c



  It means understanding your own and other people·s emotional

makeup well enough to move yourself and others in the direction of accomplishing
your own goals as well as that of your organization or business. Not only that - EQ
also determines levels of happiness in personal life. Or rather, your level of
competence in utilizing your EQ is crucial for success in both business and life, and
damaging when the factors are missing. Here is a list of 15 ways to examine your
thinking, and thus improve your EQ, ba sed on the work of Aaron Beck.

1.  
 ² write down the negative thought and identify how it fits
under the ten forms of distorted thinking. Once we see that our negative thoughts
and beliefs are not realistic, it·s much easier to replace them with thoughts that
are more positive and realistic.

2.  ² simply ask yourself if you can think of a more positive and
realistic thought and substitute that one every time you catch yourself thinking the
negative thought.

3. 

 ² list the advantages and disadvantages of a negative
thought, belief or behaviour ² for example, the advantages of getting angry or
upset in various situations. Ask yourself ´how will it help me and how will it hurt
me to think like thisµ.

4. c 
c   ² ask yourself - what is the evidence that this thought IS
true? What is the evidence that it is not true? Inste ad of assuming that a negative
thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it.

5. 
 ² do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are

realistic. For example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal, ask
several friends if they ever felt that way.

6. c

 ² often you can actually do an experiment to test the
accuracy of your negative thought ² ask yourself ´how could I check to find out if
this thought really IS true?µ.

7. 
  
!  - talk to yourself in the same compassionate way
you might talk to a dear friend who was upset.

8. "
 " #
 ² predict how satisfying activities will be, from 0%
to 100%. Then keep a check on how satisfying they actually turn out to be. After a
few days you will get a good idea of how good your fortune telling talents might
be.

9. $ ² ask why it would be upsetting if it were true.

10.  

% 
&# ² instead of thinking about your problems in black

and white categories, evaluate things in shades of gray.

11. #
' 
 ² when you label yourself as ´inferiorµ or a ´loserµ, ask
yourself what you really mean by these labels.
12. 
 ² stick with reality ² those are statements of FACT - and avoid
generalized judgments about reality.

13.  
 ² substitute language that is less emotionally loaded for
´shouldµ statements and labelling.

14. (  ² instead of blaming yourself for a problem, think about ALL the
factors that may have contributed to it.

15.  
"   ² instead of defending yourself against your own self -
criticisms, find truth in them and humbly accept them BUT without beating
yourself up for them.

[
 
  
 

By Britt Halvorson

Do you have a high EQ? EQ has nothing to do with knowledge of start-up Internet companies
or the functions of e-mail, but everything to do with your understanding of emotions.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) was the focus of a Workplace 2000 program led by Janell
Kilgore, a staff counselor in the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program. EQ, a term coined by
Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book of the same title, refers to people¶s awareness, management
and expression of emotions within themselves and others.

People often feel uncomfortable when discussing their feelings because they think negatively
of expressing emotions or see them as problematic, especially in the workplace, Kilgore
commented. To better understand emotions and the behaviors that result from them, Kilgore
said, we must turn to biology and the evolution of man. ³We learned to feel before we
learned to think,´ she said, describing the evolution of the human brain and the instinctual
behaviors ³primitive´ man exhibited. The strong physical reactions we have when we feel
anger, happiness, love, surprise, disgust and sadness, for example, illustrate the idea that
emotions preceded intelligence.

³IQ is not the determining factor for success,´ Kilgore said. IQ contributes about 20 percent
to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces, including
EQ, she noted. Goleman writes that ³the vast majority of one¶s ultimate niche in society is
determined by non-IQ factors, ranging from social class to luck.´ Emotional intelligence is
one of those factors that can be improved or enhanced.

According to Kilgore, understanding and practicing five key concepts can improve your
emotional intelligence.



Recognize and name emotions you feel; understand why you feel that way; and distinguish
between feelings and actions. ³As a parent, you can begin now with your children, teaching
them about their emotions. But first you have to know your own. You have to be able to tell
yourself what you¶re feeling,´ Kilgore said.
º


When considering how to productively harness your feelings, practice some emotional self-
control and delay gratification, Kilgore advises. Stanford University researchers tested
children¶s impulse control by placing a marshmallow in front of them and telling them that
they would receive a second one if the first remained when the adult leading the group, who
needed to leave the room, returned.

The longitudinal study found that, overall, the children who delayed gratification and did not
eat the marshmallow were more successful later in life²as measured by a range of factors
including happiness, income and job satisfaction²than those children who ate the
marshmallow.

 

The ability to take another person¶s perspective, Kilgore said, is a skill that effective
managers and supervisors possess. Emotionally intelligent individuals also are sensitive to
other people¶s feelings and listen well. Kilgore led workshop participants through an exercise
designed to illustrate these ideas. She showed two emotionally charged clips from the movies
[
 and 
, asking individuals to write down emotions they saw exhibited by the
characters¶ body language. Participants also wrote down their own feelings during each
scene. The group¶s list demonstrated the many emotions seen through the films¶ characters,
as well as the different ways people felt about the same scenes.

Parents also can help their children connect feelings with labels so they can express them
more effectively.

º



Accept your feelings, but find a balance between over sensitivity or over expression and
emotional suppression. Kilgore said her teenage daughters, when angry, have sometimes
stomped up the stairs in their home. While some people may find this behavior unacceptable,
Kilgore said she finds it healthy for them to express their emotions rather than suppressing
them.


 
 

Being perceptive, applying conflict management skills instead of ignoring conflict, and being
considerate and cooperative are part of maneuvering relationships from an emotionally
intelligent perspective. Kilgore also stresses that communication skills are essential to healthy
relationships. She suggests that individuals practice using ³I´ statements more often when
describing feelings.

³You have to find a balance [of emotions]. Motivate yourself to do something about it,´
Kilgore said.