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The diagram below illustrates the process of making coffee to serve the customers in
supermarkets and shops. Commented [1]: coffee manufacture and preparation
for sale on the market
Overall, there are 11 main stages in the production of coffee. Beginning with the collection of Commented [2]: The process begins
coffee beans and ending at the packing production. Commented [3]: ends
Commented [4]: stage
At the first stage of the process, the coffee beans are picked by hand, then they are dried
Commented [5]: manually
them in the sunny outside around from 35 to 40 degree. The dried beans are then roasted,
cooled quickly and put it in a grinder to crush them faster. After that, it is mixed with hot Commented [6]: dried under the sun
water in a huge pot, and this mixture is then strained and frozen, ready for next step. Commented [7]: thông tin này ko có trong đề e nhé
Commented [8]: câu trước đã dùng then rồi e k nên
At the following stage of the process, the grinder is used once again where this mixture dùng lại nhé
become ground the frozen liquid, which is then dried in a vacuum, water is evaporated totally Commented [9]: before being put in a grinder
by the high temperature in the vacuum, leaving only the ground coffee, which is put in Commented [10]: bỏ
different coffee containers. These containers are stick a label on the body of it. These coffee
Commented [11]: the ground coffee
jars are delivered to retailers or shops and supermarkets , willing to be sold to consumers.
Commented [12]: the resulting mixture
Commented [13]: bỏ
BAND: 5.0
Commented [14]: diễn đạt vụng, chưa thoát ý
Sửa:
The mixture is passed through the grinder once again...
Nhận xét:
Commented [15]: sử dụng quá nhiều mệnh đề quan
- Nắm được cách làm bài Process, bố cục tạm ổn. hệ trong câu, hơn nữa còn sử dụng sai
- Mắc rất nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp (đặc biệt chú ý Mệnh đề quan hệ) Commented [16]: trong đề bài k có
và một số lỗi diễn đạt. Commented [17]: câu trước và câu sau không có liên
kết
- Trong bài viết có một số thông tin không có trong đề (ví dụ:
Commented [18]: ready
35-40 degree, label…)
- Các câu còn rời rạc, thiếu liên kết. Nên sử dụng đa dạng từ
nối, cấu trúc miêu tả quá trình hơn: Next, subsequently,
before Ving...