PART THREE

Do din baad Amjad Khalid ka haal

poochnay kay liay phir aaya. Wo
kaafi dair Khalid aur mairay saath
baatain karta raha. Uss din mein nay
phir mehsoos kiya kay wo mairi taraf
waisi hi nazron say daikh raha hai
jaisay Hospital mein daikha karta
tha. Uss ki aankhain ghoom phir kar
ya to mairay chehray ka tawaaf karti
rehti theen ya phir mairay mammon
par aa kar tik jaati theen. Agar mairi
aankain uss say chaar hoteen to wo
foran Khalid ki jaanib mutawajo ho
jaata. Mein to do din pehlay uss ka
rawaya daikh kar yehi samjhi thi kay
shayad ab baat khatam ho gai hai
laikin yaqeenan aisa nahi tha. Laikin
mairay mammon kay muqaablay
mein ab wo mairay chehray ko
ziyaada daikh raha tha. Mujhay nahi
maaloom kay aisa kiyon tha. Buhat
dair tak choohay billi ka ye khail
chalta raha. Jaatay huay Khalid ki
mojoodgi ki waja say wo mujh say
galay nahi mila iss liay mein nahi
jaan saki kay wo mairay mammon ko
haath lagaana chaahta tha ya nahi.
Maira dil to chaaha kay mein ussay
khuda haafiz kehnay kay bahaanay
uss kay saath kamray say nikal kar
baahar jaoon aur daikhoon kay wo
mujhay haath lagaata hai ya nahi
magar phir na-janay kiyon mein nay
aisa nahi kiya.

Hospital mein apni choot dainay ka

jo janoon mujh par sawaar hua tha
wo ab bhi waisay hi qaayum tha. Roz
hi maira dil chaahta kay koi mujhay
chod kar kai dafa khalaas karay ta
kay iss tension say mairi jaan
cchootay. Ye socchtay huay mairi
choot garam ho kar geeli ho jaati aur
mairi haalat aur kharaab honay lagti.
Laikin mujhay samajh nahi aa rahi
thi kay mein khalaas honay kay liay
kiya karoon. Mujhay khud apnay aap
ko khalaas karna accha nahi lagta
tha aur na hi iss say mairi tassali hoti
thi. Mein apni choot kay liay lund
kahaan say laati. Mairay paas iss kay
alaawa koi chaara nahi tha kay sabar
karoon aur Khalid kay theek honay
ka intizaar karti rahoon.

Khalid ki beemaari ki waja say mein

kaafi dino say market nahi ja saki thi
aur ghar kay liay rozaana istimaal ka
buhat saara saamaan laana tha. Aik
din dopehar kay baad mein nay
soccha kay Khalid ab kaafi behtar
hain iss liay mein market ho aati
hoon. Mein nay apni nokraani aur
driver ko saath liya aur shopping
karnay nikal kharri hui. Abhi mein
apnay ghar kay gate say nikli hi thi
kay saamnay say Amjad ki gaarri
aati nazar aai. Ussay daikh kar mein
ruk gai. Wo apni gaari say utar kar
mairay paas aa gaya aur poccha kay
Phupi Nadira aap kahaan ja rahi
hain. Jab mein nay bataaya kay mein
market tak ja rahi hoon to wo bola
kay mein bhi aap kay saath chala
chalta hoon waapsi par Uncle khalid
say mulaqaat ho ja’aiy gi. Mein nay
kaha theek hai aisa hi kar laitay hain.
Wo bola kay aap ka driver nokraani
ko lay kar aap ki gaari mein hi
waapas ghar chala ja’ayaiy aur aap
mairi gaari mein aa ja’ayain. Mein
nay un dono say kaha kay wo aisa hi
karain. Mein khud utar kar Amjad ki
gaarri mein baith gai aur uss nay
driving seat sambhaal li.

Hum sarrak par aa’aiy to wo bola kay

Phupi Nadira mein nay dopehar ka
khaana nahi khaaya iss liay mujhay
to iss waqt buhat zoron ki bhook lagi
hui hai. Mein boli kay tum waheen
ghar mein bata daitay to mein
tumhaaray liay khaanay ka
bandobast karti. Mein nay ussay ye
bhi kaha kay hum ghar waapas
chaltay hain wo khaana kha lay to
phir nikal aa'iyain gay. Wo kucch
socch kar kehnay laga kay aisa
kartay hain kisi restaurant chaltay
hain aur kucch kha kar phir shopping
kay liay nikal ja’aiyain gay. Mein nay
kaha kay mein na to tayyaar ho kar
aai hoon aur na hi mein nay aisay
kaprray pehan rakhay hain kay kisi
restaurant ja sakoon. Wo hans kar
bola kay Phupi Nadira aap har tarah
kay kaprron mein acchi lagti hain
balkay ye kehna chaahiay kay aap jo
kaprray bhi pehan lain wo aap par
acchay lagtay hain. Mein nay uss ki
taraf daikha to wo jaldi say bola kay
maira matlab hai agar aap ghar kay
kaprray bhi pehan lain tub bhi itni hi
khoobsurat lagain gi. Mujhay ye sun
kar khushi to buhat hui laikin mein
nay ussay koi jawaab daina
munaasib nahi samjha. Bas hans kar
itna hi kaha kay chalo ab ziyaada
baatain na banao aur chup chaap
gaarri chalaatay raho.

Uss nay kaha kay Phupi Nadira mein

bilkul sacch keh raha hoon. Jab aap
kabhi ghar say nikalti hain to kiya
aap ko mardon ki gardanain apni
jaanib murrti hui nazar nahi aateen?
Mein nay jawaab diya kay mujhay
mardon ki murrti hui gardanon aur
ghoorti hui aankhon mein koi
dilchaspi nahi hai. Wo bola kay mein
kab keh raha hoon kay aap ko un
mein dil-chaspi hai mein to aap mein
unki dil-chaspi ki baat kar raha hoon.
Mein nay jawaab diya kay mardon ka
kiya hai wo to har aurat mein dil-
chaspi laina apna paidaishi haq
samajhtay hain aur agar koi aur na
milay to raah chalti faqeerniyon ko hi
ghoortay rehtay hain. Iss par wo
buhat hansa aur kehnay laga kay
Phupi Nadira waisay aap mardon ki
khaslat say khoob waaqif hain. Mein
nay daikha hai kay wo auratain jo
ziyaada khoobsurat hoti hain mardon
ki nafsiyaat ka ziyaada ilam rakhti
hain kiyonkay unhay zindagi mein
buhat baar mardon kay andar chupi
hui ghilaazat ka saamna karna parrta
hai. Apni iss indirect tareef par bhi
mein chup hi rahi.

Issi qisam ki baatain kartay kartay

hum aik five star hotel puhanchay jis
kay restaurant mein barri acchi hi-
tea mila karti thi. Mein Khalid kay
saath buhat dafa yahaan aa chuki
thi. Amjad nay khud to khaaya hi
laikin mujhay bhi zabardasti buhat
kucch khilaanay ki koshish karta
raha. Mein nay barri muskhil say
ussay yaqeen dilaaya kay mein
khaana kha chuki hoon ab aur nahi
kha sakti. Iss doraan agarchay wo
kabhi kabhi sabjeeda bhi ho jaata
laikin ziyaada tar hansi mazaaq ki
baatain hi karta raha aur aisay
jumlay bolta raha jin mein kaheen na
kaheen mairi taareef zaroor
posheeda hoti. Mairay chehray aur
mammon mein uss ki dil-chaspi ab
bhi qaayum thi. Lagta tha kay
mairay mammon mein maqnatees fit
hain jo uss ki aankhon ko musalsal
apni taraf khainchtay rehtay thay.
Mujhay ab uss ki taaka jhaanki say
koi paraishaani nahi hoti thi balkay
ab to mein uss ki bay-hooda baaton
say bhi barri mehzooz honay lagi thi.
Wo baatain hi aisi karta tha kay mein
hansnay par majboor ho jaati thi.
Hairat ki baat ye thi kay iss say
pehlay mein nay ussay kabhi iss
tarah ki tanz-o-mazaah say bhari hui
guftagoo kartay nahi suna tha. Wo to
fitratan hi kucch kum-go aur
sanjeeda tha.

Koi dairrh ghantay baad hum uss

restaurant say nikal kar market
puhanchay jahaan mein shopping
karnay lagi aur wo mairay saath
saath hi raha. Shopping kay doraan
mein nay mehsoos kiya kay agar
store mein koi mard mairi taraf
daikhta to Amjad ko accha nahi lagta
tha aur wo ussay ajeeb ghussay
waali nazron say ghoornay lagta
jaisay abhi katcha hi chaba ja’aiy ga.
Wo dunya kay saaray mardon ko
bata daina chaahta tha kay mein uss
kay saath hoon aur kisi aur ko
mairay husan-o-jamal ko appreciate
karnay ka koi haq nahi hai. Uss ka
mairi waja say hasad mein mubtala
hona kucch ajeeb si baat thi
kiyonkay mard siraf ussi aurat kay
saath doosray mardon ko bardaasht
nahi kar saktay jis say unhay
muhabbat ho. Wo aisi aurat ko
dosron ki nazron say door siraf
apnay paas aur siraf apnay liay
mehfooz kar kay rakhna chaahtay
hain. Laikin mein uss ki mehbooba
nahi thi aur na hi kabhi ban sakti thi.
Phir wo aisa kiyon kar raha tha?

Mein inhi socchon mein gharq thi kay

uss nay mujh say kaha kay wo
qareeb hi aik doosray store mein
apnay liay kucch khareednay ja raha
hai agar uss kay aanay say pehlay
khareedaari khatam kar loon to
yeheen uss ka intizaar karoon. Mein
nay kaha theek hai. Kucch dair baad
jab wo waapas aaya to uss kay haath
mein teen barray barray dabbay
thay. Uss nay mujhay nahi bataaya
kay un mein kiya tha aur na hi mein
nay poocha.

Jab mein nay shopping khatam kar li

aur hum dono ghar jaanay kay liay
gaari mein baith ga’aiy to uss nay do
dabbay mujhay pakrra diay. Mein nay
poocha ye kiya hai to wo bola kay
Phupi Nadira mein apnay liay
kaprray khareed raha tha to aap kay
liay bhi ye do suit lay liay. Mein nay
kaha kay mein tumhaari phupi hoon
cheezain to mujhay tumhaaray liay
khareedni chaahiyain. Wo bola kay
Phupi Nadira aap bhi kamaal hi karti
hain. Mein nay kon say tuhfon kay
aath das hazaar dabbay aap par laad
diay hain aur aap unkay bojh kay
neechay dabi ja rahi hain jo aisi
baatain kar rahi hain. Ye aik jorra aur
aik saari hi to hai aur inka wazan itna
ziyaada bhi nahi hai kay aap jaisi koi
mushtandi khatoon inkay neechay
dab ja’aiy. Mein nay kaha ulloo
"mustandi" hota hai "mushtandi"
nahi. Kehnay laga nahi aap siraf
"mushtandi" hi ho sakti hain
"mustandi" hona aap ki shaan kay
khilaaf hai. "Mustandi" aur
"mushtandi mein wohi farq hai jo
"lambi" aur "buhat hi lambi" aurat
mein hota hai. Uss ki oot pataang
baatain sun kar mujhay bay-
tahaasha hansi aaiy ja rahi thi.
Waisay ab to mujhay uss ki har baat
pay hi hansi aa jaati thi.

Mein nay buhat inkaar kiya magar

wo baaz nahi aaya aur mujhay kehta
raha kay mein wo dabbay khol kar
daikhoon. Aakhir majboor ho kar
mein nay dabbay kholay to aik mein
buhat hi mehanga aur khoobsurat
suit tha jabkay doosray mein barri
umda silk ki saari thi. Mein
shaadiyon aur doosri aisi taqreebaat
mein saari pehna karti thi aur wo iss
baat say waaqif tha. Shayad issi liay
uss nay mairay liay saari khareedi
thi. Iss mein koi shak nahi tha kay
dono cheezain mujhay buhat pasand
aai theen.

Wo jaan gaya kay mujhay uss kay

dono tuhfay acchay lagay hain. Uss
nay baat kartay kartay gaarri ka CD
player on kar diya. Koi aurat barri hi
pur-dard awaaz mein ga rahi thi. Wo
kehnay laga sunain sunain Phupi
Nadira ye barri khaas cheez hai aur
siraf aap kay liay hai:

Raaz-e-ulfat cchupa kay daikh liya

Dil buhat kucch jala kay daikh liya

Aur kiya daikhnay ko baaqi hai

Aap say dil laga kay daikh liya

Wo mirey ho kay bhi mirey na huay

Un ko apna bana kay daikh liya

Faiz takmil-e-gham bhi ho na saki

Ishq ko aazma kay daikh liya

Mein to uss ghazal mein kho si gai.

Ajeeb dukh-bhari ghazal thi jo
sunnay waalay ko dil-girifta kar daiti
thi. Buhat saada zabaan laikin
intahai pur-asar. Shair sun kar
nakaam muhabbat say waabasta
dukhon, taqleefon aur mehroomiyon
ka khayaal aata tha. Laikin iss kay
bawajood music bhi buhat shaandaar
tha aur gaanay waali bhi barray
ghazab ki thi. Uss nay iss ghazal ko
gaanay ka haq ada kar diya tha.
Mein nay Amjad say poocha kay ye
kon si singer hai to uss nay bataaya
kay ye Bangladesh ki singer Feroza
Begum hai jo Faiz Ahmad Faiz ki
ghazal ga rahi hai. Mein nay uss ki
taraf daikh kar hanstay huay kaha
kay tum iss bhari jawaani mein aisi
ghazlain kiyon suntay ho jin mein dil
jalaanay aur ishq ko aazmaanay kay
tazkiray hon? Dil ko kaheen koi rog
to nahi laga baithay? Aur haan zara
ye to batao kay kiya koi aisa bhi hai
jo tumhaara ho kay bhi tumhaara
nahi ban saka? Mujhay bhi to uss ka
naam pata chalay? Balkay mein to
kehti hoon kay mujhay uss say
milwao bhi ta kay mein poochoon
kay wo tumhaaray saath aisa zulm
kiyon kar rahi hai.

Uss nay gardan morr kar mairi taraf

ajeeb si nazron say daikha jin mein
kaheen door buhat door afsurdgi
cchupi hui thi. Mein nay to aisay hi
mazaaq kiya tha magar kam-az-kam
wo uss waqt buhat hi sanjeeda mood
mein tha. Pata nahi uss ki aankhon
mein aisa kiya tha kay maira dil zor
zor say dharraknay laga. Mein bila
kisi saboot kay jaan gai kay ghazal
kay ashaar aur uss ki afsurdgi ka
ta'aluq mujh say tha kisi larrki say
nahi. Mein chup ho gai aur satpata
kar jaldi say baat badalnay ki koshish
karnay lagi. Amjad say mairi
sharmindgi cchupi na reh saki. Ussay
jab kucch aur nahi soojha to wohi
ghazal dobaara laga di.

Raaz-e-ulfat cchupa kay daikh liya

Dil buhat kucch jala kay daikh liya

Aur kiya daikhnay ko baaqi hai

Aap say dil laga kay daikh liya
Wo miray ho kay bhi miray na huay
Un ko apna bana kay daikh liya

Faiz takmil-e-gham bhi ho na saki

Ishq ko aazma kay daikh liya

Iss dafa mein ghazal sunnay kay

saath saath sochti bhi ja rahi thi.

Uss ka jumla mairay zehan mein

goonj raha tha “sunain sunain Phupi
Nadira ye barri khaas cheez hai aur
siraf aap kay liay hai.” Saaf zaahir
hai kay wo iss ghazal kay zarye
mujhay koi paighaam daina chaahta
hai. Ye bhi sahi hai kay uss ki ulfat ka
raaz mujh say hi muta’aliq hai jis nay
uss ka dil itna jalaaya hai. Laikin
mein nay to uss kay saath kabhi koi
ziyaadti nahi ki phir wo ye kiyon
socch raha hai kay mujh say dil
lagaanay kay baad ab daikhnay ko
kucch baaqi nahi reh gaya? Aur jab
uss nay kabhi mujhay apna banaaya
hi nahi to mein kaisay uss ki ho kay
bhi uss ki na honay ki qasoor-waar
ho sakti hoon? Phir ye takmeel-e-
gham kiya hai jo ishq ko aazmaanay
kay bawajood nahi ho saki? Kiya
mairay badan ko haasil kar laina uss
kay nazdeek ishq ko aazmaana hai
jis mein naakaami ka matlab ye hai
kay gham ki takmeel nahi ho saki? Ya
iss takmeel-e-gham ka kucch aur
matlab hai? Laikin sab say barra
sawaal ye tha kay kiya wo mujh say
muhabbat karta tha ya nahi. Shayad
haan. Shayad nahi. Mujhay haan
waala jawaab ziyaada sahi lagta tha
laikin agar aisa tha to phir bas
qayaamat aanay hi waali thi. Maira
sar chakra gaya aur bila-waja hi
mairi aankhon mein aansoo tairnay
lagay jinhay mein nay barri mushkil
say control kiya.

Ghazal khatam hui to baat badalnay

kay liay mein nay uss say saari ki
qeemat poocchi.

Uss nay aisay sar jhatka jaisay kisi

khawaab say baidaar hua ho aur
bola kay Phupi Nadira iss ki qeemat
dafa karain bas aap ye saari ghar
jaatay hi pehan kar daikhain aur
Uncle khalid ko dikha’yain. "......aur
Uncle Khalid ko dikha'yain." Mein iss
jumlay kay peechay cchupi hui uss ki
majboori ko jaan sakti thi. Wohi
takmil-e-gham kay na honay aur ishq
ko aazmaanay ka masla tha. Saari
wo mairay liay khareeday aur pehan
kar mein Khalid ko dikhaoon. Ye
apnay ishq ko aazmaana nahi tha to
aur kiya tha? Agar Khalid mairay
shohar na hotay to wo kabhi unhay
mujh par aik nazar daalnay ki bhi
ijaazat na daita. Uss ka bas chalta to
mujhay apnay kamray mein qaid kar
kay rakhta ta kay mein uss kay
alaawa kisi ko nazar na aa sakoon. Ye
socchtay huay khushi aur imbisaat ki
aik taiz lehar mairay tan badan mein
phail gai. Kisi ki muhabbat ka
mehwar hona har aurat kay liay uss
kay zinda honay ki sab say barri
nishaani hai. Mein apnay aap ko
achanak barra halka phulka mehsoos
karnay lagi.

Maahol ko khushgawaar rakhnay kay

liay mein nay kaha kay kiya paagal
ho abhi to saari ka blouse aur
petticoat darzi say silnay hain tub hi
issay pehan sakoon gi na ya aisay hi
unstitched kaprra badan say lapait
loon. Uss nay hanstay huay kaha kay
haan ye to mein bhool hi gaya tha
aap unstitched kaprra kaisay
lapaitain gi bhala makhlooq-e-khuda
ko paagal karna hai kiya? Ye saaf
saaf mairay badan kay sexy honay ki
taraf ishaara tha. Mein nay kucch
kehnay kay liay munh khola laikin wo
mujhay jawaab ka moqa diay
baghair bola kay Phupi Nadira aap
jaisi itni lambi aurat par saari lagti
bhi buhat acchi hai kiyonkay ye
lambi auraton ka hi libaas hai aur
aap to khair say maha-lambi balkay
mahatma Gandhi waali mahatma-
lambi hain. Aap ko apnay jaisi to tub
hi nazar aati ho gi jab full size
aaeenay mein daikhti hon gi
agarchay ye bhi barra masla hai
kiyonkay cchotay motay aaeenay
say to aap ka kaam chalta nahi ho ga
aur aaeenay say baahar koi doosri
milni buhat mushkil hai. Mein uss ki
bakwaas sun kar bay-ikhtiyaar hans
parri.

Uss nay baat jaari rakhi aur kaha kay

waisay saari hai barra ajeeb libaas.
Daikhain na agar aap kisi sanjeeda
mehfil mein ja rahi hoon to iss ka
pallu utha kar sar par daal lain aur
kharray kharray “Bibi Pakeeza
Khatoon” ban ja’aiyain. Laikin agar
kisi shaadi mein jaana ho to issi saari
ko aisay pehan lain kay pait aur
kamar nazar aatay rahain. Lain ab
aik second mein app “Miss Sexy
Begum” ban gaeen. Ye to aik ticket
mein do mazon waali baat hui na.
Alag alag mehfilon mein jaanay kay
liay kaprray badalnay ki zaroorat hi
nahi. Mujhay uss ki baat sun kar phir
hansi ka doara parr gaya. Waisay
mein nay kabhi saari kay baaray
mein iss andaaz say nahi soccha tha
laikin uss ki observation bilkul sahi
thi.

Khair hum kucch dair baad ghar

puhanch ga’aiy. Amjad koi aik ghanta
Khalid kay paas baitha aur unkay
saath gup shup lagaata raha. Unki
beemaari kay baad wo un say bhi
kaafi free ho gaya tha aur dono
khoob baatain kiya kartay thay. Mein
bhi kaafi dair unkay saath hi baithi
rahi. Haalaankay iss mein koi aisi
baat nahi thi laikin phir bhi pata nahi
kiyon mein nay Khalid ko nahi
bataaya kay Amjad nay mairay liay
kaprray khareeday hain. Mein socch
rahi thi kay mujhay aik buhat taweel
arsay kay baad kisi nay koi cheez
tuhfay mein di thi. Khalid aisay
aadmi nahi thay jo kisi ko tuhfay
tahaaif daitay. Apnay aur unkay
istimaal ki sab cheezain mein khud
hi market say laaya karti thi. Aaj jab
Amjad nay mujhay suit aur saari kay
tuhfay diay to andar hi andar mujhay
buhat khushi hui thi. Uss din uss kay
chalay jaanay kay baad bhi Faiz ki
wo ghazal musalsal mairay zehan
mein goonjti rahi. Baar baar ajeeb si
udaasi mujhay ghair laiti aur mein
depressed ho jaati. Mujhay maaloom
tha kay aisa kiyon ho raha tha magar
mein iss baaray mein socchna nahi
chaahti thi. Baaz haqeeqaton say
munh morr laina hi behtar hota hai.

Aglay do teen din wo nahi aaya. Bas

har roz mujhay phone kar kay buhat
dair tak baatain kiya karta. Mein
ussay miss kiya karti thi aur akailay
mein bhi uss ki fazool baaton ko
yaad kar kay hansti rehti thi. Mein
nay uss ki di hui saari bhi apnay
tailor say silwa li thi aur kisi
munaasib moqay kay intizaar mein
thi kay ussay pehan sakoon. Jab
saari tayyaar ho kar aai to mein
ussay pehan kar apnay bedroom kay
closet mein lagay huay qad-e-aadam
aaeenay kay saamnay ja kharri hui
aur apnay aap ko naaqidaana nazron
say daikhnay lagi. Chehray kay
khoobsurat naqoosh, gora rang,
baal, lambi gardan, chorray kandhay,
mazboot baazoo, motay aur seedhay
kharray huay mammay, ghair-
maamooli tight pait, chorray
chootarr aur daraaz qad. Mein saari
zindagi apnay badan kay baaray
mein bad-gumaani ka shikaar rahi
magar ab mujhay apna ang ang
accha lagnay laga tha. Mairay badan
kay kisi aisay hisaay par aik ounce
charbi bhi nahi thi jahaan ussay nahi
hona chaahiay tha. Das baara saal
kay excercise routine nay rang
dikhaaya tha. Aaj mujhay apna aap
bilkul perfect lag raha tha. Mairay
zehan mein khushi aur musarrat ki
lehrain uthnay lageen. Mein nay
shukar kiya kay bay-waqoofi mein
Breast Reduction Surgery nahi karwa
baithi warna ab mujhay buhat afsos
hota. Mein ye khul kar nahi socchna
chaahti thi kay aakhir ab mujhay
apnay mammon ka size kum karnay
ka afsos kiyon hota magar itna jaanti
thi kay afsos hota zaroor.

Phir aik raat koi aath bajay kay

qareeb Amjad ghair-mutawaqo tor
par aa gaya. Kucch dair pehlay hi
mein uss kay baaray mein socch rahi
thi. Jab wo aaya to mein kitchen
mein kucch kaam kar rahi thi. Andar
aa kar uss nay shayad nokraani say
maira poocha aur Khalid kay kamray
mein jaanay say pehlay seedha
mairay paas aa gaya. Mujhay uss
kay aanay ka ilam nahi tha aur mein
nay ghar kay aam say kaprray hi
pehan rakhay thay. Uss waqt mein
nay dopatta bhi nahi liya hua tha.
Apnay motay aur tanay huay
mammon ko hilnay say roknay kay
liay mein amooman ghar mein bhi
brassiere pehnay rakhti hoon laikin
uss raat mein nay brassiere bhi nahi
pehna hua tha kiyonkay kisi kay
aanay ka andaisha nahi tha aur
ghantay dairrh kay baad mujhay
waisay bhi so jaana tha. Kitchen
mein uss waqt mairay alaawa aur koi
nahi tha.

Amjad nay achanak kitchen mein

daakhil ho kar mujhay salam kiya
aur seedha aagay aa kar mujh say
galay milnay laga. Wo poori tarah
mujh say baghal-geer hua aur apna
aik haath mairi kamar mein daal kar
mairay chootarron say kucch oopar
rakh diya aur doosra haath barrha
kar maira aik mamma pakarr liya.
Brassiere na honay ki waja say ab
maira poora mamma qameez kay
neechay uss kay haath mein aa
gaya. Mein to hairat kay maaray
kucch bol hi na saki aur ghair-iraadi
tor par apna sar neechay jhuka liya.
Uss nay mairay mammay ko apnay
haath say dabaatay hua thorra sa
oopar uthaaya aur barri bay-baaki
say apna angootha uss kay nipple
par rakh kar do teen dafa ussay
oopar neechay kiya. Mujhay apna
nipple uss kay angoothay kay saath
kabhi oopar aur kabhi neechay hota
hua mehsoos ho raha tha aur badan
mein halki halki halchal shuru ho gai
thi. Uss nay apna munh mairi gardan
kay qareeb kiya aur bilkul aahista
say ussay choom liya. Mairi gardan
aur seenay kay oopar waalay hissay
say uss ki garam saansain takrra rahi
theen.

Mairay badan mein ab chiyontiyaan

si dorrnay lageen aur achanak hi
nabz ki raftaar taiz ho gai. Maira dil
chaaha kay mein sab kucch bhool
jaoon aur apnay badan ko bilkul
dheela chorr doon. Maira jo mamma
uss kay haath mein tha uss kay
nipple mein ajeeb tarah ki meethi
meethi gudgudi shuru ho gai thi jo
ab pooray mamamy mein phailti ja
rahi thi. Phir chand lamho mein hi ye
gudgudi khud-ba-khud mairay
doosray mammay mein muntaqil
honay lagi. Mujh par barri taizi say
bay-khudi taari ho rahi thi aur mairay
hawaas gum ho rahay thay. Maira
apna badan mairay qaaboo say nikla
ja raha tha. Laikin phir achanak
mujhay Khalid ka khayaal aaya aur
mein hosh mein aa gai. Mairay dil-o-
dimaagh ko aik aahista aahista
barrhtay huay khof nay ghairna
shuru kar diya. Mein apnay dono
haath uss kay aur apnay jismon kay
darmiyaan lay aai.

Mein nay Amjad say apna aap

cchurra kar peechay hatnay ki
koshish ki. Uss nay mairay chehray
ko oopar uthaaya aur mairi aankhon
mein jhaanka. Uss ki aankhon mein
apnay liay shadeed muhabbat
mujhay buri tarah pighlaanay lagi.
Mein nay uss say door honay ki
mazeed koshish ki to wo mujh say
aur bhi chipak gaya aur mairi kamar
par rakhay huay apnay haath ko
neechay la kar mairay aik chootarr
ko pakrra aur zor laga kar mujhay
apni taraf khainch liya. “Nadira.” Uss
kay munh say sargoshi mein maira
naam nikla. Zindagi mein pehli baar
uss nay mairay naam kay saath lafz
phupi nahi lagaaya. Mujhay nahi
maaloom kay wo mujh say kiya
kehna chaahta tha laikin uss kay
munh say iss tarah apna naam sun
kar mein phir kamzor parrnay lagi
aur maira khof bhi taizi say kum
honay laga. Mein nay apnay haath
sides par gira diay.

Apnay aap ko roktay roktay haath

paoon phir dheelay cchorr dainay ki
waja say mein uss kay saath aur
ziyaada chipak gai. Mein itni lambi
cchorri, sehatmand aur mazboot
aurat honay kay bawajood uss kay
haathon mein bilkul aik mitti ki
gurrya ban kar reh gai thi. Ye kaisa
paagal-pan hai! Mein nay soccha.
Uss kay hont ab bhi mairi gardan par
rakhay huay thay aur uss ki nam
zabaan mujhay apni jild par mehsoos
ho rahi thi. Uss nay mairi gardan kay
nichlay hissay ko aik baar phir buhat
hi aahista say chooma aur apnay
haath mein pakrray huay mairay
mammay ko zara zor say dabaaya.
Uss kay hont mairi gardan par
dheeray dheeary harkat kartay huay
mairay gaalon aur honton ki taraf
aanay lagay. Uss ki saans bhi ab
phoolnay lagi thi. “Nadira.” Uss nay
phir duhraaya. Ye lafz mujhay paagal
kiay day raha tha. “Ye mumkin nahi
hai kay mein tumhaari ho kay
tumhaari na rahoon. Tum nay to
kabhi mujhay apna banaaya hi nahi
to phir ye gila kaisa?” Mairay bay-
qaaboo dil nay cheekh kar uss say
shikwa kiya.

Laikin zaahir hai wo mairay dil ki

awaaz nahi sun sakta tha iss liay uss
ki taraf say iss shikway ka koi jawaab
nahi aaya. “Nadira.” Uss ki awaaz
mairay kaano say phir takrai. Pata
nahi baar baar wo kiyon mujhay tapti
rait par ghaseet raha tha. "Wo miray
ho kay bhi miray na huay: Un ko
apna bana kay daikh liya." Kiyon
soccha tum nay aisa? Mein nay phir
dil hi dil mein uss say sawaal kiya.
Iss dafa bhi koi jawaab nahi aaya.
Aata bhi kaisay mein to khud say
baatain kar rahi thi. Mujhay wo din
yaad aaya jab Amjad class three
mein parrhta tha aur mein uss say
milnay uss kay school gai thi. Recess
ka waqt tha aur mujhay daikh kar
apnay school kay blazer aur trousers
mein necktie laga’aiy wo paaglon ki
tarah bhaagta hua aaya tha aur
mujh say lipat gaya tha. Mein nay
uss din school ki canteen say ussay
Fanta ki do bottles pilai theen. Jab
mein jaanay lagi to uss nay kai baar
peechay murr murr kar udaas
aankhon say mairi taraf daikha tha
jaisay mujhay rokna chaah raha ho.
Maira dil bhar aaya. Theek ussi
lamhay mujh par ye khofnaak raaz
bhi khul gaya kay mein uss say
muhabbat karnay lagi hoon. Jurm
mein lipti hui aur gunaah mein lithrri
hui muhabbat. Insaan ko sharminda
aur sharam-saar kar dainay waali
muhabbat. Shayad aisi muhabbat
mein hi takmeel-e-gham nahi hua
karti.

Uss kay munh say baar baar apna

naam sun kar mujhay lag raha tha
jaisay maira badan garam ho kar aag
ki bhatti mein tabdeel ho raha ho.
Mairi choot kay andar bhi kaheen say
halka halka paani ris raha tha.
Seenay kay andar maira dharrakta
hua dil jaisay pasliyon ko torr kar
baahar nikalna chaahta tha. Mujhay
dar lag raha tha kay kaheen wo
mairay honton ko choomnay ki
koshish na karay. Laikin mairay dil
mein kay kisi goshay mein ye
tamanna bhi thi kay aisa ho ja’aiy.
Mein nay uss ka aik bazoo pakarr liya
aur apnay honton par uss kay bosay
kay liay khud ko zehni tor par
tayyaar karnay lagi.
Bilkul ussi waqt kitchen kay baahar
corridor mein mairi nokraani kay
qadmon ki chaap sunai di. Maira dil
ucchal kar halaq mein aa gaya aur
mein aasmaan say zameen par aa
gai. Mein nay buhat hi aahista laikin
sakht lehjay mein Amjad kay kaan
mein kaha kay wo mujhay foran
chorr day koi aa raha hai. Uss nay
apnay haath mein pakrra hua maira
mamma cchorra aur bijli ki si taizi
kay saath mujh say alag ho gaya.
Mein bhi uss say door hat kar apni
qameez theek karti huay jaldi say
kitchen kay doosri taraf chali gai.
Laikin aisa karnay kay doraan bhi
mujhay nazar aa gaya kay uss ki
jeans raano kay beech mein say sooji
hui hai. Maira dil ab bhi barri zor zor
say dharrak raha tha aur aisa lag
raha tha jaisay mairi taangon say
jaan nikal gai ho. Uss kay kitchen
mein aanay say lay kar nokraani ki
aamad tak ziyaada say ziyaada do
dhai minute ka waqt guzra ho ga
laikin mujhay aisa lag raha tha jaisay
ghanton guzar ga'aiy hoon. Aur ye
do dhai minutes mairi zindagi ko
yaksar badal dainay waalay thay.
Khalid kay Hospital mein admit
honay waalay din say lay kar aaj tak
mein nay aik anjaani simt mein
saalon ka safar to taiy kar hi liya tha.
Aik buhat barra aur gehra garrha tha
jis mein maira wajood phisalta hua
girta chala ja raha tha. Ab to mairay
aur Amjad kay darmiyaan koi bhi
parda haa’il nahi reh gaya tha. Aaj
mairay aur uss kay jismon mein aik
naya aur khufia rishta ustawaar ho
gaya tha. Mein jaanti thi kay baat ab
yahaan ruknay waali nahi hai aur wo
sab kucch zaroor ho ga jo nahi hona
chaahiay. Maira dil doobnay laga.

Nokraani kitchen mein aai to Amjad

mujh say Khalid ki tabiyat kay
baaray mein poochnay laga. Mein
nay apnay dharraktay huay dil par
qaaboo paanay ki koshish kartay
huay uss ki taraf daikha. Uss ka
chehra bilkul maamooli sa laal zaroor
tha laikin iss kay alaawa wo normal
tha aur aisay zaahir kar raha tha
jaisay kucch hua hi na ho. Haan uss
ki aankhon mein aisi chamak zaroor
thi jo mein nay iss say pehlay kabhi
nahi daikhi thi. Maira badan bhi
shayad nokraani kay khof ki waja say
barri had tak apni normal haalat ki
taraf waapas loat raha tha. Mairay dil
ki dharrkan bhi behtar ho gai thi aur
choot ki geelaahat mein bhi kami aa
gai thi. Mein nay Amjad ko bataaya
kay Khalid to so chukay hain laikin
unki tabiyat ab buhat behtar hai. Uss
nay kaha kay Phupi Nadira koi baat
nahi mein to waisay hi aa gaya tha.
Agar Uncle Khalid soay huay hain to
unhay bilkul jagaanay ki zaroorat
nahi hai. Wo kitchen mein parri hui
aik kursi par hi baith gaya. Nokraani
kucch dair baad apnay quarter mein
chali gai aur mein nay ja kar corridor
mein khulnay waala darwaaza band
kar diya.

Phir mein corridor say kitchen ki

taraf chal parri jahaan wo baitha hua
maira intizaar kar raha tha. Mairay
dil nay phir zor zor say dharrakna
shuru kar diya tha.