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Ryan Lee

Jung Soo Lee

Writing 39C

6 December 2019

Parenting: An Individualized Approach to FOMO

Social media was initially conceived as a way for users to keep in touch with friends both

near and wide; allowing people to maintain friendships and be happy due to more friends and

being socially connected with others. However social media has come to contradict its intended

goal by causing many users to feel inadequate and depressed after prolonged usage of it, due to

experiencing the symptoms of FOMO. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), is the anxiety resulting

from people worrying that they are missing out on social activities that their peers engage in.

This anxiety causes people to compare their social lives to those of others, often resulting in

perceived social inadequacy due to the negative thoughts a person develops about themself.

FOMO1 is a widespread issue that continues to become more problematic as social media's

influence expands. However, it is a tricky problem to regulate, as legislation does not directly

address such newly acknowledged issues as FOMO at a pace fast enough to keep up with the

numerous developments in cyberspace as a whole. Additionally, it is difficult to determine

whether legislation is truly effective in their methods of limiting social media use, as numerous

loopholes in mediating media usage exist, such as the use of different accounts, devices, etc. A

1
In this article, I will be discussing FOMO in terms of social media use by adolescents, and
resulting negative feelings, such as depression, etc. For more context on FOMO's influence and
symptoms, verywell mind's article, "​How to Deal With FOMO in Your Life" briefly summarizes
the issue (​Scott, 1)​.
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664
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better solution to the issue would be parental intervention, which could include restricting the

amount of time an adolescent is allowed on social media, serving as a supportive figure who can

help them through their troubles resulting from social media, or any other action that would be

most effective towards the individual in question. This solution-though not perfect-allows for the

most optimized approach towards each adolescent's individual differences because parents

generally understand their children's personalities and know the most effective ways to help

them. Therefore, this paper will provide an overview of the reason legislation would not be the

best solution, along with an explanation parenting as the most effective solution.

The issue of social media facilitating FOMO is not one to be overlooked, it is a serious

problem that stems from the way the adolescent brain works. Research has shown that social

media activates the same responses in the brain as other addictive activities, such as gambling,

drawing a connection to social media and addiction (qtd. McSweeney, 1). The connections to

gambling and social media usage may seem exaggerated, but their implications align with the

rise in excessive social media use. This issue particularly applies to unhappy people who use

social media in an attempt to improve their mood. Generally unhappy people seek a fast way to

improve the way they feel, making social media a prime candidate for them to attempt to do this

with. Because social media triggers the pleasure center of the brain, users are likely to return to

social media for instant gratification in the future, despite their later feelings of increased FOMO
2
. Given the scientific data proving that social media is indeed addictive, this concern is further

exacerbated by studies proving that adolescents value risk over reward in making decisions.

2
This is similar to a scenario of a gambler continuing to spend money despite losing money
later; the pleasure center of the brain is activated by the excitement of the activity, causing them
to return to it later in order to feel good again despite the later consequences.
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These studies show that adolescents' prefrontal cortex (area of the brain that exercises

self-control and judgment) is less developed than that of adults, making them prone to engaging

in risky behavior that could result in perceived social rewards (qtd. Hooper, et. al, 1). This paired

along with the addictive nature of social media shows how difficult it is for an adolescent to stop

using social media, and demonstrates the severity of the issue.

With the issue of FOMO having roots in an adolescent's brain development, some

governments have attempted their own solutions through passing ineffective laws that fail

because they do not attempt to work with adolescents' natural tendencies and focus on strictly

rule-driven solutions. Here, we examine an instance of South Korea's government attempting to

limit the media consumption that people under 16 years old could have. The law-commonly

referred to as the shutdown law-aims to lessen gaming addiction by restricting children under 16

from playing online games after midnight (​Jiyeon Lee, 1​). However, the law has not only been

contested as a violation of the rights of affected people, but has proven to have many loopholes

in terms of what the law aims to achieve. Most notably, the law only applies to online games,

having no influence over console games which do not require an internet connection to play.

Additionally, the law can be bypassed when teens make an online game account and claim to be

above the age limit. Clearly the law could not address every way that games could be played, and

overall failed to provide quantifiable data to prove the effectiveness of such action.

Though the issue discussed in this paper's solution is FOMO in relation to social media

usage, the shutdown law's attempted solution to online gaming addiction holds similar facets

towards the idea of promoting legislative action towards limiting excessive social media usage

that causes problems for adolescents. South Korea's attempt was unsuccessful and lacked
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sufficient proof of the shutdown law's effectiveness due to loopholes essentially rendering the

legislation ineffective and immeasurable in terms of its success. The same loopholes would make

legislative restrictions towards social media ineffective and nearly impossible to measure the

success of, and would fail to restrict every method in which social media could be consumed.

Such legislative action would also be fiercely be met with opposition in America as an issue of a

violation of human rights. This example illustrates the limits of legislation; it can make laws in

an attempt to solve a problem, but cannot address every way the rule could be bypassed, and

would likely be made far after the underlying issue has already become widespread and serious.

This strengthens my argument that despite the obvious limitations to parental intervention in

their childrens' feelings of FOMO, it is the current best solution to the issue in the face of a

mostly ineffective and slow legislative processes.

Parental mediation is arguably the best way to reduce instances of FOMO, however it too

has its flaws. Some parents are too busy to effectively monitor their teenagers' social media

usage, therefore the solution cannot become a standard for every person experiencing FOMO.

Subsequently, busy parents may struggle to keep up with the many new updates and forms of

social media3, which further complicates the ability for them to understand the various forms of

media and help their teens. However, the biggest issue in parental mediation is its lack of

standardization. Some parents may be strict on the issue, while others may take a lenient and less

involved approach to the problem. Similarly, issues of parents being literate in media and

understanding the complexities of it are factors that can hinder parental abilities. It is difficult to

3
This article contains 21 social media sites (both new and old) that will be prominent in 2020.
The purpose of this is to illustrate the overwhelming amount of social media outlets that parents
would be expected to keep up with (Vikram, 1).
https://www.mobileappdaily.com/best-social-media-apps
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even find statistics on the number of media literate parents, further illustrating how complex

media can become, along with the difficulties of quantifying parental media literacy and what

constitutes such a term. Additionally, with few statistics on parental media literacy, it would be

difficult to standardize what parents should be taught and how to keep up with new trends.

Though solutions such as media literacy classes could be implemented for parents, busy ones

would not have the time or energy to attend such classes, and generally many parents would not

be predisposed to attend them, as they are time consuming and would possibly cost money. With

these issues, it becomes difficult to determine how parents should be educated, and then the most

cost-effective way. Perhaps the media could address the issue more prominently and bring public

awareness to it. But even then, news outlets or other potential ways to bring attention to the issue

would need a financial incentive to address it, presenting more problems that are out of the scope

of this proposed solution.

Additionally, the question of how effective parental influence truly is will arise. Research

on parental influence has shown that parents who can strike a balance between maintaining a

loving relationship and a reasonable amount of control over their childrens' lives have the best

outcomes with their children, allowing them greater influence over them (qtd. ​Grusec, et. al, 2​).

This further strengthens the idea of parents taking an involved and carefully catered approach to

addressing their childrens' issues. Parents who actively seek to individualize their approach to

moderating their children generally have effective authority. Given this information, it is clear

that the ability of parents to serve as the answer to the issue of FOMO is not an end-all answer. It

is simply the solution that has the most potential to reach the most people in a variety of ways.
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Despite the inherent flaws of parental mediation, it has the greatest potential of any

method to be the most effective at mediating FOMO. Parents know their children best, and

generally have a good idea of what would work best in terms of achieving their goal of reducing

FOMO, allowing them to customize their approach to best suit the individual differences of each

child. Different approaches towards handling an adolescent's experience with FOMO stem from

a parent's bond with their child, and the level of involvement they play in their childrens' lives.

A study on the ability of parents to cater their parenting style to their child shows that

consideration of individual factors such as personality, temperament, and many other factors is

what not only strengthens a bond, but allows their parental authority to be more effective (qtd.

Omer, et. al, 10-11). From this data, it is clear that the ability for parents to customize their

approach to parenting is crucial to developing a bond with their children that will allow them to

better understand their child and address the issue of limiting social media usage in a way that

best suits the child's individual tendencies. The individualized attention and knowledge of their

kids that parents can provide cannot be matched by that of any legislative action.

With this in mind, parents should pick the strategy they see best suited towards being

successful for their child. General solutions would be to limit social media usage or explain to

their kids why social media is a glorified depiction of the lives of people who post. Parents can

also help teens consider the consequences of excessive social media usage, something their

brains are not always scientifically predisposed to do. Because they have the experience and

ability to judge the situation from an experienced perspective, parents can illustrate to their kids

not only the fact that social media is an inaccurate representation of the lives of others, but the

consequences of believing this to be true that will affect their own perception of themselves.
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Adjustments to such solutions could be made, or even entirely different strategies could be

created. No matter the method used, the steps towards success remain the same: to not only

choose the best option to solve a child's FOMO, but to be involved in their child's life and see

that their efforts are successful. It is easy to simply implement a rule in an effort to solve the

issue with little effort, but the true route to success is to see it through and see that children

actually understand or believe in the efforts a parent is making. By fostering a relationship where

the child understands the intentions of a parent and respects the amount of time and dedication a

parent takes to do this, the child believes in the cause and fittingly puts in more effort to try and

follow their parent's guidance.

To further support this solution, studies in parental mediation of adolescent feelings of

FOMO have shown that families who communicate with adolescents reduce the severity of such

feelings. However, it should be noted that even in communicative families, these feelings were

high in adolescents who engaged in excessive social media usage, which reduced the time spent

with family (qtd. Favotto, et. al, 9). This study proves that parental communication can mediate

FOMO, however, it does indicate that media usage should be restricted in order to effectively

mediate the feelings of FOMO. Given this, it is clear that parents should not only act as a support

resource for their teenagers experiencing FOMO, but should limit the amount of time spent on

social media platforms. Teenagers who excessively use social media likely crave feelings of

social interactivity, which they supplement with social media use. However this would

exacerbate their already negative feelings and could culminate into symptoms of FOMO.

In conclusion, the issue of FOMO presents itself as a pressing issue that has no easy

solution. Legislative action would likely either be too late or have loopholes that could easily be
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bypassed by social media users, making the attempted solution unsuccessful. In addition to these

issues, parents often are not media literate enough to even know how they want legislation to

solve the problem, therefore leaving the issue up to lawmakers who may not be media literate or

quick to solve the issue. Given this, parents would be the best-but not perfect-solution. They

know what would work best in moderating their kids' social media consumption, they know how

they would react to such restrictions, and they can provide a level of individual customization

and care to the issue that legislative action simply cannot match. This solution would do more

than reduce FOMO through social media use, it would promote a culture of parental initiative in

childrens' lives and help strengthen bonds between parents and child. The resulting change in

parenting culture would help parents take action against other issues faced by their children, such

as bullying, stress, etc. Though none of the additional perks of better parenting can be foreseen

with absolute certainty, what is certain is that parental initiative in the lives of their children will

undoubtedly lead to benefits for both children and parents. Relationships will grow, parents

would become increasingly dedicated and proactive in their children's lives, and numerous

unforeseen benefits would arise from improved parental relations. With a parenting culture

promoting the growth of mentally healthy children, society as a whole would benefit from

healthy people, who could not only become productive citizens, but promote a culture of overall

well-being.
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Works Cited

Favotto, Lindsay, et al. “The Role of Family and Computer-Mediated Communication in

Adolescent Loneliness.” Plos One, vol. 14, no. 6, 2019,

doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0214617.

Grusec, Joan E., and Tanya Danyliuk. “Parenting Skills: Parents' Attitudes and Beliefs: Their

Impact on Children's Development.” ​Encyclopedia on Early Childhood Development,​

Dec. 2014,

www.child-encyclopedia.com/parenting-skills/according-experts/parents-attitudes-and

-beliefs-their-impact-childrens-development.

Hooper, Catalina J., et al. “Adolescents' Performance on the Iowa Gambling Task: Implications

for the Development of Decision Making and Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex.”

Developmental Psychology,​ vol. 40, no. 6, 2004, pp. 1148–1158.,

doi:10.1037/0012-1649.40.6.1148.

Lee, Jiyeon. “South Korea Pulls Plug on Late-Night Adolescent Online Gamers.” ​CNN,​

Cable News Network, 22 Nov. 2011,

https://www.cnn.com/2011/11/22/world/asia/south-korea-gaming/index.html.

Manager, Vikram Content. “Best 21 Social Media Apps That Will Rule in 2020.”

MobileAppAaily,​ MobileAppDaily, 23 Nov. 2017,

www.mobileappdaily.com/best-social-media-apps.

McSweeney, Kelley, et al. “The Intersection of Technology, Innovation & Creativity.” ​Now.

Powered by Northrop Grumman,​ 17 Mar. 2019,

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now.northropgrumman.com/this-is-your-brain-on-instagram-effects-of-social-media-on-t

he-brain/.

Omer, Haim, et al. “The Anchoring Function: Parental Authority and the Parent-Child Bond.”

Family Process,​ vol. 52, no. 2, 2013, pp. 193–206., doi:10.1111/famp.12019.

Scott, Elizabeth. “Do You Have FOMO? Here Is How to Cope.” ​Verywell Mind​, Verywell Mind,

26 Nov. 2019, www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664.