RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

- Though she will claim otherwise, she is perfectly safe and experiences no pain or visionary states inside
the Machine. Do not be fooled by her slanders.

- Bring her home before midnight, or at the very least back somewhere she can still hear the Machine
"singing." In the event of your clocks beginning to go backwards after midnight or your path being blocked
by an "empty" woman-shaped shadow cradling a jade cube and reaching out to caress your face, do not
bring my daughter home under *any circumstances* until you are contacted by me using the one-time
pad you will receive shortly.

- If you ever make my daughter cry, close your eyes and cover your ears immediately. If possible, place a
damp cloth over your nose and mouth (you should be able to uncover your ears for up to five seconds
without suffering permanent cognitive impairment) but the most important thing is to feel your way quickly
and calmly to at least 13.8 meters away, before the formation of a Sphere.

- No alcohol or drugs except the gray pills. Either of you may take more if you begin to see "the Sinner"
instead of only hear him, but do not exceed 17 doses combined between the two of you within 24 hours.
Discontinue use immediately if your sweat, tears, or any other fluids begin to "reach toward" the star
Algol.

- I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a lot of property to bury things on. We may be able to hide in an
improvised ditch should the unthinkable happen, even though we both know that no firearm would protect
us.

- As her boyfriend, it's your responsibility to protect my daughter from the man in red. If you encounter
him, remain calm and cordial but do not acknowledge any question or statement he makes regarding
anything "in the attic." Once you are certain he will not reappear, immediately destroy the feather you will
find in your hand.

- Do not resist when my daughter becomes violent—Going limp has repeatedly proved the best way to
avoid serious injury. Wait calmly for her skin and joints to fuse back together, signaling the end of an
"episode." While prone, do not swallow anything she spits into your mouth.

- While you're spending time under my roof, know that I'll be watching your every move for signs of nerve
damage, the onset of various forms of palsy, or the known mannerisms and speech patterns of the man
in red. This is for your protection.

- DO NOT SWALLOW ANYTHING SHE SPITS INTO YOUR MOUTH.

- If you ever get her pregnant, God help us all.