“BUILDING A HAPPY FAMILY”

Table of Content

Part 1;

Introduction ................................................................................................................................. 3

Building Positive Relationship with Families ........................................................................... 4

Adapt All The Time ................................................................................................................................. 6

Secrets of a Happy Families ....................................................................................................... 7

1. Empowering children works ................................................................................................. 7

2. Dinner .................................................................................................................................... 7

3. Setting an Allowance.............................................................................................................. 8

4. Grandmothers’ Role ............................................................................................................... 9

5. Checklists ............................................................................................................................. 10

Characteristic of Strong Families .................................................................................................... 11

Part 2;

Interview and Questionnaire Regarding Happy Family. ...................................................... 14

Introduction .............................................................................................................................................. 14

The Interview Script ............................................................................................................................. 15

Discussion on the Interview ................................................................................................................ 18

The Questionnaire ................................................................................................................................. 19

Discussion on the Questionnaire ........................................................................................................ 21

Conclusion ................................................................................................................................. 21

References .................................................................................................................................. 21
Introduction

A family can be two or more people with blood ties, who share goals and values, have
long-term commitments to one another, and usually live in the same house. Families range from
all sorts of races, forms and sizes. Families differ in various ways but each one has its own
definition of a happy home and family.

Order is one of the important factors that make a happy family. With order there is no
chaos or confusion in the home. A well-organized family will be able to function smoothly and
easily in completing various tasks that each individual must do. When each individual knows
his/her own responsibility, he/she is capable and able to bring more harmony and peace in the
home.

Quality time is definitely one aspect to having a happy family. This quality time spent
together as a family no matter what the activity is will surely strengthen a family's relationship.
Quality time helps to develop a bond between family members. Not only will this strengthen
ties, it will provide charitable memories of times spent together, whether it is having fun, being
sad, happy, or bad.

In addition, a happy family must have an open communication between each individual.
It is important that each member of the family is heard, either it be about a problem, sharing good
news or just because that person is there. Everyone is important enough have their own opinion.
An open communication between parents and their children will help increase trust and decrease
the problems of drug and alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy and crime. Also an open communication
between a husband and wife will bring much understanding, appreciation, trust and much more.
Being "open" with each other is something that is essential in a happy family, but may be very
hard to do. Discussing our feelings amongst each other can help us to have a strong connection
to each other.

In a good family, relationships are based on trust. Here, everyone loves one another, all
members respect one another, try to understand and are always ready to help, whatever happens.
It seems that all people dream of a happy family. Each family member should take a lot of efforts.
Without mutual understanding, there will never be a good relationship between a wife and a
husband, kids and parents.

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 .

Parents are those people who are ready to give advice. Mom helps in any life situation.
“Family” - this is a special world, where everything is dear and beloved. This is the best and
most comfortable place on earth where the love of close people is stronger than any nuclear
power, regardless of the hard times.

In the modern world, the institution of family values is often distorted. Previously, the
family was valued above all, being the basic one to every human. It was built on respect and
mutual assistance, on the transfer of life principles and experience to the younger generation.

Now, unfortunately, many families fall apart because of small things. People do not know
how to listen to each other. Personal interests are higher than family ones. To family values, it is
possible to carry the general outlook, which is the point of view on life, death, life, religion,
rights, community, etc.

The distribution of roles in the family makes everyone should be in his/her own place:
father, mother, and children. No one of the family should shift their responsibilities to other
members. Family values include traditions and rules of behavior. So, we can conclude that family
values are everything that unites us in the family, everything that we are ready to defend.

The family is called a social cell. The purpose of a family, a part of a society, is to educate
worthy members of the society. Every family has its own values, they cannot be the same. If a
family is healthy and strong, it will 100% give its members everything necessary for a decent
life and will always be a support in difficult life situations.

Building Positive Relationship with Families

In the past, parents were expected to be passive recipients of the advice and direction of
professionals. The relationship between parent and professional was marked by what was called
social distance. The relationship was impersonal and in many instances cold. An impersonal
relationship may be appropriate for some professional roles but it is no longer seen as suitable
for most direct support work. While establishing appropriate boundaries remains essential in
human services, the treatment of families as inferior is a thing of the past. The parent of today

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expects and wants to share power, responsibility, and information with the people supporting a
family member.

A recent wave of research shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less
likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit suicide, and develop eating disorders.
Additional research found that children who enjoy family meals have larger vocabularies, better
manners, healthier diets, and higher self-esteem.

The most comprehensive survey done on this topic, a University of Michigan report that
examined how American children spent their time between 1981 and 1997, discovered that the
amount of time children spent eating meals at home was the single biggest predictor of better
academic achievement and fewer behavioral problems. Mealtime was more influential than time
spent in school, studying, attending religious services, or playing sports.

This is an important indicator on how important family time is and how it affected the
way of someone’s life. Therefore we can say that family unit is the basis of structuring happiness
in life. Through a close-knit and happy family, children can grow better and become a better
member of society. This may eventually help in creating a great nation whilst the society member
able to achieve excellency throughout the life.

To define a happy family, we must consider love as the main ingredient. The feeling that
keeps family together in spite of anything. Love lets us forgive easier and understand each other
better. It makes us care for one another, worry about one another, want to do nice things for one
another. Love is the one thing that keeps the family together. Love brings about empathy,
compassion for the loved one/

Honesty would have to be another one of the requirements for a happy family. Being
honest release us from having to keep things secret and from the constant effort of not being
ourselves. Honesty brings people together because we get to know the family member the way
they are. Children learn by watching their parents. They will learn to be honest by watching and
learning from their parent.

When parent have different opinion, they should communicate with each other in a good
perceptive way. They should listen and understand what the other would like to express instead
of being defensive. Parents should not being sarcastic to each other, parents should convey their
thoughts and opinion in a positive way and encouraging towards each other. Parent should
support each other, this is especially when being in front of the children where they observe
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everything. Conflict between parents should be handled more professionally so that it would not
affect the children.

Despite all of the recent research about individual happiness, a lot of life happiness comes from
spending time with people you care about. In fact, it is the number one predictor of life
satisfaction.

Adapt All the Time

Almost everyone feels completely overwhelmed by the pace and pressures of daily life, and that
exhaustion is exacting an enormous toll on family well-being. Survey after survey shows that
parents and children both list stress as their number one concern. This includes stress inside as
well as outside the home. And if parents feel harried, it trickles down to their children. Studies
have shown that parental stress weakens children’s brains, depletes their immune systems, and
increases their risk of obesity, mental illness, diabetes, allergies, even tooth decay.

The centerpiece of the program is a weekly review session built on the principle of “inspect and
adapt.”

Three questions get asked:

1. What things went well in our family this week?

2. What things could we improve in our family?

3. What things will you commit to working on this week?

What works about the family meeting is that it is a regularly scheduled time to draw attention to
specific behaviors. If you don’t have a safe environment to discuss problems, any plan to improve
your family will go nowhere. The purpose of the meeting is not to talk about each of you as
individuals. It’s to focus on how you’re functioning as a family. As well as talking about the

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things you want to focus on you need to talk about rewards and consequences too. Within limits,
you need to let the kids decide.

Secrets of a Happy Families

1. Empowering children works.

A significant amount of recent brain research backs this up. Scientists at the University of
California and elsewhere found that kids who plan their own time, set weekly goals, and evaluate
their own work build up their prefrontal cortex and other parts of the brain that help them exert
greater cognitive control over their lives. These so-called executive skills aid children with self-
discipline, avoiding distractions, and weighing the pros and cons of their choices.

By picking their own punishments, children become more internally driven to avoid them. By
choosing their own rewards, children become more intrinsically motivated to achieve them. To
achieve maximum benefits, have the children do the scoring. They’ll develop a much finer sense
of self-awareness. Even if this approach doesn’t work on every occasion, it’s about teaching kids
an approach to problem solving they can carry with them the rest of their lives.

2. Dinner.

Laurie David, the Oscar-winning producer of An Inconvenient Truth and the author of The
Family Dinner, says “you realize all the things you worry about as a parent can be improved just
by sitting down to regular dinners.” It’s not about the dinner, it’s about the people. Use meals to
share family history.

The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their
lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families
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functioned. … (Marshall Duke) says that children who have the most balance and self-confidence
in their lives do so because of what he and Robyn call a strong “intergenerational self.” They
know they belong to something bigger than themselves.

3. Setting an Allowance

Show them the money. Trott said most parents have an instinctive reluctance to be honest with
their kids about money— how it’s made, lost, invested, and spent. He said that 80 percent of
college students have never had a conversation with their parents about managing money. Trott
advises his clients to fling open the doors to the vault.

“I tell my clients that forcing their kids to have financial literacy is one of the most important
things they can do,” he said. He quoted statistics that say the more parents talk to their kids about
debt, the less debt they rack up; the more they hear about savings, the more they sock away.

“What happens to a lot of families is they depend too much on osmosis,” he continued. “I sat
down with one of the richest women in America recently and told her she had to talk openly with
her children. She said she didn’t want to burden them with the truth, but burdening them with
ignorance is really much worse.”

Take off the training wheels. “One of the biggest problems I see in families,” Trott said, “is a
reluctance to let your kids make decisions for themselves.” As an example, he cited the story of
Jack Taylor, the founder of Enterprise Rent-A-Car, who with a net worth in excess of $ 9 billion
has been ranked as high as the eighteenth richest American. When his son turned thirty-two,
Taylor handed him the company and never looked back. “Most parents meddle,” Trott said.

Accept their passions, any passions. Buffett is famous for not wanting to spoil his kids. Instead,
after his wife gave each of their three kids $ 100 million, and the money didn’t ruin them, Buffett

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gave each one a $ 1 billion foundation. Trott was privy to that decision, and I asked what he
thought of it. Does money inherently spoil children?

“I don’t think so,” he said. “I’ve seen too many really rich kids who are great people. In my
experience, great people are great because they find their passion. For some that’s in business,
but for others it’s in philanthropy. One of Warren’s sons is a farmer; another is a musician. Most
families really don’t let their kids follow their passions. They assume the parents’ passion is the
children’s passion, and usually it’s not. You should allow them to be outliers in their dreams.”

Put them to work. There’s a lot of vagueness in academic circles about children and money, but
the research is clear that part-time jobs are great for kids. The Youth Development Survey in St.
Paul, Minnesota, followed a number of children from ninth grade through their midthirties to
determine whether childhood should be the sanctuary of play and learning or if work can be a
productive part of it. The study found that those who work don’t lose interest in school and don’t
cut back on family, extracurricular activities, or volunteering. They even become better at time
management.

As the survey’s lead researcher, Jeylan Mortimer, observed: The more “planful” adolescents are
about their future, the more successful and satisfied they are likely to be as adults. Trott agreed.
“The most successful adults I know were all involved in business at a young age,” he said. “All
of them. Warren believes it’s the secret to success. Your kid has to be involved in business.
Warren thinks I’m successful because I had a lawn mowing business, a clothing store, all these
different businesses as a kid, so I understood money, even though I never studied economics.
What he thinks is necessary for someone to be successful in business is early exposure to
business. So if you really want your daughters to understand money, have them open a lemonade
stand.”

4. Grandmothers’ Role

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Countless studies have shown the extraordinary benefits grandmothers have on contemporary
families. A meta-analysis of sixty-six studies completed in 1992 found that mothers who have
more support from grandmothers have less stress and more well-adjusted children. The more
involved the grandmothers are, the more involved dads are, too.

So what are these grandmothers actually doing? They are teaching children core social skills like
how to cooperate, how to be compassionate, how to be considerate. Researchers at Brigham
Young University in Utah interviewed 408 adolescents about their relationship with their
grandparents. When grandparents are involved, the study found, the children are more social,
more involved in school, and more likely to show concern for others. Also, as lead scientist
Jeremey Yorgason said, parents take the lead in disciplining negative behavior, leaving
grandparents free to encourage positive behaviors.

5. Checklists

Peter Pronovost’s miracle invention was not a drug, a device, or a procedure. It wasn’t
revolutionary at all. It’s one of the oldest, most mundane things on earth. It’s a checklist.

By adding checklists with basic items such as “wash hands with soap” and empowering anyone
in the room to speak up when something was wrong, hospitals saves lives, money, and time.

1. Create different lists for different times in the process. “Checklists have to be linked in time
and space,” Pronovost said. One should have a checklist for one week before the trip. Then two
days before it is likely to need another. Then one more for when you’re walking out the door.
But you always need time to recover, so if you have one for when you’re at the airport, it’s too
late.

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2. Make it specific. “A checklist should take less than a minute to complete,” he said. “Each item
should be a very specific behavior. Avoid vague language.”

3. Killer items only. “Target your checklist on things that commonly go wrong,”. “If you put
down things you do not fail at, you will drive people crazy. This has been borne out in aviation,
where accidents have been caused by checklist fatigue.”

4. The rule of seven. “I have a rule that checklists can be only seven items,” Pronovost said. “It
is the same reason our telephone numbers are seven digits. Otherwise, people will take shortcuts
and items will get missed.”

5. Include the kids. “I would sit down with them and say, ‘Hey, girls, I’m trying to improve how
we travel, so I made a checklist. Does this make sense to you? What else can you add?’”

Characteristic of Strong Families

Study has shows that strong families has common characteristic. This similarity is what
makes a strong family. The first characteristic is they have commitment. They are commited to
promoting each other’s happiness. The commitment comes from sharing meaningful
experiences, from involvement in setting family goals, and from seeing these goals carried out.
Commitment is a vital factor in developing a sense of caring and unity among family members.
Regular family discussions encourage family commitment.

Besides, they also does not holding back their appreciation. Strong families expressed
their appreciation towards each other. Strong families do much more than feel appreciation, they
express it. They let each other know, through words and actions, that they are special. This will
help them feel appreciated and loved and cared. From all this feeling, family will grow up strong
and filled with empathy.

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 The health of the marriage influences a family’s well-being. When the marriage is a
successful, happy partnership, this success spills over into other family relationships.
Characteristics of strong marriages, such as clear communication, mutual respect, and self-
disclosure, also build strong families. In successful blended families, a healthy marriage often is
a particularly critical factor. Single-parent living, while very challenging, also can be the basis
of a vital, healthy family. In families of divorce, a congenial, cooperative relationship with the
ex-spouse is the desired situation

Strong families frequently work, play, eat, and attend religious and social functions
together. They share responsibilities and structure their lives so they can spend time with one
another. As necessary, strong families cut down on outside involvements in order to have quality
time together on a regular basis.

In strong families all lines of communication are open. Information flows freely.
Members of strong families put forth the effort to hear what the other person says and feels. They
also are comfortable voicing opinions of their own and are open to change. Though they don’t
always agree, they do get everything out in the open and handle disagreements creatively by
using conflict management skills.

Proper nutrition, adequate rest, and plenty of exercise are essential for optimal wellness.
Stress management skills, quiet time, and a healthy balance between work and family also are
important. When all individuals within a family function at their best, the result is a strong family.
A strong family also a healthy family.

Healthy families live by the golden rule, treating others as they would have others treat
them. Many strong families read inspirational books and value activities such as praying, singing,
and meditating. They share similar values and feel a guiding force in their lives. The religious
activity help strengthening the bond between each family member and help them appreciate each
other.

Strong families deal with crises in constructive ways. They search for the silver lining in
each dark cloud they meet and they stick together. Strong families believe they can manage and
survive any crisis that comes their way. They know that the crisis will pass and that there are
many resources available in the community to help them. The crisis that arise in a strong family
does not take them apart but make them become stronger.

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 Strong families look beyond each other’s faults and see each other’s needs. Family
members also feel free to be themselves. They accept, appreciate, and support each other as
wonderful, one-of-a-kind persons. In this kind of family, everyone is accepted as who they are.
They accept the individual uniqueness and build a support for each member.

It is understood that no family is an island. Strong families stay in touch with friends and
relatives, are friendly with neighbours, and are willing to help others in time of need. They also
admit problems and are willing to reach out to professionals and others for help. By admitting to
the problem, they will find the possible solution to resolve it maybe with the help of others.

Mistakes, misunderstandings, and hurts are part of life. Healthy families teach and
practice forgiveness. They refuse to nurse old wounds. They learn from mistakes and forgive
others and themselves. They live each day in a fresh, full way. By forgiving and letting go of the
painful past, they experience healing and a peace of mind.

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 PART 2;

Interview and questionnaire regarding happy family.

Introduction

In this section, the interview and the questionnaire held in order to research on a happy
family is reported. The interview and questionnaire use both the same question but the interview
part use open ended question rather than closed end as the questionnaire. The interview takes
place in Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, UTM with a mother of 3 children. It is found that she
feels that she is having a happy family and have good family communication that lead to a happy
and strong family institution.

While the questionnaire also held in UTM with a mother of 3 children. Both selection of
participant is by purposeful sampling that choose the participant based on their characteristic that
is needed for the project. The interview has been transcribed manually and both the interview
and the questionnaire is analysed

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 The Interview Script

Interviewer : Assalamu’alaikum, hi

Participant : Waalaikumussalam

Interviewer : My name is Aliah Fatin, I would like to interview you regarding happy family,
would you mind to spend your time to help me regarding this?

Participant : Sure, no problem

Interviewer : Can you please tell me about your family? How many children do you have and
what do you feel about your family?

Participant : I have 3 children, a son and two daughters, right now we are striving for a
balance life but I think we are doing fine so far.

Interviewer : Oh so you have three children, what do you feel as a parent? Do you feel
confident?

Participant : I am not so sure about that, because sometime I doubt that I am confidence
enough as a parent, but what I know is that I always try to do the best for my
children.

Interviewer : I see, so sometimes you feel confident, but in some other time you doubt
yourself?

Participant : Yes, that is true. Maybe because I became a parent at such a young age and
inexperience.

Interviewer : Oh I see. What do you think about ground rules and boundaries? Do you
consistent with rules?

Participant : Yes, I am consistent with ground rules with my children. I do not let them be
freely to do what they want, there must be guidance toward their behaviour.

Interviewer : Oh ok. So sometimes you are quite strict to them?

Participant : Yes, depending on the situation.

Interviewer : Do you feel confident in managing your children behaviour?

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Participant : Not really. I try my best to control their behaviour, but sometimes it just went
out of control.

Interviewer : I understand, sometimes it is hard to predict right?

Participant : Yes, it is.

Interviewer : Do you communicate well with your children?

Participant : Yes, I think I do, because I always talk to them and communicate with them to
ensure they tell me if anything happened or some crisis arise.

Interviewer : What about your relationship? Do you feel like you have good relationship with
your family?

Participant : Yes, I think I have a good relationship within my family.

Interviewer : Do your family support each other?

Participant : Yes, we do all support each other

Interviewer : Do your family cope well with problem?

Participant : I am not quite sure about coping with problem, I think we still can cope with
problems till now

Interviewer : I see... But what about your children? Do they have a good quality of life?

Participant : Oh I think they do

Interviewer : Do you think there is a need for change within your family?

Participant : Yes I think there should be a change in my family where I should have more
concern on my family and show them affectionate more than I have before

Interviewer : Do you think your family is happy?

Participant : I think my family is happy enough to have each other

Interviewer : What about self-confident? What do you feel about your self-confidence? Are
you confident with yourself?

Participant : Not really, I am not so confident with myself, sometimes I doubt myself

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Interviewer : Oh I see. What about when trying new things and working in a group? Do you
feel confident?

Participant : Yes, I think I would love and confident enough to try new things and to work in
a group

Interviewer : Do you find it is easy to motivate yourself?

Participant : I don’t really sure, it depends on the situation. Sometimes I do feel like I can
motivate myself, sometime I don’t, it depends on how hard thing is in hand.

Interviewer : Oh, I see. What about managing stress? Can you manage your stress well?

Participant : I think I can manage my stress well for now. Ha-ha

Interviewer : When things get hard, do you ask for help? Do you think it is hard for you to ask
for help?

Participant : Yes, I ask and get help from my parent. No, I always ask for their help because
they are willing to help me whenever I am in a trouble

Interviewer : Do you actively involved in the community?

Participant : No I am not, I just going to the mosque but do not have active engagement with
community.

Interviewer : Oh... Do you aware of other organisations that can support your family in the
area?

Participant : No, I do not know about that

Interviewer : Do you have good experience of education?

Participant : Yes, because I am a teacher

Interviewer : Do you open to new experiences?

Participant : Yes I am, because I am willing to have new experiences especially if it is related
to childcare

Interviewer : Oh that is good as you are willing to learn new things. What about access to
learning opportunities? Would you love to have access?

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Participant : Yes, I would love to have access on learning opportunities.

Interviewer : Do you think that you have a good quality of life and positive about your future?

Participant : Yes I am, I think for now, I have good quality of life and I am positive about my
future.

Interviewer : Good, congratulation for being positive about yourself. This is the last question,
do you think that you have control over what happens in your life?

Participant : I think I do in some part have control on my life, but it is still depend on what
God have written for me

Interviewer : Wow that is an interesting answer, thank you so much for helping me and
answering all my question. I wish that you have a happy and strong family always.

Participant : The pleasure is mine, thank you.

Discussion on the Interview

In this interview, the participant have actively engaging with the interviewer’s question
and giving the feedback promptly. Based on the interview, it is found that the participant is
having a happy life with her family. Although she is uncertain with a few things, such as being
not confident enough in managing her children behaviour and so on, but she still manage it with
positive attitudes. This can be seen by the drive to give the best to her children. Besides, with
great help from her parent, she can manage to get the things done even without knowing any
other organisation that can help. From this interview, it can be concluded that the participant is
a great mom that take a good care of her family well. The feeling unconfident may arise as she
feels that she is quite young and inexperienced, but with the determination that she had, she
possibly can manage to have a great family.

The underlying factor might be as she communicate well with her family. It is found in a
lot of studies that communication is the key of a happy and strong family. The good relationship
can be found in the way that the family support each other therefore help them to cope with
problems that arise in the family. Lastly, even she admitted that there should be a change within
the family, it is good that her children have a good quality of life and live a happy life.

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The Questionnaire

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Discussion on the Questionnaire

The participant apparently are having a stable and happy family by analysing the
questionnaire answered. It is found that the participant also agree that she communicate well
with her children. This might be one of the main factor that brings her happiness in her family
institution. Even when she is strongly agree that she has good relationship within the family, and
have family that is supporting each other, she still thinks that there is a need to have a change
within the family. Therefore it can be concluded even a happy family still need a change to be
better.

She is fairly agree about confidence and not actively being engaged with community
despite of being happy within the family. It shows that she can manage the family well by her
very own. However it is seems that the participant is being open and ready to learn something
new therefore are open to new experience.

Conclusion

It is very crucial to have a happy family. This is because family is the core of social
structure with having so many important function. The structural functionalism believe that each
part of society plays a vital role, therefore it is also same goes to the family structure. There are
many important factors that lead to a happy family such as commitment, communication, love,
education and financial. But the most important basic aspect of a happy family is communication.
The relationship within a family can be improved if one have a good communication within the
family.

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Golemis, E. (2002). Happy Families. Book Review. TRENDS in Cell Biology, 12(8)

McGowan, A & Miller, K. (2013). The Science of Happy Families. Retrieved online 1 December
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Walker, A. (2017). Six Characteristics of Strong Families. Retrieved online 1 December 2018
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a-happy-family

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tips-backed-by-research/

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