Distinguishing the Good Listeners from Bad Listeners

Finding areas of interest While the bad listener tunes out boring subjects;

the good listener opportunizes and asks, ‘what is in it for me?

Judge content, not delivery While the bad listener tunes out if delivery is poor;

the good listener judges content and skips over delivery errors.

Hold your fire While the bad listener tends to enter into argument;

the good listener does not judge until he fully comprehends. He or she interrupts
only to make clarity.

Listen for ideas While the bad listener listens for facts;

the good listener listens for central themes.

Be flexible
Whereas the bad listener takes extensive notes using only one system;
 the good listener takes fewer notes and uses four to five different systems,
depending on speaker.

Work at listening While the bad listener shows no energy output and fakes attention;

the good listener works hard and exhibits active body state.

Resist distractions Whereas the bad listener is distracted easily;

the good listener fights or avoids distractions. He tolerates bad habits and knows
how to concentrate.

Exercise your mind While the bad listener resists difficult expository material and tends to seek light,
recreational material;

the good listener uses heavier materials as exercise for the mind.

Keep your mind open Whereas the bad listener would react to emotional words;

the good listener tends to interpret emotional words and does not get hung up on
them.
 Sourced from C.L. Bovee and J.V. Thill, Business Communication (New York: McGraw, 1995) 571.

10 IRRITATING LISTENING HABITS

Underlying Causes of Poor Listening Habits

In interpersonal communication, talking to someone who has great listening skills can be satisfying. On the other hand, talking to someone who has poor listening
skills, can be frustrating and leave us feeling disconnected and discontent.

Some poor listening habits are fairly common and quite obvious to the speaker. The International Listening Association has outlined a list of the 10 most irritating
listening habits.

If you were to make list of your own, it would probably look similar to theirs. Their list includes the following:

1. Interrupting the speaker

2. Not looking at the speaker

3. Rushing the speaker

4. Showing interest in something else

5. Finishing the speaker’s thoughts

6. Not responding to requests

7. Saying, “Yes, but ...”

8. Topping the speaker’s story

9. Forgetting what was talked about

10. Asking too many questions

Most of these irritating habits result from one of two underlying causes. The first is listeners who are focused on their own agenda and what they want to say
rather than on the speaker. When listeners are thinking about their turn to talk rather than thinking about the speaker’s concerns, they tend to do things such as
interrupt, rush the speaker, finish the speaker’s thoughts, and top the speaker’s story.

The second cause of poor listening habits is simply a listener who isn’t paying attention. Other forms of poor listening habits are discussed in brief below:

 Selecting:

Most people tend to listen only for facts. By merely paying attention to facts alone, there is a tendency that you forget to
locate the main idea.

 Fidgeting:

While someone is talking and your body languageOpens in new window signals impatience; it tells the speaker that you are
bored or not interested in the conversation. This often discourages the speaker from continuing. Think about the nonverbal
messages you convey to the speaker when you scratch your head, pull on your earlobe or swing your feet while he or she is
speaking.

 Lacking concentration:

This is a chief cause of poor listening. If you allow your mind to wander during a conversation and perhaps think about what
you are going to do later on, you are unlikely to pick up the ideas that being expressed or remember them. You are also
 unlikely to provide the speaker with the feedbackOpens in new window that tells him or her that you are listening and are
interested in what is being said.

 Faking attention:

Some people tend to fake attention to seemingly appear to be listening. Such behaviour was perhaps necessary as part of
our socialization. Faked attention, however, seriously constitutes barrier to effective listening and those who fake attention
often find it hard to concentrate even when they want to.

 Avoiding difficult and uninteresting material:

Some people tend to switch off attention when what is being said is difficult, unfamiliar or simply uninteresting. If we do this
often, this turning off becomes a persistent pattern.

 Judging delivery:

Sometimes we are so concerned with how the speaker says something that we pay scant attention to what he or she is
actually saying.
Beside poor listening habits, there are other barriers that have an equally negative effect on our ability to listen well. The general term used to describe anything
that interferes with the communication process is noise.

With respect to listening, noiseOpens in new window refers not only to loud sounds, but to anything that distracts us from listening. We call such
interferences listening barriers.