HOW TO DEAL WITH STUBBORN HABITS

By Sumbye Kapena

To break bad habits, don’t give yourself to other peoples limiting labels (definitions about one’s self)

What is self-image?

1. Your behavior matches and will always be consistent with your self-image

2. it’s the blueprint of your behavior hence one can’t behave for a long period of time in a foreign and
unfamiliar behavior.

3. Our capabilities depend on the nature of our own self-image

I am created by Gods image.

Why should I reject negative labels? They are based on wrong assumptions and bear unrealistic
premises e.g.

a. One is born with a weakness which they have been identified with.
b. They take inclinations and rumors as facts
c. It’s usually a representation of complex aspects of your real life.
i.) Personality distinctions. Introverts vs. extroverts
ii.) Right brain vs. left brain people. Right brains persons a good in arts(music, poetry, painting
etc.) while left brained people are good in technical and practical fields e.g. Math, sciences
and mechanics
iii.) Gene heredity
d. Negative labels assume ones performance matches with their ability and capacity.
Thomas Edison - Said to be “dull” to learn.
All these men have influenced the world positively
Bill Gates - Failed in college.
with their works and innovations, which was a result
Albert Einstein – Thought to be retarded.
of their resolve to defy the odds despite all the labels
Ben Carson – Always bottom in college.
and names they were given.
e. If you have a weakness in a certain area then you’re weak in all areas.
Being specific is key when it comes to tackling such issues i.e. I have been lazy in house work/
assignments/farm work, I have a habit of heavy drinking/ smoking a lot/playing too much, I don’t
have much material wealth, I have been poor in relationships(friends, family, society etc.)

N/B Don’t enter into arguments and debates that don’t solve nor change anything: they derail
the process of eliminating these habits.

For change to be felt and achieved, one has to challenge the thinking styles that hinder one from getting
the results.

1. Permanence. I will never change I have been like this.

 2. Pervasiveness.
Exaggerating; “stopping X is a total failure”, over-generalizing; “I have never done anything well”
and all-or-nothing thinking; “progress to change has been slow”
3. Negative prediction. Pessimism is based on self-prediction and not evidence/fact. “This is a
waste of time”
4. Downplaying. “Too good to last”
5. Name-calling. “I was the only fool there”
6. Mind-reading. “They think I’m weak”
7. Pressure. When pressured, you have no power of choice in certain situations and there is no
basis for your decisions. “I must/should/have to do X” is a pressured approach. “I choose to/decide
to/have the desire to do X” is non-pressured approach.

Making an action program for change to achieve change is necessary in order to;
1. Avoid debate about whatever happens thereafter. It also shows you believe you can change,
become open to suggestions and ready to be helped and focus on changes towards more
positive habits.
Decisions made have to be encouraged with strengthening reasons.
2. Set positive goals. Phrasing my goal statements focusing on what I want to achieve than to
discard.
3. Identify easily accessible means. Finding affordable, more productive and readily available
means to aid the process of change has a greater and more fruitful impact than finding
expensive and hard to access sources.
4. Make adjustments in the way you spend your time. Planning my time as well as making
necessary adjustments ensures there is equilibrium and room for more activities.
Furthermore, it makes one become more involved and open while carrying out the set
activities personally, socially, spiritually, work and career-wise.

How to deal with lapses.

1. Stick to your decision and get rid of the habit.
2. Continue implementing activities in place of the habit.
3. Know that every laps isn’t going back to zero.
4. Remember that the nature of growth is a process.

Un-confronted fears are the cause of most habits. Some of un-confronted fears may be as a result of;

A. Unresolved difficult but important issues

They create fear which consequently create tension e.g. low or no prospects for progress in job,
education, physical challenges, concerns of retirement etc. All these can be resolved by
classifying the problem(s) and being more specific, identifying as many solutions possible and
ultimately choosing the best solution(s).
B. Unanswered important issues
When face with such questions, temporary relief often leads to development of a bad habit. The
solution to this is to have positive answers to the respective questions for they give hope and
power to move on. “God has my back”
 C. Anxiety. Fear of the unknown can only be solved by realizing the fact that God can satisfy desire
of unconditional love to us as well as He is in control over everything. I should have a strong
sense of value and self-worth in order to avoid this feeling.
D. Guilt. Guilt is either forgiven or punished therefore, never deny the feeling;
 Understand why, realize the wrong, admit and ask for pardoning then believe God has
forgiven you
 Don’t harden your consciences because reality is that your sins will find you out.

ATTITUDE. Achieving change comes with adjusting ones attitude towards challenges.

Tolerance of pain causes one to go through this pain with courage, they may also seek help on what to
do to avoid pain and reduce its level in the future and also realizing that feelings come from what you
tell yourself about particular events.

How to increase tolerance levels

1. Use words like challenge, task etc. instead of negative synonyms

2. Remind yourself that we are bound to face problems and challenges as we grow.
3. Size of challenge indicates size of achievement. Solving problems cause improvements and
progress to one’s life.
4. Maintain that there is always a way forward in every challenge.
5. Challenges are an inevitable part of happiness.
6. Challenges are necessary for long life. Persons who don’t find themselves ways to become useful
after retirement don’t live long since you don’t retire from life.
7. Challenges help us discover our strengths.
8. Challenges are responsibilities
9. Challenges are a call to exercise our creativity
10. Actual experience is always less scaring whereas false evidence appear real.
11. By growing up you already demonstrate your ability to surmount challenges
12. Overcoming challenges is always possible regardless of the past.

Practice gratitude and prayer

Pre-occupation comes during the period of change which is unhealthy since your mind gets pre-
occupied causing insomnia, digestive problems, absent-mindedness, aloofness in conversations,
prolonged physical isolation and seclusion from others. Gratitude breaks this practice and
provides a balance in the thinking process. Gratitude is thanks given to God. Gratitude should
be phrased positively, be for today, expressed in formal prayer addressing events that happens
every day, specific events not the general things e.g. Mary, John, president x, money received
that day etc., voiced and not in your heart, voiced more than once a day and cover different
areas of one’s life.
Prayer ensures one doesn’t end up bottling up feelings and there is no imbalanced life and
addictions. Prayer becomes effective in dealing with pre-occupation and it removes worry,
insecurities and doubts.