EQ = emotional IQ.

It means understanding your own and other people·s emotional makeup well enough to move yourself and others in the direction of accomplishing your own goals as well as that of your organization or business. Not only that - EQ also determines levels of happiness in personal life. Or rather, your level of competence in utilizing your EQ is crucial for success in both business and life, and damaging when the factors are missing. Here is a list of 15 ways to examine your thinking, and thus improve your EQ, ba sed on the work of Aaron Beck. 1. Identify Distortions ² write down the negative thought and identify how it fits under the ten forms of distorted thinking. Once we see that our negative thoughts and beliefs are not realistic, it·s much easier to replace them with thoughts that are more positive and realistic. 2. Substitution ² simply ask yourself if you can think of a more positive and realistic thought and substitute that one every time you catch yourself thinking the negative thought. 3. Cost-Benefit Analysis ² list the advantages and disadvantages of a negative thought, belief or behaviour ² for example, the advantages of getting angry or upset in various situations. Ask yourself ´how will it help me and how will it hurt me to think like thisµ. 4. Evidence Examination ² ask yourself - what is the evidence that this thought IS true? What is the evidence that it is not true? Inste ad of assuming that a negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. 5. Survey Method ² do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal, ask several friends if they ever felt that way. 6. Experimental Method ² often you can actually do an experiment to test the accuracy of your negative thought ² ask yourself ´how could I check to find out if this thought really IS true?µ. 7. Double-Standard Techniqu e - talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset. 8. Pleasure-Predicting Method ² predict how satisfying activities will be, from 0% to 100%. Then keep a check on how satisfying they actually turn out to be. After a few days you will get a good idea of how good your fortune telling talents might be. 9. Why ² ask why it would be upsetting if it were true. 10. Shades of Gray Thinking ² instead of thinking about your problems in black and white categories, evaluate things in shades of gray. 11. Defining Labels ² when you label yourself as ´inferiorµ or a ´loserµ, ask yourself what you really mean by these labels.

The strong physical reactions we have when we feel anger. teaching them about their emotions. for example. a staff counselor in the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program.´ Emotional intelligence is one of those factors that can be improved or enhanced. ranging from social class to luck. ³We learned to feel before we learned to think. especially in the workplace. People often feel uncomfortable when discussing their feelings because they think negatively of expressing emotions or see them as problematic. 15.12. happiness. disgust and sadness.´ Kilgore said. Re-attribution ² instead of blaming yourself for a problem. 13. love.´ Kilgore said. But first you have to know your own. ³IQ is not the determining factor for success. Specific Method ² stick with reality ² those are statements of FACT . we must turn to biology and the evolution of man. ³As a parent. refers to people¶s awareness. You have to be able to tell yourself what you¶re feeling. understand why you feel that way. she noted. According to Kilgore. EQ. find truth in them and humbly accept them BUT without beating yourself up for them. describing the evolution of the human brain and the instinctual behaviors ³primitive´ man exhibited.´ she said. Acceptance Paradox ² instead of defending yourself against your own self criticisms. understanding and practicing five key concepts can improve your emotional intelligence. think about ALL the factors that may have contributed to it. illustrate the idea that emotions preceded intelligence. Kilgore commented. a term coined by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book of the same title.and avoid generalized judgments about reality. Kilgore said. Goleman writes that ³the vast majority of one¶s ultimate niche in society is determined by non-IQ factors. but everything to do with your understanding of emotions. 14. you can begin now with your children. To better understand emotions and the behaviors that result from them. including EQ. management and expression of emotions within themselves and others. surprise. IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success. Practice five key concepts to improve your EQ By Britt Halvorson Do you have a high EQ? EQ has nothing to do with knowledge of start-up Internet companies or the functions of e-mail. and distinguish between feelings and actions. Emotional intelligence (EQ) was the focus of a Workplace 2000 program led by Janell Kilgore. Knowing one¶s own emotions Recognize and name emotions you feel. which leaves 80 percent to other forces. . Semantic Method ² substitute language that is less emotionally loaded for ´shouldµ statements and labelling.

Emotionally intelligent individuals also are sensitive to other people¶s feelings and listen well. She suggests that individuals practice using ³I´ statements more often when describing feelings. Parents also can help their children connect feelings with labels so they can express them more effectively. The longitudinal study found that. Participants also wrote down their own feelings during each scene. and being considerate and cooperative are part of maneuvering relationships from an emotionally intelligent perspective. Stanford University researchers tested children¶s impulse control by placing a marshmallow in front of them and telling them that they would receive a second one if the first remained when the adult leading the group.Motivating oneself When considering how to productively harness your feelings. the children who delayed gratification and did not eat the marshmallow were more successful later in life²as measured by a range of factors including happiness. Kilgore said her teenage daughters. Kilgore led workshop participants through an exercise designed to illustrate these ideas. Kilgore said. The group¶s list demonstrated the many emotions seen through the films¶ characters. Kilgore said she finds it healthy for them to express their emotions rather than suppressing them. have sometimes stomped up the stairs in their home. Kilgore advises. She showed two emotionally charged clips from the movies Parenthood and E. practice some emotional selfcontrol and delay gratification. Handling relationships Being perceptive. but find a balance between over sensitivity or over expression and emotional suppression. Kilgore also stresses that communication skills are essential to healthy relationships. as well as the different ways people felt about the same scenes. Managing emotions Accept your feelings. is a skill that effective managers and supervisors possess. Motivate yourself to do something about it. applying conflict management skills instead of ignoring conflict. overall. who needed to leave the room. While some people may find this behavior unacceptable.T. income and job satisfaction²than those children who ate the marshmallow.. asking individuals to write down emotions they saw exhibited by the characters¶ body language. ³You have to find a balance [of emotions].´ Kilgore said. . when angry. returned. Recognizing emotions in others The ability to take another person¶s perspective.