Ava Paul

THE 121
Given Circumstances Paper/Improv
November 19, 2018

The Lie

Who am I?

My name is Ava Paul. I am a 27 year old women still figuring things out. The day is Feb-

ruary 5th, 2027. I am a lawyer at Wildes & Weinberg P.C Law Offices. It is a very posh place on

Madison Avenue. My father is friends with Jerry Wildes, so when I knew I wanted to become a

lawyer I made sure that I was close with the Wildes family. This law firm is one of the best in the

city, so I know that I’m in the right place, but it’s hard. One of the reasons why I wanted to be-

come a lawyer was because of the rate of black men being put in jail over minimal crimes. Our

whole law system is so corrupt that a black man is 5 times more likely to be incarcerated than a

white man. I want to help change that. I know that it is a lot to try to change and that I alone

can’t do it, but in anyway that I can I will.

It’s not easy being the only women and person of color at this firm. I feel like I’m always

being tested. Some of the clients come in and are disappointed when they see me; they don’t

think that I can handle it. You know how infuriating it is to be in front of a client and they ask

Jerry if he could take a look at the case. Jerry knows that I’m a fantastic lawyer and I could win

any case, so I’m not worried about how he sees me. But I have to go through that everyday, triple

checking my work, so that I’m never wrong and so I don’t miss anything.

Sexual harassment at work is definitely a problem. Even though, I’ve known Jerry all my

life, he would never listen or believe me if I feel uncomfortable. He would tell me, that the men

are just being men, or he would tell me to take it as a compliment. Being belittled by the other

men is very frustrating and I feel disgusted, but when I’m partner I can change all of that. My
voice will actually matter. I would hire some women that know what the fuck they are doing, and

show all these men how to really work. I would really change this place.

Going to work early in the morning and coming home late at night is not easy. I have to

be disciplined and organized. Another reason why this is really hard for me is because I’m a

mom. I have to support my daughter and my husband. I’m basically supporting my whole family

and trying not to show the stress when I get home. But being able to see my baby girl at the end

of the day is all worth it. But, I’m missing such precious time with her, which scares me. I want

to be the best mom, because I had an amazing relationship with my mom.

Where am I?

I live on the 5th floor in my Crown Heights one bedroom apartment. I am in the

kitchen/living room/playroom of my apartment in the city. It smells like baby lotion and cheer-

ios. Ugh God, I love that smell. It smells like Suri. Hardware floors with a fluffy grey rug. The

color of the room is an off white color, we didn’t have time to paint. I would have wanted a

faded yellow so that the lighting would bounce off the walls. There is a warm lighting in my

apartment. There are tall white/cream lamps standing in the two corners of the room. A tv in one

of the other corners. We use lamps to create a calm environment for the baby and really for me

as well. Also, on the ground there are a lot of baby toys, crayons, but somewhat clean. A worn in

leather couch, because James wanted one. In front of the couch there is a wooden coffee table. A

large singular, dark brown bookshelf, very organized. As soon as I’m in my home, I have to re-

lease all the stress away from my body. I know that in the space I can relax. Outside my door is

too much stress and activity, while at home I can be with my husband and child and best friend. I

feel safe here and calm. In the apartment, I can hear the slight honking from cars outside, and the

radiator moaning. It just started to snow outside. It’s cold, but when it snows there’s a little
warmth in the air. I can’t wait to get inside and take off my heels, sit, and have a little glass of

Malbec.

The other half of the room is a kitchen. Mostly stainless steel, with an island. The coun-

tertop is a fake grey granite. The fridge is just hanging in there, weighed down with a lot of pic-

tures of the three of us, which now is four of us. There are some dishes in the sink, but most are

drying now on the counter with a rag underneath them.

Trump loved North Korea and wanted to show his devotion to Kim Jong Un, so he

dropped a nuclear bomb on Japan. Japan is now gone. Fuck Trump!Trump was assassinated in

2019 with a gun, but the second amendment is still there. A year with Pence sucked. He tried to

outlaw all of the gay people, but that back fired and didn’t work. Opress and Bigotry were alive

and kicking until BETO O’Rourke was elected president. He served one term and then our be-

loved savior and angel, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama served 2024 to the present.

Where have I come from?

Near Past:

Last night, February 4th, James called me at work, 7:15pm, and told me that his Uncle

Jerry just had a stroke. He wanted me to go to the hospital with him. I told him that I was going

to have to stay late, and wouldn’t be able to go with him. He understood, but I could tell that he

was upset. I told him that I would see him at home. In reality, that night all the men were going

to a strip club. I really didn’t want to go, but this was my chance to be one of the men and be eli-

gible for partner. If I go, then they couldn’t say that I was “uptight.”

We got to the strip club and I was really trying to act cool. I ordered myself a whiskey

and just sat and smiled. Laughing at their jokes, trying to make some, looking at the girls. They

were working it, I have to give it to them. That’s a different type of strength and temperament
that I do not have. I prayed that Suri never has to do that. But women have to do things that they

don’t want to do, to get ahead. I respected them and when they looked at me I nodded and was

their audience. Luckily none of the men were handsy tonight. I left around 12am and went home.

At the apartment, around 1:30am, I found James watching Suri in her crib. I came up be-

hind him and just held him. He started to cry in my arms. I was scared that he would smell the

strip club on me, but he didn’t say a word. We went to bed holding each other. I felt so close to

him, I missed this. We haven’t held each other in a while, because of all the stress. We needed

each other now more than ever.

This morning I woke up with the alarm clock at 6:30am next to James still holding him

from last night. He was really shaken up about his uncle. I felt so awful that I couldn’t be with

him at the hospital. Apparently, his uncle needs to go through speech therapy and physical ther-

apy. My heart broke for him.

Anyway, I decided to let James sleep in a bit, since he is the one always getting up with

Suri. I made her the usual, some cheerios and apple sauce. She wasn’t as fussy this morning,

thank god. Then I called Angelina at 7:30am waking her up asking if she was free to watch Suri

today while I was at work. We haven’t talked in 2 weeks, which is long for us. I called her to

babysit because James was going back to the hospital around 3 and I couldn’t pay the Nanny

again this week. I also told her that I needed to talk to her and that I needed to just talk things

through with her. Things we normally do.

James was up, just when I was getting ready to go. He came up behind me and held me. It

felt so nice, then he asked, “Where was I last night?” I told him that Angelina called me and

needed me to come over; she had a little break down. It seemed like he bought it, but I needed to

tell Angelina what to tell him. So I then decided to bring Suri over to Angelina on my way to
work. I couldn’t risk James and Angelina talking, finding me out. So I got all of Suri’s snack and

things together. Told James to try and sleep more, that I would take care of Suri. I kissed him

goodbye, trying to give him strength for the day. I then, arrived at Angelina’s place at 8:55. She

wasn’t happy, but I needed her to do this. She took Suri and I told her that I would see her later at

my apartment.

At work, the men had a new nickname for me, AP. Sounded harder than Ava. I was get-

ting somewhere, but I’m not going to go out anymore. My husband needs me and I need him.

This is just something that I had to do once. I can’t keep lying to him. Now I’m done. I’ll try to

become partner in other ways. I need to focus on my family.

I get off work, around 9pm and go home, thankful to see Angelina when I walk through

the door.

Distant Past:

When I was 23, I was having a very rough time. I was working as a clerk at Wildes &

Weinberg P.C Law Offices. Not really happy about it, but it’s what I had to do. I found out that

my boyfriend John, wasn’t actually my boyfriend but someone else’s. I went to his apartment af-

ter work at 6pm. I was outside buzzing to get in, but he wouldn’t buzz me in. So I’m waiting

downstairs outside, because I think that he is joking. Then 1 minute later this girl comes down in

her pajamas and do-rag, telling me to stay away from her man. I am so surprised and then John is

trying to separate us. The next thing I know I’m swinging my purse at John. This chick is trying

to protect her man, when I’m beating mine. It was not pretty.

I find myself at the bar, drinking two too many whiskeys. Then all I remember is ending

up in jail with this chick I supposedly “beat up.” She didn’t look to hurt, I mean she hit me back

so, we both were out of it. Sobering up, I apologized to her because I don’t even remember the
fight. Then I tell her the night I was having and that I really don’t do this. She told me the reason

that she was at the bar: she was talking to a publisher, they were stringing her along. Then last

minute the publisher denied her poems. So we both were having rough nights. Turns out we have

more in common than we think: politics, race, getting through life. Later, I tell her that we should

be out shortly, because I know the law system and this is how things go. I called my Dad, but I

don’t know when he would get there.

A little while later, Angelina was getting bailed out. It was kind of a sad goodbye. I really

liked her. I then waited for my Dad, but I knew that I would see her again. She was cool. She

wanted to become a writer. Told me that she had a blog called “Not So Private Journal”. When I

got out of holding, I decided to check out her blog. I emailed her and we got together for coffee.

We met at this cool little coffee shop on 7th Ave, in Brooklyn, called The Gorilla. We re-

ally got to know each other here. She told me more about her blog and how awful it was. I was

trying to be nice and tell her that it was good. We talked about the people we hung around with

in college. We talked a lot about the past, relationships, horrible teachers, and being with fake

people. She brought up her friend James. I thought that name sounded familiar. But it couldn’t be

that James I knew in college. She then told me about where she worked, she was a bartender at

this poetry club called French Roast. She told me that she was going to share a poem tonight. I

immediately wanted to go. She then said that James was going to be there, I became a little nerv-

ous. I still really wanted to go and support her. So I went.

At this poetry club, Angelina did a really good job. Her poem was called “I would like to

thank…” It was about her thanking all the people in her life that have fucked her over. It was re-

ally powerful. I was there for her. I could tell that she was really happy that I showed up. I met

all of her friends, college friends, and roommates. She then introduced me to her friend James. I
recognized him immediately from college. In college, we talked on and off, but I was always so

busy with my studies and sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha! James and I started dating right away. I

was hooked. He was so charming with his South African accent. He was a gentleman that actu-

ally treated me right. He was going to school for his MA in Teaching English, when we met. He

finished school when we were 24. He found work at Achievement First Crown Heights Elemen-

tary School. It seemed perfect, him finding work and me just passing the bar, finally being able

to represent clients and be in court.

I got pregnant when I was 25, James and I have only been dating for a little over a year. I

knew that I wanted to keep it, but I was so scared. I mean, I’m only 25! On the other hand, James

was so supportive. Don’t get me wrong, he was terrified, but he was my rock. He didn’t want me

to get an abortion, he was crazy about me and knew that he would love the baby. The idea of

having a little James inside of me was so wonderful. I wasn’t ready to have a baby, but I know

that God does things for a reason. So I was trusting in God. My parents wouldn’t support me,

they didn’t even know James. James wasn’t going to tell his parents, they were very old fash-

ioned.

We decided to get married on the 22nd of May. We eloped with Angelina who was now

my best friend and would be the Auntie to our baby. James and I were married in New York City

Marriage Bureau. I was 5 months pregnant and huge. But it was one of the best days of my life.

Being with James and our best friend Angelina. I felt all the love in the world.

A year after I had Suri, I needed to go back to work at Wildes & Weinberg P.C Law Of-

fices. James went back to work when his 6 month paternity leave was up. I needed someone to

watch the baby, but I couldn’t afford to pay someone. Angelina was very helpful because she

would come over all the time and help watch Suri.
 It pains me that I don’t get to see Suri as much. I hired a nanny to watch her during the

week days and this is not cheap. The weekends however, are my favorite because it’s just the

three of us together. Laughing and smiling.

Recently, my boss brought me into his office and told me that I’m up for partner. He said

that they need someone young and has new ideas for the firm. In other words, leading the firm

into the future. It’s between me and this other man that has been at the firm just as long as I have.

His name is Charlie who is 30 years old. He isn’t married, so he spends all of his time at the of-

fice sucking it up to Jerry. So, in order to get this promotion, I have to spend even more time at

the office and stay after hours to get drinks with the men.

Due to the fact, that I haven’t been home that often, James and I have been having issues.

It’s not only been tense between us because of money, but because he feels like he’s taking care

of Suri more than I. I’ve told him about trying to get the promotion, but he doesn’t seem to get it.

Struggling to pay the bills on time and buying diapers. I’ve asked him to ask for some money

from his parents but he refuses to. He told me once in an argument, that if I don’t spend more

time with him and Suri, he’ll leave me. He would go back to fucking South Africa and raise her,

over my dead body. I’m doing this for the both of us, for our family. I love him, but he needs to

wake up and see that I’m drowning. I’m stressed everyday and the only time when I’m not

stressed is holding Suri, but even then I worry for her. James and I haven’t had sex in a month,

and that’s pretty long for us. I miss that physical contact and connection, but because of the

stress at work, and not being home a lot, we’ve both been distant.

Relationships:

Angelina and I have been friends for 4 years. We had a rough beginning but we made it

through. Being in the city by myself, was hard. I wasn’t really making any friends because I
spent so much time at work, but Angelina was the first person after college that I actually vibe

with. She’s almost like a sister to me now. She always understood me and was there for me. I’m

forever grateful to her for everything that she’s done for me: she brought my husband into my

life and she helps take care of Suri. She is just the best friend I could have ever hoped for. I know

that she has been struggling a bit with her writing, but I just keep reminding her, of her talent. I

love reading her stories, they transport.

James, the love of my life, is one of the best men that I have ever known. He just takes

care of you, in every way. He is not only kind and passionate, but smart. He makes me feel like a

woman, his queen. I love him to death and the way he is with Suri made me love him even more.

Suri is his princess. Whenever I see him caring her or taking showers with her, I’m just so happy

of the father he is to her. I couldn’t do it without him. In the beginning with Suri, was so tiring. I

didn’t know if I was going to make it or be a good mother. He gave me the strength to keep go-

ing. Convinced me that I was the mother that Suri needed. Even after the baby weight he still

loved me.

Sometimes I wonder…what if I didn’t get pregnant, would James and I still be together.

Then I think what my life would be like without her. I couldn’t imagine not being with James or

not having Suri. They are my world, and I thank God for that.

Suri, my baby girl, is 2 years and 6 months old. She is the sun in the morning and the

moon at night. I can’t imagine my life without her. She is just so beautiful and smart. I know that

she’s only 2, but you know. She’s my daughter, to me she’s brilliant. Being at work, makes me

so sad sometimes because I’m missing precious time with her. Angelina got to see her walk for

the first time. She took a video, but I wasn’t there. I know that this is going to happen, because I
am working and going to become a lawyer. I am still going after my dreams, no doubt. But Suri

is everything to me, just everything.

Jerry, has been in my life for as long as I can remember. He is a rich, privileged, white

man, at least that is how my dad described him. When found out that I wanted to help people like

me, like my father, from going to jail for lack of evidence and lack of proven guilty, I made sure

that I would follow Jerry. We never hung out when I was young, but none of his children wanted

to become lawyers, so he always favorited me. He wrote my college recommendation and helped

me get into Columbia. I owe him a lot. When I started working with him at the firm I saw him in

a new light. Some of the things he would say were so misogynistic, but I chose to ignore it so

that I could work at the best firm in the city. All in all, he’s helped me become the lawyer I am

today and hopefully I will become his partner so that I can make the firm a women positive and

cultural positive place.

Where am I going?

When the scene is over I hope that Angelina will not tell my husband that I was at the

strip club last night with the men from work. I hope that she will support me and understand why

I am doing what I’m doing. If she helps me I will become partner at the firm. I won’t have to be

quiet at work anymore when I feel uncomfortable. I will be able to speak up and hire people that

truly represent New York. We can take on more pro-bono cases and be proud of our firm.

James and I will no longer have to argue about money. We will no longer have that stress

over our heads. I’ll start saving away for Suri’s education. It’s never too early. James and I will

be happier, I know it. Between Angelina and I, this will be the real moment of our friendship, our

“ride or die” moment. I will owe her big time, but I would do the same for her. I hope that James

and I will talk things out and really work more on our marriage. Hopefully, he will talk to his
parents about us and Suri. After all this time, I really need him to be honest with his parents. If

he does that, then I will try more with my parents. I’ll send them pictures of Suri, and they will

have to want to meet her. I’ll owe Angelina big time. I mean I’ve always been there for her and I

will continue to do that.

If she doesn’t help me, then I fear that I will lose everything. I fear that James will feel

uncomfortable and want to leave me, or worse take Suri away from me. I don’t know if I’ll get

partner at the firm. I might quit my job, if I don’t get partner. I can’t work there anymore if I

can’t speak up. If Angelina doesn’t help me, we will no longer be friends because she could tear

my family a part. I will take Suri out of her life. I know that Suri is attached to her, but I don’t

care. I will do it, if it comes to it. Also, I will ruin the friendship between her and James. Things

will be over. I have too much on the line for her not to help me.

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