Why Children Commit Suicide

Once it was thought confined to older

people. Now more and more youngsters
are taking their own lives
By Shanoo Bijlani
ADAPTED FROM AN ARTICLE BY ADRIAN WALLER

WHEN A 14-year-old Chennai boy, who’d failed an exam, threatened to jump off the first floor of his
school building, a prefect talked him out of it. But a fortnight later, the boy, who’d been drinking, jumped
into a river and drowned.
• A 12-year-old Lucknow girl hanged herself with a dupatta after she was scolded for playing with a boy
from a family her father had quarrelled with.
• A 19-year-old girl from Mysore set herself ablaze after she feared that, because of his back problem,
Sachin Tendulkar would be unable to play cricket any more.

THESE tragic cases reflect an ominous trend. Once thought to be confined to older people, suicide is now
claiming more and more youngsters. “It is shocking,” observes Dr Lakshmi Vijayakumar, founder of the
Chennai crisis intervention centre Sneha, “to see such hopelessness among youngsters who should have so
much to look forward to.”
The incidence of suicide among the young has been increasing over the years, says Sharda Prasad,
director, the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), New Delhi. In 1986, 7545 youngsters under 18
committed suicide. By 1994, the last year for which such statistics are available, the figure had risen to
9975.**
Experts, however, believe that the actual figures are much higher since many cases go unreported due to
the social and religious stigma attached to suicide. “When young people kill themselves,” says Mumbai
psychiatrist Amit Desai, “their families often say they were accidents.”
What’s behind the tragic figures? Most answers are speculative, but psychiatrists note that there are
multiple reasons for the increasing suicide rates among the young: conflict with parents or step parents,
punishment they thought too severe, “love” problems, school work and pressure to perform well in exams,
unhappiness resulting from broken homes, and chronic illnesses including mental problems. “Teen-agers
these days are impulsive and don’t think before taking a decision to end their lives,” says Dr Harjeet Singh,
professor of psychiatry, K.G. Medical College, Lucknow, who recently did a study on the rise in suicides
among youths.

Loneliness
Youth’s most stressful problem seems to be loneliness. With the growing number of nuclear families in
which both Mum and Dad work, more and more children are physically or emotionally isolated at an early
age by parents who are so wrapped up in their own busy schedules that they cannot give the vital nurturance
a child needs. “Today’s youngsters find it difficult to turn to their parents when they have a problem,”
observes Mumbai psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria. “Parents often tell me that they can’t understand why
there is so little communication between them and their children despite their giving their youngsters
whatever they want. They don’t realize that material things can’t replace the time that parents should spend
with their kids.”
Even in joint families, children—particularly teen-agers—often enter a phase when they feel they cannot
talk to their parents or other relatives because they will not be understood. “Suicides are rare when children
feel loved, wanted and understood by their family members,” says Krishanjyoti Sayani, a Mumbai
psychiatric counsellor.

Examination Blues
Most experts agree that another important reason for the rise in teen suicides is educational stress. “Not
only do kids these days have to cope with a vast syllabus,” says Dr Chhabria, “they’re under pressure—from
parents, friends and themselves—to do well.”
“Teen suicide rates always go up both before crucial board exams and when the results are announced,”
adds Dr Hemangee Dhavale, professor and head of psychiatry at Mumbai’s BYL Nair Hospital.
Take the case of 19-year-old Sonia Thakur. Sonia, who’d studied in a Hindi-medium school in Jaipur,
came to Mumbai to take an interior design course. Because her English was poor, she found it hard going.
Then just before her exams—when she was already on tenterhooks—both her father and sister scolded
Sonia for her poor English in a letter she’d written to them. In despair, Sonia hanged herself.

Love Problems
To compensate for poor family life, teen-agers often fall in “love.” And when this attachment turns sour,
they see no future for themselves. A 17-year-old Chennai girl took poison and died after her boyfriend
refused to marry her. Suicides also occur when parents oppose their children’s marriage plans. Because her
orthodox family didn’t approve of her marrying a cousin, an 18-year-old Pune girl tried to kill herself. The
attempt failed. When her parents refused to relent, the girl locked herself in the bathroom and took poison.
This time she was successful.
One cause alone, however, is seldom responsible for extinguishing a person’s will to live. “Suicide
occurs,” says Dr Lakshmi Vijayakumar of Chennai’s Sneha, “when a person sees no relief from his various
problems except death.” Sulekha, a 19-year-old Thrissur girl was tormented by numerous problems: she’d
had an unsuccessful love affair; she felt that her parents, especially her mother, were overly critical and
didn’t care much for her; she suffered from depression; and she found her
studies difficult. Finally, she could take it no longer and killed herself.

The Warning Signs

Whatever the reasons for suicide, potential warning signs can be seen. Studies show that at least three
quarters of those who commit suicide state or show their intentions. Youngsters often mask their real
feelings in “bad” behaviour—like running away from home, delinquency, promiscuity, truancy, tardiness,
bullying other youths or being accident prone. “But,” says Dr Harish Shetty, president of the Bombay
Psychiatric Society, “parents should differentiate between adolescent tantrums and abnormal behaviour.”
Parents and friends should watch for boredom, restlessness, fatigue, concentration problems—and most
importantly, inexplicable change in behaviour, such as withdrawal, lack of appetite, sleeplessness, general
sadness and ignoring things that usually bring pleasure. Other warning signs include increased anxiety and
tension, alcohol and drug abuse, disposal of valued possessions and, of course, any attempts to secure the
actual means to commit suicide—sleeping pills, poisons, or a rope.
Verbal threats should always be taken seriously. “It is simply not true,” says Dr Lakshmi Vijayakumar,
“that those who talk about suicide won’t do it.”
Suicidal youths have been known to reveal their intentions by preoccupation with their own death. They
might ask questions such as “How can I donate my body after death?” or “Who will miss me when I am
gone?” Expressions such as “What’s the good of living anyway?” or “Nobody cares if I live or die” are not
always attempts to gain sympathy, says psychiatric counsellor Freny Mahendra, director of The Samaritans-
Sahara, a Mumbai organization which runs a phone crisis help line. “They are cries for assistance.”
Dr D.K. Shirole, a psychiatrist at Pune’s Kamala Nehru Hospital, says that most of those prone to suicide
usually have low self-esteem and consider themselves worthless. The decision to do away with oneself is
made when the person’s self-esteem touches rock bottom and he sees himself as a pathetic loser. But,
ironically, having finally resolved to die, a youth can be philosophical and relaxed.

Offering Help
In an emergency, virtually anyone can offer a suicidal youngster emotional support: friends, teachers,
siblings, parents, employers. Professional help should be sought immediately, either through your family
doctor or psychiatrist.
There are also about a dozen distress or suicide prevention centres in India, and if there’s one in your
town, it’s worth getting help from it. Maitreyi, one such centre in Pondicherry, receives about 5500 calls a
year, many from young people with no one else to turn to. Though unable to measure their success rate,
organizations like Maitreyi are confident that every year they deter a few thousand teen-agers from taking
their lives. Volunteers at these centres convince youths that their problems can be solved in some way and
that suicide is not the best way out.
But a lot depends on ordinary people. Rajiv Pandit, a chemistry professor at Mumbai’s Bhavan’s College,
says that it doesn’t take an expert to make a suicidal youngster feel loved and wanted.
Pandit proved just this point in the case of Vijay, one of his 12th standard students. The boy called Pandit
late one night saying he wanted to kill himself because his father was insisting that he study medicine
whereas he wanted to study engineering. Though shaken, Pandit stayed calm, and talked to the boy for an
hour. Then, on being told that Vijay’s father, lying in a drunken stupor, was the only other person at home,
Pandit said he was coming over.
Several times on the 40-minute drive to Vijay’s home, Pandit used his cellphone to call his student. When
Pandit finally got there, he hugged the boy and kept telling him how fond he was of him.
(Later, Pandit persuaded Vijay’s father not to force the boy to study a subject he hated. Father and son
were reconciled and both are now in America.)
“The relationship between parent and child is crucial,” says Dr Chhabria. “By regularly expressing your
love and concern, you make your child feel less lonely and so less likely to take that final, irrevocable step.”