The author is not completely sure about the true feelings he has for Santa Clausehe is trying to keep

his
faith in him for as long as he can although that a boy in his age should give up the hope of Santa Clause
and be aware of the reality that Santa and that the Presents that are given to the kids are bought from
their own parents. But he is still hanging on the belief that Santa will come by his carriage and show in
the sky.

This way the author shown the strength of his hope and the conflict he is facing with himself to keep it
even if the situation is expecting him to let go.

He is now allowed to be in the adults room while the others are not, the kids are sent to their bedrooms
except for him, he is grown now yet is was not willing to nor wanting to , he wants to keep the faith in
Santa and believe that he should behave the whole year to get the presents.