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How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?

Boosting Your People Skills
We all know people who are in full control of their emotions. They're calm in a crisis, and they
make decisions sensitively, however stressful the situation.

We also know people who can read the emotions of others. They understand what to say to
make people feel better, and they know how to inspire them to take action.

People like this have high emotional intelligence (or EI). They have strong relationships, and
they manage difficult situations calmly and effectively. They're also likely to be resilient in the
face of adversity.

So, how emotionally intelligent are you, and how can you develop further? Find out below.

How well do you know yourself and your emotions?

How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?

Instructions
Evaluate each statement as you actually are, rather than as you think you should be. When
you've finished, click "Calculate My Total," and use the table that follows to think about next
steps.

Not Very
15 Statements to Answer Rarely Sometimes Often
at All Often

1I can recognize my emotions as I experience

them.
 Not Very
15 Statements to Answer Rarely Sometimes Often
at All Often

2I lose my temper when I feel frustrated.

3People have told me that I'm a good listener.

4I know how to calm myself down when I feel

anxious or upset.

5I enjoy organizing groups.

6I find it hard to focus on something over the long

term.

7I find it difficult to move on when I feel

frustrated or unhappy.

8I know my strengths and weaknesses.

9I avoid conflict and negotiations.

10I feel that I don't enjoy my work.

11I ask people for feedback on what I do well, and

how I can improve.

12I set long-term goals, and review my progress

regularly.

13I find it difficult to read other people's emotions.

14I struggle to build rapport with others.

15I use active listening skills when people speak to

me.
Calculate My Total 
Total = 0

Score Interpretation
Score Comment

You need to work on your emotional intelligence. You may find that you feel overwhelmed by your
emotions, especially in stressful situations; or, you may avoid conflict because you think that you'll find it
distressing.

It's likely, too, that you find it hard to calm down after you've felt upset, and you may struggle to build strong
working relationships.

Don't worry – there are plenty of ways that you can build emotional intelligence, starting now. Read our
15-34 tips below to find out more.

Your emotional intelligence level is... OK.

You probably have good relationships with some of your colleagues, but others may be more difficult to work
with.

The good news is that you have a great opportunity to improve your working relationships
35-55 significantly. Read more below to boost your EI still further.

Great! You're an emotionally intelligent person. You have great relationships, and you probably find that
people approach you for advice.

However, when so many people admire your people skills, it's easy to lose sight of your own needs. Read our
tips below to find out how you can continue to build your EI.
Researchers have found that emotionally intelligent people often have great leadership potential. Realize this
56-75 potential by seeking opportunities to improve even further.

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence

Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five elements that make up emotional intelligence.
These are:
1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
Terms reproduced by permission of Bloomsbury Press.

Let’s look at how you can develop good skills in each area.

Self-Awareness
(Questions 1, 8, 11)

In his 1995 book "Emotional Intelligence: Why it can Matter More Than IQ," Goleman
explained that people with high self-awareness are "aware of their moods as they are having
them."
To increase self-awareness , learn about mindfulness . This involves focusing on the present
moment – including how you're feeling. And keep a journal  in which you write about and
analyze the emotional situations you experience from day to day.
You also need to understand your strengths and weaknesses to build self-awareness. Do
a personal SWOT analysis , and ask for feedback  from your boss, friends, and trusted
colleagues to find out how you can improve further.

Self-Regulation
(Questions 2, 4, 7)

Self-regulation is about staying in control. To develop your skills in this area, learn how
to manage your emotions  effectively.
If you often get angry , note what triggers this feeling, and think about why this happens. Use
techniques such as deep breathing  to calm yourself down, and give yourself time to pause
before you respond to emails or requests, so that you don't say something that you'll later regret.
(See our article on anger management  to learn more about this.)
You may also be affected by other negative feelings and emotions, such as anxiety  and stress .
So, do what you can to manage these feelings effectively.
Accountability  is another important element of self-regulation. Take responsibility for your
actions and behaviors, and make sure that these align with your values .

Motivation
(Questions 6, 10, 12)

Self-motivation is strongly affected by your emotions. When you're distracted by your emotions,
you may find it hard to see tasks through.

Boost your motivation levels  by developing self-discipline , and by looking for and

celebrating small wins  – simple jobs that, when you've completed them, give you a sense of
achievement.
Also, set yourself longer-term goals . When you decide what you want to achieve, you'll focus
on what really matters to you. This can be highly motivating, especially when you connect
personal goals with career-related ones.
If you're still struggling to get motivated in your current role, take some time to rediscover your
purpose .

Empathy
(Questions 3, 13, 15)

Empathy is the ability to recognize other people's emotions and understand their perspectives.
Goleman calls this aspect of EI "the fundamental people skill."

To develop empathy , start by simply thinking about other people's viewpoints. Imagine how
they may be feeling, and use active listening skills  to understand them fully when they express
their emotions to you.
Try not to interrupt or talk about your own feelings during the conversation. Look at their body
language , too: it can tell you a lot about their emotions. If you watch and listen to others, you'll
quickly become attuned to how they feel. (The Perceptual Positions  technique can give you a
particularly sharp insight into what other people may be thinking and feeling.)
Tip:
If you're a leader, read our article "What's Empathy Got to do With it?" for tips on using
empathy in leadership.
Social Skills
(Questions 5, 9, 14)

Even if you're not a natural "people person," it is possible to develop better social skills.

Start by taking our quiz  to see which communication skills you need to improve on. Then, find
out how you can develop trust  and rapport  with people – this is an essential part of
building good working relationships .
Don't shy away from negative situations, either. Learn how to deal with conflict  and other
difficult situations effectively.
If you're uncomfortable with social situations, work on building self-confidence . Start slowly,
but then look for opportunities to practice your skills with bigger groups. For example, you
could offer to attend conferences on behalf of your team.
Key Points
Developing high emotional intelligence (or EI) is incredibly important for a successful career.
When we have high levels of emotional intelligence, we're able to build strong working
relationships and manage difficult situations more effectively.

Influential psychologist Daniel Goleman developed a framework of five elements that define
emotional intelligence:

1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
Even if you already have many of the elements of emotional intelligence, it's important to look
for opportunities to build it further. This will increase your leadership potential, and improve the
quality of your relationships.

(For more detail, see our full emotional intelligence article and video  and take a look at our
infographic, below. Mind Tools Premium Club members and corporate users can also access our
exclusive Expert Interview podcast with Daniel Goleman, here .)
Infographic
Click on the image below to see Goleman’s theory represented in an infographic:
 This site teaches you the skills you need for a happy and successful career; and this is just one of
many tools and resources that you'll find here at Mind Tools. Subscribe to our free newsletter,
or join the Mind Tools Club and really supercharge your career!
Add this article to My Learning Plan
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Cara_101 2020-12-20 18:12:19
01517 2020-12-19 17:27:47
Non Member 2020-12-11 00:40:22
Non Member 2020-12-09 16:34:07
really enjoyed reading this very educational and very informative helped me in part of my online course in doing on
mental health and wellbeing thanks
JacquelineJefferies 2020-12-09 12:01:08
Really enjoyed this and think it will help me a lot. Looking forward to exploring the other resources.

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Comments (211)
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 This monthBillT wrote

Hi Lynne,

You're very welcome.

BillT
Mind Tools Team
 This monthLynne wrote
thank you
 Over a month agoMichele wrote
Hi BintaJ,

You are most welcome.

Michele
Mind Tools Team
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 6. Salesmanship - 360 degree feedback
Are you truly customer centred? Do your customers trust you? And are you the first person they call in when they have a problem? This 360
looks at how you combine commercial realities with the essential ability to work in the customer`s best interests. Whilst having the tenacity
and drive to get to that vital win-win time after time.

Competency Framework
You must complete all mandatory competencies and can select up to 3 optional ones.

Mandatory Competencies Optional Competencies

Commercial and financial awareness Adaptability/Change Management

Communication Developing self

Customer focus Motivation

Delivering results Planning and Organising

Influencing

Integrity and Ethical management

Resilience

Selling Skills

Time Management

Mandatory Competencies
 Commercial and financial awareness
The ability to apply understanding of the company & industry to improve effectiveness & profitability
 Bases decisions primarily upon the benefits to the business

 Concentrates on delivering results which bring the clearest commercial benefit

 Demonstrates an understanding of how the different parts of the organisation work together

 Ensures own work is in line with the direction of the organisation

 Identifies opportunities to gain commercial advantage by exploiting competitors' weaknesses

  Is able to use sound financial logic to propose a convincing case to influence the business direction

 Keeps up to date with commercial developments within the industry

 Communication
The ability to give and gather information and to actively manage the communication process
 Asks questions to find out others real views and check understanding

 Conveys complex information in plain language

 Has a manner, style and presence that makes a positive impression

 Listens to and considers others views

 States own views clearly and concisely

 Tackles disagreement constructively

 Uses electronic communication channels appropriately and in a way that generates a positive reaction in the recipients

 Customer focus
The pursuit of the highest level of customer service
 Anticipates future customer needs and trends

 Focuses on identifying opportunities to benefit customers

 Offers advice and guidance in responding to customer enquiries

 Shows respect and friendliness to customers

 Strives to resolve customer concerns

 Talks and listens to customers to clarify their real needs and expectations

 Delivering results
The ability to focus oneself and others on achieving specific outcomes
 Challenges those who fail to achieve the required standards

 Effectively implements company initiatives

 Encourages others to aim high and exceed normal expectations

 Focuses effort on priority tasks and activities to achieve maximum results

 Is able to progress several issues simultaneously

 Manages projects successfully from inception to delivery

 Sets realistic deadlines, tasks and standards for others

 Influencing
The ability to influence and persuade others
 Anticipates how people are likely to react and prepares appropriately

 Continually assesses a situation and adapts behaviour accordingly

 Has the appropriate skills to turn objections into positive outcomes

 Is good at influencing senior people and winning support for a case

 Is persuasive without being aggressive

 Makes a strong & positive impact in a group

  States own views & opinions & backs them up with clear evidence

 Integrity and Ethical management

The ability to work ethically according to professional & company values
 Accepts responsibility for own work & decisions

 Admits mistakes

 Gives credit to deserving parties and does not take credit for the work of others

 Is loyal to the company and its principles

 Maintains principles even if short term commercial advantage is compromised

 Sticks to decisions which have been made and stays true to their word

 Uses positional and personal power with care and restraint

 Resilience
This competency reflects the ability to be resilient and to achieve through repeated effort
 Maintains motivation and focus when under pressure

 Perseveres over a period of time to achieve an end result

 Progresses with the task even in the face of personal frustration or disappointment

 Refuses to allow earlier setbacks to affect future situations

 Remains calm, professional & focused, acting as a role model in difficult situations

 Stays positive in the face of interpersonal conflict or disruption to plans

 Steps back from a difficult situation to understand what is going on & why

 Sticks to the task in hand, even if practical difficulties arise

 Selling Skills
This competency reflects the ability to sell products and services effectively and in an ethical manner
 Able to handle the pressure to sell more when targets are raised

 Accurately diagnoses the critical issues facing the buyer

 Actively prospects to find new opportunities to sell

 Builds trust by not trying to sell things that buyers do not need

 Deals with scepticism, objections and rejections positively and objectively

 Focuses discussions on benefits and features most appropriate to the needs of the buyer

 Makes the most of new opportunities to sell e.g. good at turning leads into appointments

 Works inside the appropriate ethical guidelines or codes of practice

 Time Management
The ability to make most effective use of one's own time and that of others
 Challenges the need to go to irrelevant or time wasting meetings

 Gets the job done without procrastinating or delaying.

 Is constantly aware of what is the best use of their own time

 Is punctual and a good timekeeper

  Only uses email when it is the most efficient and most appropriate form of communication

 Resists temptation to take on other people's problems at the expense of own productivity

 Says 'no' assertively when time is not available

Optional Competencies - you can choose up to 3 of these

 Adaptability/Change Management
The ability to respond & adapt to changing circumstances and to manage, solve problems and provide solutions in a climate of ambiguity
 Adopts ideas used successfully elsewhere

 Challenges conventional views to benefit the business

 Enthusiastically accepts beneficial change

 Generates innovative ideas and solutions

 Identifies when changes are needed

 Suggests ideas for possible improvements

 Translates ideas into practical solutions

 Developing self
The ability to focus on own development and to take action to learn.
 Actively seeks feedback to assist with continuous self-improvement

 Evaluates own performance

 Is able to accurately identify own development needs

 Open to learning

 Reviews & consciously learns from experience

 Sees own development as important

 Takes responsibility for setting up their own learning opportunities

 Motivation
The ability to support and encourage individuals and teams, so that they give of their best
 Demonstrates belief in the abilities of others

 Displays genuine interest in people and their progress

 Gives praise and open recognition

 Has strength and maturity to support individuals and teams through difficult circumstances

 Involves others and encourages full participation

 Motivates others through personal example

 Takes time to discover what motivates individuals

 Planning and Organising

The ability to plan, organise and prioritise work. Balancing resources, skills, priorities and timescales to achieve objectives
 Allows for contingency in plans

 Concentrates effort on priorities

  Ensures own work is accurate and timely

 Holds structured, productive meetings

 Identifies clear targets and priorities

 Plans for the long term

 Reviews and reassesses plans and priorities on a regular basis

Free Type Questions

 what would you like <NAME> to do differently or stop doing?

 what does <NAME> do well that you would like them to do more often?

Relationships
 Manager
 Colleague
 Customer
Library: Core - Managers

This competency reflects the ability to sell products and services effectively and in an ethical manner

Questions
 Able to handle the pressure to sell more when targets are raised
 Accurately diagnoses the critical issues facing the buyer
 Actively prospects to find new opportunities to sell
 Builds trust by not trying to sell things that buyers do not need
 Deals with scepticism, objections and rejections positively and objectively
 Focuses discussions on benefits and features most appropriate to the needs of the buyer
 Makes the most of new opportunities to sell e.g. good at turning leads into appointments
 Works inside the appropriate ethical guidelines or codes of practice
