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Jovanna Garcia

Professor Batty

English 102

5 December 2019

Song Revision Reflection

During my revision for my song essay I made plenty of changes. The most noticeable

change I made was adding a counterargument paragraph. In my original draft I never talk about

the melody of the song. However, for this revision I made sure I acknowledged my

counterargument as well as the melody which Professor Batty suggested. First, I talk about the

use of the guitar in the song and how it creates a slow cheery beat. I also noticed the background

vocals and included it to support the counterargument. I go on to explain how those background

vocals add to the slow beat. I also made sure to rebuttal the counterargument. I did this by

agreeing that the melody is meant to sound romantic. However, the lyrics unveil the deeper

message the song is trying to get across. In fact, I argued that the melody is romantic to attract

the listener. The melody is meant to hook a person into paying closer attention to the lyrics. Also,

the slow beat gives the lyrics a serious tone. Which, in this case, drug addiction is a serious

subject that should be approached slowly. Therefore, the melody does trick the listener into

thinking it’s a love song. But the slow beat is meant to make side effects of drug use an

approachable topic. Another noticeable change is my thesis. I included how “the lyrics use

imagery and metaphors to show how she has fallen into the world of drug addiction”. I added

this sentence into my thesis because my topic sentences in my supporting paragraphs talk about

imagery and metaphors. I also made sure my body paragraphs ended with a sentence that

summed up my paragraph with my thesis. And I made sure the paragraphs flowed easily from
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one to another. Next, I took into consideration how I never explained why the song is important.

So, I added a few sentences in my introduction and conclusion to explain the importance of drug

addiction. I related it to the young generations that are exposed to trying out drugs. I explained

how the song is meant to bring awareness to drugs and their side effects. And how it is meant to

sway teenagers away from drugs. Lastly, I made small changes like adding and deleting some

words. As well as, I made some of my long sentences shorter by splitting them into two

sentences.