Letter to a Child Never Born by Oriana Fallaci

Translated by John Shepley

Published by Pocket Books / Washington Square Press
1975

Book Review Venarica B. Papa

88-13307 - MCD CD 201

Introduction :

The choice of this book at the start was merely for the purpose of completing the required
number of titles from which Prof. Elmer Ferrer can choose to be my subject of review. It is an
old, battered, uncovered book lent to me by an aunt sometime in the late 80’s when
motherhood was just a vague concept – an unproven theory for me, and has been kept in my
closet, untouched since.

I have plunged into reading without any suspicion that I was about to swim in an ocean of
emotions with it’s every tide touching on chords of motherhood, womanhood and humanity in
general.

It had been a journey. And as all are, had not been smooth all thru out. I swung from agreement
to disagreement, from feeling good and bad, from knowing and then not.

To finish the read in itself was a challenge. And I hope to justify this statement in the
succeeding parts of this review. At the end, I had been glad for this assignment, and grateful for
the chance to have finally finished this book.

Letter to a Child unborn received reviews from various readers that generally took it as
expressions of “pro-choice” principles and feminism.

While it would have been easy to give reflections and comments on the book itself, solely on
its context, and because to my mind I understood it as a socio-political statement more than
anything else, I found it interesting to research a little on the author’s life and works.

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Oriana Fallaci was an Italian journalist. Wars, I would have to surmise, played a great deal of
influence on her thoughts having served as a partisan during the second world war and
correspondent to the wars of Vietnam, Middle East (Indo-Pakistani), Lebanon, Kuwait and
South America (http://www.danielpipes.org/3967/appreciating-oriana-fallaci ). In this book in
fact, she has more than once made allusion to wars as anchors of her “learned lessons” in life.
Her personal view of a war is that it is an infanticide only deferred twenty years after
(LTACNB p104).

As a journalist, she is known (or notorious) for her unconventional style of interviewing her
subjects and has in fact more than once offended some of them with her direct to the point,
inadvertently abrasive, questions. Once asked about it, she said that when she interviews, she
does not only learn about her subject but learn history as well and for her to do that she must
leave no stone, no matter how stenchful they be, unturned.

Interesting too, to note her view of power. To quote (http://www.giselle.com/oriana.html)

“whether it comes from a despotic government or an elective president, from a

murderous general or a beloved leader, I see power as an inhuman and hateful
phenomenon…I have always looked on disobedience towards the oppressive as the
only way to use the miracle of having been born”

These factors, both her thoughts and experiences, had been expressed all thru out the book,
from where it started and how it ended.

And, as was mentioned, while many assumed that this book was written as a statement for
women, on having choices on reproduction or abortion itself, feminism and torture, in an
interview she mentions that it was paradoxically written for the loss of a child
(http://davidleser.com/slippages/uploads/download/file/df-9-139-29.pdf).

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Summary :

Letter to a Child Never Born by Oriana Fallaci is a journal of a contemporary, non-conformist,

untraditional working woman faced with an unexpected pregnancy outside of marriage and in
the middle of a growing career.

It starts off with the protagonist finding out she is indeed pregnant, that is even prior to
consultation and eventual affirmation of a medical doctor of her state. She welcomes the event
into her life with (superficially) an open mind. That it was a matter of course. Not a choice no
one had to make, not she, her male partner nor God. But she begins by admitting there was so
much fear within her. Not of others, not of pain nor of God she says, but of the child itself.
Then she stops thoughts of fear and doubt by consoling herself that perhaps, it is the child’s
choice to come to existence. And that one day soon, he (or she) himself will give her a sign to
prove this.

Hence, she proceeds living her daily life slowly attaching herself to the new life inside her
womb by having “conversations” with him constantly. She also announces “his existence” to
her world by telling her friends, parents, her boss and the father of her child. Immediately she
faces a dilemma when she was met with negative receptions, said or not, from the people
around her, ranging from utter disgust of a woman being pregnant out of wedlock, to
disapproval guised in expressions of concern and pity, all for the same reason. A friend and the
father did not hesitate in suggesting that she “gets rid of it” fast, while she had the choice. Her
own ob-gyne who was a male, subtly insinuated too the possibility. But she summons the
courage to go on and remain firm in her decision of “keeping it” by holding on to her and her
child’s bond. And so the conversations proceed, as the child grows in her and she with him.

She tried to transcend the typical mother-like behavior by discussing her philosophies of life.
Conscious that what she shares tend to lean towards negativity, if not being cynical or hateful,
she justifies this by telling that these the child needs to know at that early stage so that he may
be ready to defend himself and survive in an ant-heap of a world where none should be trusted
and none must be believed.

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Like most mothers, she follows the growth of the child in her womb with excitement and owe
thru reading books, clipping pictures of embryos and fetuses, imagining how different and
perhaps how more blessed the world of her child now is as compared to her own. In her
conversations she manifests her mood swings, doubts and wavering resolve to keep the child
that gradually intensifies in negativity. Towards the middle of the story, she suffers from
symptoms of a difficult pregnancy experiencing cramps and pain on her belly, spotting, nausea
and had to be confined and immobilized two times in the story. At these points were where her
resentment towards the child comes out most, accusing him of controlling her world, her
emotions, her own being.

It was at the time when the doctor wanted her to have a complete rest, when her boss dropped
hints of giving her job assignments to male counterparts (who are less vulnerable to
“accidents”), when she felt the life she had made for herself was threatened of a major change,
that she truly rebelled against the idea of being tied up to the curse of becoming a mother. At
this point, she questions the validity of the being barely 3 inches in size to be called human and
allege in itself to have life.

Interspersed in the story, amidst her mood swings and wavering resolve to keep the child, she
shares four fairy tales where her ideals, frustrations and general views of the world and life
revolve. The four fairy tales explained to the child how unfair the world is, first to a woman to
have to struggle more, prove herself more and work at getting accepted by her society more,
then to the poor who are deprived of their dreams and the basic right to dream of freedom; and
lastly to the whole mankind which has nothing to look forward to after being born but a
definite and certain end.

Just as she had gained disapproving looks and frowns from friends and colleagues when she
decided to keep the child at the onset, ironically she now elicits doubts from among the same
people on her show of tantrums and unwillingness to heed advice of precaution for her
condition. The father of the child who had once insisted that the “thing must be gotten rid of”
suddenly took the patriarchal stance of “owning up” to the child and responsibilities of taking
care of it and of her, offering gestures of support while she was confined. Again she receives all

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these with resentment. The pendulum swings at full speed of hatred for the child and
convincing herself that in order to keep it she herself must not lose her own life.

She comes at peace with her child and her condition when she met another doctor, female this
time, who shared her views and verbalized it for her rationally, saying that “pregnancy is not an
illness nor a curse”. A woman must not lose herself to be able to bear a new life. That this new
life must take its own course as designed by nature in harmony with those that already exist on
its conception.

With renewed determination to keep the child with her and resume her old life, she sets off to a
job assignment that entails hours of travel in a car which she herself drives. There were protests
among those who worry about her condition including from her first doctor. Confident,
however, with reassurances from the female ob-gyne, she proceeds. In the middle of that trip
was when the crisis came.

Cramps and belly muscle pains, nausea, shortness of breath and bleeding came while she was
in the middle of a bumpy ride. She felt the panic. In the same manner that she was positive of
the existence of a life within her at the beginning, she knew this time that that same life has
ended.

The journal wanders off to her hallucinations of a trial being conducted to assess her liability
for the loss of the child. Participated in by both her doctors who took opposing stands, her male
partner, her boss, her friend and her parents. The trial concluded with the message of the child
himself. That she must not blame herself, he said. She had shared with him the ugliness of the
world so early in life that he wondered what’s the use of him coming in if only an end is certain
in this world.

Gaining her freedom and individuality back, same things she has strongly struggled for to keep
amidst her pregnancy, she concludes, somehow in the end, when we have what we want, when
we have won what we fought for, they will not matter. We can only feel that we are tired. Yet
the world moves on. The child has died. She may be dying too. And even those do not matter
because the world does not need either of them, because life itself does not die.

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Highlights :

Preceding my discussion of my comments and reflections on the book, I deem it important to

site the following highlights which more or less, to me, carried the body and soul of Fallaci’s
journal.

The following are statements she has written in the book which may generally be taken as her
views and the values she uphold on the subject matters / issues :

 To come to the world is already a risk – the risk of regretting later that you were born
(p19)
 Love is a gigantic hoax invented to keep people quiet and diverted (p21)
 To be a mother is not a trade or a duty but just one right of women among many (p16)
 Women suffer more from humiliations, servitude and abuse (p17)
 Servitude starts at infancy when a parent puts on the infant shoes on a child on the
assumption that the latter is feeling cold; it also comes in form of fear of hurting others
hostaged on the bondage of sentiments, relations and family (p45)
 Life is a war renewed daily, and the joys one experiences are but parentheses for which
one pays dearly (p10)
 Freedom – there is freedom in the darkness while one is confined within the amniotic
sac where he is alone and does not need the permission, help or approval of anyone
(p44)
 Family is a lie constructed to better control people, to exploit their obedience to rules
and legends (p46) ; the call of blood does not exist, it was merely invented (p75)
 There are only two sets of laws one is born into, those of the arrogant – which denies
one the luxury of dreaming about freedom, to which the only advantage we have is we
can react by struggling and dying; and the laws of the decent from which there is no
escape as we have been brainwashed to embrace them with blind faith (p47)
 Work, as related to the necessity and joy of having money, had been created for the
convenience of those who have organized the world; a blackmail that remains as such
even when you like it; and that it is forever humiliating and tiring (p47 / p83)

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  One must lose the virginity of childhood fast so as to prepare himself to the war in the
world waiting for him (p50)
 Being good or bad is irrelevant to one’s success, what matter are the relations of forces
that are all based on violence (p51)
 War is and infanticide postponed to the age of twenty (p104)

The moral stories of four fairy tales which she “invented” to share to the child, (the main
character of all happen to be the protagonist in real life) :
 Magnolia flowers – if a woman picked up a flower she must die (p50) – allusion to
passion and sensuality
 Chocolates – there is always a little girl humiliated for the desire for chocolates (p56) –
referring to the injustices that anyone born must be ready for – that which separates
men and women, the “haves and have nots”
 Tomorrows – “(ours) never come and perhaps never would. We would always be
deceived by promises in a rosary of disappointments lightened by false consolations
and pitiful gifts, and wretched comforts to keep us quiet” (p63) – an allusion to war,
hope, justice and fairness
 Moondust – “everything would vanish like smoke in the air” (p93) – and expression of
grief over a loss of a dream and desire (slanted on deprivation by those who can afford
to those who cannot)
in hope that he (or she) understands his mom and her world more.

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Comments and Reflections :

At the outset, it is very important to mention that the intention of this review is not to judge the
book, its content or its author based on my personal beliefs and biases. As I too indulge in
literary writings of sorts, I understand that for every author, a write, be it an essay, an article, a
poem, or much more a novel, is considered a child – born of (almost always) life-long lessons
learned, heartful effort and devotion. Therefore, I shall not come to conclusions at the end of
this review as to whether the book is good or unpalatable, inappropriate or perfect,
commendable or not. What I shall share in this review would be my reactions, my thoughts vis-
à-vis those expressed, and the general emotion the book was able to draw from me.

First, on the style. Having adopted the journal format of writing made the book easy to
understand. The words used, at least by the translator, have been simple and unpretentious,
also, direct to the point and thoughts had been kept concise. For these reasons, the book passes
for a perfect subject for review.

The manner by which points, ideas and theses had been driven in the book is something that is
definitely remarkable. They had been generalized in formulation with definitive stance, without
any effort to convince nor manifestation to waver on their positions.

Having read O. Fallaci’s reputation (or notoriety) and attitude towards her interview
assignments, it is easy to understand that she has written this book too not to please anyone but
to merely express her thoughts on various life issues. Hence in reading, one, (as I did) might
feel occasionally offended by her presentations and “arguments”. As such, there is always the
risk that a reader would get turned off somewhere in the middle and would opt not to finish the
read.

On the content, I must agree with almost every reviewer’s observation that the book pretty
much touched on issues of feminism, motherhood and the choices and rights women have
relative to sexuality both in the context of their society and as “innate” choices and rights they

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had been born with. Reading on the first few pages, in fact, gave me the impression that that’s
what this book was all about.

Being a mother myself, I was able to relate to the anticipation of becoming a mother for the
first time. Fortunately, in my time, ultrasound machines were already available, otherwise I
would have most probably made clippings too of my baby’s embryonic and fetal development
from magazines and publications at hand. And indeed, along with excitement come anxiety,
doubts and fear of the new responsibility – a very serious one at that, that a woman faces in
becoming a mother. These things, I believe are universal among all mothers of the world.

I agree with Fallaci’s views that for any mother, it would seem best to keep the child safe
within her womb than to risk him being born in this world we have known to be full of
struggles.

This reminds me of a poem (first of a series) I have written for my child which I would like to
share here.

A New Life
i knew long before i saw those two lines, the few short breaths
hot flashes, heartbeat skipping a few times, long long before
i felt you move there in my womb, your world, your dream
your life, all confined in a body not yours, neither now is mine

it felt funny feeling you there, another life within

not mine, but oh, how i wished it could be..
you, so sure of yourself, kicking, pounding, wriggling
making your own space, in a world you knew was yours

i wish to have kept you there far longer than nine months
away from the deafening noise and blinding lights
safe from the lurking darkness and cold breezes of night
your life, your dream all confined in a body no longer mine - vbp 25-Sept 2009

However, I felt that (as mentioned in the summary), the expressions had been too slanted
towards negativity. Fear and doubts had been too highlighted while excitement and
anticipations had been expressed in mere whimpers.

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Having had a brief read on O. Fallaci’s biography, finding out that she has had no child, I
could only guess that it may be the reason for the vehement expression of fears and doubts and
that to her they have remained as such because she has never completed the full process of
becoming a mom herself. Her apparent unwillingness to sacrifice her “personal rights” for the
sake of keeping the child in good condition may have also emanated from this.

On the other hand, as she herself has admitted that she has written this book for the loss of a
child, expressed uncertainties may also be expressions of anguish – against the society that
forces a woman to work for survival and in the process makes her sacrifice the right to
motherhood ; guilt – for having succumbed to the laws of the world, for allowing servitude in
conformity to prevail; and grief for the loss she has suffered. (The fairy tale of the moondust
clearly painted this grief - the loss appeared to have consumed her for a remarkable period of
time.)

On this, of course, I can only surmise.

As I have previously mentioned, however, the book to me was a socio-political statement more
than anything else. Her thoughts on disparity between the rich and the poor, on the social
injustices as imposed my socio-economic status of an individual had been glaring all thru out
the book. These manifest most in the lessons of life she shared with the child as well as, or
even more so, in the fairy tales of magnolia tree, chocolates and tomorrows she narrated. Even
her assertions on women’s rights were not taken solely on the gender and sexuality perspective
rather in the context of a society primarily ruled by those who have the means. And even the
loss she suffered had implicitly been blamed on these injustices.

Her thoughts too on the brutality of wars had been clearly defined. Again in the context of
disparity between the rich and the poor, (fairy tale of tomorrow) the torture of having to
witness a poor man murdered for having stolen a ration of food in order to survive, the
humiliation of a poor innocent girl of having to wash under wears for the servicemen in
exchange for a ration of food, and the frustration of tomorrows that betrayed hope for the poor

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as it only came to the privileged lot, elicited a lot of pain from me as a reader. It gave me a
peek of how wars may have scarred O. Fallaci and influenced her views of life in general.

Generally, I must admit that this had been a very heavy read for me. While words were simple
and thoughts were clearly expressed, many times in the book I found hard to swallow the
generalizations O. Fallaci made. Many times, I had been so tempted to just stop and start the
review with negative comments – emotional and definitely biased at that.

While I will not argue that everyone is born against the odds, I simply cannot concede that life
is so ugly that it is not worth a try. True, no one has yet seen a perfect society, justice remains
vague as a universal concept especially when interpreted by the rich and the poor alike, equity
remains a dream in most part of the world, and wars exist on land and in the hearts of mankind.
But life, like a journal, needs to be labored at, written and shared for its beauty to shine. It is a
journey which does not stop at the humps nor the rough roads nor the creek sides. It must see
its end before it could be judged. And getting to that end, start is a must.

No one is spared of pain. And it comes in many forms. Frustrations, deprivation, betrayals,
loss, humiliation to name a few. Whether viewed as an individual and personal circumstance or
in the perspective of one’s social context, every pain that comes our way leaves a scar. And the
scar either cripples us or gives us more strength to continue on with the fight.

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Conclusion and Recommendation :

This book was a great challenge for me. That is, to rise above the defeatist views, cynicism and
fatalism. I took it as a test to the resilience of my values. And I must say, I am glad to have
remained believing, despite.

In recommending a read for this book, I would suggest that one takes it with an open mind. A
reader must try to understand it with the author’s perspective without allowing one’s personal
views and biases to hinder the process. It helped for me to have read on O. Fallaci’s life and
experiences in my appreciation of this write.

The read can be likened to a roller coaster ride. I took the risky plunges, and struggled uphill
climbs. Having finished and having survived with my core values unscathed, I’d say it was
worth the experience and was worth my time.

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