The secret to getting the life

youʼve always dreamed of

By Jeff Goins Aug 13, 2018

We are going to do something kind of risky.

For the next few weeks, I will be sharing with
you 10 lessons Iʼve learned about life, dreams,
and pursuing work that matters. I hope it
helps you set better goals for your life and
encourages you to be grateful. Letʼs begin.

Lesson 1: Find your “who”

Recently, thereʼs been a lot of talk about

finding your “why” thanks to the efforts of the
very smart Simon Sinek. But in my experience,
thatʼs not the first question you should ask.

If youʼre trying to live a life of purpose and

meaning, the first thing to ask is not “why” or
even “what” but “who.”

Do you know who you are?

I mean, really know? Most people donʼt.

Thereʼs a reason this is the theme of all great

stories from Star Wars to The Lion King to
Harry Potter to Moana.

We are lost. And we know it.

The trappist monk Thomas Merton calls this

your “true self.” So many of us hide behind
the false selves of achievement and status,
because we are afraid for the world to truly
see us for who we are. People might not like
us, after all.

Once you know you who you are, you will

know what to do.

Activity follows identify, as I like to say.

I learned this relatively early in my life when a

friend asked what my dream was and I said I
didnʼt know.

He said he thought I would have said “be a

writer.” As soon as he said that, my heart
leapt, and I knew thatʼs what I wanted but was
just too afraid to admit. I guess I did want to
be a writer, I admitted. But that would never
happen.

My friend looked me in the eye and said,

Jeff, you are a writer. You just need to

write.

The next day, I started writing and never

looked back. That one conversation changed
my life. Not because those words were
magical, but because I was waiting to find out
who I was before I knew what I was supposed
to do with my life.

Maybe you can relate.

Right now, there is a gap between your true

self and your false self, between your soul and
your sole, and itʼs up to you to fill it.

This is true for all of us, by the way, myself

included. We are all — hopefully — becoming
truer versions of ourselves, those selves that
step into the light and do not hide from who
we really are.

But to do this well, you need insight. You need

a way to recognize your blindspots. Because
we as human beings are really terrible at self-
awareness, and so we need the voices of
others to point out what weʼre missing.

Every year, I reflect on what Iʼve done with my

time and how it complements or conflicts with
the things that I say are important to me.

Do I call myself a writer but do very little

writing?
Do I say family is first but often come
home late at the end of the day?
Do I think of myself as intelligent and
creative but give myself very little time to
think and play?

There is a gap between who we say we are

and who we really are.

And it is the mission of our life to bridge the

two. We must be whole, integrated people.

And finding our “who” — that true self we

were meant to be — begins with
understanding who we are right now, good or
bad, warts and all.

So, I dare you to do this one small thing I do

every year:

Take a quick assessment that forces you to

grade yourself on your life.

Are you like George Bailey and secretly living

a wonderful life?

Or are you like Walter Mitty and youʼre missing

out on the adventure just beyond your
comfort zone?

You have a true self

This may be one of the most important

messages and ideas in my life: this idea that
you have a true self and you need to find it.
Iʼm so passionate about this topic that I wrote
a book on it.

I am often asking “is this really me?” and I

hope you ask yourself that, too. It really
matters, I think.

This article first appeared on Goins, Writer.

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