Promise West

Northern Arizona University

Personal Statement/Autobiographical Essay

In one of the last moments I had with my biological mother, she expressed how proud

she was that I am in college and wanting to be on the other side of the bars than she was. As a

double major in Criminology and Criminal Justice and Applied Indigenous Studies, that

statement made me question my whole purpose as a college student and even in life. Most people

assume my interest in Applied Indigenous Studies is solely based on my membership with

Yavapai Apache Nation, as well as my connection to the Hualapai Nation. In reality, my passion

to learn, understand, and to help create a difference is based off of my life story as a whole. From

the time I was born, expectations were set on my life that I could not even begin to understand.

The two most important influences on my journey are my adoption and my biological mother.

Hand in hand, the two have led me to the position I am in today, and although it has been rough,

I know I am doing what I have been destined to do.

As a result of being adopted, I automatically became a statistic and personally

experienced an issue in Indian Country that is rooted in colonialism. I was raised by a single

mother who is African American and my three adopted siblings. My adoptive mother was also a

foster mom for a while which is how I ended up with her to begin with. I have been told, my

older adoptive sister had a vision about me, a little Native girl dancing around the fire, the day

before they were asked to care for me. So, I have always been aware of my Indigenous roots, but

did not learn anything about my culture’s or Native Americans in general. This is an issue to me,

because as a child, I was not given the opportunity to learn about the true history of my people,

even in school. I am grateful for the opportunities I was given through adoption, but it left me

constantly battling with my identity growing up. By the time I was old enough to question who I
really was, I began following my biological mother through the Arizona Department of

Corrections.

The first image I had ever seen of my biological mom was a mugshot. My mom was in

and out of prison, addicted to drugs, an alcoholic, involved in gangs and more. Her story is

deeper than even my own family understands and the only reason I understand any of it is

because of Applied Indigenous Studies. As a child, she was sexually abused within the family,

and as Native Americans, discussing these issues is not acceptable. With no help, or support

from anyone, she found comfort in the streets and with the drugs. These are the reasons why my

siblings and I were taken from her. After turning eighteen and beginning college, I was finally

able to start building relationships with her and my other biological family. It took me a year to

meet her in person and our meeting location was the tribal court in Camp Verde. Still running the

streets, I knew she had to be present in court and I could meet her, as she was signing custody of

my siblings over to my family. Six months later, the second time I was able to be with her in

person, she was in hospice on her deathbed. The drugs and alcohol finally caught up to her and

developed into cancer. Heaviest part of it all for me is that my name represents her promises to

change and leave all the substances, and street life alone.

After she passed away, my family needed someone to hate the way they hated her, and I

became that person. I did everything they asked, including cutting all of my hair off for

traditional purposes that they would not even educate me about. I had to learn everything,

including that tradition through school and other Native friends. I was even publicly disowned

because my way of coping with the loss of my mother was against the traditional ways, but still I

was not taught what to do or the meanings behind it all. Further, I was blamed for being adopted

and was told I should not even care about her passing. It was a very rough time and still is, but I

felt more connected to her than ever within the last moments and since then. I knew then that I

needed to help people like my mom.

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 I have learned so much from Applied Indigenous Studies from adoption to Missing

Murdered Indigenous Women statistics, to alcohol and drug abuse issues. Even the one event

that changed her whole life is something I also experienced in college. I feel the pain and passion

of generations of my people through what I have been through. The fact that I was adopted only

heightens my desire to help my people, even though I am looked at as non-native. I have such a

different perspective because of my experiences and without the existence of Applied Indigenous

Studies and specifically Dr. Ishii, I do not know if I would be where I am today. I am thankful

for the life I was given, regardless of the circumstance and I am looking forward to what I can do

in the future for our Indigenous communities.