1

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Morning. My name's Fellner.
You must be Herr Bosel.

3
00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:40,977
Great. Could I just put my overnight bag
in the trunk?

4
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:46,579
Thanks
that's very sweet.

5
00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:55,332
Terrible weather we got, ey?

6
00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:59,935
April being unpredictable
as per usual.

7
00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:05,457
Although
I really like springtime.

8
00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:08,332
Natures grand re-awakening...

9
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:13,329
Though March can often be
like November
kind of gloomy & overcast.

10
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:17,329
Except that Christmas has passed
and the ticks are on their way.

11
00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:51,290
Herr Bosel
would you mind terribly
not smoking in here

12
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It's just that I have this minor allergy.
13
00:02:58,260 --> 00:02:59,739
Thanks
that's very sweet.

14
00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:03,653
Well
this'll be a nice business trip
won't it?

15
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:19,532
l'm looking forward to summer.
Sitting outside

16
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,935
a bit of dancing
a bit of freaking out.

17
00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:25,815
Although the only ones who've got
real rhythm are the blacks.

18
00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:31,495
Autumn has the advantage
that the grapes are cheaper.

19
00:03:33,220 --> 00:03:36,929
And in winter of course
taking
little walks
drinking tea with rum...

20
00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:39,813
Though winter isn't
what it used to be

21
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even if it does cool down at night.

22
00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:46,656
In the desert it often gets so hot

23
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:50,375
even the animals that live there
don't go out in the sun.

24
00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:01,698
Hey
isn't that funny...

25
00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:04,858
Kirchdorf
Kirchstatten
Monichkirchen.

26
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:08,451
All the villages have 'Kirche' ( church )
in their name.

27
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,974
One can take it
that the church was there first

28
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:20,815
and then the village grew up around it.
Kind of interesting
that.

29
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:24,331
Our former president
for instance
Kirchschlager.

30
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:28,375
It's quite likely that his
ancestors came from Kirchschlag.

31
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:35,493
Do you know Trivial Pursuit
with
questions about geography
history...

32
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,053
Herr Bosel!

33
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,609
That's aluminium. lt can be recycled!

34
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:47,410
Where are your emergency signs?

35
00:05:47,660 --> 00:05:49,332
What emergency signs?

36
00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:51,890
Where are people supposed to go
in case of a fire?

37
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,178
Outside
I guess.

38
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,819
What's this supposed to be?

39
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,131
Do we say
''Showers for display use''?

40
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:09,853
It's always worked before...

41
00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:12,331
Madam
this is an official brochure

42
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,531
issued by the Lower Austrian
Federal Government.

43
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,298
How about a few days here

44
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,253
with your family
in the summer
free of charge?

45
00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:24,248
Don't try that with me.

46
00:06:24,580 --> 00:06:25,899
I never
ever...

47
00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:31,255
But Herr Schremser never...
- That might've worked with my predecessor but not with me!

48
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:35,612
We only get elderly guests
and they rarely shower.

49
00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:38,778
If the water takes 5 minutes to arrive
it's not a shower

50
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,129
it's a lottery.

51
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:41,733
What's so funny?

52
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,376
All innkeepers are morons.

53
00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:26,929
Yes...

54
00:07:28,420 --> 00:07:30,012
that's kind of true.

55
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,530
A bunch of morons
all of them.

56
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,052
Oh
a health fanatic
are you?
Only vegetables.

57
00:08:01,660 --> 00:08:02,729
No
no.

58
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:07,972
I'm on the kiwi diet.

59
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,979
Everything except kiwis.

60
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,576
What I like
are those breaded mushrooms

61
00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:25,654
you know
deep-fried with tartare sauce.

62
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,809
I used to love that fried spam.

63
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,333
But not so much now.

64
00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:35,857
Now I like fried mushrooms better.

65
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,658
It's changed.

66
00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:49,089
Sometimes when my wife's not at home
I make myself fish fingers.

67
00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:52,251
You can fry them up real quick.

68
00:08:53,460 --> 00:08:55,018
It's a cinch.

69
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,775
What I sort of like is ltalian food.

70
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:02,814
Those little squid rings
deep-fried.

71
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,618
They really fill you up.

72
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,332
What I'm not crazy about...

73
00:09:24,420 --> 00:09:25,773
is Chinese food.

74
00:09:26,060 --> 00:09:27,812
It all tastes the same.

75
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:39,257
What's that you're listening to?

76
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:03,652
INDIA

77
00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:10,691
My dear man
if it says
''Wiener Schnitzel'' on the menu

78
00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:12,819
then it has to be veal.

79
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,289
Yes
sure.

80
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:18,053
Except if it says ''made with pork''.

81
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:23,732
The tablecloth was filthy

82
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:27,055
the saltshaker was
all clogged with ketchup...

83
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:30,819
and the ''freshly-made venison''
came out of these cans.

84
00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:32,373
Yes
sure...

85
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:36,368
Well
boss
...

86
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,651
That puts me in a very difficult position.

87
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,449
l think I left the butter out
at breakfast.
88
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,491
Can you take a look?

89
00:10:49,580 --> 00:10:53,095
And while you're at it
the zucchinis need to be used up.

90
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,335
Be a dear.

91
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,292
Three
two
one - big kiss!

92
00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:23,135
Here's another...

93
00:11:23,820 --> 00:11:26,618
My friend...
that really wasn't necessary.

94
00:11:26,940 --> 00:11:28,259
Good-bye.

95
00:11:29,260 --> 00:11:30,375
All the best.

96
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,816
They were out of freshly-squeezed.

97
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:39,819
Thanks
that's very sweet.

98
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:48,618
The American lndians
for instance

99
00:11:49,580 --> 00:11:51,172
they hardly talked at all.

100
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,977
They sat outside their tents for days

101
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,659
saying nothing

102
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:07,050
and after
say
three weeks
...

103
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,773
they said one word.

104
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,853
But of course then
it was something very important.

105
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:19,298
''Oof''
probably
or ''How''
or ''Yippy-ky-yay''.

106
00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,337
Yeah
something important.

107
00:12:31,260 --> 00:12:33,137
We have a little trash bag now.

108
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,818
Hey
where is everything?
- I tidied up a bit.

109
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:40,895
And where's the newspaper?

110
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,692
lt was a week old.

111
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,249
lt had the week's TV guide.

112
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:58,849
We don't get to watch TV.
- What d'you mean?

113
00:12:59,060 --> 00:13:00,937
lf I want to watch TV
I watch TV.

114
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:04,018
And I want to know what's interesting

115
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:07,371
'cause that's what I watch
and I can only do that with the guide.

116
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,610
Sorry.

117
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:11,333
Fuck your "sorry".

118
00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:19,815
What is this?

119
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,209
My orange juice.

120
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,815
Well
that's a new one on me.

121
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,375
Getting bellyache from orange juice...

122
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:38,210
But of course if you're prone to it

123
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:41,218
if you have that tendency
you shouldn't risk it.

124
00:13:41,980 --> 00:13:44,175
That's my first salami sandwich
in 5 months.

125
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,211
l wonder how my body will react to it.

126
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,373
It's actually quite unhealthy
127
00:13:48,580 --> 00:13:50,935
but a little sin now and then
why not?

128
00:13:51,140 --> 00:13:53,700
And then it has to be real salami
of course

129
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,856
because the taste's really in the fat.

130
00:13:59,340 --> 00:14:01,058
Those half-raw chicken legs

131
00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:04,809
or that clotted fat on the wings
that looks like pus.

132
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:08,334
But sometimes I get this craving...

133
00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:10,178
If there's some lard around

134
00:14:10,380 --> 00:14:13,099
I simply stick my finger in it -
no bread needed.

135
00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:16,812
But that's nothing;
the Japanese eat raw fish.

136
00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:19,569
The Philippinos are the worst -

137
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:21,293
They eat warm monkey's brain.

138
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:22,979
They crack it's skull open

139
00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:25,978
and spoon it out like a soft-boiled egg.
Horrendous.
140
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:27,415
Herr Fellner...

141
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,538
Could you,
for 5 minutes,
just shut the fuck up?

142
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,052
I feel you have something against me.

143
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:45,099
We can't leave it like this.
We have to talk this through.

144
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,289
I don't want to. I'm ill.

145
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:49,173
I'm sure that's only
an outward symptom

146
00:14:49,380 --> 00:14:51,848
the inner causes lie much deeper.

147
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:55,374
Do you dislike the way I dress
or is it my manner?

148
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:57,093
We have to talk.
- Give over...

149
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:59,370
ls ''talking it through'' too threatening?

150
00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:02,890
Let's chat about it.
Where does all this aggression come from?

151
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:06,169
Go and shite.

152
00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:09,099
You see
that's exactly what I mean.
153
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:12,138
There's hidden aggression
in everything you say.

154
00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:13,534
Let it out!

155
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,412
It's wonderfully liberating
- FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

156
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:38,815
We'll deal with this later.

157
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:40,652
Herr Fellner
look...

158
00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:42,932
l didn't mean it like that.

159
00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:45,535
There - spit on me.

160
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,093
That's your style.

161
00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:51,413
We can pull each other's nose hairs out
like in the Stone Age.

162
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,891
Today there are other ways
besides ruining a �400 jacket.

163
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:58,137
Don't get so fucking upset...
- lf you say ''fuck'' one more time

164
00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:02,174
I can't work with you any longer.
Is that perfectly clear?

165
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:17,776
Waitress,
eh, what about my schnitzel?

166
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:26,968
Scandalous
all this waiting.
Like at the ski lift.

167
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:30,454
When you look at it

168
00:16:30,980 --> 00:16:34,416
90% of all innkeepers are 100% stupid.

169
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,055
Give me that.

170
00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:47,257
With this report
they'll only get refugees next year.

171
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,853
What's his name?
- Kirchner.

172
00:16:52,580 --> 00:16:56,539
We're in Kirchdorf and the owner's
called Kirchner. There you go again.

173
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,329
My name's Fellner.

174
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:04,738
That indicates that my ancestors
once had a tannery
or something.

175
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:09,412
Bosel - hard to say
where that comes from. Probably Slavic.

176
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,172
Are you saying I'm a foreigner?!

177
00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:18,452
I'm not a foreigner.
- No
your ancestors in the Middle Ages...
178
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:21,254
Do I speak a dialect?
Do I speak any kind of dialect?

179
00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:23,452
Who ordered the schnitzel?

180
00:17:26,860 --> 00:17:28,259
Mixed salad.

181
00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:31,693
Excuse me
have you any
freshly-squeezed orange juice?

182
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:33,731
Well
I'd have to make it.

183
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:36,699
Just a small glass.
Thanks
that's very sweet.

184
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,530
In Seisenbach I once had to wait

185
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:43,972
An hour and a half for a schnitzel.

186
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:51,019
And the longest I ever
had to wait
that was...

187
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:53,535
in Rhodes.

188
00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:56,335
But frankly

189
00:17:57,180 --> 00:18:00,650
that grilled stuff they have there
that barbequed meat

190
00:18:01,860 --> 00:18:02,975
that's not my thing.

191
00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:07,537
I have this theory that there's
a connection between food and landscape.

192
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:11,130
Where the landscape is barren
you often get grilled food.

193
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,410
Here the landscape's a bit lusher

194
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,736
so we have all those different desserts.

195
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:21,769
I'm not crazy about sweet things.

196
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:25,611
In lndia
for instance
they only eat rice.

197
00:18:25,820 --> 00:18:29,859
They sit on the street
eating their rice
and laughing,
some of them starving...

198
00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,409
The landscape there must be fascinating.

199
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:38,535
No
rice is not my thing.
I don't go for side-dishes.

200
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,453
The Japanese for instance have the soup
at the end of the meal.

201
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,933
You're joking!

202
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:48,369
What
really?

203
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:52,454
That's mental. All those other cultures...

204
00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:55,088
The others...

205
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:56,808
the American lndians.

206
00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:58,971
They don't attack at night.

207
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,651
They think if they attack at night

208
00:19:01,860 --> 00:19:04,533
and one of them is shot

209
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,173
they won't go to heaven.

210
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:08,934
That's why they only attack
in the daytime.

211
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:12,018
Attack... who?

212
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:17,448
The fort.

213
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:19,289
I see.

214
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,609
Come on...

215
00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:37,972
Honeybunch
let me past.

216
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,254
You'll never make it!

217
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:05,614
What a moron!

218
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:09,531
He should have slowed down.

219
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:28,730
Get in!

220
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:35,179
l'll drive to Kirchdorf in second gear
I swear.

221
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,613
Don't be so nervous.

222
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:44,810
I'm going to report you!
You're a raving lunatic!

223
00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:45,970
Oh
yes?

224
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,411
And d'you know what you are?

225
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:52,332
A snobby prick!

226
00:21:23,860 --> 00:21:25,213
Shit!

227
00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:02,378
Who invented the automatic window?

228
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:07,089
Only joking. l'll ask you

229
00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:10,610
a general knowledge question
OK?
A really easy one.
230
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:15,297
What is the northern ice-cap
of our planet called?

231
00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:22,740
lf that's not your strong point
we can play something else.

232
00:23:22,980 --> 00:23:26,450
Checkers
pick-up-sticks
dominoes.

233
00:23:33,380 --> 00:23:36,577

234
68
7 8
many thanks for your help.

235
00:23:39,340 --> 00:23:41,808
Herr Fellner
what's the matter?

236
00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:45,333
Lucky in love?

237
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:47,288
The way you play...

238
00:23:47,980 --> 00:23:49,538
a real Casanova.

239
00:23:52,540 --> 00:23:55,373
Those aren't loser's points you've got -
it's a rash.

240
00:23:56,580 --> 00:23:59,048
All right
let's go for it!

241
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:04,139
Shall we close the deck?
Do we close it?

242
00:24:04,380 --> 00:24:06,610
Close or what?
Sure we close it.

243
00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:09,614
Ace. Ten. Forty.

244
00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:12,773
Where did you learn to play cards?
With the Salvation Army?

245
00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:18,497
How many teeth does
a male humpback whale have?

246
00:24:19,820 --> 00:24:22,380
Come on. What do you think?
How many?

247
00:24:23,140 --> 00:24:24,414
I don't care.

248
00:24:25,220 --> 00:24:28,929
The male humpback
has a few more than the female.

249
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:32,371
Careful
Herr Bosel.
Maybe it's a trick question.

250
00:24:32,580 --> 00:24:35,333
Maybe it doesn't have any.
- Are we playing or not?

251
00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:37,332
It eats plankton
actually.

252
00:24:37,540 --> 00:24:40,737
Plank-ton. Now what's that?
A soap powder
a contraceptive?

253
00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:42,249
Fuck you!

254
00:24:47,780 --> 00:24:48,895
I have no desire...
255
00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:51,330
to have this trip spoiled...

256
00:24:51,540 --> 00:24:55,897
by a repugnant,
primitive sott

257
00:24:56,100 --> 00:25:01,333
who never made it
who spent 17 years
grovelling around on the road

258
00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:04,418
and who takes out his frustration
on his colleagues.

259
00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:06,612
I like being on the road.

260
00:25:07,420 --> 00:25:08,455
I'm a cowboy.

261
00:25:08,780 --> 00:25:10,259
Wrong
pal...

262
00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:12,418
you're a failure.

263
00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:34,251
Let's say
3 50 teeth. Wild guess.

264
00:25:34,460 --> 00:25:35,415
What?

265
00:25:35,620 --> 00:25:40,774
3 50 teeth the male humpback.
Female 738. Just a guess.

266
00:25:40,980 --> 00:25:43,540
Herr Bosel
I actually wanted
to finish my report...

267
00:25:46,740 --> 00:25:47,934
Let's have a drink.

268
00:25:48,860 --> 00:25:50,088
Liven up a bit!

269
00:25:50,380 --> 00:25:53,690
I'm often very lively.
Sometimes exuberantly so.

270
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:57,257
I've already been
to 3 parties this year.

271
00:25:58,100 --> 00:26:01,809
One of them an ''Almost Naked'' party.
I didn't get drunk there
either.

272
00:26:02,380 --> 00:26:04,018
You went to a party naked?

273
00:26:04,220 --> 00:26:05,938
Almost.
- What did you wear?

274
00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:07,574
An elephant's trunk.

275
00:26:07,780 --> 00:26:09,133
An elephant's trunk?

276
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:11,731
Where?
- Where do you think?

277
00:26:14,580 --> 00:26:17,048
What? Herr Fellner...

278
00:26:17,580 --> 00:26:19,332
an orgy-goer?

279
00:26:20,460 --> 00:26:23,179
What does your wife say to that?
- I'm not married.

280
00:26:25,020 --> 00:26:27,011
Did you get laid?
- Pardon?

281
00:26:27,660 --> 00:26:30,174
Did you score?
- Herr Bosel
I do not 'score'.

282
00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,608
It's a question of pleasure.

283
00:26:31,820 --> 00:26:34,937
Perhaps it's beyond your limited horizons
but I once

284
00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:38,530
spent an entire night lying next to a woman...
and nothing happened.

285
00:26:39,580 --> 00:26:42,890
That happens.
Problems getting your trunk off
right?

286
00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:50,136
In Japan
the men imagine they're
doing it with a rubber plant.

287
00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:52,217
Just so they can hold out longer!

288
00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:55,535
Sure
...

289
00:26:55,820 --> 00:26:59,893
some chicks can be worse
than a rubber plant.

290
00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:04,773
I have the awful suspicion that you
haven't quite understood what I mean.

291
00:27:18,740 --> 00:27:20,696
What haven't I understood?
- What I...
292
00:27:21,180 --> 00:27:23,455
Come on
explain it to me.
- But I just did...

293
00:27:23,660 --> 00:27:26,379
I'm a moron
tell me
what I don't understand.

294
00:27:26,580 --> 00:27:28,332
You misunderstood that.

295
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:30,019
I didn't misunderstand anything.

296
00:27:30,220 --> 00:27:33,690
Stop talking that stupid
back-to-front roundabout nonsense.

297
00:27:34,540 --> 00:27:36,098
Say it straight out!

298
00:27:37,420 --> 00:27:40,378
And don't talk about
those weirdos in Japan!

299
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:43,699
They all fly into ships and kill themselves.

300
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:48,693
What can they teach us?
Didn't you say they eat raw fish?

301
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:52,813
And rubber plants
that they grind in bed.

302
00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:56,656
And soup for dessert!

303
00:28:01,380 --> 00:28:04,611
Would you be so kind as
to leave the room?

304
00:28:08,540 --> 00:28:13,375
Look
I don't mount my old woman
like a dog.

305
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:15,572
Sure
at first you...

306
00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:19,176
say a few nice things to her
give her few looks

307
00:28:19,580 --> 00:28:20,933
honey baby...

308
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:23,452
have a few drinks...

309
00:28:24,700 --> 00:28:27,260
But at the right moment
you have to strike.

310
00:28:29,700 --> 00:28:32,260
Compare it to a ski jump.

311
00:28:32,500 --> 00:28:36,379
You have to know the right moment
to take off.

312
00:28:37,500 --> 00:28:41,334
You can't ask yourself
if the ski jump likes it or not.

313
00:28:41,540 --> 00:28:43,895
Herr Bosel
we simply have different views.

314
00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:46,819
Herr Fellner
let's have a drink.
- I don't drink.

315
00:28:49,340 --> 00:28:50,978
You wanna know why?

316
00:28:51,180 --> 00:28:52,898
Should I tell you?
- No.

317
00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:56,053
You haven't been married long enough.
- I'm not married!

318
00:28:56,300 --> 00:28:58,689
Should I tell you what I bought
my wife for Christmas?

319
00:28:59,020 --> 00:29:00,055
Wanna know?

320
00:29:02,020 --> 00:29:03,612
Some red...

321
00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:06,379
lacy panties.

322
00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:13,979
What's so funny?

323
00:29:15,660 --> 00:29:17,651
What do you buy your wife for Christmas?

324
00:29:17,860 --> 00:29:20,169
A jar of coffee
so she doesn't go to sleep on you?

325
00:29:20,420 --> 00:29:22,058
Practical things.
- Like what?

326
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:23,932
Well
household items...

327
00:29:24,420 --> 00:29:25,933
What was it this year?

328
00:29:27,380 --> 00:29:28,495
A mixer...

329
00:29:30,340 --> 00:29:31,739
A mixer!
330
00:29:33,620 --> 00:29:35,770
Herr Fellner
you're a moron.

331
00:29:35,980 --> 00:29:39,290
Buy your wife something
you can enjoy too.

332
00:29:39,660 --> 00:29:41,890
But I do!
I enjoy banana milkshakes.

333
00:29:42,100 --> 00:29:44,694
Forget it! Buy her lacy underwear

334
00:29:45,140 --> 00:29:48,928
or even better... some high heels.
Get her to wear them in bed.

335
00:29:49,180 --> 00:29:50,499
We don't need that.

336
00:29:52,060 --> 00:29:54,528
You haven't been married long enough.
- I'm not married.

337
00:29:54,980 --> 00:29:59,496
After you've been married a while
high heels are crucial.

338
00:30:00,220 --> 00:30:04,338
Or do you think it's fun lying
next to an old woman?

339
00:30:05,140 --> 00:30:07,938
Everytime you touch her
it feels like cold rice pudding.

340
00:30:08,220 --> 00:30:10,211
Herr Bosel
that's enough!

341
00:30:14,260 --> 00:30:16,330
When I met her
it was wonderful.
342
00:30:17,620 --> 00:30:19,099
At a costume party.

343
00:30:20,660 --> 00:30:22,013
She was eighteen.

344
00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:25,211
She looked like that...

345
00:30:26,220 --> 00:30:27,653
Gina Lollobrigida.

346
00:30:29,660 --> 00:30:31,378
With a black wig.

347
00:30:36,020 --> 00:30:37,897
Three months later she called me.

348
00:30:39,780 --> 00:30:41,179
Said she was pregnant.

349
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:44,774
We got married.

350
00:30:49,020 --> 00:30:52,137
And the kid wasn't even mine

351
00:30:52,340 --> 00:30:56,379
it was some mechanic's from Simmering.

352
00:30:58,500 --> 00:31:01,014
And I nearly broke my back
building our house.

353
00:31:01,220 --> 00:31:06,169
Like a fool I slaved for that whore
the dirty slut...

354
00:31:10,740 --> 00:31:12,970
Every year at Christmas
the presents...

355
00:31:14,700 --> 00:31:17,533
Nothing less than a fur coat
was good enough for her...
356
00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:22,058
And what did I get?

357
00:31:23,820 --> 00:31:25,697
Soap on a rope.

358
00:31:33,860 --> 00:31:35,771
It's time to go to bed now.

359
00:31:38,140 --> 00:31:39,858
Can I tell you something?

360
00:31:40,540 --> 00:31:41,893
Man to man?

361
00:31:43,380 --> 00:31:46,338
I only screw her now
to annoy her.

362
00:31:47,060 --> 00:31:48,129
Honestly.

363
00:31:48,660 --> 00:31:51,174
D'you think screwing her interests me?

364
00:31:53,180 --> 00:31:55,933
But when I see she doesn't want it

365
00:31:56,660 --> 00:31:59,618
then I ram it in her...
extra hard.

366
00:31:59,820 --> 00:32:02,095
Now we really are going to bed.
Come on.

367
00:32:03,420 --> 00:32:04,853
Let's have another drink!

368
00:32:05,180 --> 00:32:06,295
Are you crazy?

369
00:32:06,540 --> 00:32:07,973
Let's play strip poker.
370
00:32:09,540 --> 00:32:11,098
No
it's time to go to bed.

371
00:32:11,460 --> 00:32:13,052
Let's see who can piss furthest!

372
00:32:42,100 --> 00:32:43,533
Morning
Herr Fellner.

373
00:32:47,820 --> 00:32:48,889
Well...

374
00:32:49,220 --> 00:32:50,938
How are we this morning?

375
00:33:05,860 --> 00:33:07,851
I'm glad the weekend's coming.

376
00:33:10,340 --> 00:33:12,251
l've got a lot to do in the garden.

377
00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:16,615
The hedge needs cutting again...

378
00:33:18,460 --> 00:33:20,212
get the hedge trimmer out...

379
00:33:22,780 --> 00:33:25,852
Then I'll start on the vegetables.

380
00:33:26,420 --> 00:33:27,694
Then the strawberries.

381
00:33:30,460 --> 00:33:33,577
I pick them and my wife freezes them.

382
00:33:37,180 --> 00:33:39,057
I must say
I like having a garden.

383
00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:42,297
Because you can see the change of seasons.
384
00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:46,010
When you see snow outside...
you know it's winter.

385
00:33:57,020 --> 00:34:01,491
Tell me
Herr Fellner
you're
an expert on those exotic cultures.

386
00:34:02,020 --> 00:34:03,817
That tartare sauce...

387
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:07,735
does it really come from the Tartars?

388
00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:09,813
What's your theory?

389
00:34:10,780 --> 00:34:14,739
My theory is that you're a stupid
ignorant little asshole.

390
00:34:22,740 --> 00:34:26,255
If you want a few strawberries in June
just come by...

391
00:34:26,980 --> 00:34:30,450
we always have too many.
- No
get your wife to freeze them.

392
00:34:31,060 --> 00:34:32,857
And then get her over the freezer

393
00:34:33,060 --> 00:34:37,178
and screw her from behind so it's really
unpleasant for her. My suggestion.

394
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,133
Look
Herr Fellner...

395
00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:44,730
What I said yesterday about women
and so on...
396
00:34:45,460 --> 00:34:46,939
I was drunk...

397
00:34:48,540 --> 00:34:51,373
I didn't mean to insult your girlfriend
honestly

398
00:34:52,740 --> 00:34:55,049
I'm sure your girlfriend's
a really good guy.

399
00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:58,491
I called my girlfriend this morning.

400
00:34:58,860 --> 00:35:00,054
And how is she?

401
00:35:00,260 --> 00:35:01,409
I don't know.

402
00:35:01,660 --> 00:35:03,252
A man answered.

403
00:35:05,620 --> 00:35:07,258
Perhaps your brother-in-law?

404
00:35:07,660 --> 00:35:08,934
I'm not married.

405
00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:18,013
Want another orange juice?

406
00:35:18,660 --> 00:35:19,649
No...

407
00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:21,697
A schnaps. A double.

408
00:35:22,820 --> 00:35:24,572
Three
two
one...

409
00:35:34,660 --> 00:35:37,299
You know
German beer's more bitter.

410
00:35:39,260 --> 00:35:41,410
Then again
their wine's sweeter.

411
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:43,773
Each to his own.

412
00:35:44,780 --> 00:35:49,171
There's this Mexican beer
that's supposed to be carcinogenic.

413
00:35:55,060 --> 00:35:57,335
Aren't we lucky we're in Austria
then?

414
00:35:59,460 --> 00:36:02,850
Tourist board inspection.
We're here to check the sauna railings.

415
00:36:06,940 --> 00:36:10,455
The sauna railings.
- Precisely. You don't have any?

416
00:36:11,580 --> 00:36:13,616
But... what for?

417
00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:17,529
The older guests want to keep up
with the young ones

418
00:36:17,740 --> 00:36:19,776
sit on the highest bench
and...

419
00:36:21,060 --> 00:36:23,176
That's why you need sauna railings.

420
00:36:23,820 --> 00:36:25,458
You do have older guests?

421
00:36:26,260 --> 00:36:27,215
Well
yes.
422
00:36:28,060 --> 00:36:29,095
But...

423
00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:31,528
we don't have a sauna.

424
00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:37,172
Do you have a wine cellar?

425
00:36:38,060 --> 00:36:40,938
We'll have a look at those railings.

426
00:36:41,260 --> 00:36:42,295
Absolutely.

427
00:37:15,820 --> 00:37:19,369
Fire doors?
- You didn't know? Shocking.

428
00:37:20,220 --> 00:37:23,212
You need a fire door between
the bedroom and bathroom.

429
00:37:25,180 --> 00:37:28,729
The guests take a shit at night
a smoke to help it along

430
00:37:28,940 --> 00:37:32,933
read the paper while they're at it
and burn to death. Fire doors
a must.

431
00:37:34,220 --> 00:37:38,372
In that case we'll have
to inspect everything really carefully.

432
00:37:39,740 --> 00:37:40,934
Absolutely.

433
00:37:41,540 --> 00:37:42,973
Where's the wine cellar?

434
00:37:45,020 --> 00:37:48,057
What does the name of the town
'Sieghartskirchen' tell you?
435
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:50,973
Simple.
Sieghart turned up in the Middle Ages

436
00:37:51,220 --> 00:37:53,529
went over to the church and pissed.

437
00:37:54,420 --> 00:37:57,139
So they called it 'Siegharts-Kirchen'.
- Precisely.

438
00:37:58,900 --> 00:38:00,970
Want to see a photo of my girlfriend?

439
00:38:01,460 --> 00:38:02,529
Sure.

440
00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:17,934
Good-looker.

441
00:38:20,060 --> 00:38:21,652
When she's wearing makeup.

442
00:38:30,980 --> 00:38:32,333
Put this on.

443
00:38:34,380 --> 00:38:36,257
Pure delight.

444
00:38:56,780 --> 00:38:57,849
Terrific.

445
00:39:46,820 --> 00:39:48,856
I'm sorry to tell you

446
00:39:49,060 --> 00:39:52,575
that your handling of the room keys
was unprofessional.

447
00:39:52,780 --> 00:39:54,930
One hand behind your back!

448
00:39:57,460 --> 00:39:59,052
Show me you can do it.
449
00:40:07,340 --> 00:40:10,457
Shoelace is untied.
Do it up
look smart.

450
00:40:16,500 --> 00:40:19,810
Take your shoes off.
I want to see if your socks stink.

451
00:40:23,260 --> 00:40:27,219
Varicose veins in the catering trade.
Have to do something about those.

452
00:40:40,180 --> 00:40:41,738
He doesn't mean it.

453
00:40:45,060 --> 00:40:46,095
Good night.

454
00:40:48,260 --> 00:40:49,488
No harm intended.

455
00:41:05,420 --> 00:41:07,138
What's going on?

456
00:41:10,340 --> 00:41:11,978
Will you be much longer?

457
00:41:12,900 --> 00:41:14,253
I don't know.

458
00:41:14,580 --> 00:41:17,219
It's incredible.
One toilet for the whole floor.

459
00:41:17,420 --> 00:41:20,730
It's just like tourism in Albania...

460
00:41:22,740 --> 00:41:27,291
I can't go if you're standing outside.

461
00:41:31,100 --> 00:41:33,489
Why can't you go if I'm standing outside?

462
00:41:33,780 --> 00:41:35,099
l just can't.

463
00:41:36,540 --> 00:41:38,531
Piss in the sink.
- What?

464
00:41:38,820 --> 00:41:42,415
By day I inspect sinks
and by night I piss in them?

465
00:41:49,180 --> 00:41:51,375
Don't take it personally.

466
00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:58,454
I just don't like it when I come out
of the bathroom and it stinks of me.

467
00:41:58,660 --> 00:42:01,618
Then someone I know goes in.
Know what I mean?

468
00:42:01,860 --> 00:42:05,933
Completely. I don't like going into the
bathroom when it stinks
either.

469
00:42:07,020 --> 00:42:10,057
Only I don't care whether
l know the person or not.

470
00:42:11,460 --> 00:42:15,533
Sometimes I get worried
that l've forgotten to flush it.

471
00:42:17,180 --> 00:42:19,296
One of lifes great traumas.

472
00:42:23,940 --> 00:42:26,693
Were you always worried
that yours was too big?

473
00:42:27,540 --> 00:42:29,098
What?
- Your thingy.

474
00:42:30,700 --> 00:42:31,655
No...
475
00:42:31,860 --> 00:42:33,976
I always thought mine was too small.

476
00:42:34,180 --> 00:42:37,331
Because it looked shrivelled
after I'd showered.

477
00:42:39,820 --> 00:42:44,018
I was kissing a girl at the pool once
when I was 15 and I got this swelling

478
00:42:44,220 --> 00:42:48,293
and this little Yugoslav boy
was sitting there and said

479
00:42:48,500 --> 00:42:50,252
''Cucumber big
hard!''

480
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,930
Ever since then l've been embarrassed.

481
00:42:59,020 --> 00:43:03,457
I had my first orgasm in the gym
while I was climbing a rope.

482
00:43:04,380 --> 00:43:05,733
By accident.

483
00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:17,737
Do you know
mine won't stay so long any more?

484
00:43:18,420 --> 00:43:19,330
Stay what?

485
00:43:20,620 --> 00:43:22,133
Well
... hard.

486
00:43:22,700 --> 00:43:25,089
After a few minutes it goes limp again.

487
00:43:26,300 --> 00:43:28,575
Don't worry
that's psychosomatic.

488
00:43:29,460 --> 00:43:30,654
I hope so.

489
00:43:30,940 --> 00:43:34,057
I thought it might come from all that...

490
00:43:35,140 --> 00:43:36,619
you know
too much...

491
00:43:38,180 --> 00:43:39,533
playing with yourself...

492
00:43:40,220 --> 00:43:43,292
I did it a hell of a lot as a kid...

493
00:43:44,500 --> 00:43:47,139
... never really stopped
actually.

494
00:43:47,940 --> 00:43:49,817
D'you think it's normal?

495
00:43:50,300 --> 00:43:52,655
You never know
do you?

496
00:44:01,620 --> 00:44:05,090
D'you know
you're the only person
since my mother

497
00:44:05,820 --> 00:44:07,890
that l've been able to shit next to?

498
00:44:10,900 --> 00:44:12,379
That's wonderful!

499
00:44:16,540 --> 00:44:18,178
Let's be friends!

500
00:44:25,340 --> 00:44:26,409
Kurtl.
501
00:44:28,540 --> 00:44:29,609
Heinzi.

502
00:44:51,380 --> 00:44:54,019
That reminds me of my last
holiday with Karin.

503
00:44:55,620 --> 00:44:58,088
We always got up before sunrise

504
00:44:59,060 --> 00:45:00,618
and went for a swim.

505
00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:05,092
There were just a few lights
from the fishing boats

506
00:45:06,220 --> 00:45:09,053
and you'd swim out
and the whole sea was red.

507
00:45:13,060 --> 00:45:15,494
In Rhodes we saw the sunrise too.

508
00:45:16,340 --> 00:45:17,693
On the last day.

509
00:45:19,220 --> 00:45:22,018
We had to get up at 5 a.m.
It was one of those...

510
00:45:22,300 --> 00:45:24,018
cheap flights via Hungary.

511
00:45:32,940 --> 00:45:34,259
It's coming.

512
00:45:51,940 --> 00:45:54,090
Come on out
it's real easy.

513
00:46:05,620 --> 00:46:09,693
Come on
Heinzi
come on! It's real easy!
514
00:46:09,940 --> 00:46:11,532
What if someone sees us?

515
00:48:05,220 --> 00:48:06,414
What's the matter?

516
00:48:10,180 --> 00:48:12,740
You'll be all right
by the time you get married.

517
00:48:24,300 --> 00:48:27,133
We have here an interesting case.

518
00:48:27,820 --> 00:48:30,288
A suspected rare form of testicular...

519
00:48:31,260 --> 00:48:33,694
The CT scan...

520
00:48:34,420 --> 00:48:38,208
is being performed to evaluate
the possible involvement

521
00:48:38,580 --> 00:48:42,129
of the parailiac and portal lymph nodes.

522
00:48:43,380 --> 00:48:45,769
However
the findings will have no

523
00:48:46,900 --> 00:48:49,414
therapeutic consequences...

524
00:48:49,740 --> 00:48:55,258
due to sonographically identified
hepatic secundaria.

525
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:57,172
Shove him in.

526
00:49:01,540 --> 00:49:02,655
Excuse me...

527
00:49:03,060 --> 00:49:06,370
I've still got my stud in.
ls that OK?

528
00:49:43,580 --> 00:49:44,774
Everything OK?

529
00:49:46,780 --> 00:49:48,213
A bit constipated.

530
00:49:54,300 --> 00:49:57,212
Lying there on your butt
while others slave away.

531
00:49:57,860 --> 00:49:59,851
I wouldn't mind being in your place.

532
00:50:01,620 --> 00:50:02,939
It's wonderful here.

533
00:50:05,020 --> 00:50:08,171
What about the nurses?
Everything under control?

534
00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:15,529
Travelling alone today?

535
00:50:16,060 --> 00:50:18,051
No
Schremser's on with me now.

536
00:50:18,540 --> 00:50:21,008
Why? l'll be out tomorrow.

537
00:50:21,300 --> 00:50:23,860
Just for two or three days
so you can rest.

538
00:50:24,220 --> 00:50:26,211
I don't have to rest. I'm in top form.

539
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:30,129
The thing is
the physician
has my results in his desk

540
00:50:30,340 --> 00:50:33,093
and is off on vacation
helicopter skiing in Canada.

541
00:50:34,300 --> 00:50:38,134
They said if he'd gone away
then it wouldn't be anything serious.

542
00:50:40,740 --> 00:50:42,059
Right...

543
00:50:43,860 --> 00:50:45,054
Is it still swollen?

544
00:50:45,260 --> 00:50:46,170
A bit.

545
00:50:48,940 --> 00:50:53,138
But it's not my prostate.
I can piss all right.

546
00:50:54,980 --> 00:50:56,379
Then what is it?

547
00:50:59,740 --> 00:51:03,449
I brought some strawberries.
- Great. From the garden?

548
00:51:03,980 --> 00:51:06,778
No
from the freezer.
But they taste fresh.

549
00:51:27,100 --> 00:51:29,455
Hello
Willi boy.

550
00:51:39,860 --> 00:51:41,532
Why hasn't Willi got water?

551
00:51:42,180 --> 00:51:44,489
Finally! It's you in person. Great.

552
00:51:44,740 --> 00:51:48,528
Who's that man that keeps leaving
messages on my answering machine?

553
00:51:53,780 --> 00:51:58,012
I think it's great...
that you can be so open about it...

554
00:51:58,820 --> 00:52:01,892
You want to split up?
Uh... what about our condo?

555
00:52:02,140 --> 00:52:04,051
Do you want to build a partition?

556
00:52:04,780 --> 00:52:09,058
Anyway
I'm having a great time.
Taking a few days off and...

557
00:52:10,780 --> 00:52:12,691
You know what I should have done?

558
00:52:12,900 --> 00:52:14,731
Fucked you senseless.

559
00:52:14,940 --> 00:52:19,297
Over the freezer
against the radiator
in the closet...

560
00:52:19,820 --> 00:52:21,970
So
darling
that's it. Thanks
bye.

561
00:52:28,260 --> 00:52:29,170
So?

562
00:52:36,660 --> 00:52:40,448
This room is for patients only.
Visiting time is tomorrow from 4 to 5 p.m.

563
00:52:57,500 --> 00:52:59,218
You want some orange juice?

564
00:52:59,420 --> 00:53:01,570
I'm OK with my barium sulphate.

565
00:53:14,860 --> 00:53:17,420
What sort of swelling is it?
566
00:53:17,620 --> 00:53:21,135
And who are you?
- I'm a friend of his
I work with him.

567
00:53:21,420 --> 00:53:24,059
You have to wait until the doctor
speaks to the patient.

568
00:53:24,260 --> 00:53:28,094
So the doctor talks with him and then...

569
00:53:28,900 --> 00:53:30,731
I see.

570
00:53:32,620 --> 00:53:33,848
Look...

571
00:53:34,380 --> 00:53:36,371
what could it be?

572
00:53:37,220 --> 00:53:39,017
lt could be a lot of things.

573
00:53:41,500 --> 00:53:43,730
Anything's possible
right?

574
00:53:45,220 --> 00:53:46,175
And...

575
00:53:48,980 --> 00:53:51,892
a swelling like that
will go down again
right?

576
00:54:23,500 --> 00:54:25,331
That was a foul.
- No way!

577
00:54:25,820 --> 00:54:26,570
Penalty!

578
00:54:26,860 --> 00:54:29,420
That wasn't in the penalty area!
- Come on!

579
00:54:29,620 --> 00:54:31,019
You're a cheat!

580
00:54:31,340 --> 00:54:33,854
You cheat at cards
you cheat at...

581
00:54:36,580 --> 00:54:38,491
Goal!
- No way!

582
00:54:39,660 --> 00:54:41,252
Hey
you'll get me into trouble!

583
00:54:41,620 --> 00:54:42,735
Sorry.

584
00:54:43,340 --> 00:54:45,729
There's no penalty
outside the penalty area.

585
00:54:47,100 --> 00:54:48,453
Have another donut?

586
00:54:52,300 --> 00:54:53,449
Thanks.

587
00:54:54,500 --> 00:54:56,252
Is it still visiting time?

588
00:55:03,380 --> 00:55:05,940
Put this on
or the patients will start complaining.

589
00:55:13,580 --> 00:55:16,777
They asked me
if I was into horizontal bar exercises...

590
00:55:17,020 --> 00:55:18,976
or if I'd worn tight pants.

591
00:55:20,020 --> 00:55:23,774
I always thought it was too big.
But my pants were too tight!

592
00:55:23,980 --> 00:55:26,289
Sure. Jeans and all that.

593
00:55:42,700 --> 00:55:47,376
That was something on the rounds today.
That Fellner guy.

594
00:55:47,740 --> 00:55:49,776
The one with testicular cancer?

595
00:55:50,620 --> 00:55:53,930
He asked if there was anything
homeopathic he could take.

596
00:55:54,420 --> 00:55:57,332
He doesn't feel anything.
- I don't think he knows yet.

597
00:55:57,580 --> 00:55:59,252
Funny he hasn't been told yet.

598
00:55:59,500 --> 00:56:02,697
It must be awfully difficult
telling somebody...

599
00:56:02,940 --> 00:56:06,819
he's only got 2 weeks left.
- I'm not gonna tell him.

600
00:56:19,340 --> 00:56:21,331
Doctor! Excuse me.

601
00:56:21,780 --> 00:56:25,056
l've been so tired the last two days.

602
00:56:25,780 --> 00:56:29,853
Don't you think it could be a side-effect
of that 'Spirobon'?

603
00:56:50,260 --> 00:56:51,534
There you are.

604
00:56:52,180 --> 00:56:53,693
The doctor's just been here.
605
00:57:04,620 --> 00:57:06,133
What did he say?

606
00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,695
He threw me out of the nurses' room.

607
00:57:10,140 --> 00:57:11,892
I'm so stiff today.

608
00:57:17,620 --> 00:57:19,736
Don't worry.
- I'm not worried.

609
00:57:20,140 --> 00:57:22,017
It's probably some kind of germ
or something

610
00:57:22,220 --> 00:57:24,859
some kind of virus.
- l've always been faithful.

611
00:57:25,700 --> 00:57:28,817
I didn't mean... no... nothing dangerous
some kind of plankton...

612
00:57:29,660 --> 00:57:32,049
that got in somehow. That's all...

613
00:57:32,940 --> 00:57:34,851
Don't worry.
- I'm not worried.

614
00:57:35,060 --> 00:57:38,211
Modern medicine is incredible
they've got everything under control.

615
00:57:40,580 --> 00:57:43,333
They've got something
for everything...

616
00:57:45,260 --> 00:57:48,013
They've invented this cough medicine...

617
00:57:49,300 --> 00:57:52,372
you take the drops and 3 minutes later
your cough's gone.

618
00:57:52,580 --> 00:57:55,572
I don't have a cough.
- They can work wonders...

619
00:57:56,900 --> 00:57:59,460
'ill weeds grow apace'.
- What d'you mean?

620
00:57:59,660 --> 00:58:01,855
You always make these stupid remarks.

621
00:58:05,060 --> 00:58:07,813
It's a saying
'ill weeds grow apace' is a saying.

622
00:58:08,020 --> 00:58:09,294
I didn't mean to...

623
00:58:09,860 --> 00:58:12,374
Stop pawing me
you'll give me a concussion.

624
00:58:18,300 --> 00:58:19,813
Have you been drinking?

625
00:59:33,420 --> 00:59:35,217
Come on
Willi.

626
00:59:38,820 --> 00:59:40,697
C'mon
boy
you can make it.

627
00:59:48,100 --> 00:59:51,297

628
7 9
99.
Thanks for your help.

629
00:59:53,420 --> 00:59:54,933
Lao-tsu for instance says:

630
00:59:55,980 --> 00:59:59,689
Wait by the river till the corpse
of your enemy drifts past.

631
01:00:00,700 --> 01:00:03,498
Because the lndians throw their
dead into the river.

632
01:00:03,940 --> 01:00:05,578
Imagine if they did that here.

633
01:00:06,980 --> 01:00:08,936
It would ruin the tourist industry.

634
01:00:10,580 --> 01:00:11,979
Ace and forty.

635
01:00:12,340 --> 01:00:14,058
My sixth point. Thank you.

636
01:00:14,780 --> 01:00:17,533
Or Ghandi
for instance
in that movie.

637
01:00:18,460 --> 01:00:20,769
First he was a lawyer
then he knitted wool.

638
01:00:21,820 --> 01:00:24,618
The English slapped him in the face...
he didn't care.

639
01:00:25,740 --> 01:00:29,255
He knew he'd be a tulip in his next life
and the Englishman a daisy.

640
01:00:30,220 --> 01:00:32,688
Schremser's waiting.
- What's it like with Schremser?

641
01:00:37,180 --> 01:00:38,772
You can't talk to him.

642
01:00:39,420 --> 01:00:40,978
He's kind of primitive.

643
01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:42,849
Need anything?

644
01:00:43,060 --> 01:00:44,493
Orange juice
maybe?

645
01:00:53,780 --> 01:00:55,975
A television or a radio?

646
01:00:58,860 --> 01:01:00,054
Need anything?

647
01:01:00,260 --> 01:01:01,534
Got everything?

648
01:01:10,100 --> 01:01:12,330
If you need anything
just call.

649
01:01:35,660 --> 01:01:37,218
Bananas
maybe?

650
01:01:41,420 --> 01:01:43,058
Good boy
Willi.

651
01:02:00,660 --> 01:02:01,615
Wait...

652
01:02:07,020 --> 01:02:08,533
For your birthday.

653
01:02:08,780 --> 01:02:09,895
Thanks.

654
01:02:16,020 --> 01:02:17,135
Heinzi!

655
01:02:17,660 --> 01:02:19,412
I'm going away for a few days.

656
01:02:19,620 --> 01:02:20,575
When?
657
01:02:20,860 --> 01:02:21,895
Tomorrow.

658
01:03:10,860 --> 01:03:12,134
You knew
right?

659
01:03:12,340 --> 01:03:14,774
Why didn't you say anything
stupid?

660
01:03:15,140 --> 01:03:17,779
I saw the doctor.
He said ''Cancer''
I said ''Great!''

661
01:03:25,060 --> 01:03:26,618
What about the strawberries?

662
01:03:32,540 --> 01:03:34,337
They're fantastic
really great!

663
01:03:37,100 --> 01:03:39,375
Nowadays they have new...

664
01:03:42,420 --> 01:03:44,775
Cancer has lost a lot of it's impact...

665
01:03:45,700 --> 01:03:49,295
Eat with me. Drink with me.
But don't lie to me. I can't stand it.

666
01:03:53,740 --> 01:03:56,971
I'm just matter
see
l won't die.

667
01:03:57,620 --> 01:04:01,454
In 2 weeks l'll be another sort of matter
more like strawberries.

668
01:04:15,300 --> 01:04:18,736
Why did I become a human being
and someone else a chicken?

669
01:04:25,060 --> 01:04:26,379
Hard to say.

670
01:04:28,620 --> 01:04:30,611
One person becomes this
another that.

671
01:04:32,620 --> 01:04:35,532
Once you become something
there's nothing you can do.

672
01:04:36,700 --> 01:04:39,851
Would it have been better
if I'd been born a woman?

673
01:04:45,580 --> 01:04:48,572
Having a period every month
isn't a bowl of cherries
either.

674
01:04:49,020 --> 01:04:50,772
In lndia
for instance...

675
01:04:51,420 --> 01:04:53,650
because they believe in reincarnation

676
01:04:54,020 --> 01:04:56,534
the question of emancipation
doesn't even arise.

677
01:04:58,900 --> 01:05:01,460
One time you're a man
the next time a woman.

678
01:05:01,940 --> 01:05:03,976
That's why they burn the widows there.

679
01:05:05,140 --> 01:05:07,017
So they can become a man quicker.

680
01:05:11,980 --> 01:05:13,811
Tough if there isn't any.

681
01:05:14,180 --> 01:05:16,091
Any what?
- Reincarnation.
682
01:05:18,060 --> 01:05:20,494
No
of course there is.

683
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,537
I was just talking.
Sure there is.

684
01:05:25,980 --> 01:05:27,777
Where d'you think it all comes from
then?

685
01:05:28,900 --> 01:05:30,731
Where does the rain come from?

686
01:05:32,860 --> 01:05:35,420
From the clouds.
- Where do the clouds come from?

687
01:05:40,140 --> 01:05:41,937
From lreland
mostly.

688
01:05:47,100 --> 01:05:48,977
And where does lreland come from?

689
01:05:58,540 --> 01:06:00,815
You're right. There is something.

690
01:06:24,100 --> 01:06:25,374
Don't be sad.

691
01:06:27,020 --> 01:06:28,294
I'll be back.

692
01:06:28,780 --> 01:06:31,578
As a different person
and you'll recognize me right away.

693
01:06:32,620 --> 01:06:36,499
We'll do everything we have no time for now.
We'll go to the ''Prater''

694
01:06:37,220 --> 01:06:40,098
ride on the miniature railroad
go to the sex museum

695
01:06:41,220 --> 01:06:45,259
get ice cream all over our clothes and
drive bumper cars till our knees are blue.

696
01:06:49,580 --> 01:06:51,172
It's a deal.

697
01:06:52,180 --> 01:06:53,579
Give me one of those.

698
01:07:09,580 --> 01:07:10,933
A bit strong.

699
01:07:18,740 --> 01:07:21,698
If I were a smoker and I had cancer
that would be great.

700
01:07:23,580 --> 01:07:25,252
At least then I'd know why.

701
01:07:32,140 --> 01:07:33,573
One thing gets me.

702
01:07:34,220 --> 01:07:38,099
I've always wanted to play an instrument.
Maybe in my next life.

703
01:07:41,540 --> 01:07:44,100
I'll get you one now!
What d'you want? Guitar
banjo?

704
01:07:44,500 --> 01:07:47,333
No
don't bother.
l was thinking of a church organ.

705
01:07:53,580 --> 01:07:55,855
And I wish I'd been to lndia.

706
01:08:00,580 --> 01:08:01,535
What?

707
01:08:04,460 --> 01:08:05,973
You've never been to lndia?

708
01:08:07,500 --> 01:08:10,810
l wanted to go after high school
but then I got this job.

709
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:12,853
It wasn't meant to be.

710
01:08:39,420 --> 01:08:40,569
Look...

711
01:08:41,300 --> 01:08:43,256
That's where l'll be soon.

712
01:08:47,860 --> 01:08:50,420
I'd like to be
in the upper right-hand corner.

713
01:08:51,060 --> 01:08:52,778
Can you fix that for me?

714
01:08:55,940 --> 01:08:56,895
Sure.

715
01:08:58,620 --> 01:09:01,453
l never could stand
sitting in those restaurants...

716
01:09:01,940 --> 01:09:03,419
in the middle of the room

717
01:09:04,260 --> 01:09:05,978
surrounded by everybody else.

718
01:09:08,260 --> 01:09:09,818
I hate that.

719
01:09:21,780 --> 01:09:23,452
Where d'you think you're going?

720
01:09:30,740 --> 01:09:33,015
Food inspection.
Where's the canteen?

721
01:09:33,340 --> 01:09:35,012
It's closed. Where are you...

722
01:09:35,220 --> 01:09:37,211
- Is that sandwich from the canteen?

723
01:09:51,140 --> 01:09:52,778
Did it taste funny?

724
01:09:53,820 --> 01:09:55,253
Is there anything wrong?

725
01:09:57,980 --> 01:10:00,574
I'd throw it away to be on the safe side.

726
01:10:14,820 --> 01:10:17,539
It's instant nasi goreng but...

727
01:10:18,300 --> 01:10:20,450
I made the rice.
- Great.

728
01:10:24,340 --> 01:10:26,934
Do you think I should be cremated?

729
01:10:27,620 --> 01:10:30,339
The trouble is
I'm claustrophobic.

730
01:10:30,540 --> 01:10:32,576
l even have problems in my condo.

731
01:10:32,780 --> 01:10:36,011
Maybe ashes in an urn feel less cramped...

732
01:10:36,740 --> 01:10:38,173
- knife and fork
please -

733
01:10:38,380 --> 01:10:40,132
than a corpse in a coffin.

734
01:10:44,380 --> 01:10:47,850
Hard to say how one would feel as ashes.

735
01:10:48,340 --> 01:10:50,171
Actually
I'm glad it's cancer.

736
01:10:50,380 --> 01:10:52,018
lt could be much worse.

737
01:10:52,420 --> 01:10:53,853
Sure
much worse.

738
01:10:55,140 --> 01:10:56,732
You can be glad that...

739
01:10:58,780 --> 01:10:59,849
For instance...

740
01:11:00,900 --> 01:11:03,539
Blind! Being blind must be terrible.

741
01:11:04,540 --> 01:11:06,690
I'd rather be deaf
at least then you can see...

742
01:11:06,900 --> 01:11:08,094
Or tetanus.

743
01:11:08,940 --> 01:11:12,728
For weeks you feel nothing
then you start grinning
like this.

744
01:11:13,220 --> 01:11:15,575
You can't control your muscles any more

745
01:11:15,780 --> 01:11:20,251
they go into spasm and you die
of exhaustion
in the crab position.

746
01:11:21,140 --> 01:11:22,255
Just imagine...

747
01:11:23,860 --> 01:11:28,092
an island full of tetanus cases
half of
them grinning
half doing the crab.

748
01:11:31,460 --> 01:11:32,973
Cancer's definitely better.

749
01:11:33,260 --> 01:11:34,898
Cancer is wonderful.

750
01:11:36,420 --> 01:11:39,014
lf you die quickly
you can't...

751
01:11:39,820 --> 01:11:41,731
experience all those things
like...

752
01:11:43,180 --> 01:11:45,330
apricot jam on fresh white bread.

753
01:11:45,980 --> 01:11:48,289
Shaving-cream on your skin...

754
01:11:50,500 --> 01:11:51,979
warm summer rain

755
01:11:53,220 --> 01:11:55,256
the wind blowing through a pine forest

756
01:11:55,660 --> 01:11:56,809
a woman...

757
01:11:57,180 --> 01:11:58,249
a child...

758
01:12:01,740 --> 01:12:03,696
Or simply that feeling...

759
01:12:06,380 --> 01:12:09,497
on the last day of your vacation
going down to the beach...

760
01:12:10,540 --> 01:12:13,054
and looking out over the sea
and knowing...

761
01:12:16,980 --> 01:12:19,289
it's the last time till next year.

762
01:12:30,780 --> 01:12:32,008
Why me?

763
01:12:41,060 --> 01:12:42,573
Why not you
you bastard?

764
01:12:43,260 --> 01:12:46,616
You're finished.
Your wife doesn't give a shit.

765
01:12:46,980 --> 01:12:48,652
Why me
why not you?

766
01:12:48,860 --> 01:12:51,135
Your son hates you.
He isn't even yours!

767
01:12:52,660 --> 01:12:54,730
Why not you
you shit?
- Cut it out!

768
01:12:56,820 --> 01:12:59,857
You idiot
I'm not dying.
It's you who's dying!

769
01:13:24,140 --> 01:13:27,257
Don't give up. No matter what.
Just don't give up.

770
01:13:32,060 --> 01:13:34,255
It's like in Vienna with the tram.

771
01:13:35,220 --> 01:13:37,529
Sometimes I run for the tram...

772
01:13:37,740 --> 01:13:41,210
and I miss it by a split second.

773
01:13:41,420 --> 01:13:43,888
And I think
''fucking public transport''!

774
01:13:44,420 --> 01:13:47,617
Then I start walking and after
twenty yards I turn round

775
01:13:48,500 --> 01:13:51,572
and see that just behind the tram I missed

776
01:13:52,580 --> 01:13:54,457
there was another one coming

777
01:13:55,980 --> 01:13:58,540
but I won't get that one now either

778
01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:00,937
because I started walking.

779
01:14:03,980 --> 01:14:05,459
Do you see what I mean?

780
01:14:14,180 --> 01:14:16,011
Heinzi
you're an idiot.

781
01:14:20,620 --> 01:14:24,010
But I'm glad you're here with me
and not somebody else.

782
01:14:31,460 --> 01:14:32,495
How come?

783
01:14:33,700 --> 01:14:35,452
Because you don't understand a thing.

784
01:14:37,420 --> 01:14:38,739
And that's wonderful.

785
01:15:22,460 --> 01:15:24,337
Look what I got you.

786
01:15:36,580 --> 01:15:37,649
Look

787
01:15:39,540 --> 01:15:40,939
you press that
there

788
01:15:41,140 --> 01:15:42,459
then you get...

789
01:15:45,100 --> 01:15:47,978
beat and swing and charleston...

790
01:15:49,580 --> 01:15:51,616
l just want to play a simple tune.
- What?

791
01:15:51,820 --> 01:15:53,299
A simple tune.

792
01:15:54,100 --> 01:15:55,692
Wait
you have to...

793
01:16:02,420 --> 01:16:03,819
Oh
come on...

794
01:16:23,900 --> 01:16:25,811
Now l've done that
too.

795
01:16:29,860 --> 01:16:32,772
Yesterday I took Willi to the woods.
Just Willi and me.

796
01:16:33,500 --> 01:16:34,535
lt was great.

797
01:16:34,740 --> 01:16:36,219
Willi was so happy.

798
01:16:36,940 --> 01:16:38,532
He hates being home
too.

799
01:16:41,260 --> 01:16:43,057
Animals are really wise.

800
01:16:44,260 --> 01:16:46,455
They know
when they're going to die.

801
01:16:47,100 --> 01:16:50,251
Except perhaps when they're
run over by a car.

802
01:16:53,300 --> 01:16:54,449
l think even then...

803
01:16:57,380 --> 01:16:59,177
lt was so beautiful yesterday.

804
01:16:59,940 --> 01:17:03,694
The sun made these beautiful shadows...

805
01:17:03,900 --> 01:17:05,811
through the leaves onto the moss.

806
01:17:07,180 --> 01:17:08,408
lt was great.

807
01:17:09,860 --> 01:17:12,454
You could hear this stream
kind of babbling.

808
01:17:23,180 --> 01:17:24,579
A forest like that...

809
01:17:25,620 --> 01:17:27,053
would be so nice.

810
01:17:50,780 --> 01:17:51,895
Look...

811
01:17:53,700 --> 01:17:55,770
Over there are the mountains.

812
01:17:57,020 --> 01:17:58,738
l went there with my godmother.

813
01:18:00,340 --> 01:18:02,296
She died two years ago.

814
01:18:05,020 --> 01:18:06,499
l'll be seeing her again soon.

815
01:18:08,460 --> 01:18:10,178
D'you know who I'd like to see?

816
01:18:11,300 --> 01:18:12,369
My grandpa.

817
01:18:12,700 --> 01:18:14,930
l loved him best of all the family.

818
01:18:16,340 --> 01:18:18,058
He always played with me.

819
01:18:19,300 --> 01:18:22,736
He taught me rude songs.
We annoyed the whole family with them.

820
01:18:22,940 --> 01:18:25,249
What kind of songs?
- Just little songs...

821
01:18:27,500 --> 01:18:29,650
Oh Tannenbaum
Oh Tannenbaum

822
01:18:30,220 --> 01:18:32,211
I fart so much
It's killing me.

823
01:18:32,620 --> 01:18:35,418
I try so hard
To keep them in

824
01:18:35,900 --> 01:18:39,779
They just come out
and stink like fuck.

825
01:18:41,580 --> 01:18:42,729
That was grandpa.

826
01:18:43,740 --> 01:18:46,698
My grandpa made me the happiest
l've ever been.

827
01:18:46,900 --> 01:18:50,051
He gave me a pedal car for Christmas.

828
01:18:50,700 --> 01:18:51,769
A red one.

829
01:18:52,060 --> 01:18:53,334
No!

830
01:18:55,260 --> 01:18:56,454
That's incredible!

831
01:18:56,740 --> 01:19:01,097
That's exactly what I got
too.
A red pedal car with black tires.

832
01:19:02,140 --> 01:19:04,176
That was my best Christmas ever!

833
01:19:04,500 --> 01:19:05,455
Great.

834
01:19:12,580 --> 01:19:16,573
Did you drive all round the house
like crazy
too?

835
01:19:18,300 --> 01:19:21,815
l was totally exhausted...
the next morning I couldn't move my legs.

836
01:19:22,020 --> 01:19:24,898
My parents took me to hospital.
They thought I had polio.

837
01:19:25,140 --> 01:19:28,177
But I had muscle cramps
from all the pedaling.

838
01:19:36,780 --> 01:19:39,852
Did I tell you about that friend of mine?

839
01:19:40,060 --> 01:19:41,778
He had an operation

840
01:19:42,780 --> 01:19:43,895
appendix

841
01:19:44,100 --> 01:19:45,658
and he was recovering nicely

842
01:19:45,860 --> 01:19:49,853
then he takes a walk on the hospital grounds
and gets run over by an ambulance.

843
01:20:02,260 --> 01:20:06,139
Don't give up. Whatever happens
just don't give up.

844
01:20:07,500 --> 01:20:08,853
It's like with old Willi.

845
01:20:09,180 --> 01:20:12,138
He lies there
and you think he'll never get up again

846
01:20:12,340 --> 01:20:16,128
and then suddenly he'll struggle
to his feet to fetch a stick.

847
01:20:19,260 --> 01:20:20,739
Come on
Kurti.

848
01:20:22,100 --> 01:20:24,056
C'mon
boy
you can make it.

849
01:20:24,900 --> 01:20:26,538
You know what I learned from you

850
01:20:26,740 --> 01:20:27,934
I learned that...

851
01:23:34,900 --> 01:23:36,538
That's the way it is.

853
01:23:37,305 --> 01:23:43,878
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