MEMORANDUM

TO: Brian Malone

FROM: Austin Crofoot
SUBJECT: Project 1 – Technical Prose
DATE: September 3, 2019

This memo is in response to the information you requested on technical prose and readability.
The following is my analysis of a philosophical paper I wrote last year and my ability to use
technical prose focusing on: Being Concise, Being Precise, Being Direct, and Noticeable Errors.

1. Be Concise: To be brief yet comprehensive.

1.1. Unnecessary Repetition: In the essay I wrote a sentence that could be cut in half
if it didn’t have so much unnecessary repetition:
“Satisfaction comes from completing an action that makes you feel good and
working hard and successfully doing what others say can’t be done is extremely
satisfying, like pushing a boulder up and down a mountain repeatedly.”
This sentence could be fixed by removing the multiple use of “and” by saying it
is a “satisfying feeling from successfully working hard”.
1.2. Redundant Words and Phrases: In my writing I poorly used a few words
throughout that were intended to emphasize but ultimately served no purpose:
“…have any impact on the world from your actions but even so you still chose to
keep living…”
The use of “even so” is very redundant and is unnecessary to follow up “but” in
the sentence.
1.3. Dead Phrases: The conclusion of my piece of writing is filled with dead phrases
that drag the paper on:
“Life is full of all sorts of experiences…”
This serves no purpose in the paper; conclusion should wrap up the essay, not
carry it on.
1.4. Unnecessary Modifiers: In my paper I used modifiers quite frequently and most
of them are unnecessary:
“…experiences you’d never get to have and you might potentially regret…”
The words “might” and “potentially” have the same meaning and is unnecessary
to have both modifiers in the sentence.
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Project 1 – Technical Prose Austin Crofoot

2. Be Precise: To be exact and accurate

2.1. Audience Levels of Technical Expertise: The audience level for my essay is
intended to apply to people of all ages and I do a good job of having low
technical expertise in my writing:
“Monday morning can be the beginning of your task and Friday can be your
peak”
This comparison I use is easily relatable too and anyone who has had any sort of
schooling/job can relate to this.
2.2. Consistent Terminology: In my first body paragraph consistent terminology
makes it a very irritating read:
“…topic of is life worth living… shouldn’t give up on life… life appears
horrible… A large part of life”
The whole paragraph is filled with mentions of “life” when I should focus a
paragraph on “life” then follow with details instead.
2.3. Level of Specifics and Detail: My paper does well with the amount of details
mentioned:
“Sisyphus has to work hard to push the heavy rock up the hill which makes
reaching the peak rewarding, a moment of satisfaction. He then walks down the
hill preparing to start all over again but he see’s all the ground he has covered and
how much work he has completed.”
The story the paper is based off of is summarized within two sentences, although
the paper is based off of the story more details on it aren’t needed for the point
being made in the essay.
3. Be Direct
3.1. Active vs Lazy Verbs: My paper contained a consistent use of lazy verbs:
“Overcoming our greatest challenges are some of the things that make us great
and most importantly give life meaning. Satisfaction comes from completing an
action that makes you feel good and working hard and successfully doing what
others say can’t be done is extremely satisfying, like pushing a boulder up and
down a mountain repeatedly.”
The verbs in this short paragraph are generic and vague, lacking any sort of
analytical thinking.
3.2. Active vs Passive Voice: I use a very active voice in my essay:
” Camus uses this story…”
The whole essay is written around a person being the subject and taking action in
his life.
3.3. Topic Position: In my essay I start every paragraph with topic position to inform
the reader of the contents of the paragraph:
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Project 1 – Technical Prose Austin Crofoot

“Albert Camus is a philosopher who often brought up the question should one
commit suicide?”
“The myth of Sisyphus is about…”
“Overcoming our greatest challenges are some of the things that make us great
and most importantly give life meaning.”
The use of topic position sets the tone for each paragraph preparing the reader.
3.4. Stress Position: The ending of a section of writing contains the most opportunity
for impact with it being the last information read:

“Life is full of all sorts of experiences and there are smaller things to be valued
and too many opportunities for satisfaction and happiness to be lost by
choosing to no longer live.”

This ending of the paragraph drives home the intent of the writing and leaves
no doubt in the reader’s mind what the paragraph intended.

4. Noticeable Error
The main error I found in my writing was the occurring of run-on sentences. Multiple
times in the paper sentences are full of commas where periods are needed to assist the
flow of the reading.
5. Conclusion
Reviewing over technical prose style made me aware of many issues with this piece
of writing. Most issues occurred under the “Be Concise” topic which I will fix by
using a more analytical approach to my word selection when creating my sentences.
If you have any questions about my report, please let me know.