Mediation Report

Matthew Goldfarb

7-14-18 8AM-9:30AM

Present:

Mediator: Charles Rowell, LMFT

Father: Matthew Goldfarb

Mother: Mommy Golombek

I was given a Family Court Services Questionairre to Complete prior to mediation. While filling it
out, two seats away from Amber, I noticed she was trying to spy on me while I was filling out the
form. I moved my leather shoulder bag between us pretending to look for something in it and I
completed it. However, I was never asked for it and I still have it. The mediator had read
Mommy's.

The mediator entered the hallway, called our names. I raised my hand. He said, "Please come
in." Amber was wearing a brown and white dress. I was wearing off-white dress slacks, a navy
blazer, a brand new white Oxford long sleeve shirt, black leather dress lace-up shoes, a black
belt, and a navy tie with subtle thin diagonal stripes of a few colors. On the way in, I stopped,
gave him a big smile, shook his hand and said "hello." This appeared to put him in a very good
mood (he smiled back).

We all sat, me to his right and her to his left (by accident, because she entered first, but I've
heard you want to be on the right).

Charles: Who brought the action?

Matthew: "I did."

Charles: Where do you live.

Matthew: "Yucca"

Charles: "We're you ever married?"

Amber: No
Matthew: No

Charles: Did you ever live together?

Amber: No

Matthew: No

Charles: Do you have an attorney?

Amber: No

Matthew: Yes

Charles: Who?

Matthew: Athina Powers (Charles both seemed to know of you and seemed impressed].

Charles: Any restraining orders?

Amber: No (she may have said something like "but I should have.")

Matthew: No

Charles: Any court orders?

Amber: No

Matthew: No

Charles wanted to know what we wanted.

Mommy: wanted to keep things the same, full legal & physical custody. Wanted no overnight
visitation. She stated she was concerned about my parental responsibility.

Matthew: wanted 50:50 legal & physical, no step-up plan. When pressed by the mediator, I said
I wanted full 100 % & physical but was told by multiple attorneys this was unlikely and therefore
was asking for 50/50. I am concerned about safety issues. Ariella knows me.

Charles: When did you start visiting?

Matthew: When the baby was born, I was still living in LA, so it was once a month, for three days
and rarely for a week or so. Once I moved here, I had 3 weekly visits of 60-90 minutes each,
once in a while a Saturday at a Home Depot workshop but mommy didn't allow these anymore.
The once a month visits and the weekly visits amount to about the same time.

Charles seemed deeply troubled by the limited visitation. He turned to mommy and pressed her
about how little visitation daddy had, almost to the point of badgering her really. She refused to
budge. He seemed really annoyed by her inflexiblity.

He pointed out the vast gap between custody positions and wanted to know if we'd talked and
tried to work it out. Mommy said no. I said, "I respectfully disagree. She had me draft a
stipulated settlement and then she had me revise it and then she refused to sign it. So, clearly
we discussed it." Amber did not respond and I believe Charles accepted my position over hers.

Amber: "It doesn't matter, we were never married." [He's not entitled to the same rights.]

Matthew: "You were misinformed."

Charles looked at Amber and said something like that advice is not correct.

Charles mentioned something about co-parenting.

Matthew: You'd be surprised. We agree on almost every detail of how to raise Ariella, other
than the safety concerns. I can't remember disagreeing over how to raise her. When she throws
her toys on the floor, we all hold firm that she has to pick them up. We agree more about child
rearing than most happily married couples.

Round 1: Matthew

The mediator wanted to know about our living conditions.

Charles asked me, "Do you live here?" Yes, Yucca (he wrote that down).

He continued, "is it a house?" Yes. And, mine was built to be child-safe. My landlord is a
designer and her partner is a builder.

How many bedrooms? One

Charles: Do you work?

Amber: Yes

Matthew: Yes

Charles: What do you do?

Amber: I'm an instructional aid at a school.

Charles: And you?

Matthew: Computer engineer

What hours do you work? I have flexible hours. [I can't recall if he asked Amber this question
nor if she responded, I think not.]

But what do you work normally? 8:45AM-5:15PM, but I rarely work exactly those hours. I have
to be available when called for emergencies, I'm on-call, but not that much, only once every 5
weeks, not that much.

Who is going to watch her when you're at work? My parents have a place in Palm Desert. They
can watch her there and they can come to my house. They are retired healthcare professionals.
They have two other grandaugthers they love, and they love Ariella from pictures, they don't see
here much.

Amber: They can see her whenever they want.

Matthew: No, they can't. They are rarely allowed to see her.

Charles: They have another house?

Matthew: Yes.

Charles: Where?

Matthew: Rancho Palos Verdes

Charles: That is their primary residence?

Matthew: They're retired, they can move to either place as they please. The would love to
watch Ariella.

Charles asked Amber, "What are your living arrangements". She replied, "we have 3 houses on a
lot."

You and Ariella occuply one? Yes.

How many bedrooms? One.

ROUND 2: Amber (I'm not sure he went for the parents, mine are far, they live in a better place,
and lots of people vacation out here, he was really concerned about my work hours and didn't
ask her at all about hers. The good news is she didn't bring up the rooms in the other houses so
facilities looked more like a draw).

The mediator shifted focus immediately to the NIC U stay, which he knew about but I didn't tell
him. He was really highly concerned, he asked her lots of questions. Mommy tried to
understate the severity of the incident and said the baby was being underfed and had a
condition called Thrush. She said she was unable to produce enough milk and that daddy
wanted her to be breast fed [unstated: true, but stupid because daddy never said "I'd rather
starve her than feed her formula" and ignored the fact that daddy said "if possible and
preferable" and not "only and regardless". That's right, mommy ran off to the desert with my
baby, almost killed her, and then tried to blame me. Mommy also lied and said daddy never
visited and never called the NIC U.]

The mediator asked mommy if CFS was involved. Mommy said yes. Charles asked if they did an
investigation. Mommy said yes. Charles wanted the name of the investigator. Mommy gave the
name, first name Karen last name maybe Gedry. Charles asked the result. Mommy stated she
investigated the living conditions and they were cleared and the case was closed. [Incidentally, I
watched Mommy clean her room and saw it pre- and post- investigation and it was all smoke and
mirrors, she barely got it clean enough and then reverted back almost immediately and I have
photos that prove the latter. Did not say it. When you're winning and the mediator seems to
favor you, I feel sometimes it's better to shut your mouth plus I mostly took your advice.]

Matthew stated Mommy was understated the seriousness of the incident and said the baby was
being underfed, that mommy's breast ducts were too small, Ariella had dangerously high saline
levels, was suffering from seizures, and nearly died.

Charles: Where did you get that? I gestured toward Amber and said "She told me that, I have
not seen any records." I explained that I called daily, asked to come visit, and was given a myriad
of excuses why that would not work "You're not on the birth certificate, you're not legally
recognized as the father and it's only for family", "There's no place for you to stay", "They only
gave us 4 arm bands and we can't get anymore" {paraphrasing the last one, but it's close}. I also
explained that my brother's partner is a family law attorney and, when asked if I could just show
up, was told no, I could be denied access, and they could call the Sheriff if she says no and you
show up anyway. [Unstated: I called daily and we should have phone records to disprove her
patently false claim. Let's show them at deposition and ask, "did matthew call you when you
were in the NIC U?" She will probably say no. Then state you were in the NIC U between (start
date) and (end date), yes?" Then show the phone records and ask "is this your number? Then
ask, "so he did call you when you were in the NIC U, correct?"]

Matthew looked Charles in the eye and said, "Mommy doesn't see the world the way you or I
do." He reacted with a brief intentionally funny quip I didn't fully catch that sounded almost like
"how do you know that we see the world the same way?" but my continued serious and stony
glare and lack of a responsive laugh seemed to make him fall back to a somber tone and realize
there may be a real problem with Mommy. I stated, she is hystrionic. She has what her father
calls "Tizzy fits".

Mommy interrupted, "That's not true."

Matthew responded, "Let's bring your dad in here and ask him then." The police were called
when she had an unusually large meltdown, and one of her grandparents had died so not
entirely without reason, and first they separated us and took me outside and put my hands
behind my back and they spoke to us individually and my officer could see I was not worked up,
was not upset, was not sweating, was not resisting, was totally compliant and he asked what
happened and I explained and we overheard her telling his partner the identical story and the
question immediately shifted from "why are you beating her?" to "why are you with her?" I
replied, "I've dated worse." The neighbors complained of other incidents and complained to the
landlord and I told her she needed to keep it down because there's a clause in my lease saying if
you're too disruptive and too loud they can evict you.

Charles said "How do you feel about a 730 psychological examination?" Mommy took a dig I
didn't catch and added, "I think that is absolutely necessary." Charles looked at me and I said "I
would love that."

ROUND 3: Matthew

Charles went back to the custody gap. She stated that she moved to Yucca Valley to escape years
of emotional abuse. Amber metioned something she wrote in her form [She did not verbalize
physical abuse but I she alluded to something in her form and I believe that is physical abuse.]

Matthew: "If there is one phrase that characterizes our 14 years together, it would be 'That' s
the pot calling the kettle black.' She projects her own behaviors onto me. When she accuses me
of something, it's like she's looking into a mirror."

Charles: Suggests a psychological evaluation.

Matthew: That's not why she broke it off. They gambled and shopped away a large inheritance
and lost their Topanga home, they were evicted. We used to spend 3 or 4 weekends a month
together."

Charles: You lived together?

Matthew: No.

Amber: No.

Charles: How far apart did you live?

Matthew: 25 minutes

Matthew: Before they lost their home to gambling and shopping, I told him "you're too old to
make this money back and I don't have the money to bail you out."

Charles: Amber is a gambler?

Matthew: A shopaholic. [Mommy's silence was deafening.]

Matthew: After they lost their home, they came to me asking for $30,000. I said no. That will
only buy you six months and you will just come back to me asking for another $30,000. I told
you not to do this. I told you I don't have they means to bail you out. They she pulled away, cut
back on visits. After 14 years, she didn't break up with me because of abuse, she broke up with
me because they lost their house and she and her mom joined together and bought a $105,000
house in Yucca Valley, the dad blew his credit and she moved away.

Charles said, "You're going to need evidence to support your claims." I do not think he was
looking at me at the time.

Amber: Oh, we have photos of him lying around and not focusing on her and a recent on of the
expired food package.

Matthew: I have tons of overwhelming evidence, photos and other evidence.

1. Mommy stated he comes and "chooses to lay down on the couch and sit. He doesn't engage
with her. [Unstated: My daugther plays a game with me. She says, "I'm tired, I'm going to lay
down". I come sit on the bed next to her. She says, "Daddy, put your sunglasses on." I put them
on. I lay down, sunglasses on. She crawls under the covers. Sometimes she asks me to turn off
the light, I comply. Sometimes she pretends to sleep, but she's not sleeping. Daddy pretends to
sleep too, but never does. Grandma and sometimes Amber try to get photos of this. It's just a
game. I don't even get the point, I didn't teach it to her, but I don't care, I'm getting time with
Ariella and she seems to be having fun.]

2. There are issues of safety." He lets her play with things he shouldn't. He let her play with
dental floss, it's a choke hazard. [Unstated aside: True she got a hold of dental floss, but (1)
who left it sitting around where she could get to it if it's a choke hazard and (2) it was about 5
feet long, even if she started to swallow it I could easily pull it out, no way could she eat 5 feet of
dental floss before I could grab the end and pull it out (she was not bunching it up) and (3) they
encourage good dental hygiene (brushing teeth) and no one communicated to me that dental
floss was not on the program.]

Matthew: Their house is not child safe. I watched her open a drawer and pull out a knife.

Amber: That situation was contrived.

3. She claimed I feed her spoiled food and expired food [told you she would. look, they don't
have anything and they attack me for anything and everything and they're grasping at straws
but I really didn't get the feeling Charles was falling for it). She claims to have a photo. She
claimed Ariella got sick and complained of a stomach aches.

I stated, "I do not trust her."

I pointed out that I may have overfed Ariella a couple of times and that you can understand why
[inferring the NIC U stay]. [Aside: Mommy always blamed me anytime Ariella got sick or had a
runny stool, and this happened before when I gave Ariella the same food two days in a row and,
oddly, it reportedly made her sick the first day but not the second. Perhaps it got fresher.] I,
regretfully, made the error of admitting the only thing I gave her that was "expired" was yogurt,
but that I read online you could freeze it safely and use it later and did so [my bad, sorry, but
maybe admitting some imperfections is better than trying to pretend I'm perfect , it was sincere
and from the heart, and he didn't seem that interested in the floss nor the yogurt and while it
may have cost me the round I believe the integrity it bought me was worth the concession. She
might be referred to a container I was and reuse (with new, unexpired food) or a corn flakes box
(1) When I was running out of Organic Corn flakes, I opened a new box and accidentally ripped
one of the tops off. So, I put the NEW corn flakes package in the OLD box. They we're expired
and (2) I read online you can eat cereal past the expiration date, we're talking a few months, not
years.]

ROUND 4: Mommy (I should not have admitted anything, and I didn't dispute the sleep claims,
nor did I raise the point that mommy blames daddy for everything including all food reactions.
In my defense, I didn't think he was that impressed and I think we can pick this up in the
deposition.)

Mommy: My family cares for her, feeds her, clothes her, bathes her, educates her. She claimed
there was little connection between daddy and Ariella. She claimed her main concern was that
she does not see a close connection between Ariella and her daddy.

Matthew: There is a strong bond between us, it's true it could be stronger if we spent more time
together. I play with her, I cook for her, I feed her, she reacts to me. She gets very excited when
daddy shows up. I park 50, maybe 30 yards from the house by the street, and children have
phenominal hearing and I can hear her shouting "daddy's here, daddy's here" and her energy
level goes up 10 points and she starts running around excitedly. I have photos, would you like to
see them?

Charles: Not now [I believe he meant not at all].

ROUND 5: Matthew

He asked about paternity. He asked Mommy if she questioned it. She said no, I didn't sleep with
anyone else.

He asked me, I said no, I had the double blind 21-chromasome test and it came back 99.97
percent chance I was the father.

Mommy: I want the court-ordered test.

Matthew: I believe they do not accept the private test.

Charles: It sounds like there is no dispute over paternity.

Mommy: No

Matthew: No

Mommy: "he got mad that I filed a case with the county [unstated: when she filed for TANF] and
said, "why did you put my name down, why didn't you put any of five names down?"

Charles looked at me: Is that true?

Matthew: I looked him in the eyes and stated "I have no idea what she's talking about. This is
the first I've heard of it." I pointed out that she filed a support claim with the county, and I called
the county, explained the situation and my concerns, pointed out I was already voluntarily
paying child support in the amounts set by Mommy, and she said they appreciated what I was
trying to do and she eventually said they would drop the support claim but they can't drop the
Medicare (or Medicaid, can't remember which) claim as it's mandatory. I followed up with her
again and she said they drop support claims, but never the medical. The last we spoke she said
they were going to take the unusal step of dropping the medical claim and this was the first time
she'd seen that done. I can get your her name if you need it.

ROUND 6: Matthew

Charles: You seem very far apart on the custody issue. I don't think we're going to resolve it
here today. You're going to need to file documents to support your point of view. The
commissioner will have access and I will be speaking with him.

I asked if I could get back to something I'd started to say earlier. He said yes. I stated I used to
see Ariella at night, around 5PM, whenever Amber called, for her dinner. She would sit in her
high-chair [I refrained from stating she was not strapped in because Amber said she doesn't like
and and would stand up, risking a long fall] and we'd feed her healthy food, vegetables, and I
would say 'Is that brocolli, that looks delicious" and 6-month old Ariella would grab a handful of
veggies and offer them up open palm, how about that, sharing at 6 months? I would say, "That's
okay, those are for you, daddy will eat when he gets home." Amber was there, and she would
often attack me verbally. So, grandma decided to separate us and have me come at 6:45am in
the morning when Amber was leaving for work. Things are much more peaceful now. By the
way, I've never missed a single schedule visit, not one. I was late twice because I got calls from
work, the most late was 20 minutes. Amber can't say what my interaction is with Ariella
because, other than a few days when she's not working, she's not there. I can barely look at
Amber for the way she treated me for 14 years and for what she's done. And, make no mistake,
this is a rescue mission and nothing else. I voluntarily pay child support.
Amber: He pays way too little than what he should be paying. And he complained about it.

Matthew: I have no idea what I should be paying. I pay the amount set by Amber, then raised
and raised again. I know they spend some of the money on themselves, but I don't care, she's
my daughter, and I don't question it. I have all of the obligations and none of the rights. When
she says "they" take care of her and provide for her, I do too.

CHARLES: I will prepare my report and it should be ready by 7/27/18.

MATTHEW: Can that be faxed that to my attorney?

CHARLES: The court knows how to get it to them.

ROUND 7: Matthew

On the way out, she said Thank you.

On the way out, I left last, I said, "I really just want an amicable resolution and I apoligize if I was
emotional, I've been bottling it up." He said something like, "I hope so too, no need to
apologize, I understand." I shook hands with him, said "Thank you" and departed.

EXPECTED WINNER: Matthew. He seemed really concerned about the NIC U stay and the CFS
investigation and outright shocked by the restricted visitation. He kept hammering her about
the latter. His focus was probably 2/3 on her and less in a "why are you afraid of him?" way and
more of a "why do keep Ariella from him?" way. Amber didn't seem particularly afraid of me, I
didn't lose my temper, I didn't raise my voice, and rarely interrupted. Ariella is a topic I am very
passionate about I believe I came across with integrity and credibility. Amber came across as
stiff and, I don't know, maybe like she was hiding something. She didn't do a good job defending
herself, she had ample opportunity. When she attacked me, I didn't let it go for the most part (I
kept it down to avoid looking like I was attacking the mother and tried to go with a different
viewpoint rather than brand her a liar and a theif). I think he knows what the deal is.

EXPECTED CUSTODY RECOMMENDATION: 50/50 pending the outcome of the psych evals,
though I feel if we get the right psych evals and make a strong case there's a small but
concievable chance we could get 100% custody. He did not like the limited visitation, the safety
concerns, the NIC U, the CFS involvement, and he did not like the gambling and shopaholism.
(This document rougly 97% content accurate and 95% complete though the order is
approximate).