen, I draw my candle near my wool coat longing for comfort. As I tiptoe on the marble
floor as to not generate attention, I stumble across the alter in an effort to light my candle.
However, in lighting my candle, a warm breeze grazes my cheek leading to a euphoric high. It is
Six years later, God tested the faith I had nurtured since my First Communion. On one
brisk winter night at baseball practice, the cold air extinguished the last of the heat in my
muscles. Shivering, I staggered to the batter’s box. One. Two. Three hits stung my hands like
shocks of static electricity radiating through me. My muscles, frozen from the air, finally gave
out on me. The muscle fibers began to unravel, causing my spine to become vulnerable. Soon, a
thousand knives ripped down my legs all the way to my toes. I had fractured my lower back.
Slamming to the ground, my friends peered over me. This would be the last time I would be
close to the group of guys that had my back during my time as a baseball player. After my
recovery, I roamed the hall with no purpose, and certainly no belief in God. The halls appeared
dark and dim in my damaged eyes, and I felt the weight of a thousand elephants on my back
when attempting to form new friendships. Trudging along to my final class of the day, I was
understood the tremendous weight I bore. This man, the Campus Minister of my high school,
Under my mentor’s guidance, my view of the world radiated and the weight I carried,
lightened. It was not until one warm Friday morning that I rekindled my faith in God. I sat in the
warm room with friends, hands tremoring from the anxiety of the unknown. My mentor sat down
beside me, carrying a stack of Kairos Leader forms. A huge rush of warmth crashed over me as I
recognized my role of being a leader of a catholic retreat. In leading Kairos, I confirmed my faith
in illustrating to others the love of God despite the trials of life. Here, the tremendous light that
was first conceived during my First Communion was rekindled. It was the moment of God
illustrating his love in my life which lead to that moment. Forever, I believe in One God, the