Children's health is increasingly deteriorating by fatness throughout the world.

There are some results of these problems but they could be dealt with in Commented [r1]: This problem

various measures.

As a consequence of the bad eating habits and tend to have a sedentary

lifestyle, many children are becoming obese. This could lead to some health Commented [r2]: Fragment

problems such as diabetes, heart disease, even cancer. Moreover, children’s

mental health is also affected too. With the shape which is unfit with most of
the opinions of others, an overweight child could be unconfident and bullied. It
could result in lowered self-esteem, and perhaps depression. Depression, in Commented [r3]: Word form lower is adj
Commented [r4]: Perhaps preceding a clause
turn, affects growth and development parameters, academic performance,
and social relationships and increase a higher risk of suicide. As a result, it is Commented [r5]: The first “and “makes the whole sentence not
clear. You should replace it with “,”
imperative that childhood obesity has to be against.

There are several measurements can be done to reduce obesity in children.

Firstly, parents should give children healthy food, control what they eat and Commented [r6]: and
Commented [r7]: to
ensure that they have a healthy diet. For example, a meal for children should
be balanced with nutrients, more fruits and vegetables, and less fat content. Commented [r8]: Which are

Also, parents have to make rules for the time that children spend on computer
or video games and encourage them to do regular exercise. One example is
organizing outdoor activities that children can joy will help them become more
active. Secondly, the government can contribute by banning unhealthy items
specially prepared keeping in mind children. In particular, the government Commented [r9]: Children’s mind

should enact a school ban on canteens that are not allowed to sell food that is Commented [r10]: which

harmful to children's health. These are all measures that can be taken
immediately to reduce obesity in children.

To conclude, although the number of obese children is gradually becoming

alarming, effective measures can be taken to eradicate it from the world. This Commented [r11]: make it clearer

requires concerned people to help the children not only to control their diet
but also remain active.
-There are some mistakes about word choice and grammar that you need to
pay attention.
-You should link the single sentences to create complex sentences more.
-Try to phrases common words into unpopular words more.
-With the underlined sentences, I think they are not good and you should
rewrite.

Peer-checker: Vo Thi Thu Trang