Michael Derderian

Period 6 English 9H
1/10/19
The Struggle for Freedom

It was a cold, dark, and musty evening. The only sound was the apes’ screaming cries.

They knew something was off. The apes’ entire lives had been carried out inside the horrible

building in which they are present in now.

They were stuck in dirty cages filled with their feces. It was only cleaned by being hosed

down, once a week if they're lucky. Under no circumstances were they aloud to go outside their

tiny cages. Not to exercise, not to relieve themselves, and not to socialize.

Disease would be rampant if the sick apes weren't immediately shot with a pointy thing

and taken away by the strange hairless apes that ruled this territory, never to be seen again.

The apes didn know what happened to these unlucky individuals and couldn ́ t imagine what

happened to them either.

Both days and nights of the apes lives were always dreadful, but this night was worse.

There was bad energy in the air, and the apes could feel it like someone was watching them.

Like death was watching them with a smile, excited to go to work. Something needed to be

done to prevent this catastrophe thought the apes. One knew what needed to be done. He

needed to escape.

#9587 was this ape. He liked to call himself Carl, and he had many ideas on how to

leave this terrible place. He could play sick so the hairless apes would take him. Then he could

struggle and get away. This wouldn’t work however. The hairless apes always shot the sick

apes with the sharp thing. Everytime the ape would stop moving after they were hit with it. How

this worked, no ape knew. Carl doubted everyone shot was faking it so this plan would not work.
 It might be possible that if multiple apes were sick, they would overwhelm the hairless

ape that would come to take the ill away. There was usually only one hairless ape at a time, it

could be possible they wouldn’t bother shooting and there could be resistance. This probably

wouldn’t work though. When there were two or three apes sick, all were still shot. There were

never more than three at a time that were sick, at least in Carl’s vision vicinity. There is no telling

what would happen if there was a mass plague. The hairless apes might get suspicious and not

take out the apes at all, or They could still shoot every ape. No this wasn’t a good plan.

There was little time left to make his escape. Carl only had this night and the pressure

motivated him. What about the hairless apes gave them the power? The bronze tool! They

always used it to open the cages from the outside. Carl might be able to use it to unlock himself.

He could also save everyone else as well. It would be perfect, but how to obtain the tool?

The hairless apes were probably embarrassed of their hairlessness. They always wore

fake coats of fur over themselves. In this fake fur contained pouches, which one contained the

bronze tool. It almost always lies in one of the back pouches so the hairless apes couldn’t see it

if it would be taken away. It was like the hairless ape wanted it to be stolen.

Carl just needed an ape to either be or pretend to be sick on his side of the cages and to

be his direct neighbor as well. This would lure the hairless ape to him so he could grab the tool.

It would be extremely hard to convince other apes to pretend to be sick. There was very little to

no socializing so Carl had no relationships with others. He doubted an ape would risk whatever

happened to sick apes to free others they didn’t even know.

He had to be the luckiest ape that ever lived in this terrible place. The ape above him got

a cold. This would prevent him to convince an ape to pretend to be sick. After a little while of

waiting, the hairless ape finally came. Fwoosh, the sound of the projectile was deathly. Carl felt

bad for the ill ape, but it was needed to finish the plan.
 Carl had to wait until the hairless ape leaned into the cage to grab the bronze tool.

Closer, closer, Carl carefully stuck out his hand, oh so close he could just touch. A little more

and he could grab it. A little further, his arms stretched out as far as it would go with a wince in

his face, and he just barely got the tool. He carefully fished it out and hid it behind him.

Carl caught another lucky break. The hairless ape didn’t lock the cage back up,

but just taking the ill ape and walking away. After waiting a while for the hairless ape to leave,

he opened his cage and walked outside for the very first time. He was very wobbly and could

balance really well. He resorted to a crawl. Slowly but surely, Carl had unlocked all the cages

and let out all the other apes. They also had the same walking problem. How did the hairless

apes do it. He tried walking up right like the hairless apes but it hurt and he fell down.

Thought hit Carl on the face. How did the hairless apes know when an ape was sick.

Were they watching them? If they were they had to move quickly, but they could only crawl. It

didn’t matter, they needed to move.

The apes had an every ape for themselves mentality. Everyone spread out there was no

order. This could be beneficial however. They couldn’t move fast, spread out will waste the

hairless apes time looking for them. Carl would just have to be lucky.

The tunnels of the building were rectangular and very cold and hard. They were uniform

in design with a four way intersection every couple of rooms. Carl thought he would reach an

edge if he would go straight then turn left every time he reached an end he would find the exit.

As Carl was crawling as fast as he could, he discovered if he tried to stand on his limbs

he could go a little bit faster. After a bit he learned to balance. Soon he started to walk at a pace

that was faster than crawling. Throughout the painfully slow walk Carl could hear apes being

discovered and try to fight the hairless apes. There was screaming and shouting and there was

no way to tell who won. It was better to try not be caught thought Carl, just to be safe.
 He eventually got to the end of the hallway and turned left. His plan fell apart, there was

more complexity to the building then he thought, at more interceptions he could turn to the

direction he first ran in. This required more introkit planning. Turning randomly would not get him

anywhere without luck. Instead, a new plan was to be created. He would alternate between right

and left when he reached a dead end. This would zig-zag him to an edge where he can go

around the perimeter of the building and exit. The pattern would only be broken if he could not

turn in the direction that was next. If this happened he would turn twice in the opposite direction

to prevent going backwards.

Soon Carl ran into a hairless ape. He was looking for apes with a tool that looked similar

to the thing that shot the sharp thing. Carl rolled into a hallway that was near to him on his left

when he saw the creature. Luckily it was looking through another hallway and didn’t see him.

What were his options thought Carl. There were two main ones, go back to where he was and

try to evade the hairless ape who could run by wobbly walking past it or continue the hallway he

ducked into to try to ge out of the way of the hairless ape. One was clearly the right option.

Carl quickly moved out of the hairless ape’s vision path and turned right on the next

hallway. He then waited for the hairless ape to pass. Then he walked on without tuning so the

hairless ape wouldn’t notice him. He counted on until an edge. There were constant dead ends

in one direction so Carl moved parallel to the wall until he finally find the exit.

It was hard for Carl to notice but one room had no fourth wall and plentiful see through

walls. He could see something that looked nothing like the inside of the building. This must be

outside. Carl went to investigate the newly found area and part of the wall moved out of his way.

Did the hairless apes know magic? It wasn’t time for speculation, it was time for running away,

and walked Carl tried.

 Outside was weird. The flour was rough and there was white dots in the sky, most small

but one was a really big dot. On the horizon was a wave of orange coming from a yellow dot

looking similar to the white one in the sky in size. There were fields of bright green lines with

large green lines with brown stems. Carl thought it was much better than the inside of the

building.

Carl wanted to feel the green field. As he put his hand in feet on it he felt a rush of

excitement. It felt good to step on it. It was nice and soft. A little too wet but it was definitely

better than the hard floors that were in the dreadful building. He wanted to feel everything, so

towards the larger plants there were off in the distance. They would also provide cover from the

hairless apes.

He was eventually submerged in colors and nature, free from his prison. His only regret

not having someone with him to talk to and share his experiences with. There was still hope

however. There could be others escapees, and he will try to find them. It will be his last goal

before he can rest in peace in this new sanctuary.

MULTI-SCENE NARRATIVE RUBRIC 

​CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.9-10.:​ ​Students will be able to w

​ rite narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or
events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and well-structured event sequences.

Rubric Categories  Expectations  Possible Scores  Score 

Focus  Engage and orient the reader by setting out a Mastery 30 30

conflict, situation, or observation, establishing Skilled 26
one or multiple point(s) of view, and introducing Proficient 22
a narrator and/or characters; create a smooth Developing 18
progression of experiences or events. Provide a Inadequate 15
conclusion to the story that reflects on the
experience.

Techniques  Use narrative techniques, such as dialogue, Mastery 30 26

pacing, description, foreshadowing, and specific Skilled 26
point of view, to develop experiences, events, Proficient 22
and/or characters. Developing 18
Inadequate 15
Diction  ​Use precise words and phrases, telling details, Mastery 30 30
and sensory language to convey a vivid picture Skilled 26
of the experiences, events, setting, and/or Proficient 22
characters. Developing 18
Inadequate 15

Conventions  Demonstrates command of the conventions of Mastery 10 10

standard English capitalization, punctuation, Skilled 8
grammar and spelling when writing. Proficient 7
Developing 6
Inadequate 5