Tsuneko Nishii

On the 1st of November, I had a 1 hour-long interview with Tsuneko Nishii. She is my
grandmother aged 83 years and lives in Japan. Her husband passed away seven years ago. She
was an office worker at a local food company, and now she manages a parking lot near her house
while receiving a salary and pension. Her hobbies are gardening and going to see a flower
garden. She is a very versatile person who has got along with people well and loves her sons and
grandchildren. To learn how interpersonal relationships would have influenced the meaning of
life, I talked with Tsuneko on Skype from my room in the U.S.

Interview Summary

Purpose
When she was in young and middle adulthood, the purpose of life was to take care of her
husband and two sons as a good wife and mother. Because she spent all her time working, doing
housework, and educating her kids, she could not take a look at herself. Once her sons became
emotionally and financially independent, however, she started to focus on her emotional needs
while finding a meaning of life in making her husband’s life better. After he died, she said she
did not know what to do or how to live. Her sons and neighbor friends often invited me to eat, so
I didn't felt lonely and was entirely grateful for everyone’s support. Then, in late adulthood, she
mentioned that her ikigai is to help people around her and make them happy, as well as
gardening.

Self-concept & emotional health

In early adulthood, she considers herself as a sociable and modest wife. After she gave
birth to babies, she said her identity changed to a wife and mother who was working full time
and taking care of her sons in middle adulthood. However, since her grandchildren grew up and
her husband died in her late adulthood, she has conceptualized her as an active mother and
grandmother. Over the years, she feels that various experiences she had through interacting with
people would develop her emotionally and make her more resilient.

Physical Health
Although she has pain with her knees and back, she is satisfied with the physical
strengths that allow her to do gardening for hours.

Cognitive
She somewhat feels anxious about her memory because she has been horribly forgetful
lately and lost a house key very often. However, she has confidence in her abilities to attention
and communication because she believes her parking management work, daily conversation with
neighbors, and trading stocks stimulate the brain and stop the decline in cognition.

Work
When she worked as an office clerk at a local food company, she had a lot of chances to
meet with clients, local customers, and her boss, and co-workers. She thinks these experiences
develop her social skills.

Relationships
She and her husband maintained a good husband-wife relationship for over a
half-century. She said that the key to this relationship was to forgive his husband for the way he
treated her or their sons. Over the years, she thinks relationships with her sons and friends
become stronger.

Spirituality and Death & Dying

Faith is somewhat important because she employes some Buddhism practices to mourn
for the deceased. She hopes to pass away peacefully after completing her natural term of
existence. Before she dies, she wants to leave her properties to her sons and grandchildren.

Reflection

Though the interview, the most important life lesson I learned from Tsuneko is that the
change in closeness with family and friends would affect one’s identity and the meaning of life.
I thought that this interpersonal relationship would be largely subject to someone’s death or
independence form her story. From social-psychological viewpoints, these people can be defined
as significant others. It seems obvious that interacting with them will more or less affect what we
focus on or value in life. In her case, significant others would be her husband, neighboorhood
friends, and sons. As a young adult, my ikigai is the happiness of my family and learning.
Probably, my parents are likely to pass away earlier than me. When I experience their death, how
my self-concept would change and how do I find the new meaning of life? Although I cannot
imagine these now, I hope to meet new significant others.