230 TEN MINUTE PLAYS: Volume 3

hold their fire.

MARVIN. (Dumbfounded.) MARVIN? (HE stands.) Your
names are Marvin?

(The air is filled with GUNFIRE. MARVIN is hit; HE falls.

HORACE looks at Marvin. An awkward moment passes.) |

HORACE. I'd like to go back and fix my hair a little more.

(The air is filled with GUNFIRE. HORACE falls.) SO TELL ME ABOUT

MARVIN. I wouldn’t trust these fellas any further, Horace. THIS GUY
They misled us on the whole name business. They basically just
lied to us.
HORACE. Yeah, (Coughing, bleeding.) but we got the last 7
laugh. They'll feel pretty stupid when they find out your real name by Dolores Whiskey man
ain’t Cloaca.

(MARVIN looks at Horace, confused, then smiles.)

MARVIN. Yeah.

(THEY die, satisfied.)

THE END

231
 . eee
232 TEN MINUTE PLAYS: Volume 3 TEN MINUTE PLAYS: Volume 3 233

So Tell Me About This Guy was first presented during the Source CHARACTERS
Theatre Co.’s Ten-Minute Play Competition, July 21-25, 1991, at
the Source Theatre in Washington, D.C. Kim Kettle directed, with
the following cast: ANGIE — A woman in her late 20s

MARLA — Her friend, late 20s to early 30s

The play was a finalist in the competition, and was awarded a

“special prize” for “most creative use of food.” TIME & PLACE

Marla’s home.

So Teil Me About This Guy premiered at Actors Theatre of A lazy aftemoon, the present.
Louisville. It was directed by Mary Beth Peil and had the
following cast:

Scenic Designer: Paul Owen

Lighting Designer: Craig Young
Props Master: Mark J. Bissonnette
Sound Designer: C. Lynn Warren
Costume Designer: Kevin McLeod
Dramaturg: Lisa A. Timmel
Stage Manager: Michele A. Kay
Assistant Stage Manager: Lauren McDonald
 SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS GUY
AT RISE: MARLA and ANGIE are drinking coffee.

MARLA. Ever try this? (SHE produces a bottle of Amaretto

and pours a Shot into each coffee cup.)
ANGIE. No.
MARLA. Like liquid almonds. Michael loves it.
| ANGIE. Michael? Is that his name?

(MARLA snickers.)

| ANGIE. Michael. Wow. So—tell me about this guy.

MARLA. Well.
ANGIE. Well?
MARLA. (Laughing.) Well—
| ANGIE. Well???
MARLA. He’s so—he’s just so, you know.
ANGIE. Uh huh.
| MARLA. I mean, he’s so, wh, just so.
| ANGE. So?
| MARLA. The way he, when he, how he, that is. I mean he’s
just so—(A deep breath, slowly exhaled.)
ANGIE, You're kidding.
MARLA. I mean, sometimes, when he—that is, when we’re—I
mean, you wouldn’t think, just to look at him, but he’s really, you
know.
ANGIE. Yeah??
MARLA. Like Saturday.
ANGIE. Yeah?
MARLA. After we stopped at Gina’s, he took me to the, you
know—
ANGIE. Yeah.
| MARLA. With the—(Gestures.)

| 235

|
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SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS GUY 237
236 TEN MINUTE PLAYS: Volume 3

ANGEE. Right! ANGIE. You’re kidding!

MARLA. And the—(Another gesture.) MARLA. Wish I was.
ANGIE. Polka band. ANGIE, Were they uh???
MARLA. Right. (Dreamy.) Mmmm. MARLA. (Nods and snickers.) Uh huh.
ANGIE. Yeah? ANGIE. (Nods and snickers.) Oh, God!
MARLA. (Too excited to talk.) Well, at Gina’s, he was, you
ANGIE and MARLA. (Together.) Feeling no pain!!
know. But after dinner, we— MARLA. Oh, God!
ANGIE. Yeah?
MARLA. He was just so—I mean so— (THEY sip the coffee, fall silent and grow more serious.)
ANGEE. Seriously?
MARLA. And then we—well— ANGIE. Wow.
ANGIE. (Very interested.) Yeah? MARLA. Yeah.
MARLA. You know. ANGIE. Those two.
ANGIE. And? So??? MARLA. Those two.
MARLA. Well, he’s uh. You know. ANGIE. They’re like—
MARLA. Yeah. (Beat.) All over the kitchen, too.
ANGIE. No.
ANGIE. So what did you—
MARLA. You know.
MARLA. We left.
ANGE. No.
MARLA. Well, he’s. He’s. Well. ANGIE. And where—
ANGIE. Is he uh—you know?? MARLA. His place.
MARLA. Pretty much. ANGIE. And what—
MARLA. Watched a movie.
(ANGIE and MARLA giggle explosively.) ANGIE. Movie?
MARLA. Uh huh.
ANGIE. Really?
(THEY look at each other and giggle.)
MARLA. Uh huh.
ANGIE. So. Did you uh?
ANGIE. What kind of movie?
MARLA. No. (SHE pours more coffee and loads it with
MARLA. A training—training film.
Amaretto.)
ANGIE. Oh. But if he’s so—you know—
MARLA. Well, he’s—shy. (THEY laugh hysterically.)
ANGIE. Oh. (Beat.) So where did you—
MARLA. Gina’s party. ANGEE. Training film?
MARLA. He’s into time management.
ANGIE. Oh she’s the one who—
ANGIE. Uh, huh.
MARLA. No, Bob.
MARLA. He’s—
ANGIE. Bob was at Gina’s? I thought they—
MARLA. They did. But now they’re—
ANGIE. —Shy. Right. (SHE sips coffee, calms herself.) So how
238 TEN MINUTE PLAYS: Volume 3 SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS GUY 239

does Bob— MARLA. Not for me.

MARLA. From school. ANGIE. (ft sinks in.) No.
ANGIE. Oh. So he and Bob are both— MARLA. Yeah.
MARLA. No, he’s an accountant. ANGIE. You mean he and—and Bob??
ANGIE. Oh. MARLA. In school.
MARLA. What, oh? ANGIE. God!
ANGIE. Just oh. MARLA. I told you he’s exciting.
MARLA. Oh as in “oh” or oh as in oh. ANGIE. I never knew Bob—
ANGEE. Neither. Just oh. MARLA. You try all sorts of things in college.
MARLA. Accountants can be very exciting. ANGIE. But Bob?? He’s so—-so—so—God, poor Gina.
ANGIE. How exciting? MARLA. She wasn’t there.
MARLA. Well.
ANGIE. Marla—has this guy—and Bob—have you??
ANGIE. Well? MARLA. Come on, Angie. You know Bob isn’t my type.
MARLA. Well— ANGIE. Thank God you haven’t—
ANGIE. Well??? MARLA. Not yet.
MARLA. Well— ANGEE. You’re not still planning on—
ANGIE. But you haven’t??? MARLA. Well.
MARLA. Not yet. ANGIE. You can’t.
ANGIE. Not that exciting. MARLA. Actually. I figured—maybe tonight.
MARLA. Well, it’s not as if—you know. ANGIE. You could get a disease!
ANGIE. So what gives? MARLA. Come on.
MARLA. Nothing. ANGIE. How do you know who else he—
ANGIE. How long have you— MARLA. Hey! Don’t talk about him like he’s some kind of
MARLA. Six weeks. slut.
ANGIE. And still no— ANGIE. Don’t you see? That’s why he’s—shy.
MARLA. He travels. (An uncomfortable silence.) More coffee? MARLA. Oh, no. It’s not that. He really is shy. Even with Bob.
ANGIE. So, uh, what did Bob say about—?? ANGIE. How do you know he’lI—
MARLA. You know Bob. MARLA. He will.
ANGIE. I know Bob. ANGIE. But if he and Bob—maybe he—maybe he—
MARLA. That Bob. MARLA. No. He will.
ANGIE. That Bob. ANGIE. At least make him get a blood test.
MARLA. (Gigegly.) He’s a little jealous. MARLA No time. His flight’s due at six.
ANGIE. No! ANGEE. But how will you—??
MARLA. Yeah. MARLA. I'll pick him up at the airport. Bob lent me his van.
ANGIE. No! ANGIE. With the smoked windows?
MARLA. Yeah. MARLA. That’s the one.
ANGIE. Bob has a thing for you?? ANGIE. What about, what about, what about—?
240 TEN MINUTE PLAYS: Volume 3

MARLA. No problem.
ANGIE. How will you, how will you—??
MARLA. Trojans.
ANGIE. Oh. Well. Wow.
MARLA. Yeah. (Thinking of the evening to come.) Wow.

(Fade to BLACK.)

THE END

HELEN AT RISK

| by Dana Yeaton