Dr. Jekyll and Mr.

Sobriety

DR. JEKYLL
MARY
BENNETT
MRS. BENNETT
ROSS
MRS. ROSS

A ragged Dr. Jekyll staggers into his lab.

His Maid, Mary Steward, enters.

MARY
Dr. Jekyll! What has happened to you?

DR. JEKYLL
Be gone, Mary! I’ve told you to never
enter my laboratory!

She exits crying. Jekyll goes to his desk and pulls out his
journal and begins to write.

JEKYLL
I had another episode last night. I
mixed my formula again and ingested it.
The change occurred. In my effort to
split the nature of man, the good side
from our darker nature, I have merely
managed to release my baser instincts.
My pursuit of science has become a
horror story.

Mary re-enters.

MARY
Doctor, Dr. Bennett and Mr. Ross are
here to see you.

JEKYLL
Send them away!

MARY
They’re quite insistent!

Suddenly Dr. BENNETT, Mr. ROSS and their WIVES enter.

1
 BENNETT
Jekyll!

JEKYLL
What is it, Bennett?

ROSS
What was that about last night at the
club?

JEKYLL
The club?

MRS. BENNETT
Tell him, Roger, tell him how he
assaulted me!

MRS. ROSS
And me!

ROSS
What’s this all about then, Jekyll?

JEKYLL
What did I do last night?

BENNETT
What didn’t you do! First you insulted
the staff. You berated the Maitre d'!

MRS. ROSS
The Maitre d'! We all love Eduardo!

MARY
Oh, you should hear some of the things
he calls the chimneysweep!

JEKYLL
Not now, Mary!

MRS. BENNETT
Tell him about the food!

BENNETT
Yes, you tossed around food like a wild
animal!

2
 MRS. ROSS
It was disgraceful!

ROSS
Granted, British cuisine is pretty
awful, but still, bad form, old man.

MARY
Again, there are days I don’t have
enough brooms with which to follow him
about.

JEKYLL
It, it wasn’t me. It was…him!

MRS. ROSS
Him? Him who?

JEKYLL
Hyde. It was Mr. Hyde!

BENNETT
Hyde, what the devil are you talking
about?

JEKYLL
An associate of mine. From university.
Old school chum. Quite the scoundrel.
Can’t trust him a whit!

MRS. ROSS
He was wearing your clothes.

Mrs. Bennett pulls out a business card.

MRS. BENNETT
He handed me his card. It says Dr.
Jekyll, but it’s been crossed out and
“Mr. Hyde” has been scribbled on it in
crayon.

JEKYLL
Mary, you’ve seen him! You’ve met him!
Tell them what he’s like!

3
 MARY
“Him?” Okay, sure, yes, sir. We’ve had
encounters.

ROSS
Come, come, Jekyll what’s this all
about then?

JEKYLL
Very well. I’ve been working on a
formula, a treatment that would divide
our good side from our baser self.

ROSS
Whatever for?

JEKYLL
Science!

BENNETT
Oh, that.

JEKYLL
I’ve managed to formulate a solution
that separates the two. I had hoped it
would help tamp down our baser selves.
Alas, it allows the darker side of
humanity to present itself.

ROSS
What formula?

He pulls out some bottles.

JEKYLL
After years of tests and experiments, I
have proven that man’s nature is a dual
one.

MRS. BENNETT
With these chemicals here?

JEKYLL
Yes, these and a lot of dry ice.

MRS. ROSS
You mixed these?

4
Bennett sniffs one.

BENNETT
Yeah, this is bourbon.

ROSS
This is gin.

MRS. BENNETT
I’m pretty certain this is vodka.

MRS. ROSS
I’m no expert, but this is rum.

JEKYLL
What? Those are exotic and expensive
compounds!

MRS. ROSS
Well, it appears to be imported rum.
Jamaican, I believe.

JEKYLL
I used them all! All to create this!

He displays his flask.

Bennett grabs it, sniffs it and takes a taste.

BENNETT
It’s a Long Island ice tea, doctor.

JEKYLL
I don’t understand…

MRS. ROSS
I guess this just became an
intervention.

JEKYLL
But I became a monster! A different
person! A rogue! A bounder! I lie
and cheat and lust!

ROSS
Yeah, yeah, you’re an alcoholic.

5
 MRS. ROSS
Now you sound just like my Uncle
Bernard. My father’s side of the
family. A nasty drunk.

Jekyll pulls out a notebook.

JEKYLL
I’ve kept a journal! I’ve detailed the
outcomes of my experimentation!

Bennett takes the book.

BENNETT
You’ve written the lyrics to “How Dry I
Am” over and over. And suddenly write
in the words “Free bird” with several
exclamation points.

JEKYLL
I didn’t write down an exhaustive
explanation of the effects of my
formula?

BENNETT
No. Just a paragraph about how much
you love French Fries.

MRS. BENNETT
Then why were you throwing French Fries
at everyone at the club?

JEKYLL
I don’t recall…science?

ROSS
Oh, brother.

BENNETT
You know what, forget we were here.
Good evening, Doctor.

JEKYLL
So, I can return to the club?

6
 MRS. ROSS
Oh, heaven’s no.

MRS. BENNETT
Banned for eternity, my good doctor.

They exit.

JEKYLL
I thought I was on the verge of a great
discovery. I feel horrible!

MARY
You feel horrible? How do you think I
feel? The only way I could get you to
show any interest in me is to get you
liquored up!

DOOR BELL.

JEKYLL
Get the door.

Mary exits.

JEKYLL
(reading notebook)
“How dry I am. How dry I am. Nobody
knows how dry I am.” I guess the
concept of a duel nature is bullocks.

Mary reenters.

MARY
Dr. Jekyll, there’s a Dr. Bruce Banner
who wishes to see you.

JEKYLL
Bruce Banner! Woo-hoo! Send him in!
And bring a bucket of dry ice!

The end