When communicating with someone who speaks in extremes, acknowledge their perspective but present your view using less absolute terms like "often" instead of "always". Seek to understand their view without directly refuting it using words like "but", which signals disagreement. Take responsibility for your actions by apologizing without justification.
When communicating with someone who speaks in extremes, acknowledge their perspective but present your view using less absolute terms like "often" instead of "always". Seek to understand their view without directly refuting it using words like "but", which signals disagreement. Take responsibility for your actions by apologizing without justification.
When communicating with someone who speaks in extremes, acknowledge their perspective but present your view using less absolute terms like "often" instead of "always". Seek to understand their view without directly refuting it using words like "but", which signals disagreement. Take responsibility for your actions by apologizing without justification.
Often, when people are being difficult, they speak in
extreme terms that match their worldviews. So, if the other person says, ‘I always have to’ or ‘You never…’, acknowledge their view, but then present your perspective. ‘I know you think I never… but actually, I often…’ or, ‘I understand that it seems like it’s always you, and yet…’ See if you can avoid linking sentences with the word ‘but’. When the other person hears ‘but’, they know you are going to refute their view. Try to avoid the word altogether or, when it’s appropriate, use the word ‘and’ rather than ‘but’. For example, ‘I know you feel angry and I’m feeling upset.’ Sounds so much less defensive than ‘I know you’re angry but I’m feeling upset.’ Another example of this is if you apologize for something: ‘I’m sorry I raised my voice, but I couldn’t help it.’ The ‘but’ disqualifies the apology. Take responsibility for shouting.