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The Power of Apologizing PDF
The Power of Apologizing PDF
ABSTRACT (ENGLISH)
[...]the good apology is a gift to the relationship. Rather than offering mea culpas with endless qualifications and
undoings, a truly meaningful reparation from these powerful men might include contributing a hefty proportion of
their net worth to organizations and programs that will protect women from future sexual harassment and ensure
safe work environments. Despite the gains of feminism, all major institutions that generate power, meaning, policy,
and wealth are run almost exclusively by men. [...]women are fully represented and valued in every aspect of
language, politics, and culture, men will always have too much to be sorry for. Because one thing leads to another,
a couple of painful conversations took place several months later that left Letty feeling temporarily flattened and
misunderstood.
FULL TEXT
Headnote
What It Takes to Really Be Sorry
I'm sorry are the two most healing words in the English language. When spoken as part of a wholehearted apology,
these words are the greatest gift we can give to the person we've offended. Our apology can help free the hurt
person from life-draining anger, bitterness, and pain. It validates their reality by affirming that, yes, their feelings
make sense, we get it, and we take full responsibility for our words and actions-or our failure to speak or act. A
heartfelt apology allows the hurt party the space to explore the possibilities of healing instead of just struggling to
make sense of it all.
The apology is also a gift to our self. Our self-respect and level of maturity rest squarely on our ability to see
ourselves objectively, to take a clear-eyed look at the ways that our behavior affects others, and to acknowledge
when we've acted at another person's expense. The good apology earns us respect in the eyes of others, even
though we may fear the opposite.
Finally, the good apology is a gift to the relationship. Two people can feel secure in the knowledge that if they
behave badly, even fight terribly, they can repair the disconnection. We strengthen our relationships when others
know that we're capable of reflecting on our behavior, that we'll listen to their feelings, and that we'll do our best to
set things right.
In contrast to the profoundly healing power of the good apology, there's the terrific cost of a failed apology. One of
my favorite New Yorker cartoons shows a father talking to his grown son. "I wanted to be there for you growing up,
I really did," the dad says. "But I got a foot cramp. And then a thing came up at the store-anyway, you understand."
While the humor of the cartoon rests on its absurdity, real-life apologies are good contenders, and have been
flooding the news as women come forth in record numbers to speak about the sexual misconduct of powerful
men. The empty, obfuscating, and self-serving public apologies of the transgressors provide us with excellent
examples of how to muck up a sorry.
THE PUBLIC APOLOGY AS PERFORMANCE
From the long and ever-expanding list of recent faux apologies, I recall the early ones from the entertainment
industry best. Kevin Spacey, accused by actor Anthony Rapp of making a sexual advance when Rapp was 14, said
he had no memory of the incident, then continued, "But if I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest
apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior." Dustin Hoffman, accused of sexual
DETAILS
Volume: 42
Issue: 2
Pages: 40-47
Publication subject: Drug Abuse And Alcoholism, Psychology, Social Services And Welfare
ISSN: 1535573X
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