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Mercedes Macarena-Galloway

Professor Campbell

UWRT 1103

31 October 2019

An Attack on Parenting Styles: Why Authoritative is the Best

Imagine you are five years old again. It is Christmas morning and after opening all of

your presents, you get in trouble for leaving the wrapping paper all over the ground. Your dad

screams at you saying, “ALL YOU EVER DO IS MAKE MESSES, CLEAN THAT UP RIGHT

NOW!” You do as your father says in fear of him severely punishing you.

Now imagine the same scenario, instead, your mom is the one who tells you to clean up.

She calmly says, “Sweetie, we’ve talked about this. You have to clean up after yourself.” She

then takes your hand and helps you clean up the mess.

Each of these scenarios can drastically impact the way a child will develop. Each of the

scenarios above exhibit parents with different parenting styles. The first scenario is an example

of an authoritarian parenting style. The second scenario is an example of an authoritative

parenting style. The second example is the most ideal parenting style, authoritative, while your

mother tells you what to do, she does not do it in an aggressive manner, she also offers to help

you clean up.

There are four types of parenting styles, according to Parenting for Brain, an easy to

understand website for parents that is supported by scientific research. The four styles are

authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. Authoritarian parents have high demands

of their children and low responsiveness. Although they have high standards, they do not provide
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much feedback in the way of achieving those high standards. Authoritative parents are

responsive to their child’s emotional needs and have high standards. They are warmer and more

responsive when compared to authoritarian parents. On the other hand, permissive parents have a

more relaxed parenting style. They require little from their children; they’re more responsive

than they are confrontational. Lastly, the uninvolved parenting style is often related to neglectful

parenting. These parents have few demands of their child and are not very responsive.

Parenting styles are important because the development of children, our future, can either

be positively or negatively impacted by the way they are raised by their parents. Parents may

think they are doing a good job by following the example set by their parents but some parents

have not done any research on how to be a better parent. According to Zero To Three, a website

which works to ensure that babies and toddlers benefit from the early connections that are critical

to their well-being and development, 69% of parents say that if they knew more positive

parenting strategies they would use them. Also, 54% of parents wish they had more information

about how to be a better parent.

According to García-España, author of over 40 psychological research reports, 50% of

parents are authoritative, 23% are permissive, 19% are uninvolved and 8% are authoritarian.

Although half of parents are found to be the most ideal parenting style, which is authoritative,

this is still not a good statistic. That means that 50% of children are being raised in an

environment that can lead to severe issues later on in life.

Where did parenting styles come from?

The debate over parenting styles and their effects on children began in the 1960’s.

Clinical and developmental psychologist Diane Baumrind, first piqued an interest in parenting

styles while observing different behaviors among preschoolers. She believed each child’s
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behavior was directly correlated to their relationship with their parents. After much observation

and interviews, Baumrind identified three types of parenting styles (authoritarian, authoritative

and permissive). It wasn’t until 1983 when Elanor Maccoby, chair of the department of

psychology at Stanford University and John Martin, graduate of both Harvard and Stanford

Universities, introduced a fourth parenting style known as uninvolved (Parenting for Brain).

The Society for Research in Children Development, a non-profit professional association

with over 5000 researchers, states: “Yet, our understanding of the processes through which

parenting styles influence adolescent development remains limited”. Although parenting styles

have been observed and established, they were only used to observe how the family functions,

only recently have they been used to observe the impact on children.

Authoritarian Parenting Style

The authoritarian parenting style is characterized by high demands and low

responsiveness. This means parents have very high expectations of their children but yet do not

offer a way in achieving those high expectations. If a child is to make a mistake, they will most

likely be severely punished by an authoritarian parent. In addition, these parents can seem very

harsh. They value discipline over fun and live by the rule that children should be seen and not

heard.

This parenting style has many downsides such as causing low self-esteem issues. Kids

have low self-esteem because throughout the entirety of their childhood, they feel forced to

please their parents. The way children feel about themselves is based off of how the parents feel

about that child. It is typical of an authoritarian parent to overreact when a simple mistake has

been made, to a child who does not know any better, they assume they have made a huge mistake

and will feel bad about themselves. Because authoritarian parents choose to focus on the
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negatives more than the positives, children often gain the mentality that they are never able to do

anything right. A study from the European Journal of Personality was conducted in 2008 in

which high school students were given a survey in order to determine the parenting style of their

parents. It was found that: “Perceptions of parental authoritarianism were related to low self-

esteem with females manifesting lower self-esteem than boys” (Heaven). Although this study did

not involve direct contact with the parents of the high schoolers, it gives an insight to the

negative effects authoritarian, or perceived authoritarian, parents have on their children’s self-

esteem.

On the other hand, children of authoritarian parents tend to rebel. These kids have to

follow the strict rules of their parents. Once the child reaches an age to which they realize their

parents are overly strict, they may begin to act out to see the extent of bad behavior they can get

away with. “Unfortunately, strong punishment leads to more misbehavior, rebellion and results

in constant power struggles” (Authoritarian Parenting). This often leads into adulthood where

children will often make decisions in spite of their parents, even if it is not what the child wants.

Critics, such as Adelien Tan, author of blessedlearners.com, a website that encourages

homeschooling, argues that children of authoritarian parents are goal oriented. She says, because

children grow up with very explicit expectations, they are more likely to set goals for

themselves. Although this may be true, some of the goals children want to achieve may not be in

their best interest, like mentioned above, children often rebel against their parents. “Uber-strict

parents who rule with a controlling, iron fist -- while not giving their children a chance to speak their

mind -- are more likely to raise children who are disrespectful and engage in delinquent behaviors.”

(Mann). These goals may not be what the child wants but instead it will be with the parents do

not want.
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Permissive Parenting Style

Permissive parents are very loving but do not set many rules for their children. These

parents do not expect mature behavior and often seem more like a friend than a parental figure.

In addition, these parents do not offer much guidance in life, they allow children to make their

own decisions and may not correct the child if they are doing something wrong in fear of causing

a scene or upsetting the child.

One downfall of the permissive parenting style may include struggling to establish who

has the authority in the relationship. As the child gets older, they realize the power they have

over their parent and may begin to abuse it. If a parent tries to tell the child what to do then the

child may argue back and the parent being the type of parent they are, may not know how to get

their child under control. Since these parents do not place much rules on their children, they

seem more like a friendly figure than a parental figure. These parents often times do not want to

see their child upset so they will do everything in their power to keep them happy. According to

WebMD, “Some overly permissive parents are more concerned with their teenagers liking them than

being effective authority figures.” Although this may be a positive thing, these kids do not benefit

from having a figure in their lives to tell them what to do or guide them in the right direction.

The parents let their kids do whatever they please which may lead to that child making poor

decisions in the future.

Another negative of the permissive parenting style is that the child may lack motivation.

The child grows up with very few limitations on what they are allowed to do. These parents do

not establish any boundaries which gives the child nothing to push. As I am sure you have heard

“Boundaries are meant to be broken” countless amounts of times. One area this may affect is

academic learning, according to a study published in the Journal of Advances in Medical

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Education and Professionalism, children of permissive parents have the lowest level of academic

achievement when compared to children raised by parents of an alternative style.

Critics argue that there is minimal conflict in a child-parent relationship where the parent

is permissive. These parents tend to avoid conflict as all costs. While this may be a positive, it has

more negative effects such as the children being disrespectful and exhibiting defiant behavior.

“They’re not used to hearing ‘no,’ so they can sometimes lash out when they head this from

authorities or elders outside their home” (Guerrere). Often times the child does not know what

respect is and may struggle living a professional, adult life.

Uninvolved Parenting Style

Uninvolved parents place little rules on their children, if any. This parenting style is also

referred to as neglectful parenting. These parents do not offer much help in raising their children

and leave much of everything up to the child. They act indifferent, dismissive or completely

neglectful towards their children.

One negative of uninvolved parenting is that children often develop a sense of loneliness.

This occurs because the parents do not pay much attention to their child. Even if a child asks for

help the parent may just brush them to the side. This leaves a young child feeling like they have

no one there for them. During the early stages of a child’s development, it was found that

children require a lot of attention in order to develop to their full potential. “A close relationship

between the child and the caregiver is the best way to nourish the child’s growing brain” (Child

Development). Uninvolved parents lack that close relationship needed in order to help the child’s

development.

Another downfall of uninvolved parenting is that children often become socially

awkward. During the first few years of a child’s life, they are around their parents almost 100%
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of the time. “If our parents aren’t taking the time to engage in conversations or invest in us

emotionally, we will become distant and introvert beings” (Tony). Children learn most of their

social skills at a very young age, if they are not communicated with on a regular basis, it could

drastically affect their social skills in the future.

Critics argue that children of uninvolved parents may be able to figure out how to do

things quicker than children of other parenting styles since they have to figure most everything

out for themselves. Consequently, the way children may do things may not necessarily be the

correct or easiest way of doing it since they were not taught by an adult. In the long run, this can

overwhelm a child because they receive little to no help and have to learn the hard way in order

to accomplish, what may be seen as easy, tasks.

Authoritative Parenting Style

Authoritative parents are characterized by high responsiveness and also high demands.

These parents will not overreact if a child makes a mistake but instead will give the child advice,

so they do not make the same mistake again. This is the best parenting style because it has a

balance of responsiveness and demands. In addition, all of the issues other parenting styles may

cause can be avoided by using the authoritative parenting style.

Now you may be wondering why this is seen as the best parenting style. Let’s take a look

at issues the other parenting styles may cause. Authoritarian: low self-esteem and children tend

to rebel, permissive: struggle of authority and lack of motivation in the child and, uninvolved:

sense of loneliness and may become socially awkward.

Why is authoritative is better than authoritarian? The authoritative parenting style does

not cause low self-esteem, nor produce rebellious children. Authoritative parents pay a good

amount of attention to their children. They are very responsive and will not tear a child down if
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they make a simple mistake. “Adolescents from authoritative families scored higher than

adolescents from authoritarian and neglectful families in three self-esteem dimensions, academic,

social and family” (Martínez). In addition, authoritative parents establish a moderate number of

rules, which makes a child less likely to rebel. These parents understand the child’s needs/wants

and try their best to meet them. Authoritative parents are less strict and more emotional when

compared to authoritarian parents.

Why is authoritative is better than permissive? The authoritative style does not have a

struggle of establishing authority or cause a lack of motivation in the child. Authoritative parents

are seen more like parents than they are friends to their children. These parents set rules unlike a

permissive parent. Also, children of authoritative parents are not likely to have a lack of

motivation. Authoritative parents push their children to be successful, for example, they may

offer incentives for getting good grades on their report card. “Carol Dweck, a social and

developmental psychologist at Stanford university, has done research that indicated why

authoritative parents raise more motivated, and thus more successful, children” (Levine). Dweck

concluded children of authoritative parents are more motivated because they have higher self-

esteems. This directly correlates with children having higher levels of motivation.

Lastly, why is authoritative better than uninvolved parenting? Authoritative parenting is

not likely to cause a sense of loneliness or cause their children to be socially awkward.

Authoritative parents are very involved in the lives of their children, they make sure to have

conversations with their children about how their day ways and problems they may be going

through. Also, if a child is going through a crisis, the parent will be there to offer help. These

interactions also help children of authoritative children to develop social skills, making them less

likely to be socially awkward.

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In conclusion, here are many ways to raise a child, almost every interaction parents have

with their children has some type of impact on the person they become. Some parents may rely

on advice given by others or how their parents raised them in order to raise their child. Parents

need to do their own research in order to find the most effective way to raise their child, which

would be to adapt an authoritative parenting style. Authoritative parents raise the most successful

children while also preparing the child to be a good parent to their future children.
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Works Cited

Aubrey, Allison. “Parenting Style Plays Key Role in Teen Drinking.” Morning Edition, National

Public Radio, 27 Dec. 2010, www.npr.org/2010/12/27/132288846/parenting-style-plays-

key-role-in-teen-drinking. Accessed 17 Oct. 2019.

“Authoritarian Parenting Style.” MSU Extension,

https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritarian_parenting_style. Accessed 7 Nov. 2019.

“Child Development and Early Learning.” Facts for Life - Child Development and Early

Learning, www.factsforlifeglobal.org/03/1.html. Accessed 6 Nov. 2019.

García-España JF, Ginsburg KR, Durbin DR, Elliott MR, and Winston FK. “Primary Access to

Vehicles Increases Risky Teen Driving Behaviors and Crashes: National Perspective.”

Pediatrics. Oct. 2009, www.aafp.org/afp/2009/1215/p1486.html. Accessed 2 Nov. 2019.

Guerrere, Michelle. “We Weigh the Pros and Cons of Permissive Parenting.” Mydomaine,

MyDomaine, 14 Sept. 2019, www.mydomaine.com/permissive-parenting. Accessed 6

Nov. 2019.

Heaven, P. and Ciarrochi, J. “Parental styles, gender and the development of hope and self‐

esteem.” European Journal of Personality, vol. 22, 2008, pp. 707-724.

doi:10.1002/per.699. Accessed 6 Nov. 2019.

Levine, Madeline. “Raising Successful Children.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 4

Aug. 2012, www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/raising-successful-

children.html. Accessed 3 Nov. 2019.

Mann, Denise. “Overly Strict, Controlling Parents Risk Raising Delinquent Kids.” WebMD,

WebMD, 23 Feb. 2012, www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20120223/overly-strict-

controlling-parents-risk-raising-delinquent-kids#1. Accessed 6 Nov. 2019.

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Martínez, Isabel. “Parenting Styles and Adolescents' Self-Esteem in Brazil.” SAGE Journals,

journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.2466/pr0.100.3.731-745. Accessed 5 Nov. 2019.

Morin, Amy. “4 Types of Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Kids.” Verywell Family,

Verywell Family, 12 July 2019, www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-

1095045. Accessed 14 Oct. 2019.

Tony. “Uninvolved Parenting Definition, Characteristics, Examples and More!” Family Evolved,

2 May 2019, www.familyevolved.com/uninvolved-parenting/. Accessed 1 Nov. 2019.

University of New Hampshire. "Controlling parents more likely to have delinquent children."

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EBSCOhost, doi:10.1037/dev0000707. Accessed 11 Oct. 2019.

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path.” Journal of Advances in Medical Education & Professionalism vol. 4, no. 3, 2016.

Accessed 4 Nov. 2019.