Harmanjit Dhillon

Manoj Kumar Sharma

Business Communication

How to be a good listener?

INTRODUCTION
Listening Definition:

Listening is the active process of receiving and responding to spoken (and

sometimes unspoken) messages. It is one of the subjects studied in the field
of language arts and in the discipline of conversation analysis.

Or

Listening is the process of receiving ,interpreting and reacting to a message.

Also

Listening is not just hearing what the other party in the conversation has to
say.

Or
"Listening means taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told us,"
said poet Alice Duer Miller.

"You can listen like a blank wall or like a splendid auditorium where every
sound comes back fuller and richer."

Listening is the active process of receiving and responding to spoken (and

sometimes unspoken) messages. It is one of the subjects studied in the field
of language arts and in the discipline of conversation analysis.

Elements and Levels of Listening Author Marvin Gottlieb cites four elements of
good listening:
1.Attention—the focused perception of both visual and verbal stimuli
2.Hearing—the physiological act of 'opening the gates to your ears'
3.Understanding—assigning meaning to the messages received
4.Remembering—the storing of meaningful information" ("Managing Group
Process." Praeger, 2003)

He also cites four levels of listening: "acknowledging, sympathising,

paraphrasing, and empathising. The four levels of listening range from passive
to interactive when considered separately. However, the most effective
listeners are able to project all four levels at the same time." That means they
show they're paying attention, they show interest, and they convey they are
working to understand the speaker's message.

Active Listening

An active listener not only pays attention but withholds judgment during the
speaker's turn and reflects on what's being said. S.I. Hayakawa notes in "The
Use and Misuse of Language" that an active listener is curious about and
open to the speaker's views, wants to understand his or her points, and so
asks questions to clarify what's being said.
An unbiased listener ensures that the questions are neutral, without
skepticism or hostility.

“Listening does not mean simply maintaining a polite silence while you are
rehearsing in your mind the speech you are going to make the next time you
can grab a conversational opening. Nor does listening mean waiting alertly for
the flaws in the other fellow's argument so that later you can mow him down,”
Hayakawa said.

"Listening means trying to see the problem the way the speaker sees it—
which means not sympathy, which is feeling for him, but empathy, which is
experiencing with him. Listening requires entering actively and imaginatively
into the other fellow's situation and trying to understand a frame of reference
different from your own. This is not always an easy task.”

("How to Attend a Conference" in "The Use and Misuse of Language."

Fawcett Premier, 1962)
Impediments to Listening A basic communication loop has a message going
from a sender to a receiver and feedback (such as acknowledgment of
understanding, e.g., a nod) going from the receiver to the speaker. A lot can
get in the way of a message being received, including distraction or fatigue on
the part of the listener, the receiver prejudging the speaker's argument or
information, or a lack of context or commonality to be able to understand the
message. Difficulty in hearing the speaker could also be an impediment,
though that's not always the fault of the listener. Too much jargon on the part
of the speaker can also impede the message.

"Listening" to Other Cues When communicating, body language (including

cultural cues) and tone of voice can also relay information to the listener, so
in-person communication can send more layers of information about the topic
being relayed than a voice-only means or a text-only method. The receiver, of
course, has to be able to properly interpret the nonverbal signs to avoid
subtext misunderstandings. Keys to Effective Listening Here are a dozen tips
to being an effective active listener: Maintain eye contact with the speaker if
possible. Pay attention and listen for ideas. Find areas of interest. Judge
content, not delivery. Don't interrupt, and be patient. Hold back your points or
counterpoints. Resist distractions. Pay attention to nonverbal information.
Keep your mind open, and be flexible. Ask questions during pauses and give
feedback. Listen with empathy to try and see the speaker's viewpoint.
Anticipate, summarise, weigh the evidence, and look between the lines.

Nordquist, Richard. "The Definition of Listening and How to Do It Well."

How is listening different from hearing

Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening? You are
right, there is! Hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear. If you
are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens. Listening, however, is
something you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration so
that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences. Listening leads
to learning.
Most people tend to be "hard of listening" rather than "hard of hearing."
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Someone rightly said, “Hearing is through ears, but listening is through

the mind.” The two activities hearing and listening involve the use of ears, but
they are different. The hearing is nothing but a sense that helps you receive
sound waves and noise by ears. It is the power of perceiving sounds.
On the contrary, listening is when you receive the sound waves and
understand it by paying full attention to the words and sentences of the
speaker. It is one’s ability to correctly receive and interpret the message
transferred by the other party in the process of communication.
For many people, these two activities are one, but the truth is, the difference
between hearing and listening is vital. so have a glance at this article to
understand the terms completely.

BASIS FOR HEARING LISTENING

COMPARISON
Meaning Hearing refers to Listening is
one's ability to something done
perceive sounds, consciously, that
by receiving involve the
vibrations analysis and
through ears. understanding of
the sounds you
hear.
What is it? An ability A skill
Nature Primary and Secondary and
continuous temporary
Act Physiological Psychological
Involves Receipt of Interpretation of
message through the message
ears. received by ears.
Process Passive bodily Active mental
process process

BASIS FOR HEARING LISTENING

COMPARISON
Occurs at Subconscious Conscious level
level
Use of senses Only one More than one
Reason We are neither We listen to
aware nor we acquire
have any control knowledge and
over the sounds receive
we hear. information.
Concentration Not required Required

Definition of Hearing

The natural ability or an inborn trait that allows us to recognise sound through
ears by catching vibrations is called the hearing. In simple terms, it is one of
the five senses; that makes us aware of the sound. It is an involuntary
process, whereby a person receives sound vibrations, continuously.
A normal human being’s hearing capability ranges from 20 to 20000 Hertz,
called as audio or sonic. Any frequency above and below the given range is
known as ultrasonic and infrasonic respectively.

Definition of Listening

Listening is defined as the learned skill, in which we can receive sounds

through ears, and transform them into meaningful messages. To put simply, it
is the process of diligently hearing and interpreting the meaning of words and
sentences spoken by the speaker, during the conversation.
Listening is a bit difficult, because it requires concentration and attention, and
the human mind is easily distracted. People use it as a technique to
comprehend, what is being said, through different verbal and non-verbal
signs, i.e. how it is being said? What type of words is used? Tone and pitch of
voice, body language and so on.
Active listening is the key element; that makes the communication process
effective. Further, it encompasses making sounds that show listener’s
attentiveness and providing feedback. It had a greater influence in our lives
and used to gain information, learn and understand things and so on.
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Key Differences Between Hearing and Listening

The following points are vital so far as the difference between hearing and
listening is concerned

1. An individual’s ability to perceive sounds, by receiving vibrations through

ears, is called the hearing. Listening is something done consciously, that
involve the analysis and understanding of the sounds you hear.

2. The hearing is the primary and continuous in nature, i.e. the first and
foremost stage is hearing, followed by listening and it occurs
continuously. On the other hand, listening is temporary, as we cannot
continuously pay attention to something for long hours.

3. The hearing is physiological, which is through one of our senses in the

living organisms. On the contrary, listening is a psychological (conscious)
act.

4. While hearing is a passive bodily process that does not the involve use of
the brain. As opposed to listening, it is an active mental process, which
involves the use of brain to draw meaning from words and sentences.

5. Hearing involves receipt of the message through ears. Conversely,

listening encompasses interpretation of the message received by ears.

6. The hearing is an inborn ability but listening is a learned skill.

7. In the hearing, we are not aware of the sounds that we receive, however
in the case of listening, we are completely aware of what the speaker is
saying.

8. Hearing involves the use of only one sense i.e. ears. In contrast, listening,
involves the use of more than one senses i.e. eyes, ears, touch etc. to
understand the message completely and accurately.

9. In the hearing, we are neither aware nor we have any control over the
sounds we hear. On the other hand, in listening, we are aware of what
the other person is saying and so we listen to acquire knowledge and
receive information.
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 10.Hearing does not require focus whereas listening does.

ABILITY TO LISTEN
Good ability in listening means having competence to comprehend information
during listening activities or transfer the information in written or oral
communication.It relates to the ability of understanding ,communicating ,and
responding what is listened.

Nation and Jonathan (2009) state that :

“Listening is a bridge to learn a language. Having good ability in listening is
one of the main skills that has to be mastered by language learners because
it tightly relates to the communication process. “

Harmer(2007) states that:

“Listening can be helpful for students in running successful
communication. The students’ communicative competence successfully runs
together with good listening skill of students.”

Bulley-Allen(1995) in Flowedew (2010) states that:

“Listening is a dominant activity in daily communication(40%), 35% for
speaking,16% for reading, and 9% on writing.In other words, communication
will not run well if it is not supported by good ability in listening.”

To have good listening skill in English needs listeners to enrich themselves

with basic language knowledge, such as vocabulary ,grammar,
pronunciation, and other language components.
Buck (2001)states that:

“There are two kinds of knowledge used in listening; linguistics and non-
linguistics knowledge.Linguistics knowledge in listening comprehension
relates to students’ abilities in understanding phonology, syntax, lexis,
semantics, and discourse structure. Then, the non- linguistics knowledge is
knowledge about topic, context, and general knowledge.Both of them are
really needed in the process of comprehending aural information because
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listening is complex process that involves the students to activate their

knowledge for reaching their listening purposes.”

Factors Influencing listening

However, Listening skill is still considered as one of the most difficult skills for
English language learners although they have been learning English for few
years.

There were 5 factors influenced the students' listening skill:

• lack of practice
• limited vocabulary mastery
• native speakers' accent
• Pronunciation

The learners also have to enlarge themselves with general knowledge that
relates to current issue, history, scientific researches, and other topics
because every communication process has its goals in which will affect the
main information presented in the process of communication, such as; a
student who has known or read certain topic before it is presented by teacher
in the class, she tends to get easier in comprehending information than
other scan do. It happens because someone’s background knowledge may
influence the comprehension process in listening.So, the learners have to
keep improving and updating their general knowledge to help them in listening
activities.

Every good conversation starts with

good listening
“I only wish I could find an institute that teaches people how to listen. Business
people need to listen at least as much as they need to talk. Too many people
fail to realize that real communication goes in both directions.”
Lee Iacocca

Imagine you are in a room full of people trying to have a conversation with
someone. Thirty seconds into the conversation you realize the person is not
really listening to what you are saying. Instead, they are actually starting to
look over your shoulder to see if there are others they might want to connect
with in the room. You keep trying to connect, hoping to engage in an exchange

of thoughts or experiences, but the other person soon finds the next person
they want to talk with and offers you a superficial, "It was good to talk with
you," and moves on. If you are like me, you have had the experience of this
kind of "pseudo conversation" more times then you care to remember. And
again, if you are like me, you have also been the person looking around the
room and pretending to be listening, more times than you care to admit.
One of the reasons I believe that deep, authentic listening is rare is because it
is challenging to actually do. It takes time, discipline, intention, and effort to be
fully present to another person when they are speaking to us. We have to
truly focus our attention so that we are not distracted by what is going on
around us. We have to quiet ourselves internally, so that we are not distracted
by our own thoughts and concerns. We have to listen in order to truly
understand, instead of simply listening in order to respond. We have to avoid
the temptation to steer the conversation back to our lives and our concerns.
And we have to offer the other the gift of our time.
Every good conversation starts with good listening. I have written before about
how the word conversation and the word conversion share the same
etymological root. The reason for this is because to listen deeply and enter
into authentic conversation with another person creates the possibility that we
may be changed. Perhaps another reason we often avoid truly listening to one
another, in addition to the intention, time, and effort it takes, is that there is a
certain kind of vulnerability in truly listening. When we truly listen to another
person our perspective may be changed, and, we may create a deeper
intimacy with the person to whom we are listening. Being that vulnerable can
be scary.

Rev. Dr. D. Scott Stoner March 10, 2017, Richard. "Every Good Conversation
Starts With Good Listening"

Listening is a skill we often overlook when in a leadership position. When we

have control of our employees often times we don’t allow others to properly
voice their opinions. The fact is, listening is one of the greatest opportunities
we as leaders have to learn new information and ideas. Listening Aggressively
shows respect to the other person and allows them to be more confident in
their work.

If you do not listen aggressively to others when they speak, it can cause
communication problems throughout your organization. Not only do you not
miss important information that may be presented to you, you also can miss
out on great innovative ideas that could benefit you and your organization.

I learned to listen as a young child as most people do. I can clearly recall my
mother telling me to shut up and listen when I was in trouble. It is essential to
listen in order to learn what mistakes you have made and how to prevent them
from happening again. It is a very simple idea that in order to learn and
develop yourself as a leader you must be able to listen. Make it a habit,
remind yourself during conversations that there is a great chance the other
person speaking has something important to say. By doing so you will notice
that your relationship with other will grow and more opportunities will be
presented to you.

Listening is a great way to show people you value their thoughts and opinions.
It gives them a sense of comfort and makes them feel you really care about
what they have to say. It shows them respect when you give them your time
and focus which is important in any relationship. Listening to others in an
organization will greatly benefits you as a leader and allow you to connect with
your employees far beyond the basic yes sir and no sir. This skill is among the
top qualities you can have as a leader and will help you succeed as a great
leader.

How to Be a Good Listener

Being a good listener is one of the most important and enchanting life-skills
anyone can have. Yet, few of us know how to do it, not because we are evil,
but because no one has taught us how and – a related point – few have
listened sufficiently well to us. So we come to social life greedy to speak rather
than listen, hungry to meet others, but reluctant to hear them. Friendship
degenerates into a socialised egoism.

Like most things, the answer lies in education. Our civilisation is full of great
books on how to speak – Cicero’s Orator and Aristotle’s Rhetoric were two of
the greatest in the ancient world – but sadly no one has ever written a book
called ‘The Listener’. There are a range of things that the good listener is
doing that makes it so nice to spend time in their company.

Without necessarily quite realising it, we’re often propelled into conversation
by something that feels both urgent and somehow undefined. We’re bothered
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at work, we’re toying with more ambitious career moves, we’re not sure if so
and so is right for us; a relationship is in difficulties; we’re fretting about
something or feeling a bit low about life in general (without being able to put a
finger on exactly what’s wrong); or perhaps we’re very excited and
enthusiastic about something – though the reasons for our passion are tricky
to pin down.

At heart, all these are issues in search of elucidation. The good listener knows
that we’d ideally move – via conversation with another person – from a
confused agitated state of mind to one that was more focused and (hopefully)
more serene. Together with them we’d work out what us really at stake. But, in
reality, this tends not to happen because there isn’t enough of an awareness
of the desire and need for clarification within conversation. There aren’t
enough good listeners. So people tend to assert rather than analyse. They
restate in many different ways the fact that they are worried, excited, sad or
hopeful, and their interlocutor listens but doesn’t assist them to discover more.

Good listeners fight against this with a range of conversational gambits. They
hover as the other speaks: they offer encouraging little remarks of support,
they make gentle positive gestures: a sigh of sympathy, a nod of
encouragement, a strategic ‘hmm’ of interest. All the time they are egging the
other to go deeper into issues. They love saying: ‘tell me more about …’; ‘I
was fascinated when you said ..’; ‘why did that happen, do you think?’ or ‘how
did you feel about that?’

The good listener takes it for granted that they will encounter vagueness in the
conversation of others. But they don’t condemn, rush or get impatient,
because they see vagueness as a universal and highly significant trouble of
the mind that it is the task of a true friend to help with. The good listener never
forgets how hard – and how important – it is to know our own minds. Often,
we’re in the vicinity of something, but we can’t quite close in on what’s really
bothering or exciting us. The good listener knows we hugely benefit from
encouragement to elaborate, to go into greater detail, to push a little further.

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We need someone who, rather than launch forth, will simply say two magic
rare words: Go on…

You mention a sibling and they want to know a bit more. What was the
relationship like in childhood, how has it changed over time. They’re curious
where our concerns and excitements come from. They ask thing like: why did
that particularly bother you? Why was that such a big thing for you? They
keep our histories in mind, they might refer back to something we said before
and we feel they’re building up a deeper base of engagement.

It’s fatally easy to say vague things: we simply mention that something is
lovely or terrible, nice or annoying. But we don’t really explore why we feel this
way. The good listener has a productive, friendly suspicion of some of our own
first statements and is after the deeper attitudes that are lurking in the
background. They take things we say like ‘I’m fed up with my job’ or ‘My
partner and I are having a lot of rows…’ and help us to concentrate on what it
really is about the job we don’t like or what the rows might deep down be
about.

They’re bringing to listening an ambition to clear up underlying issues. They

don’t just see conversation as the swapping of anecdotes. They are
reconnecting the chat you’re having over pizza with the philosophical
ambitions of Socrates, whose dialogues are records of his attempts to help his
fellow Athenians understand and examine their own underlying ideas and
values.

A key move of the good listener is not always to follow every byway or sub-
plot that the speaker introduces, for they may be getting lost and further from
their own point than they would themselves wish. The good listener is helpfully
suspicious, knowing that their purpose is to focus the fundamental themes of
the speaker, rather than veering off with them into every side road. They are
always looking to take the speaker back to their last reasonable point –
saying, ‘Yes, yes, but you were saying just a moment ago..’. Or, ‘So ultimately,
what do you think it was about…’ The good listener (paradoxically) is a skilled
interrupter. But they don’t (as most people do) interrupt to intrude their own

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ideas; they interrupt to help the other get back to their original more sincere,
yet elusive concerns.

The good listener doesn’t moralise. They know their own minds well enough
not to be surprised or frightened by strangeness. They know how insane we
all are. That’s why others can feel comfortable being heard by them. They give
the impression they recognise and accept our follies; they don’t flinch when
we mention a particular desire. They reassure us they’re not going to shred
our dignity. A big worry in a competitive world is that we feel we can’t afford to
be honest about how distressed or obsessed we are. Saying one feels like a
failure or a pervert could mean being dropped. The good listener signals early
and clearly that they don’t see us in these terms. Our vulnerability is
something they warm to rather than are appalled by. It is only too easy to end
up experiencing ourselves as strangely cursed and exceptionally deviant or
uniquely incapable. But the good listener makes their own strategic
confessions, so as to set the record straight about the meaning of being a
normal (that is very muddled and radically imperfect) human being. They
confess not so much to unburden themselves as to help others accept their
own nature and see that being a bad parent, a poor lover, a confused worker
are not malignant acts of wickedness, but ordinary features of being alive that
others have unfairly edited out of their public profiles.

When we’re in the company of people who listen well, we experience a very
powerful pleasure, but too often, we don’t really realise what it is about what
this person is doing that is so nice. By paying strategic attention to our feelings
of satisfaction, we can learn to magnify them and offer them to others, who will
notice, heal – and repay the favour in turn. Listening deserves discovery as
one of the keys to a good society.

What is the importance of listening?

Last week's feature focused on communication skills and their importance in
the workplace. This week's feature is about the other side of communication-
listening skills.

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Hearing is the physical ability, while listening is a skill. Listening skills allow
one to make sense of and understand what another person is saying. In other
words, listening skills allow people to understand what someone is talking
about-the meaning behind the words.
The United States Department of Labor Secretary's Commission on Achieving
Necessary Skills (SCANS) identified five competencies and three foundation
skills that are essential for those entering the workforce. Listening skills were
among the foundation skills SCANS identified as being critical.

Good listening skills make workers more productive. The ability to listen
carefully allows workers to better understand assignments they are given.
They are able to understand what is expected of them by their management.

The ability to listen and to comprehend also allows workers to build a strong
rapport with coworkers, managers, and clients. Employers and managers
have confidence in workers that can listen to instructions and then do what is
expected with minimal follow-up. Good listeners also have a better track
record resolving problems with customers.
Workers who listen well tend to work better in a team-based environment.
Team members are usually assigned a portion of the work. Later, their
completed tasks will need to fit in with other team members' results. Those
who were able to listen well and perform accordingly will find their work results
fit better than those who misunderstood.
Not everyone intuitively knows how to listen well. The following tips will help
those who feel like they need a few pointers:
-Maintain eye contact with the speaker. This will demonstrate to the speaker
that the listener is paying attention.
-Do not interrupt the speaker. Wait until he or she is completely finished, then
ask questions. Listening long enough may answer several of the questions
without the need to ask. When the time is right to ask, repeat instructions first
and then ask appropriate questions.
-Control body language. As much as possible, sit still while listening. This
implies that the listener is paying full attention to the speaker. A nod of the
head can be good, as it implies agreement.

A good listener knows that being attentive to what the speaker doesn't say is
as important as being attentive to what he does say. Look for nonverbal cues
such as facial expressions and posture to get the full gist of what the speaker
is saying.
Beware of the following things that may get in the way of listening:

-Bias or prejudice against the idea or the speaker. This includes language
differences or accents.

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-Do not let worry, fear, or anger get in the way. Some people are resistant to
change, and that can interfere with listening.

-Those with a lack of attention span can have trouble listening. Make sure this
is not related to the fact that it is someone else's idea being listened to.
Workers need to be mindful of their reactions.

The importance of effective listening skills for employees and managers

cannot be overemphasised. Everything done in the workplace involves two-
way communication-speaking and listening. Two-way communication is critical
in the way it can impact efficiency and effectiveness.
When all members of a team are able to listen as well as speak effectively,
they are much more likely to perform well. Effective communication is all about
understanding what is being said, not just who says it.

Importance of Listening in Business Communications

Savvy small-business owners understand and appreciate the importance of

developing employee listening skills to their fullest. The ability not only to
listen, but to listen actively is essential to working individually or in a team
environment. Listening is a key component in establishing effective working
relationships between employee groups and between management and staff.
Additionally, a small business can never afford to alienate its customers. Well-
developed listening skills impact customer interactions and depending on the
situation may determine whether customers stay or go.

Active Listening Works

Active listening takes place when a listener focuses his full attention on the
speaker, avoids interrupting the speaker, remains nonjudgmental and shows
genuine interest in the speaker. In addition to hearing the words, full attention
allows the listener to understand what’s being implied and read nonverbal
clues such as body language and facial expressions that may contradict
verbal words. Fully engaging in the discussion or conversation is one of the
most important aspects of active listening. An open, inviting posture and
occasional small verbal comments such as “yes” or “I understand” can help
uncover the root of most problems.

Conflict Resolution

Workplace disputes and unhappy customers disrupt productivity and create an

inefficient work environment. An ability to listen can, however, turn a disruptive
situation into an opportunity for growth. If an upset coworker or dissatisfied
customer feels she is truly being heard, it can help to calm the situation,
relieve negative feelings and provide an opportunity for real problem solving to
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begin. Effective listening is a way of showing true concern for the speaker and
their situation. This increases interpersonal bonding, forming a basis for
commitment and trust.

Motivation and Productivity

Effective listening can produce unintended results that ultimately benefit both
the business and the speaker. For example, when a department takes the
time to really listen to employees, she hears not only what they’re saying but
gets insight into what makes each employee tick. The better a manager
understands his employees the more effectively he can motivate employees.
This makes it easier for a manager to choose appropriate rewards such as
public vs. private praise, additional responsibilities or a greater degree of
independence.

Perception Management

A small business’s reputation can make or break its chances for future
success and profitability. Good listening skills can prevent misunderstandings,
ensure a first encounter creates a positive impression and help maintain a
small business’ good reputation. On the customer side, word-of-mouth is
powerful advertising medium. Taking the time to listen and get it right the first
time creates an impression that has the potential to exponentially spread.
Listening is just as important when dealing with suppliers or vendors. It’s all
part of creating efficient working relationships that not only saves both side
valuable time but can have potentially significant benefits. For example, strong
relationships can benefit a small business when sales revenues are low and
the business could benefit from an extended line of credit.

Lohrey, Jackie. "Importance of Listening in Business Communications.”

Listening process

For listening to be effective and meaningful, the process of listening should

involve the following steps.

Hearing/Receiving

Hearing is the first essential step in the listening process and relates to the
sensory perception of sound. The listener further processes the perceived
sound. For learning to be effective, hearing needs to be done with attention
and concentration.
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Filtering/Understanding

The next step involves sensing and filtering of heard sounds. The heard
message is categorised as wanted or unwanted, useful or useless. The
unwanted message is discarded. In this step, the sense of judgement of the
individual comes into play, that is, the filtering process is subjective and a
person chooses to retain what makes sense to him.

Comprehending/Evaluating

The next level of listening consists of comprehending or understanding. The

listener understands or interprets what the speaker has tried to convey. This
activity can be described as absorbing, grasping or assimilating. In order to
grasp the meaning of the message, the listener uses his knowledge,
experience, perception and cognitive power. The verbal and auditory message
is coupled with non-verbal communication to understand it.

Remembering

Remembering relates to a process whereby the assimilated message is stored

in memory to facilitate future recall. Remembering assumes significance
because many times messages received are meant not for immediate
consideration but for future use.

Responding

For listening to be complete, a response is important. Responding to a

message may take place at the end of the communication, immediately after
or later. When it is stored for future use, the response may take place later.
However, if there is a need to seek clarification or to empathise with the
listener, it may take place earlier. Responding may also take the form of
prodding or prompting in order to show that the message is being received
and comprehended.

Barriers to Listening
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In today’s society, talking garners attention, praise and admiration while ably
demonstrating a person’s intrinsic leadership skills. In fact, however, it may be
listening that functions as the most critical communication skill.

Whenever people talk about having “excellent communication skills,” they

often focus on their ability to talk and be understood. But, in reality, the most
difficult — and arguably the most important — communications skill is listening.

For many, listening and hearing are synonymous. According to Madelyn

Burley-Allen, the author of Listening: The Forgotten Skill, listening involves a
more sophisticated mental process than hearing.

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 “Listening demands energy and discipline,” writes Burley-Allen. “Listening is a

learned skill. The first step is to realize that effective listening is an active, not
a passive, process.”

Although we give little attention to our listening skills, the irony is that we
absorb more information from the external world from listening than we do
from reading and writing combined.

Here are five barriers to effective listening

1.We receive no formal training in listening

Sure, we have a lifetime of listening to draw upon as a learning experience,

but there are no formal training classes for listening. At school, we learn how
to read and write and even speak, but listening is a skill we are just expected
to pick up.

Consider that we take reading in one form or another as a class in elementary,

middle and high schools, either called Basic Language or English
Composition. We learn to write in the beginning of our elementary school
career and then have writing throughout middle and high school and even
college.

2. Speaking as a skill is seen as more important than listening

When we think of charismatic leaders we think of great speakers — Lincoln at

Gettysburg, FDR on the day after Pearl Harbor, or JFK’s inaugural address.

When we speak, we make things happen, impress people with our skills and
motivate others to action.

Consider, however, that Lincoln was also known as a skilled listener and in
Team Of Rivals, the 2005 book by Doris Kearns Goodwin about Lincoln’s
cabinet and how Lincoln chose key men with different perspectives so he
could listen to the diversity of views and make a balanced decision.

Even in the entertainment industry, listening — while playing second fiddle to

speaking — demonstrates its importance. For example, Johnny Carson, the
30-year host of The Tonight Show, was a very funny man, but his longevity
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was also influenced by how he listened to his guests and then asked
questions or fed them straight lines to enhance their performance on the
show.

3. Filters keep us from listening without bias

Filters impede listening through a variety of ways, including dislike of the

person we are listening to or their message, which we disagree with. For
example, confirmation bias is a well-known phenomena in which people block
out information that does not synchronize with their current world view.

Witness the political conservative that watches only Fox News for all their
daily information on the world or the liberal who will exclusively check out
MSNBC.

We filter out information we disagree with by either avoiding it or when we are

confronted with it, we simply stop listening to its meaning.

Numerous studies reveal that we listen more effectively to people we care

about — that includes teenagers listening to their parents — than we do to
people we either dislike or disagree with.

4. Effective listening takes a lot of mental effort

Most of us think of listening as something we do automatically like breathing

or seeing. But actively listening takes real effort to interpret what a person is
saying and the undercurrent of meaning in their words. For most people,
listening is just recording the words actually being said without diving down for
the deeper meaning of what is being said.

In daily life, people drift in and out of listening during a conversation, thinking
about their trip to the supermarket later on, only to return to the conversation
long enough to respond with a “ahh” or “oh, really.”

Some conversations are perfunctory, such as greeting people at work where

you exchange platitudes or just “happy chatter” with a friend over the phone.

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The danger is that we treat all conversations as casual and do not exert the
effort necessary to truly listen to another person, such as a teenage son,
struggling to tell you about his grades.

5. Thinking about what you will say next instead of listening

The holy grail of not listening is thinking about how you will respond in a
conversation instead of listening to the other person.

This setting for listening is the default one for most people and we see it
happen every day without giving it a second thought.

But have you ever witnessed a conversation between people in which each
person is more worried about responding than listening to what is being said?
It is indeed painful and there seems to be little hope that understanding and
consensus will result from the discussion. Witness TV political talk shows
where guests from the opposite political spectrum are more interested in
scoring debate points supporting their ideology than hearing valid points from
the other side.

Therefore, it is relatively easy to see how the world is full of misunderstanding.

People don’t listen.

The five styles of listening

Like any skill, we all develop strategies for listening that mesh with our
personality and world view. These coping mechanisms often are successful
enough for us to get by, but inadequate enough so that we suffer from our lack
of true skill.

People employ listening styles to navigate conversations, but quite often

these styles are counterproductive and frustrating for others in the
conversation.

Here are the five styles of listener:

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 1. The Fraud — The most common type of listener, unfortunately, is the fraud

listener, who simply pretends to listen. Some frauds use head nods and eye
contact to entice the speaker into believing they are listening. Often, the fraud
listener will even memorize a fact or two and repeat them back to you to
convince you that they are indeed listening intently.

Of course, they may not even know what you are saying as you are speaking
and most of the time they will forgotten almost all of what you said or meant
within minutes of the conversation’s end.

2. The Interrupter — Yes, they are listening and you can tell that because they
are constantly interrupting to get across a point they feel is essential to the
conversation. Interrupters are adept at thinking about what they want to say
while you are speaking and as soon as that thought is fully formed in their
head, they interrupt.

3. The Charmer — These people are also listening but just to the words and
not to the meaning because they are too busy trying to charm the speaker by
demonstrating they are locked in to listening. This group is more concerned on
how you, the speaker, will think about them than what you are saying.

Impressing you with some key paraphased statement and smiling and
nodding are signs that they wholeheartedly agree with you, even if they are
not entirely sure what you mean.

4. Self-Absorbed — When you are talking to these people, what’s going

through their mind is, “How do I look? Am I acting like I’m listening? Does the
speaker think I’m smart? Self-absorbed listeners are simply preoccupied with
their internal state.

5. Rational — Yes, they listen intently and that is a positive development, but

this style only hears the rational and factual parts of your speech. This group
is analyzing what is being said and very busy categorizing the speaker’s
words and filing them in the appropriate mental area, rather than sensing the
undercurrent of emotion that may be the more important premise for speaking.

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Just like our belief in our driving skill, we think that most of us are “above
average” listeners. The sad truth is that these five styles make up a significant
majority of listeners.

Finally, some of our greatest leaders known ostensibly for their leaderships
skills were, in fact, superb listeners. For example, Presidents Abraham Lincoln
and Franklin Delano Roosevelt were famous for listening intently and
assessing ideas and concepts while cabinet heads battled it out.

As talk show host Larry King once said, “Every day I realize that nothing I say
will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I have to listen.”

IMPROVING YOUR LISTENING ABILITY

Even when we have the best of intentions, we can easily become distracted
when trying to listen to others. If we can learn how to practice active listening,
which involves not only offering attention but also communicating our
comprehension, we can look smarter, feel better, and enhance all of our
interpersonal relationships at work and at home. So, whether you’re working
to manifest the job of your dreams, the ideal romantic partner or that active
social life you’ve always wanted, keep in mind these eight powerful times that
will help you be a good listener.

1. Demonstrate Your Listening Skills By Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing and summarizing are both fantastic communication skills that

help you to make sense of a speaker’s points and also allow you to
demonstrate that you are listening closely.

For example, if your colleague talks for five minutes about her current
difficulties on your shared project, you might try saying something like “So,
you’re feeling very frustrated that your feedback isn’t being taken into account,
and you’re hoping to organize our team in a way that facilitates more frank
discussion”.

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Although this sounds like a simple listening technique, it can really show that
you “get” the other person. It can also go a long way toward preventing
misunderstands and misattributions.

2. Make Consistent Eye Contact

Learning how to listen isn’t just about what you say to others. Body language
also has a major role to play.

Although it’s off-putting if you stare at your interlocutor and refuse to blink until
they’ve stopped speaking, it is important to hold their gaze at least most of the
time. It is an encouraging way to communicate interest, understanding, and
focus.

Be sure to tailor your eye contact to the needs of others, too. If you’re dealing
with someone anxious, cut back on direct stares and focus on other active
listening skills that are less confronting to shy people.

3. Adopt An Open Posture

Another tool in your attentive listening skill set involves paying close attention
to the way you’re standing or sitting.

For example, it’s common knowledge that folding your arms, tapping your feet
or pursuing your lips are all ways of showing displeasure, impatience or
disinterest.

In contrast, effective listening can be communicated by a soft, open posture.

Keep your body loose, and consider learning forward to demonstrate that
you’re eagerly taking in information.

4. Ask Open Questions

Closed questions are one that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”,
while open questions are designed to promote longer, more thoughtful
responses.

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When you ask closed questions it can seem like you just want to get specific
information from the other person. Or, that you only have limited time for them.
On the other hand, open questions show your desire to engage in a proper
discussion and your interest in getting into the speaker’s mindset.

5. Remember Past Details

Take any opportunity you can to add a comment that proves you have listened
and remembered something from a past conversation. This makes people feel
valued and proves that you really do pay attention.

For example, even something small like remembering that someone doesn’t
like a particular type of coffee or that they’ve once visited a specific country
can help to cement a mutual bond.

6. Show You’re A Good Listener By Nodding

As with eye contact, nodding and smiling can be easily overlooked when
you’re thinking about how to improve listening skills, as you might just take it
for granted that you do this when you’re talking.

However, if you monitor your body language, you might realize you nod and
smile a lot less often than you assume. This is the best way to show you
agree and want to hear more, as it doesn’t require interrupting in any way.

7. Communicate Active Listening With Mirroring

Further to the above tips on body language, it can be useful to mirror the
posture of the person you’re speaking to.

While this can be obvious if taken to extremes, it is an excellent interpersonal

skill that works at a subconscious level to convince your conversation partner
that you are empathizing with them.

Try small mirroring tricks, such as crossing your legs in the same direction as
the other person or folding your hands in the same way.

8. Listen To Understand

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Finally, it’s vital that you not only act like you’re listening to the other person
but that you also bring an authentic desire to listen to your conversations.
Many people are just waiting to interject, change the subject to themselves or
air their views, and this is obvious to others (even when the speaker thinks it
isn’t).

If you go into every interaction with curiosity and genuine interest in others,
this will come across in the way your presence feels to the other person.

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