Andrea Gonzalez

Dr. Morgan

ENGL 1A

24 Sept 2019

Growing Up as a Grown Up

When moving to the United States my parent’s goal was to live the Amerian Dream. To

have the perfect nuclear family, a large house with a white-picket fence, and boundless

opportunities right at their feet. They failed the first step.

I didn’t know there was a problem. Parents do that very well, hide things for a long time.

It escalated so quickly. Even now, I feel the emotion more vividly than the memory. Mom had

tears painted on her face. I could feel her words but her tone was foreign to me, up until then I

hadn’t felt her so angry. As a six year old all I understood was that she was leaving and her

sadness washed over me. The memory still causes this effect. I remember the slam that shook the

door and it’s walls as I fell to my knees wailing, my dad trying to silence me.

Through my parent’s separation I’ve learned that generalizing is dangerous. Stereotyping

can slowly build up to what ​Chimamanda Adichie refers to as the Single Story. The Danger of a

Single Story refers to what happens when someone is only told​ the​ similar variations of the same

story about a group of people. It emphasizes our differences rather than our similarities and in

the process dehumanizes us. It’s easy to judge, to blame, and to criticize. It’s much harder to

empathize with other people and think about how their identities play a role in who they are

today. Yet it’s a lesson I’ve taken with me because of my parent’s separation. It wasn’t until the
bubble burst that I realized I had been living in a very well crafted facade. I’ve learned to peer

into other people’s bubbles now that I’m aware that such bubbles exist for other people.

That being said, my now eight-year-old self was not ready for how far deep into my

mom’s bubble I’d see. After getting separated with my dad my mom started a relationship with a

player. He was charming and smar- manipulative. It was on and off for long periods at a time.

During the on, I was the consultant as I mediated their conversations in otherwise troubling

waters. I was the judge who decided who was in the wrong. Was he shaking things off or was

she being overdramatic? During the off, I was my mom’s personal therapist as she searched for

him and grew aggressive towards inanimate objects after long fights.

The kind of childhood I had broke me out of the self centered bubble we are innately

born with. David Foster Wallace develops this concept of our self-centered default setting,

“Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute centre of …

Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own

are so immediate, urgent, and real.” Typically parents are regarded as authority figures that are

well put together. Growing up learning that the opposite was true for my own mother ended up

opening me up to more people. Since I’ve long since learned that everyone (including my mom)

has their flaws and off days I can more holistically appreciate the effort in the little things people

do. Life is too short to live it in the default setting, not to mention that there’s more entertainment

to gain when you choose to explore beyond what’s in your head.

Overall what I have learned from my parents is looking beyond what’s laid out in front of

you when analyzing a situation is a crucial step in expanding your view on society and its

inhabitants. The awakening that came with living with my mom also shook me out of my
self-centered daze and taught me to look out towards others and to learn to consider things from

their point of view. These are just a few of the ways my parents’ separation has shaped me.

Although mine is not the kind of childhood I’d wish upon anyone, I know that without it I

wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Work Cited:

Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi. “The Danger of a Single Story.” ​TED​,

https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en​.

Wallace, David Foster. “This Is Water by David Foster Wallace (Full Transcript and Audio).”

Farnam Street​, 18 May 2018, ​https://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/​.